Okay, my girlfriend recently broke up with me on the day before Valentines(sucks eh?).  Anyways, this month would have been 5 months together.  Before she was with me she had been with her old boyfriend for 3 years, and we got together about a month after that.  Yes, I know that was fast and you are all going to say something about the 3 years.  She is one year younger than me and i'm in my last year of high school.

Anyways, the first 3 months of being together were just flat out awesome and I enjoyed every minute of it.  Then after New Years her attitude slowed down, I believe I posted on here.  After we talked on the phone for like 2 hours the night we broke up, it still didn't make much sense of why. She said that all people are meant to find something special in relationships, they dont just get in it to get in it.  That she thinks she is wasting my time by being with me and then having me suddenly leave and never talking to me again when college comes around.  As much as I disagreed with this matter she would not believe me.  She said that I would expect her to feel the same way as I do when I leave and she wont.  She doesn't like to "Love" or say "I love you" because of what happened with her old boyfriend, I never got into the relationship thinking about any of that or planned on saying it anytime soon.  I liked the way things were going.

We talked the other day, actually Valentines night when I had my mom leave just so we could talk.  I asked her if she still liked me more than a friend and she said that she likes me alot more than a friend still.  She said there was nobody else she liked and wont be any time soon so that isn't why we broke up.  I asked (had to) if there was any chance we could get back together anytime? She said "I dont know, that doesn't mean no though."  I asked her if she needed time or a break and she said, "I guess..I dont know".  It just doesn't make any sense.......Now that she has broken up with me I miss and will miss her even more as I hang out with her everyday.

Most of you dont know how much I feel about this girl.  She is just about everything great for me and I love everything about her, she is different than all the other girls in my school.  She also used to tell me all the time how much she liked me and what she enjoyed and how she liked it like that.  Even now, when she says we can remain on good tems and good friends.  When I see her she still gives me hugs like she misses me and looks at me like she wants me.  Just the other day when I stopped by her work she was like shy or nervous around me.  Like she still liked me, but didn't know what to say.  We still talk everyday on the phone, make jokes at eachother, laugh and flirt a little, and other things....I know she still wants to be together but I seriously dont know why she did this.  I still even after we break up tell her how good she looks and all the same things, she does the same back to me as well.

I know some of you will say to move on, but I really dont want to.  I want her back, do you think there is a chance she will want to get back together again?  I'm so lost and only think there is one thing to do.  Give her time?  It seems like we are on a break but she just doesn't want to say it.....

 

We went to a BIG concert tonight and we had PIT tickets together and our friends were up in the seats.  So we were together for about 5 hours.  All night and usually we still have elbows in elbows you know? Like going somewhere formal.  We also still usually like rub each others back to get warm and so forth. 

Tonight though, as much as I still can't hear and am kind of tired.  After about an hour of the show and me always and still behind her, I put my arms around her so they go on her stomach ya know?  She didn't say anything.  A bit later she put her hands in my pockets while mine were on her.  Later, I put them around her neck and she rested on them.  Then when my hands were around her she went and put her hands in mine.  We smiled at each other all night and fooled around with each other. 

When everyone left and her friend that was staying over was in the other room.  We said good bye with a longgg hug and another hug.  When our hug was ended I went to put my hand in hers but backed off and said sorry.  I dont think she knew what I said it for but I guess that was stupid...

 

I am so down in the dumps and I dont know what to do....I feel like my life just should end.  I friging hate everything in my life.  Maybe i'm being selfish?  I dont know.  I dont really care at this point.  Its been 2 in a half weeks since our break up and I just can't cope with it.  My feelings toward her are just too strong.  Every time I see her I just want to kiss her sweet lips one last time, or move my fingers through her hair.....

I have been so depressed the past week, the week before was okay, but still like crap.  I dont understand how after 4 months of us being together she could just end it out of no where.  Just flat out end it for some dumb reason that I still to this day dont get.  I dont even understand how her asshole of a ex boyfriend stayed with her for 3 years. 

My mom recently found out and she said that I deserve better.  After she told me to "try this" I know what she is up to.  She told me to just find another girl and make my EX jealous and want me to get back together with her.  Which in turn, would make me forget about her.  Seriously, I spent so much time and especially money on her and enjoyed every minute of it.  Apparently she didn't.  My mom said she used me like a door mat.......god i'm a piece of shit.  Wow...one thing in my life that I want so bad and can't have.  I can't tell you how many times i've cried for this girl.  Or how many times I stayed up all night hoping she wanted me back.

The past few days I haven't called or text her for a reason.  I do think if I wait she will want me back, hopefully that is the case.  She said she has liked me for the past year in half since i've moved here, I dont think her attitude will change.  Every time i'm around her she still acts nervous and shy.  I know she still truely likes me and wants to say it but doesn't.  Can't I just say how I feel already?  It has been two weeks and I want to tell her how bad I miss her and how bad I still want her back?  Can I not tell her how I haven't been mad at her this whole time, I just can't stand the site of her without getting sad?  I mean, the day after we broke up my eyes were even watery going into my first class.

Have any of you ever felt this way?  Some may say to drop it and move on, but you know what?  I'm not like those other kids at the school and move onto another girl or even cheat on the one i'm with.  I know she likes me and I as you can tell still like her.  Please some one just give me some advice.  I am really lost and really can't deal with this.  Should I just have more patience?  Or just tell her?...Thank you if you took the time to read this or reply.  I greatly appreciate it.

 

Cherise this is how I really feel.

Dear Mindsay,

 

There is a particular person here on MindSay who needs some lovin'. MrGenio . I ask of you a few things, and they are as follows:

• travel to his blog
• read it his most recent entry
• comment on it
• add him to your list
• he needs some motivation to come back to blogging on a regular basis
• and i know you guys can do it =)
• it would make him happy if you did =)
• i love you guys =)

P L E A S E ! =)

 

Thank You and have an excellent weekend,

-Dania

 

p.s--> I love you too Genio

Today I learned that I'm horrible at improv-painting. ^^;  You know, where you just randomly start, without really having a plan.  Or maybe it's because I didn't try too hard, because after a few minutes I'm like, "Wow, this looks awful but I'll just keep on going anyway because I accidentally squirted out too much green paint to begin with and I don't want to waste it..."  Anyway, I gave up on that, lol. :P  Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.  I love cutting things out of magzines and newspapers, though, especially on those days when I can't seem to draw anything.  Collages are fun to make; I have one for my values portfolio cover.  Erm, anyways, enough ranting about that...^^;

   I read volume 16 of Rurouni Kenshin yesterday, yay! ^^  Poor Kenshin, though, he really got hurt....like worse than usual....Aaaw, so sad.  TT__TT  But he's the main character, so he'll be fine. Lol.  I'm really behind on that series because I read half of 15 at the bookstore with a friend, then we had to go and I never finished, and who wants to buy one when you've already read half of it?  But I figured he must've won or at least survived whatever the heck he was doing, or there wouldn't be a 16, or 17, or 18, etc....  Yup, so it got skipped, oh well.  I used to try to read manga series's backwards, like start with the last one...  Not anymore though, I got sick of ruining all the endings. ^^;

   Oooh, and I found a downloadable version of the DDR song "Butterfly" today.  Yay, I love that song. *dances along*

Okay well today I didn't do much. I said happy Birthday to Katie P<3. um ya...

 English - read stuff out of the book. Started homework

 Social Studies - Read a page on the water cycle...Made a picture & discribed the water cycle.

 Art - Did scratch baords....

 Science - Started Lab report...

 Lunch - Ate sum popcorn chickin...It was pretty good for the most part.

 Reading - Got new seats....I hate em' I hate the whole group! Until Tj came along && switched wit deseri! Otherwise its Kim, Andrew, Katie D! Thanls Tj! <3

 German - Made gay shoes...lmfaoooooo!

 Studyhall - Did homewrok and what not

 Math - Worked in the text book.

 Dismissel - Walked with Sam, Frankie, Ashely, Kristen, Heather, Kali, Travis, and others <3.

Dominick  I love you <33!

 

 

wow... last night i had a terrible nightmare... it, of course, had to do with devan... i woke up sweating and crying.

i dreamed it was the first day of school and i was walking around looking for devan, but i couldnt find her. no matter where i looked, i couldnt find her. so the next couple days passed and i still couldnt find her... my heart was pounding, maybe something had happened to her? i wasnt sure, so i kept looking... then i finally found her. and she was with richard, they were holding hands and kissing. my heart sunk and my feet grew heavy. i just stared as he removed her shirt and then her pants, and then he did the same to himself. she let out her hair and they continued to get naked... now u already know what happens next... but i finally got the courage built up to say, "devan? what are u doing?" and they both stopped and looked at me. she covered herself up the best she could and just said with a careless voice, "look adrian, its not like were dating... u act like were dating, like were boyfriend and girlfriend or something when were really not. y dont u just get over it? u can live without me. theres other pple out there." and then they continued what they were doing...

thats not the first time shes said something like that to me... shes done it before, and everytime i think about it i wanna puke... i just dont know how to deal with it... i really wanna see her sooooo bad right now. but i guess im just really shook up about our situation... i mean, will she acknowledge me? will she be ashamed to tell everyone that im the guy she likes? that weve kissed? devan if u read this... let me know what is going on. tell me if u will talk to me or not. if ull even look at me. if u will still be the same person to me as u are now. if ud be afraid of what pple think or not. if u think that ud hurt me...

thats kinda funny cuz i know she wont read this... then again, maybe she will... sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt. and sometimes i think that she doesnt care cuz she never calls to ask if i wanna hang out anymore or anything. and when i talk to her online its kind of short everytime. she doesnt say goodnight, she just signs off... im so worried, i cant take another pain or loss... especially with joanna gone... *sighs* life could deffly be better right now... well i g2g shower and fix my hair up... boy r u guys in for a surprise... later to yall!