Possibly @ MindSay

To the great unknown,

My name is rachel and I am a stay at home mom to a 15 month old....and I just found out i was pregnant (possibly with twins!!!!) and I am terrified.  I bearly have enough energy for my daughter...Im not sure what I am going to do...I suppose only time will tell.

 

Jill constantly tells me,
"Justine. You just need to get out of your head."


But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.
But I can't.

Well... I was lying around, in a small corner, wallowing in despair and self-pity, when I read this blog, on how everybody should be deeper this Christmas season.. I hear it's the latest fad.

Where to start? With so many possibilities, all spiraling downward in an endless circle of nonsense and circular logic that all returns to the source of the problem, solving nothing, how can a person possibly pick a single subject on which to blog? To you, invisible masses, I commit my dark and tortured soul to write this inhumane blog that you might casually glance at it, and ignore it, as bloggers are wont to do. If you are squeamish, have no sense of total and utter dispair, than read no furthur. For those of you mind-bendingly twisted enough to continue on this path of dismal self-realization, the dead salute you.

Again, where to begin? Perhaps with a dance for the unseeing? A song for the unhearing? A bitter feast for the ungrateful? How can I possibly hope to hold the attention of those who are so much happier than this depressed mortal coil could ever be? The sad truth is this: I can't. There are simply too many tragic things in my dark, dark life to possibly divulge to the masses.

The majority would ignore my ravings, as those of a dunken bum on the corner or the latest new-age prophet. Those who were foolish enough to stay would recoil in utter horror, or not even begin to comprehend the hideous stew that is my mind. Broken, battered, but not gone, I continue in my unholy crusade to endarken the few of you who are still reading this.

Time...time...time... How can you stand it? Happily frittering away you pathetic lives on nothing, on fragile hopes and dreams that are crushed as easily as a snail on a rock in the middle of a wind-swept sea of ignorance? The only way you could ever live would be to simply block it out, purge the things from your mind that cause you discomfort, for after all, is ignorance not bliss?

Oh worthless creatures, you are more lost than a stranded man in a desert. You close yourself in a mindless "fortress", trying to protect yourself from the things that you fear the most. In reality, this fortress is nothing more than a fragile threadbare blanket, like the ones you used as a child to hide yourself from the nightmarish creatures of the closet or under the bed.

However, the difference here is that the monsters are real. The grim creations that wait for your weakest moment are there, biding their time. There will be no morning, only a long, endless night. Death, destruction, misery, these are only a few of the horde of hateful abominations that you try to block out with your cries of "la la la, I can't hear you" with your eyes shut. You will, at some time or another, face the music, the inevitable that you tried for so long to prevent, your useless attempts to evade the horrors that are life will crash upon you, utterly destroying you and your sad life that you tried to create for yourself.

The only defence against the coming tide of darkness is a grim resolution to stand firm, though this is impossible for any human being to ever accomplish, as we all stand upon a mountain of sand, waiting for the tide to come and carry us away and send us to our doom. The final solution to this problem? There isn't one. Deal with it and brace yourself against your coming downfall. Be wary, and your fall from grace may be softer than if you ignorantly looked away.

Fruitless warnings, why do I bother? My advice will not be heeded, as who wants to have their fragile bubble popped? Not many.

Now, disciples of despair, go forth and beware of anything and everything. Hide from shadows, cringe at darkness, cry out at the fire, and slowly, ever so slowly, fall down and down.. Never realizing that you're falling until you hit the ground. (For those of you who actually bothered to read this far, none of this is serious, it was experimenting just to see how dark I could write. It was a bit like a playing an instrument. Anyways, thanks for reading.) _{Merry Christmas!}