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WILL THEY EVER ADMIT THEY LIED OR TWISTED THE FACTS?
(EOPC believes Cyberpathy is an expression of Malignant Narcissism and/or Sociopathy - Fighter)
We work to try to understand the essence of the narcissist. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes: -
The narcissist sometimes notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it. - ... the narcissist is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with HIM - They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry. If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will blame others. 
- Remember they will never admit they are wrong, they willnever debase themselves with an real apology. They will never laugh at themselves.
"His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his blaming left me battered and exhausted." Narcissists who were children of entitlement:
Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/she/they/YOU are the problem! He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."
Since the false self is grandiose and perfect, relationship problems are never the fault of the narcissist. For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand": imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow). It can't be HIS fault - he is perfect. The narcissist says in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."
EOPC is loaded with examples of this, here's our sampling: (scroll over content to find embedded links)
BRAD DORSKY - his victim supposedly 'led him on.' Dorsky not only tried to rage at his victim, he sent a "friend" to find out who exposed him. Obviously, MR. DORSKY thought we were a bunch of barely legal kids on a social networking site; his favorite sort of target!
Says the relationship was consensual. This is a common one!
CHARLES "ED" HICKS - This guy's a doozy. Said in court, to a judge, after 2 of his 7 known wives were questioned and hard, clear legal documentation was researched and presented by an Assistant D.A.: "It's false, all false." Guess that orange jumpsuit should have been a straightjacket. Has recently gone back on dating sites under various nicknames using CHARLES HICKS to try to defuse people googling ED HICKS and finding out he's the 'Dr. Phil Bigamist.' Tells people he's retired from a government job (he was fired and his security clearance revoked).
Additionally is not always honest about his criminal record on the numerous dating sites he's on now. CLICK HERE FOR ONE OF HIS ADS Age 56? LOL!
(Here's the best one EOPC's heard!) Rumor has it that HICKS is shopping for a publisher for his book where he will tell the truth (he means his version of it a.k.a. complete fiction) and show how
1. two of his wives 'set him up just to get on T.V.' (EOPC is sure they had a great time telling the world how naive & used they were by Mr. Hicks) and
2. have lied about him as well as being 'mean' to his children (a.k.a. feeding, clothing, housing and taking care of his kids during their marriages while these kids sponged everything they could off them and various girlfriends of Mr. Hicks' simultaneously - just like Daddy!).
Additionally he plans to 'take legal action" against the producers of "Dr. Phil" and the WE show VERY BAD MEN who profiled him and showed him a bad light! Good luck with that, Mr. Hicks...
WILLIAM MICHAEL BARBER - back in jail after leaving the State in which he was incarcerated without permission and found having a false Social Security Card & Number and falsified identity papers on him. (After his wives and victims repeatedly told probation officers he would do it again and he was let out of jail early anyway)...
BARBER was also profiled on the WE show VERY BAD MEN. Don't you think these people would be thrilled they are so famous?
"J"/ GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID - 1. EOPC ran his expose for the third time in June 2007. This time he became of aware of it and he attacked one of his victims as the sole person causing him "public embarrassment." No acknowledgment that his real name and location were not used by us on this site, at this same victim's request.
No mention on his part that his new nickname and website are now linked to yet another 'false personna and location' made up by him.
No thank you for the consideration his main victim showed his family. (EOPC has had no response to emails we have attempted to send to this victim)
2. "J"/GRIDNEY/YIDWITHLID blames ONLY one of his victims for all the postings about him despite her trying to get them taken down in March of 2007. (Now which one of EOPC's victims really controls the internet? Hmmmm?) On a website she has, she said the primary reason these site owners would not remove him - was because SHE WAS NOT THE PERSON WHO HAD POSTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
"J"/GRIDNEY/ YidWithLid also expects us all to take him at his & his spouse's word that this victim of his did something to his mother to try to 'drive her to a heart attack.' No proof however - as usual, just words.
And as she said on her site (which we found out she closed for a while to try to calm him down), if she (or anyone) had done something that heinous and he has hard proof? Why isn't she in jail or doing community service?
3. "J"/GRIDNEY also says it was consensual, but neglects to mention that none of his targets knew he:
- had online sex partner-wanted ads since 2000 (years before he ever contacted these normal women!!)
- was seeing sexual escorts at a brothel (the brothel is now closed in part to him threatening this same victim, her going to the police and the police finding out that he was posting online about his exploits at this brothel. Good going, "J"/GRIDNEY!)
- the police did some forensic recovery and found his computer to be full of porn and his credit cards traced back to phone sex lines from 1999/ 2000?
Did we mention he's tried to erase it all and say it never existed? Sound familiar?
Lying, telling some normal woman you just met online she's the only one, playing mind games with her, moving in on her when she & her husband are separating, not supporting her when her husband finds out about their online affair and abuses her worse, hitting on her friends (we have evidence he hit on THREE of the friends of the first target!!) and she's mentally & emotionally vulnerable, as well as having a 'hidden agenda' does not make for consensual.
Additionally, law enforcement gave all her chats to another of his targets and this other woman, as well as law enforcement gave us permission to use them! We were sensitive enough to not use certain chats that we were given at the very-person-he's-blaming's request. She wanted to protect his family and identity. Now of course, she's getting all his blame. No good deed goes unpunished.
5. "J"/GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid on his hate website about his vendetta says to one poster that he was angry that this target posted about him on an MSN Group.
Wait! Those are support groups for victims? Now, how did he find her there? Was he surfing for her? Reading everything she wrote and vented and cried about? Yes! He did!
In her 2004 interview with us his Target #1 told us that once the support site owners told her he was coming there and clicking on her story? She tried to get it all removed and the site owners refused. This victim left the support site partly because of this. Just like we refused. That's the nature of the policies of our sites and she wasn't the only person who wrote us about him!
According to guys like"J"/GRIDNEY/ YidWithLid - victims aren't allowed be hurt, complain or look for support either. They are allowed to be portrayed as SCORNED WOMEN. LOL - How's that for 'nice guys'?
DOUG BECKSTEAD - an "investigator" from the Air Force Base with which Beckstead's associated wrote us and subsequently, one of his victims trying to find out who she was, get her to phone them, etc etc. How much should we bet that it was one of Beckstead's friends trying to be sure who blew the whistle on his online predation so he could attack & bully her?
And guess what! Beckstead was mentioned in this very Air Force Base's newspaper so - must have been looking to clean up his image before they added to his overblown ego.
Rumor has it he's got another one 'on the hook' already. Don't we already know what he's telling her? And check the update we just did on him and all the stuff he's posted all over the web - trying to drown out the truth and glorify his 'reputation' when he's really a predator!
JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN? Just look at her interview. That says it all about how 'innocent' she considers herself after meeting men online and marrying them without even meeting them in person, among other things.
PHIL HABERMAN - click here for an update on this story.
The "scorned woman" defense.
The "they are lying/ making it all up/ just jealous/ never happened" defense.
You name it - you'll hear it with these people. Unfortunately sometimes their families or friends still believe them. Until its too late and they are caught doing it again. Do we see a pattern here?
As the article above says: IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT. MUST BE THE INVISIBLE PERSON! NEVER THEM!
By the way, any Cyberpath who wants to write a full and accurate confession as well as an open, honest apology to any of the victims they have hurt, caused emotional & mental trauma, forced into counseling, sent to the hospital from trauma, caused rifts in their families, raged at, used and abused... we would be more than happy to publish it for you and see to it your victims get a copy of your healing words as well. (cyberpaths@gmail.com) If you would also like counseling for your issues in using people in this way - EOPC would be more than happy to help you find appropriate psychological help in your area.
CROSSED POSTED FROM EOPC
The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed."
- Stephen Biko
DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY ARE LYING OR TWISTED THE FACTS?
from this group The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed."
- Stephen Biko
DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY ARE LYING OR TWISTED THE FACTS?
(EOPC believes Cyberpathy is an expression of Malignant Narcissism and/or Sociopathy - Fighter)
We work to try to understand the essence of the narcissist. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes: -
The narcissist sometimes notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it. - ... the narcissist is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with HIM - They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry. If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will blame others.
"[I suspect my husband is a narcissist]. Last night we got into an argument over our daughters homework and he was absolutely livid because he was wrong and he knew he was wrong but could not admit it. He try's to place blame on anyone and everyone but himself."- Narcissists adores themselves. They live for themselves, they think they can do no wrong and will not admit to wrongdoing [re: traits common to 6 year olds and adult narcissists] - [For the narcissist] to admit to one failing, to acknowledge a mistake, even a simple human error of judgement, would be to open the door to the deep internal lack within. ... Such feelings of worthlessness are like an ocean being held back by a fragile dyke. The illusion of perfection, maintained by projecting faults onto someone else, is a barrier to be constantly tended, mended and shored up. To admit any feelings of deficiency would be the equivalent of poking a hole in the dyke, an event to be feared as a total disaster. Narcissists blame all problems on the "all-bad." It's never the narcissist's fault; it's always someone else's. The last paragraph speaks truly from a narcissist's perspective. It's the victim's fault. If the two of you have a conflict, he'll tweak the facts as much as he has to to make it all your fault.
Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/she/they/YOU are the problem! He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."
Since the false self is grandiose and perfect, relationship problems are never the fault of the narcissist. For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand": imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow). It can't be HIS fault - he is perfect. The narcissist says in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."
EOPC is loaded with examples of this, here's our sampling: (scroll over content to find embedded links)
BRAD DORSKY - his victim supposedly 'led him on.' Dorsky not only tried to rage at his victim, he sent a "friend" to find out who exposed him. Obviously, MR. DORSKY thought we were a bunch of barely legal kids on a social networking site; his favorite sort of target!
Says the relationship was consensual. This is a common one!
A relationship can not be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.
- Lying
- Telling her she's the only one
- Playing mind games with her
- Moving in on her when she & her husband/partner are having a hard time
- Moving in when she's vulnerable
- Having a 'hidden agenda'
...does not make for consensual. It does make for predatory exploitation.
Additionally is not always honest about his criminal record on the numerous dating sites he's on now. CLICK HERE FOR ONE OF HIS ADS Age 56? LOL!
(Here's the best one EOPC's heard!) Rumor has it that HICKS is shopping for a publisher for his book where he will tell the truth (he means his version of it a.k.a. complete fiction) and show how
1. two of his wives 'set him up just to get on T.V.' (EOPC is sure they had a great time telling the world how naive & used they were by Mr. Hicks) and
2. have lied about him as well as being 'mean' to his children (a.k.a. feeding, clothing, housing and taking care of his kids during their marriages while these kids sponged everything they could off them and various girlfriends of Mr. Hicks' simultaneously - just like Daddy!).
Additionally he plans to 'take legal action" against the producers of "Dr. Phil" and the WE show VERY BAD MEN who profiled him and showed him a bad light! Good luck with that, Mr. Hicks...
WILLIAM MICHAEL BARBER - back in jail after leaving the State in which he was incarcerated without permission and found having a false Social Security Card & Number and falsified identity papers on him. (After his wives and victims repeatedly told probation officers he would do it again and he was let out of jail early anyway)...
BARBER was also profiled on the WE show VERY BAD MEN. Don't you think these people would be thrilled they are so famous?
"J"/ GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID - 1. EOPC ran his expose for the third time in June 2007. This time he became of aware of it and he attacked one of his victims as the sole person causing him "public embarrassment." No acknowledgment that his real name and location were not used by us on this site, at this same victim's request.
No mention on his part that his new nickname and website are now linked to yet another 'false personna and location' made up by him.
No thank you for the consideration his main victim showed his family. (EOPC has had no response to emails we have attempted to send to this victim)
2. "J"/GRIDNEY/YIDWITHLID blames ONLY one of his victims for all the postings about him despite her trying to get them taken down in March of 2007. (Now which one of EOPC's victims really controls the internet? Hmmmm?) On a website she has, she said the primary reason these site owners would not remove him - was because SHE WAS NOT THE PERSON WHO HAD POSTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
"J"/GRIDNEY/ YidWithLid also expects us all to take him at his & his spouse's word that this victim of his did something to his mother to try to 'drive her to a heart attack.' No proof however - as usual, just words.
And as she said on her site (which we found out she closed for a while to try to calm him down), if she (or anyone) had done something that heinous and he has hard proof? Why isn't she in jail or doing community service?
3. "J"/GRIDNEY also says it was consensual, but neglects to mention that none of his targets knew he:
- had online sex partner-wanted ads since 2000 (years before he ever contacted these normal women!!)
- was seeing sexual escorts at a brothel (the brothel is now closed in part to him threatening this same victim, her going to the police and the police finding out that he was posting online about his exploits at this brothel. Good going, "J"/GRIDNEY!)
- the police did some forensic recovery and found his computer to be full of porn and his credit cards traced back to phone sex lines from 1999/ 2000?
Did we mention he's tried to erase it all and say it never existed? Sound familiar?
Lying, telling some normal woman you just met online she's the only one, playing mind games with her, moving in on her when she & her husband are separating, not supporting her when her husband finds out about their online affair and abuses her worse, hitting on her friends (we have evidence he hit on THREE of the friends of the first target!!) and she's mentally & emotionally vulnerable, as well as having a 'hidden agenda' does not make for consensual.
It does make for predatory exploitation.4. "J"/GRIDNEY wants this victim to withdraw her copyright to EOPC. Why? because some of their chats are on our site - and that's TOO MUCH PROOF OF HOW HE ABUSES TRUSTING WOMEN!!! She asked in March 2007, before we ran his story again. We refused.
Additionally, law enforcement gave all her chats to another of his targets and this other woman, as well as law enforcement gave us permission to use them! We were sensitive enough to not use certain chats that we were given at the very-person-he's-blaming's request. She wanted to protect his family and identity. Now of course, she's getting all his blame. No good deed goes unpunished.
5. "J"/GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid on his hate website about his vendetta says to one poster that he was angry that this target posted about him on an MSN Group.
Wait! Those are support groups for victims? Now, how did he find her there? Was he surfing for her? Reading everything she wrote and vented and cried about? Yes! He did!
In her 2004 interview with us his Target #1 told us that once the support site owners told her he was coming there and clicking on her story? She tried to get it all removed and the site owners refused. This victim left the support site partly because of this. Just like we refused. That's the nature of the policies of our sites and she wasn't the only person who wrote us about him!
According to guys like"J"/GRIDNEY/ YidWithLid - victims aren't allowed be hurt, complain or look for support either. They are allowed to be portrayed as SCORNED WOMEN. LOL - How's that for 'nice guys'?
DOUG BECKSTEAD - an "investigator" from the Air Force Base with which Beckstead's associated wrote us and subsequently, one of his victims trying to find out who she was, get her to phone them, etc etc. How much should we bet that it was one of Beckstead's friends trying to be sure who blew the whistle on his online predation so he could attack & bully her?
And guess what! Beckstead was mentioned in this very Air Force Base's newspaper so - must have been looking to clean up his image before they added to his overblown ego.
Rumor has it he's got another one 'on the hook' already. Don't we already know what he's telling her? And check the update we just did on him and all the stuff he's posted all over the web - trying to drown out the truth and glorify his 'reputation' when he's really a predator!
JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN? Just look at her interview. That says it all about how 'innocent' she considers herself after meeting men online and marrying them without even meeting them in person, among other things.
PHIL HABERMAN - click here for an update on this story.
The "scorned woman" defense.
The "they are lying/ making it all up/ just jealous/ never happened" defense.
You name it - you'll hear it with these people. Unfortunately sometimes their families or friends still believe them. Until its too late and they are caught doing it again. Do we see a pattern here?
As the article above says: IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT. MUST BE THE INVISIBLE PERSON! NEVER THEM!
By the way, any Cyberpath who wants to write a full and accurate confession as well as an open, honest apology to any of the victims they have hurt, caused emotional & mental trauma, forced into counseling, sent to the hospital from trauma, caused rifts in their families, raged at, used and abused... we would be more than happy to publish it for you and see to it your victims get a copy of your healing words as well. (cyberpaths@gmail.com) If you would also like counseling for your issues in using people in this way - EOPC would be more than happy to help you find appropriate psychological help in your area.
SEXUAL VAMPIRES
THE EXPOSER
SEXUAL VAMPIRES
Taken From This Site
Any Vampire, or human for that matter, can be a Sexual Vampire. Anyone who preys upon another for sexual needs, desires or favors is called a Sexual Vampire. But only if that person takes more than they give in return.
We have all met them, male and female alike. They will use sex as a tool, a bribe, a force to gain what they want. Or use another person for their sexual needs, gratification, dependency or actual body flesh. These people will do anything to get what they desire; lie, promise, pretend, but in the end they care only for themselves. Once having attained their goals, they usually just leave the relationship not caring a fig for the feelings, needs or situation of the person left behind. However, this is not what we are speaking of when we say Sexual Vampire in this context.
Here we mean the actual Vampire, be it a blood drinking Vampire or an energy Vampire. The real Sexual Vampire is not that different from the Social Sexual Vampire described above. But in this case the Vampire is usually psychic, to a degree. First we look at the regular bloodist Vampire, either Classical or Inheritor, both male and female.
Like the Social Vampire, the real Vampire is out for what he or she can get with little regard for their victim, and victim is the proper terminology here. The Vampire will often use psychic strength to woo the victim, to make the person, usually human, become attracted to them, like them, want them. They also have been known to cajole, threaten, beguile, and use flattery as a tool -- as the Social Vampire will do.
The Sexual Vampire feeds off of the sexual energy, the sexual need, the dependence of their victims once a secure relationship is established. Most real Vampires do not have sex with humans, as I have stated before. Well, actually my husband has stated, 'Having sex with a human before or after feeding is like a human having sex with a cow before eating a hamburger.' Every Vampire I personally know, whom I believe to be real, has the same attitude. But there are a few Vampires who do indulge in the flesh sexual experience.
Once a relationship is established they do everything they can to cement the bond. They pick a person who is vulnerable. Someone who just came from an abusive relationship, someone who has been alone for a long time. Someone not described usually as beautiful or attractive, someone perhaps very over weight or who has no close ties. Very young or inexperienced people, etc. because these individuals are easier to conquer. Then the Vampire becomes the perfect mate, everything the person could ever have dreamed of; kind, generous, caring, loving, involved etc. However, this is all a ploy, as the Vampire uses his or her psychic power to bond and hold fast his prey, until the person is convinced they cannot live with out this special person. All the while and even more after, this Vampire is feeding on the sexual emotions, energies and desires of the victim.
In reality this Vampire cares nothing for the person. It is a hunt, prey and the Vampire is enjoying the hunt, the capture, the conquest and the prize of their labors -- and the emotions. The same is true with some Psi-Vamps, but in that case the actual physical energy from the sexual experience is fed upon more then the act or the emotions.
When the Vampire is satisfied he/she now has this person fully controlled, he/she begins to be not so nice, not so loving, hinting or boldly stating that if this person does not do exactly what the Vampire wants, he/she will leave. Another scenario is acting like some little thing done by the person is a great crime and that the person is lucky they bother to stay at all. By now the poor victim is so hooked by their love and need for the Vampire, and they are truly helpless under this threat of the loss of the relationship -- loss of the Vampire in their life. So they agree to anything, such as sex acts they do not like, the fact that they now may be expected to support this person and pay their bills or buy them expensive things.
How does that differ from the same maneuver by the Social Vampire? In the case of the real Vampire, the human victim has no chance of having their hurt be so strong that they leave because no matter how strong their hurt or pain is, the conscious and psychic controls used by the Vampire is something they can neither realize is happening nor can they prevent it from happening. There is also no hope in the mind clearing enough to see the truth that they are not being loved, just used. Because in the case of the Vampire, the minds are controlled as well.
The Sexual Vampire has the victims' blood, mind and body at his or her command and can pretty much do as they like with the victim. If the pain, fear and humility becomes too strong and the victim begins to want to end the relationship, the Vampire just goes back to the original controls, until the love bond in the victim, or the need, is strengthened to the extent that the person can not leave.
Yes, these are negatives and thank the stars there are not many around in comparison to real Vampires who tend to disdain human contact. But they are out there and it is the hunt, the conquest and the sexual dependency of others that they feed from, and must have, to survive.
SEXUAL VAMPIRES
Taken From This Site
Any Vampire, or human for that matter, can be a Sexual Vampire. Anyone who preys upon another for sexual needs, desires or favors is called a Sexual Vampire. But only if that person takes more than they give in return.
We have all met them, male and female alike. They will use sex as a tool, a bribe, a force to gain what they want. Or use another person for their sexual needs, gratification, dependency or actual body flesh. These people will do anything to get what they desire; lie, promise, pretend, but in the end they care only for themselves. Once having attained their goals, they usually just leave the relationship not caring a fig for the feelings, needs or situation of the person left behind. However, this is not what we are speaking of when we say Sexual Vampire in this context.
Like the Social Vampire, the real Vampire is out for what he or she can get with little regard for their victim, and victim is the proper terminology here. The Vampire will often use psychic strength to woo the victim, to make the person, usually human, become attracted to them, like them, want them. They also have been known to cajole, threaten, beguile, and use flattery as a tool -- as the Social Vampire will do.
The Sexual Vampire feeds off of the sexual energy, the sexual need, the dependence of their victims once a secure relationship is established. Most real Vampires do not have sex with humans, as I have stated before. Well, actually my husband has stated, 'Having sex with a human before or after feeding is like a human having sex with a cow before eating a hamburger.' Every Vampire I personally know, whom I believe to be real, has the same attitude. But there are a few Vampires who do indulge in the flesh sexual experience.
Once a relationship is established they do everything they can to cement the bond. They pick a person who is vulnerable. Someone who just came from an abusive relationship, someone who has been alone for a long time. Someone not described usually as beautiful or attractive, someone perhaps very over weight or who has no close ties. Very young or inexperienced people, etc. because these individuals are easier to conquer. Then the Vampire becomes the perfect mate, everything the person could ever have dreamed of; kind, generous, caring, loving, involved etc. However, this is all a ploy, as the Vampire uses his or her psychic power to bond and hold fast his prey, until the person is convinced they cannot live with out this special person. All the while and even more after, this Vampire is feeding on the sexual emotions, energies and desires of the victim.
In reality this Vampire cares nothing for the person. It is a hunt, prey and the Vampire is enjoying the hunt, the capture, the conquest and the prize of their labors -- and the emotions. The same is true with some Psi-Vamps, but in that case the actual physical energy from the sexual experience is fed upon more then the act or the emotions.
When the Vampire is satisfied he/she now has this person fully controlled, he/she begins to be not so nice, not so loving, hinting or boldly stating that if this person does not do exactly what the Vampire wants, he/she will leave. Another scenario is acting like some little thing done by the person is a great crime and that the person is lucky they bother to stay at all. By now the poor victim is so hooked by their love and need for the Vampire, and they are truly helpless under this threat of the loss of the relationship -- loss of the Vampire in their life. So they agree to anything, such as sex acts they do not like, the fact that they now may be expected to support this person and pay their bills or buy them expensive things.
How does that differ from the same maneuver by the Social Vampire? In the case of the real Vampire, the human victim has no chance of having their hurt be so strong that they leave because no matter how strong their hurt or pain is, the conscious and psychic controls used by the Vampire is something they can neither realize is happening nor can they prevent it from happening. There is also no hope in the mind clearing enough to see the truth that they are not being loved, just used. Because in the case of the Vampire, the minds are controlled as well.
The Sexual Vampire has the victims' blood, mind and body at his or her command and can pretty much do as they like with the victim. If the pain, fear and humility becomes too strong and the victim begins to want to end the relationship, the Vampire just goes back to the original controls, until the love bond in the victim, or the need, is strengthened to the extent that the person can not leave.
Yes, these are negatives and thank the stars there are not many around in comparison to real Vampires who tend to disdain human contact. But they are out there and it is the hunt, the conquest and the sexual dependency of others that they feed from, and must have, to survive.
TELLING YOURSELF THE TRUTH
Telling Yourself the Truth--You Don't Have to Tell Me--But At Least Tell it to Yourself...'
(Sandra L. Brown, M.A.)
Rigorous honesty is the first rule of recovery. Nothing happens until the truth is laid on the table. Well, that ends alot of recoveries right there--the inability or even refusal to be honest, especially with yourself.
Telling yourself the truth means several difficult things:
1. It means you stop covering for him --making excuses for his behavior, quietly and secretly LOOKING for loopholes he just might fit into ("he doesn't met ALL the criteria for pathology, only 10 out of 12. Psychology COULD be wrong in his case").
Instead of looking with the eyes of safety and seeing how many areas he DOES fit in, you scoure every square inch of your memory and his behavior looking for ONE redeeming trait that is supposed to wipe out the 25 absolutely pathological things he does. You aren't telling yourself the truth about 'him' and his pathology OR your own loophole hunt and what your real motives are -- to find a reason to stay.
2. You tell yourself the truth about how you need to take responsibility for your choices and your recovery. Telling yourself the truth about your own choices means you are willing to really dig in and look at where your choices in relationships have their origins. You can't change what you don't see. While you are not responsible for abuse you incurred, you are responsible for your own recovery and the safety of yourself and children. This can only occur when you begin telling yourself the truth about the level of danger you are in and the level of damage you and your children have already sustained.
Taking responsibility for your recovery means that you both acknowledge the victimization AND seek to thrive beyond the mere title of 'victim.' I see so many women do part one: acknowledge the victimhood and don't do part two. They camp out in the victimhood and 10 years later, they are still in the same spot as they were before.
Recovery means movement and progress. We have to even tell ourselves the truth about our own recovery---we kick our own butts if we are stagnate or have stopped growing. Some women find their identities in their victimization because of the severe abuse and loss of self esteem. Years later some of the women have never done anything for their own recovery. They read one book and saw themselves in it, recognized their victimhood, closed the book, squatted---and stayed there.
You already lived THAT---real life is out there on the other side of recovery (even IN recovery). Tell yourself the truth about how invested you are in your recovery or what you need to really do in order to recover. If you're afraid of success---acknowledge that.
3. Telling yourself the truth also means taking responsibility for relapses. Sometimes women secretly want to relapse. Have you had that feeling? They just want to go back to what feels 'normal' -- which is often dysfunction. It's human nature to want what is comfortable even when it's painful.
That makes recovery all the more difficult because when you are tired, lonely, and sick of the pain you are in, it would be great to believe the fantasy again --wouldn't it? Just ONE night where he pretends it's gonna be good again (and even though you know it's not true and for that night you don't even really care if he's lying) and both of you know how to fake it to ward off the pain and
lonelieness.
So there's that night of passion that has been fueled by fear and abandonment but the next day when everyone is past the fantasy, it all starts again. Then you think since you gave in, and you really don't have what it takes to end this and leave anyway--so you sigh and resign yourself to just living in the hell.
Telling yourself the truth is pointing to the ways you sabotage yourself. When you are tired, lonely and sick of pain and you feel the old feelings of relapse sneaking in and your head is wanting the fantasy back---you don't pick up the phone and call someone who can remind you what reality is. You don't plan something for that evening that will help you get thru that night without sabotaging yourself.
The video tape is replaying all the fragments that only show 'the good part' of the relationship. It's warm and cozy. You pick up the phone and call him or you answer when he calls. Telling yourself the truth is about how long you had planned to self sabotage.
Those are 3 REALLY HARD THINGS to hear. But they are at the crux of recovery.
Trauma, fear, abandonment actually INCREASES people's feeling of attachment. The more you have been hurt by him, often the more attached intensely you will be. Those trauma bonds are hard to break and even harder to live with.
Women say they want MOST to be out of pain, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts about the
relationship (good and bad) but they sabotage themselves by not protecting themselves by no contact, by not managing their anxiety, by not developing a support system, by not planning ahead for sabotaging thoughts, etc.
Recovery is a life change. It's not a quick fix to get out of pain like Ativan or Xanax. Women who take a whopping 6 weeks off of dating or a few months and jump back in are shocked to find themselves right back in it--but usually with someone even WORSE than the last one. The most common factor is each man is more dangerous than the one before. That's because they think time heals wounds and if it's been a few months, SURELY it's time to date again.
Recovery heals wounds. Sitting out for 5 years and doing nothing about gathering insight about your weaknesses, relationship patterns, and problems will not magically make you ready for a relationship because you waited 5 years. Time is time. It just passes.
You have to change your life in order to change your choices. Recovery, or changing your life is a new way of seeing yourself, your previous relationships, your past, your choices, your coping skills--and most importantly a future filled with different choices and healthier relationships.
I KNOW that you ladies are up to the challenge. In the 20 years that I have been doing this and kicking butts, (referred to as Sandy's Bootcamp!) I am always AMAZED at the quiet strength that grows in women as they take the chance to detach, be alone, and heal. It's your strength that has kept me doing this for this many years in the face of alot of great odds and often danger myself.
But ALL of you are worth it!
http://www.saferelationships.com
(Sandra L. Brown, M.A.)
"People, like all forms of life, only change when something so disturbs them that they are forced to let go of their present beliefs. Nothing changes until we interpret things differently. Change occurs only when we let go of our certainty. " Dee Hock~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rigorous honesty is the first rule of recovery. Nothing happens until the truth is laid on the table. Well, that ends alot of recoveries right there--the inability or even refusal to be honest, especially with yourself.
Telling yourself the truth means several difficult things:
1. It means you stop covering for him --making excuses for his behavior, quietly and secretly LOOKING for loopholes he just might fit into ("he doesn't met ALL the criteria for pathology, only 10 out of 12. Psychology COULD be wrong in his case").
Instead of looking with the eyes of safety and seeing how many areas he DOES fit in, you scoure every square inch of your memory and his behavior looking for ONE redeeming trait that is supposed to wipe out the 25 absolutely pathological things he does. You aren't telling yourself the truth about 'him' and his pathology OR your own loophole hunt and what your real motives are -- to find a reason to stay.
2. You tell yourself the truth about how you need to take responsibility for your choices and your recovery. Telling yourself the truth about your own choices means you are willing to really dig in and look at where your choices in relationships have their origins. You can't change what you don't see. While you are not responsible for abuse you incurred, you are responsible for your own recovery and the safety of yourself and children. This can only occur when you begin telling yourself the truth about the level of danger you are in and the level of damage you and your children have already sustained.
Taking responsibility for your recovery means that you both acknowledge the victimization AND seek to thrive beyond the mere title of 'victim.' I see so many women do part one: acknowledge the victimhood and don't do part two. They camp out in the victimhood and 10 years later, they are still in the same spot as they were before.
Recovery means movement and progress. We have to even tell ourselves the truth about our own recovery---we kick our own butts if we are stagnate or have stopped growing. Some women find their identities in their victimization because of the severe abuse and loss of self esteem. Years later some of the women have never done anything for their own recovery. They read one book and saw themselves in it, recognized their victimhood, closed the book, squatted---and stayed there.
You already lived THAT---real life is out there on the other side of recovery (even IN recovery). Tell yourself the truth about how invested you are in your recovery or what you need to really do in order to recover. If you're afraid of success---acknowledge that.
3. Telling yourself the truth also means taking responsibility for relapses. Sometimes women secretly want to relapse. Have you had that feeling? They just want to go back to what feels 'normal' -- which is often dysfunction. It's human nature to want what is comfortable even when it's painful.
That makes recovery all the more difficult because when you are tired, lonely, and sick of the pain you are in, it would be great to believe the fantasy again --wouldn't it? Just ONE night where he pretends it's gonna be good again (and even though you know it's not true and for that night you don't even really care if he's lying) and both of you know how to fake it to ward off the pain and
lonelieness.
So there's that night of passion that has been fueled by fear and abandonment but the next day when everyone is past the fantasy, it all starts again. Then you think since you gave in, and you really don't have what it takes to end this and leave anyway--so you sigh and resign yourself to just living in the hell.
Telling yourself the truth is pointing to the ways you sabotage yourself. When you are tired, lonely and sick of pain and you feel the old feelings of relapse sneaking in and your head is wanting the fantasy back---you don't pick up the phone and call someone who can remind you what reality is. You don't plan something for that evening that will help you get thru that night without sabotaging yourself.
The video tape is replaying all the fragments that only show 'the good part' of the relationship. It's warm and cozy. You pick up the phone and call him or you answer when he calls. Telling yourself the truth is about how long you had planned to self sabotage.
Those are 3 REALLY HARD THINGS to hear. But they are at the crux of recovery.
Trauma, fear, abandonment actually INCREASES people's feeling of attachment. The more you have been hurt by him, often the more attached intensely you will be. Those trauma bonds are hard to break and even harder to live with.
Women say they want MOST to be out of pain, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts about the
relationship (good and bad) but they sabotage themselves by not protecting themselves by no contact, by not managing their anxiety, by not developing a support system, by not planning ahead for sabotaging thoughts, etc.
Recovery is a life change. It's not a quick fix to get out of pain like Ativan or Xanax. Women who take a whopping 6 weeks off of dating or a few months and jump back in are shocked to find themselves right back in it--but usually with someone even WORSE than the last one. The most common factor is each man is more dangerous than the one before. That's because they think time heals wounds and if it's been a few months, SURELY it's time to date again.
Recovery heals wounds. Sitting out for 5 years and doing nothing about gathering insight about your weaknesses, relationship patterns, and problems will not magically make you ready for a relationship because you waited 5 years. Time is time. It just passes.
You have to change your life in order to change your choices. Recovery, or changing your life is a new way of seeing yourself, your previous relationships, your past, your choices, your coping skills--and most importantly a future filled with different choices and healthier relationships.
I KNOW that you ladies are up to the challenge. In the 20 years that I have been doing this and kicking butts, (referred to as Sandy's Bootcamp!) I am always AMAZED at the quiet strength that grows in women as they take the chance to detach, be alone, and heal. It's your strength that has kept me doing this for this many years in the face of alot of great odds and often danger myself.
But ALL of you are worth it!
http://www.saferelationships.com
The Exposer Hunts The Hunter
The Exposer Hunts The Hunter
Helps The Hunted
And Exposes The Truth Of The Predator!
Send The Exposer Your Story: exposer@37.com
To Keep In Mind When Buying A Camcorder
A camcorder is not just an object of desire. You need to invest in a machine that will give you good value for money. So just don’t rush out and invest around USD 800 or more on a whim. Before you give into your desire sit down with a friend and write down how many times you are likely to use the camcorder or whether it will just adorn a shelf. www.rihey.cc
Here are a few tips from gadget gurus:
1. Know what your options are. Surf the World Wide Web and read about camcorders and different brands. Never get carried away by advertorials, judge for yourself what is essential and what is not in a camcorder.
2. Set a budget and try not to increase it. You may just land up spending on a high end model that is just a little different form a less expensive one.
3. Know what your uses of a camcorder are. Whether you want to turn pro or just record family and travel experiences. www.rihey.cc
4. Determine how many times in six months or a year you are actually going to use a camcorder. This can be your indicator how whether you actually need a camcorder and how much you should invest in one.
5. Try and understand what all the tech terms mean. This will help you choose. Use a simple system of this is what I want will x, y, and z camcorders do the needful? www.rihey.cc
6. Find out whether you are comfortable operating a camcorder. Can you hold the camera steady, what about its weight, try out different models and see which weight , size, and design fits you like a glove. Remember a camcorder is not a one second thing. You may land up standing for hours on an end holding the camcorder up to your eyes. www.rihey.cc
7. Choose a camcorder that is simple to use and yet has manual options. Find out what are the variables in shooting good quality film and ensure that the model takes care of the needful. www.rihey.cc
8. Only invest in accessories you need. Avoid pressure by online sellers to sell you a whole package of things you may never use. It is easy to get carried away by offers of discount and low prices. People do business for profit so it is not that a retail or online store is doing consumers a favor. www.rihey.cc
9. Always read the manual before buying a model to determine whether you will actually be able to use all the features described. www.rihey.cc
10. Check about warranties, cost of parts, weatherproofing, and durability.
Article Source: http://www.1888articles.com/author-arthur-raise-6668.html
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