Potential @ MindSay

   “The family reunion was going on well unto the night. Except that the little ones were one by one dropping off to sleep and carried to the guest room by their doting parents. When the kids were all finally tucked in bed, the adults returned to the living room for more chat and coffee. Sitting round Grandpa were aunts and uncles, sons and daughters-in-law, and the older grandchildren. Grandpa, visibly happy and content, surveyed his ‘clan’ delighted with every bit of news on their achievements, plans, and dreams. Even the boring and monotonous bits and pieces of everyday routine seemed to give him pleasure.

 

I sat from a distance closer to the window watching Grandpa. A widower of three years still beaming with the same zest for life which he was legendary known for three generations. Grandma once before proudly said--   ‘Molo takes life by the neck and shakes it like hell!”. Molo was her pet name for Grandpa Romulo.  Yeah, Grandpa never lacked for dreams. He was an accomplished pianist, painter, teacher, writer, poet, and traveler.  In the same way he had pushed himself to achieve what he had wanted to be, I hear him now pushing everyone to pursue their fond dreams further quoting this from  Dale E. Turner ---

DREAMS ARE RENEWABLE, NO MATTER WHAT OUR AGE OR CONDITION; THERE ARE STILL UNTAPPED POSSIBILITIES WITHIN US AND NEW BEAUTY WAITING TO BE BORN. “

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This was a story I had started many years ago and never finished.  The page I wrote it on lay limp and forgotten in my files for a long time-- until yesterday. I was rummaging through folders looking for something when this caught my eye. Dreams are renewable –wonderful, isn’t it?

 

Where are you now in your life? Fulfilled dreams, failed dreams, half-filled dreams…or you’ve given up on your dreams. Whatever it is, don’t stop now because you can have new dreams to replace the ones you have lost. Or take up where you’ve left off and get on track again. And if you’re one of the lucky ones who have had their dreams come true, nothing can stop you from building new ones again and be off to new adventures once more. I like that idea of searching and peeling off ‘untapped possibilities within us’. The thought is an exciting one that regardless of age and perhaps circumstance a person can build dreams again and again. The possibilities are limitless and its accompanying challenges fascinating.

 

A famous writer has said that  ‘A thing of beauty is a joy forever’. To be creating beauty ourselves by tapping the potential within us must be awesome. And I certainly would like to have that kind of joy forever. How bout you? :-)

I think I'm afraid to feel.

I don't want to get attached to someone, but at the same time I'm in need of this kind of connection. It's scary and I think I aim for it and run away at the same time. It's hard to evaluate...

But I realise myself whenver I think of myself liking someone, it's kind of a feeling of dread or disgust. I'm disgusted in myself for thinking of being in a relationship with someone I'm only friends with. I think of a lot of potential situations and I get angry at myself. I may get excited about that potential and I get disappointed if it doesn't happen, and then I get mad for ever thinking it could happen.

I want to be close to someone, but it is kind of dreadful to think about... getting to know someone. I still haven't decided boundaries, really.

My idea is that if it doesn't hurt anyone, than it's all good. I won't of course, do any type of sex with someone I'm only friends with. But I have fooled around with people I have no romantic feelings for.

I just don't know, I guess. I want to feel, but I am afraid, so I don't want to feel.

I don't want to go through all this shit again. It's been very hard to not fall under and give up, and I have at times.

I hate love. I hate falling in love. I hate things I can't control. It hurts so much. It hurts way too much. I wonder if finding love and someone who feels the same is worth it, with all the pain often involved.

I don't want to be held back by previous experiences, but it's difficult.

It's like touching the hot wood stove with your bare hand when yer 5. You do it once, it hurts like crazy and you make damn sure you don't do it again. But love, is not my choice. I can't choose to not touch the stove.

And if someone becomes a really good friend, I don't want to be with them in fear of losing that awesome friendship. It hurts even more to lose a best friend and boyfriend at the same time.

Loving someone who doesn't give a fuck has been nearly unbearable, I don't know if I want to take the risk.

Part of me says, just let your heart lead and love who it wants..

..But the more reasonable side says, make sure you don't fall in love. Fight it all you can, if you can't then ignore it.

Hello Lovers Far and Wide!

 

It's good to be back after all these years  :-)

 

You can warm up to the impending Tidal Waves of Love

by enjoying this video about Unlocking Human Potential :

http://surrealarchive.com/?p=38

 

all the best

M

10 Things I could easily live without:

1. banannas
   
2. narrow shoes (my feet are quite literally as wide as most shoe boxes)
   
3. bikinis
   
4. pubic hair
   
5. a credit report
   
6. bras
   
7. Britney Spears
   
8. before and after pics (ie fat vs desireable)
   
9. menstruation, and the accompanying cramps
   
10. red ants
    

guess what the list'll be next time? Well, today has been a total lack of activity...with the exception of the last half hour, in which I cleaned the kitchen. It's funny that when the urge to clean strikes, 90% of the time I start with the kitchen...then quickly lose momentum. I guess my internal thinking is that it's more important to eat in a clean place than poop in one *grin*. ('Little Bit Lonely', Billy Currington) I did send out a few emails today, though. All to my new potentials (I sound like BTVS, urk) S and D. Both of which seem very nice and compatible, albeit in slightly different ways: S is an art and tattoo guy, very cerebral and 'smart' funny; D is a cop, VERY attractive, and also verbose over email. Hmmm. Watch me come up with new ways to ruin new chances...but in the mean time, it's very nice to have some NSA male attention. I get all kinds of happy when I have new communication, and they're both good at compliments (MY kind)...S called my tattoo choices 'cerebral', and D is very interested in my career and asks lots of questions. It's amazing how much better such little stuff can make my day be; it's also amazing how it has helped me cope with J being gone. The realization that if he doesn't choose to be with me, it's his loss is one that has brought me quite a bit of peace over the situation lately. Now, if only I could also bring peace to all my...uh...more 'earthly' needs, if you know what I mean *smirk*. ('She Thinks my Tractor's Sexy', Kenny Chesney)

I had my Hawaiian pizza the other night.  It was ok.  I used a Wal-Mart brand make it yourself crust.  It wasn't much more than card board.  Actually, card board may be more tasty.  The ham and pineapple were good.  The sauce was good.  I added a few chopped onions and they were good.  I did go a little overboard on the toppings, but they were good.  In hindsight, I'm glad I went overboard.  It's probably the only reason I was able to consume the terrible crust.  I actually miss the lunchroom pizza's I had as a child.  The crust on those pizzas were actually good to me.  Then again, I might just remember it that way.

 

I appreciate the comments on my previous blog.  Hopefully the comments and discussion will grow in the future.

 

Something to think about today.  What is a regret that you have (or had) and what would it (or did it) take to deal with it?   And a second one as an added bonus.  What is your favorite meal of all times (homemade, restaurant, no limitations on choices)?