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Poetry @ MindSay


Sweet night oblivion

My self love is the most unrequited,

I feel like a passenger in my own body,

An outsider watching from afar;

As if my existence were only for entertainment.

Binging the seasons and wondering why this show hasn’t been cancelled, but I cannot look away,

I cannot turn it off, I cannot rewrite it into something better.

The storyline is off and it no longer makes sense.

It’s a two headed coin.

I flip, only to remain the same.

I am torn between two worlds; stuck in revolving shame.

I’ve given everyone else the best of me.

They took those pieces and ran; or, they crushed them into dust right in front of me and blew them into the wind and out of my reach.

I do not want this life any longer.


Wedding Vows
I've been trying to figure out what to write in my wedding vows, and it's been steadily going downhill. 

I started with: 
Alex, I give to you everything I am and everything I will ever be. I value our love beyond measure. I promise to share your dreams and help you achieve your goals, and to share my dreams in turn. I will never stand behind you or in front of you, but always beside you. I will listen to you with an open heart and an open mind- pledging my honesty, compassion, fidelity and forgiveness. I promise to always be your most loyal friend and your loving wife. You are my heart and my soul, my soulmate, now and forever.

But that didn't seem personal enough, so I changed it to this:
Alex, I take you to be my husband. I promise to share in your dreams, to help you to achieve your goals, and to share my dreams and goals in turn. I vow to love you unstintingly, always with honesty, compassion, fidelity, and love.  I promise to always be your most loyal friend and your loving wife. You are my heart and my soul, my soulmate. And if you ever become immortal, I promise to join you.

Well, that was awkward. A bit better, but it just doesn't seem to flow right. Maybe if I find a poem, and modify it to be relevant?
Alex. I choose you;
in a hundred lifetimes,
in a hundred worlds,
in any version of reality, 
I'll find you and
I'll choose you.



True Story
Hey there, --

wanna get me to smile EVERY DAY??


Just let me get to teach poetry to sixth graders (or another section - I'm open) like I did yesterday with Langston Hughes' A Dream Deferred, and I will be over-content the rest of my life.

Seriously, that was only 15 minutes of my life, and it's hard to find another time in recent history I've felt that happy and alive and worthwhile.

All of it - the finding ridiculous ways to define 'fester' (and acknowledging that after one of our girls heard it, it would totally be one of 'her' kinds of words because that's her level of interest - I was right :) ).  The making them have to take things from surface level and go deeper.  The number of hands I had up after most questions proving they were engaged and trying.

I seriously could not ask for more.  This would truly satisfy me daily.  If only it were my reality and not basically a one-off at this point.

...though I AM getting the kiddos all to myself from 10:00 today until ? because Trish has a meeting and we don't have a special ...

Alright slowly uploading like five or six videos +edit
the first one's up! Promote me if you like it! Kthx love you

+ edit: alright I'll embed them all for you because I can't have no views on some of these


Insomnia - An old poem

So, whilst browsing the past tonight. I discovered a poem from a long time ago. I felt like sharing it.


The clock ticks the hour
And the dark  of the night sweeps through
The mist rises over the road
As I watch the yellow shining moon

The old grey car eats the miles
The radio blaring loudly
As I stare out my window in silence
Not making a single sound

I lean my head against the glass 

And you reach over to take my hand
To squeeze and lift it to your lips
Before letting it slip away like sand

Blue meets blue for a heartbeat
Then your eyes return to the road
And I wonder if you're my "Prince Charming"
Or just another counterfeit toad

And I say please
....don't crush me
And you say maybe
....just don't rush me

And if can't trust me
It's so crazy
....I can't sleep

You linger with a kiss and caress
But still you turn and walk away
All my thoughts desert me

 And yet again you've escaped and run astray

From this ferris wheel of longing
That without that backward glance
Shatters my soul and my composure
Did you forget my second chance?

And I say please
....don't forget me
And you say maybe won't regret me

And if would console me
It's so crazy
....I can't sleep

My eyelids grow heavy
As I trace the miles we've crossed
Remembering all those picture-perfect moments
That I put away and lost

I sing along with a sad love song
As I reach my final stop
I climb into my bed and close my eyes
And count the ticks of the clock

And I say please
....don't make me cry
And you say maybe can't tell me lies

And I say please
....just don't hurt me
And you say maybe won't desert me

And I say please
....don't forget me
And you say maybe won't regret me

And if could trust me
And if could console me

And if could love me

And if could love me

It's so crazy
....I could sleep

(September 4, 1999)


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