Pray @ MindSay

Friday nights I hang out with a different pile of friends, one of whom is the ever-delightful Rainjoy. She is lovely, enthusiastic, musically talented, amazing with the kids, always seems to be happy, and she and I are on opposite sides of dating (I am entirely single, and she's married), so we have some fun conversations. She and I work with the kids together, so she's been teaching me some random music stuff, and we talk about stuff. Tonight, I mentioned to her that after something Signscout said, I decided he was right and stopped doing something.

Her response was that she was really glad to hear it - she'd been worried about me.
My mental response, "Dude. When I tell you I'm doing something, and all you say is that it's really cool and you're proud of me for doing it, I in no way interpret this to mean that you're worried about me." This would have made a sizable difference in how things had gone.

See, Signscout worrying about me seems to happen every day that his walls fail to fall in. Since they're still standing, you can imagine how that goes. Signscout actually telling me that he's worried about me only happens about as often as we have days when the wind blows. As you may have guessed, Signscout telling me that he's worried about one more thing in my life doesn't really influence me to change at all.

Rainjoy, on the other hand, is older than both of us, generally pretty well-balanced, and something of a very subtle leader. She probably doesn't think of herself that way, but her advice is usually pretty sound and well-balanced. Actually, when Signscout is giving actual advice, it's usually pretty good - it's just that worry thing that's way off the mark.

Last night, I got to talk to my dear Santas for about half an hour. I was rather depressed, and she proceeded to read me absolutely everything printed on a bottle of cleaner. By the sound of it, I am guessing Clorox Anywhere. My fantabulous sister has a gift for expression, theater, and speech, so this was highly entertaining.

Incidentally, far back in the day, that redhead of hers and I were friends (which is how Santas and the redhead met), and one night he did almost exactly the same thing - we were hanging around the church, and he picked up a VHS tape and proceeded to read me the Security Warning in three different accents. These two most certainly do have a great deal in common - you just have to know them.

And, there is, of course, Rogue. After losing a particular friend, I've a thing for expressing the love I have for my friends in hopes that they'll actually grasp the concept before either they or I kick the bucket.
P: "Much love sent your way!"
R: Much love received, downloaded, and executed. Will you accept a transfer of the file, "loverightbackatyou.exe" from RogueChessPiece?

Another absolutely wonderful girlfriendship is starting to bud, and I simply MUST find a name for this girl, because she is all kinds of wonderful and I love hanging out with her. Similar friendship to that of Rainjoy, but more open. She's also much closer to my age, which leads to far more commonality. But! She prayed with me tonight about something that just hit me in the middle of Rainjoy's husband talking. I had forgotten how absolutely cool it was to have a friend who prays with you. Not a group setting, but the two of you praying together.

I also loved Santas for doing the same thing when we went out to supper together. I'm used to my friends being slightly put off when I pray before eating, so I usually do it silently. She actually wanted to pray with me. That was one of the coolest parts of Spring Break - my sister wanted to pray with me before a meal. So, so cool.

But! I need sleep! I am off!

So, I started out today, like I have most days that have past in the recent years, with a prayer in the shower. I am usually so tired that my mind slips to and fro my prayer like a kid on a see saw. Today I realized that I have not been as passionate, deliberate and committed to my faith, my God, as I should and as I have been in the past.

 

I have not been to church regularly in a long time. I like the little church that I have spoken of here a few times, but it is not helping me to pursue my faith. I was thinking about switching churches, or at least visiting another church to see how I feel. But, it is definately something I need to put a lot of prayer time into.

 

I worry about it because of my eternal situation. I honestly don't know for sure that I will make it to heaven. I mean, does any one truly know they are for sure going to heaven? Because I love Jesus, I talk to the Father, I have asked them to live inside me and I have repented, almost daily, for my sins. But, does Jesus know me? This is a question that I often ask myself because of the verse where Jesus says that not all who say Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, He will say He never knew you. You know what I am talking about, right?

 

Well, I know that the devil has extraordinary powers against us and he is probably the reason I am feeling some of this uncertainty. But, that does not help me to stop thinking it. I worry about, not only myself, but the effect it will have on my son, and my husband's faith as well.

 

I need to force myself to pursue it more committedly and honestly with my whole heart. It is like that song that Dawn posted a while back, "It's a slow thing", it doesn't happen over night. I mean, you don't give yourself away to the darkness in one day, it is a long slow period of seperation between yourself and God and eventually you are lost, again.

 

I would like to ask each of you who read this to please pray for me, and others who go through this endless cycle of committment and seperation. Personally, I believe it has something to do with my cycles of depression. When I am feeling down, overwhelmed or just plain blah.... I start having these feelings of fear and disconnection with myself and my God, whom I do love with all of my heart.

 

Dearest Heavenly Father, it is only You who knows my heart. I ask Father, for you to search my heart, know me, please reveal myself and Your purpose for me so that I may know my way through this world. Please Father lift up my spirit and body as I walk this path and lead me to you. Father, please give me the strength and the courage to fight for You and Your purpose for me, that I would shine for you in the good and bad times. Also Father I ask that You would be there for the others who feel as I do, that you would lift them up in their faith and love for you, as they might not have a support system like I do. I ask these things in the name of the Lord almight, Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

Blessings to you all this day.

Isaiah was a prophet who spoke of rebuking evil ways and turning to the Lord, the only one who can save us. He spoke in terms of what I think of as History, but can it be translated into something else, YES! We know it can. He prophesied of the coming of Jesus!!

 

The text for this inside look is Isaiah 1:15-18

 

 

15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
       I will hide my eyes from you;
       even if you offer many prayers,
       I will not listen.
       Your hands are full of blood;

 16 wash and make yourselves clean.
       Take your evil deeds
       out of my sight!
       Stop doing wrong,

 17 learn to do right!
       Seek justice,
       encourage the oppressed. ^[a]
       Defend the cause of the fatherless,
       plead the case of the widow.

 18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
       says the LORD.
       "Though your sins are like scarlet,
       they shall be as white as snow;
       though they are red as crimson,
       they shall be like wool.

 

These words strike a hard chord with me. Every day we are filled with sin, and evil. Our hands are full of blood because of the sins we have committed against our Lord, our God!!

Isaiah was telling the people to turn from their sins, because God would not hear their prayers, no matter how many they prayed, if they did not turn from their ways.

 

This is one of my favorite passages. I often pray parts of this passage in my morning prayers. I say, "Father, please make me clean, like snow and wool wash away the crimson I have." This is an important concept because, not only because of the images it gives us that help us to understand, but because of what it is telling us to do!!!

 

"Stop doing wrong!!" Not because it will get you to heaven, but because He said so...

Encourage one another, not because it will get you to heaven, because it is the right thing to do....!!!!

"Defend the cause of the fatherless," not only because He told you to, but because they have no one else to defend them! 

"Plead the case of the widow" not because it is right, but because the Lord has asked us to!!

 

Brothers and sisters, these things I have said 'because' and 'not because' about are things that will bring others to the Lord, because they are things the Lord would do Himself!!

 

Isaiah had it all right...He was telling us to do things that Jesus would soon be doing on the earth, and things that we should continue to do in Jesus' name, because it is right, Holy and good!!

 

We are sinners, just like Israel was. Israel stands for God's people, and Isaiah is talking to Israel!! God used Isaiah to tell His people then, and now, about what would happen after Jesus came. If we don't change our ways, repent and turn to Jesus, God will not hear our prayers. What a sad day that would be, a day that God would no longer listen to His children.

 

 

Dearest Heavenly Father, I come before you humbly, as a sinner. I have sinned against you in thought, word and deed, but I know that through your son, Jesus Christ, you will have mercy on me. Please Father, forgive my sins against you, wash me, make me clean, let me be as white as snow. Father, I thank you for the sacrificial Lamb you sent for us, and for our sins, the sins of the world. And, in His Glorious name we pray, Amen.

 

 

November 22, 2008 at 11:59 AM

 

I know, my friend, I know. Things change. Change things. Things change. We have, throughout human history, we have evolved, we have progressed in totality.

 

Still, as has oft occurred, the current state of humankind's striving toward progress to the end of betterment of self, some or most times selfishly, and the advancement of societies and cultures collectively, we are now in an era of retrograde; now is not an age of Aquarius.

 

Yet, things change. Change things and things are changed, most certainly. It cannot be otherwise. Yes?

 

I cannot predict when we will move on from, when we will leave this current era of regression and return to a progressive era . Still, I have, though not an easy lesson for me to learn due to a degree of weak ego strength and personal timidity, through personal change, I have learned to stand for and even stand up for progressive  change. Selfish so indeed, due to a personal interest to try to maintain my sanity in a world I have found to be too, too frequently fucking fudking insane.

 

So, the next time some unenlightened individuals present me with a petition to deny you the right to be married I will do more than just turn away from them in obvious contempt of their position and effort. I will aggressively challenge them and even overtly so that others about will be aware fully of my opposition to their ignorance.

 

Finally, I would not presume to tell you that I will pray for you per this issue. I will, however, tell you that if you want me to be with you as you pray, ever, just ask and I will be there with you in spirit.

 

Namaste with sincerity,

 

David aka Mu Chun Ge aka Mahatma aka Ma Da Ha, aka Jefferson, aka Jones aka Che aka The Savage aka Gran'pa Dave aka Miller aka Ives aka Poe aka Carl David Schmidt aka David Tecumseh Schmidt aka Lao Di aka VanGogh aka asshole...