Pressure @ MindSay

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my cigarettes can only last me so long
and this elephant wont walk out of the room
I'll take my vices,
without advice
if only you could be one.
I have a city to save, the banter floats the walls
I'm the last defense
all eyes are upon me now, watching for my word
come on,
look at you, your just along for the ride.
Never again will you throw away the lines
The ties
That hide your eyes closed
it's your take
how will you hold your swings

 After reading the blogs of young people on mindsay  and other community spaces , I must say "It's good to be 50".
Young people seem to be so unhappy and confused. I still remember that. Searching for love and happiness, trying to become who and what I wanted to be, trying to look the way I thought I was supposed to look, raising children, raising hell,  buying first homes, first cars, first loves, loves lost, balancing school, work and a personnel life. Who am I , where am I , where the hell am I going??? The endless questions that plague the mind. It was all so draining you wanted to go to sleep and never wake! I remember when  my neighbor attempted to "proselytize" me when I was in my early teens. She said "Don't you want to go be with Jesus and live forever"? I remember my exact words to her was "Hell no. I just want to go to sleep and rest...forever."
The physical and emotional changes our bodies go through along with parent pressure,peer pressure and barometric pressure was enough to cause your brain to explode!! Too much input...brain on overload!!! Warning! Danger Will Robinson!!!ARGH!!!!!!!! Yep...I remember it well.
But now I'm 50 and loving it! I have no desire to be young again thank you very much. You can keep your youth with all it's bullshit.
I'm no longer coloring my hair, I'm letting the gray take over. I've been dying my hair since I was 13 because I wanted to be "beautiful" and brown was so generic. Now I shall look like the wise old granny I am!
I have quit struggling with my weight trying to look like someone I'm not. I am a chunky but "fit" gal...deal with it.
I am a humanist, I do not believe in any religion...period. I believe that it is up to each of us as part of humanity to strive to make the world a fair, just and better place.I am happy and satisfied with who I am.
I love to study history, philosophy,etc....and believe the day I cease to learn shall be the day I die.But I have no pressure to learn, no classes to attend, no homework to do...ah.......
My kids are grown with families of their own and I have beautiful grandchildren to play with if I feel the urge for interaction with children, other wise my nest is empty and peaceful!
I don't have to impress a boy because my guy said "I do and always will" 25 years ago and shows me everyday he means it.He is the love and focus of my life and my greatest treasure!
So young people, take heart. One day all the craziness of youth will one day be behind you. Stay fit for healths sake but don't stress over your appearance. You are an individual not a hostess twinkie, so allow yourself to be you. You can't please everyone (although I'm sure you try) so please yourself. Best make the best out of this life cause theres no guarantee  you'll have another. This one is for certain...love it, live it, cherish it.
I can honestly say be fifty is more than "nifty"..it  is frickin wonderful! I'm not afraid to live and I'm not afraid to die.
My advice to you...take life one day at a time, keep your hearts , your eyes and your minds open. Cut yourself  and others some slack and try not to be too serious. Laugh often and never get to old to "play and imagine".
Breathe in and breathe out, scream when you need to scream, laugh when you need to laugh and cry when you need to cry...then shake it off and keep on walking.

not me. I keep it simple. for example: yesterday i put lights on the camellia hedges, hung  a chanukah wreath. added red lights under the sheer silk swags in the dining room and in a week we drag the tree from the basement and make space for it in the den. we decorate it quietly and calmly whenever we like. and while abi has never tried to climb it we do tie it in the corner with fishing line.


for gifts we do charitable donations except for one small gift for each other to opened. I cook latkes on the 31st, and filet of beef for christmas eve. no cards get sent. no hoards of shopping. I will bake some stollen and any invites a stollen comes along wrapped in saran and a bow. we will probably have some people for dinner at different times. once to victimize them with my latkes and then for Jim's birthday which is the 26th because I always make a bigger event of that than christmas.

in fact the winter solstice is more what I celebrate and then all you need is some alcohol, a roaring fir and a warm body to snuggle up to. Try it. avoid the stores. check out Heifer or ask your family what charities they like and send money to them instead of shopping. yes the merchants need our business but charitable organizations need help even more. I think no one over ten should be doing the presents anyway. Oh and I keep a few large squares of seil and permanent ribbons for wrapping. no trash to through away and by the time the year goes by you forget what the wrapping clothes looked like. coolleroni. oh well abi gets a gift but she is only three.

     Lately, I've been finding myself under the gun to get my work done (both professionally and personally). I've come to realize that some pressure is great. I mean, when it's 4:30pm and I've got a report to update, there's a charge that I get knowing that "the clock is ticking" and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it or not.  There's gotta be something to that.  Is it the  rush of adrenaline that I get from the "Ooooh....You gonna be in troubulll..." feeling? Or is it flat out panic? I can't be sure. But what I do know is that I can only go like this for so long.  A self inflicted  since of urgency over my daily activities is going to push me into a world of permanent disorganization and make me a lifelong resident of Bellvue. Why is multi-tasking so great? When did "additional duties as assigned" become the norm? I mean, really, is the health insurance that great that I'm willing to spend another three hours on a project that won't be looked at by someone else for another 10 days? The answer, my friend, is  YES! At least when it comes to health insurance. 

 But I am committed! I am committed to making sure that I don't end up with more obligations than I can handle. I am committed to having my "me" time so that I can be more functional when that wave of adrenaline hits my system because  my 5 o'clock deadline is now my noontime nemesis. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I will try my best to avoid being an overachieving mutltitasker. It will now be my "Priority Number 1"  to tell Jan in accounting, that she can now give those infamous "TPS" reports to Frank Junior Associate, MMTGHM (Making More Than God and His Mother-for those of you who didn't recognize the credentials).  I will no longer be a slave to the company mantra, "Other duties as assigned."  No, Sir!

I am going to limit my obligations by learning to say, "No." You'll see. I'll be more efficient, less stressed and more focused as a result.

Well, at least until open enrollment....