Pizza Delivery @ MindSay 
As I prepare to meet my doom....
If I don't get back here before then, Happy Easter to everybody who Easters.
If I don't get back by early next week, send the paramedics. Or the SWAT team. Or a hazmat crew. Or the Men In White Coats. Or the Coroner. Or the pizza delivery guy. Or somebody with a harmonica. Or something.
Delivery Ettiquette & Silly QuizAs many of you know, and a few of you do not, I am a professional pizza delivery person between classes, books and research papers. What can be better than cruising around all evening with my favorite tunes blasting, meeting new people, and enjoying the benefits of my convertible (weather permitting) ... and getting paid for it? I mean, really! For any of you who have never had the opportunity to do such an excellent gig, allow me to expound of a few of the do's and do not's. 
- KNOW THIS: It is our job to get the product to your home, NOT necessarily to your door! Please be sure the pathway from the street to your door is reasonably unobstructed.
- If you order pizza, or any product, to be delivered to your home, it is helpful to have numbers on your home ... someplace. While the mailcarrier usually has something for everyone, and therefore knows each number in order, others of us who deliver are usually looking only for YOUR home. If we know your address is 456 Wabash Blvd. I can get to Wabash Blvd easily enough, but where is your home? On the invoice it says 456, but ... alas, no numbers are in sight. This brings me to ...
- If you place a delivery order, again, for any product, it is crucial that you supply a working phone number for just such an event as related above. Once I see no numbers available, I will call you and ask you to guide me to your home. However, if you do not answer ... Well, I get to take your pizza home to my kids. :P
- Another item of interest, is lights. If you order pizza after dark, even if you have your number in big bold case on your home, unless you turn on a light, it will not be seen. :) TURN ON A LIGHT! ... please!
I imagine this information seems obvious to most of us, but you'd be surprised how many people do not think of them.
MORE MISC DELIVERY HINTS:
- If you call and place a delivery order and use a coupon, please have the necessary cash or card handy WITH the COUPON for the driver. This is especially helpful in inclement weather. No, it is not the delivery person's job to deliver to your home THROUGH 2 feet of snow, dog poop or mud. We will ask you to come to our vehicle.
- If you happen to have a gazillion steps in your yard or building, please do not expect the driver to scale your steps unless they are well lit and have a good, solid railing. If we do, please remember to offer a gratuity.
- Very few pizza places have FREE delivery any longer. Gas aint cheap! A gratuity is just that ... a demonstration of how grateful you are to have the choice of having the product brought to your door. How important is it to you - show the driver (assuming he/she is polite and delievery is made in a timely manner).
- All in all ... bottom line in the delivery business as in any other business ... thoughtfulness counts! :)
~ B
."Sometimes life makes me want to act out the pictures on the warning labels."
.It feels like it's been an eternity since I last updated. This is because I have a job now. The job distracts from real life--outside of the food industry.
.So... I'm a pizza delivery boy, in case I haven't said anything. I feel certain I have, it's just been a while. Anyway, the job is, in fact, not so easy. Not everyone has a visible address. Not everyone is on a map. The receipt for what you're supposed to deliver isn't always very clear. And... well... not everyone is very nice. I am. They aren't.
.My first night of deliveries on my own wasn't very good. It started off badly. On my very first delivery, the lady didn't tip. If you don't tip and you're reading this, I have two words for you: fuck you. I'll expand on that. I drive all over the freaking town. Gas is expensive. I pay for gas. If you want your pizza delivered so you can go on clogging up your arteries and sitting on your fat ass, you better put out. That's all I'm saying. I've been stiffed one too many times. Okay... back to my first night. Then... when I was tired and it was late (I had to stay an hour overtime), I came home to find that my computer had recieved a trojan through aim that was multiplying like rabbits. I spent two hours trying to fix my computer, got most of them, but eventually had to restore my entire computer. This is a new computer. A laptop, actually. Restoring it three days ahead erased everything I had loaded onto the computer at all. That was not a fun night...
.Tonight, I had to deliver a pizza to the other side of the world. I thought I was in a completely different town and had passed it, but no. No, I wasn't even there yet. I just kept driving. Finally, I found it. A trailer park. I've never been to a trailer park before... No offense to anyone who lives in one, but some of them kind of freak me out. This one, especially. A young guy with a nose-bleed (I wonder what he was doing...) answered the door. Before I could give him his pizzas, he asked, "Where are my drinks?" I didn't know he had ordered drinks. I guess I had just missed it on the bill. He told me had ordered a 2 liter bottle of sprite and one of coke. I apologized. He told me to go get my drinks annd then I'll get my money. And yes, he knows how far it was to drive there. Right before I left, he told me to go the corner store and buy his drinks there. Then they can pay me back when I get back. So... I drove away and found a Family Dollar nearby. I bought his 2 liter of coke and sprite--for probably cheaper than he would have paid originally, but he doesn't know that. I can't believe I did that for him... I should have eaten his pizza. There's more to how much of an ass he was, but I'll spare you... only because he actually tipped. The world is so backwards... So anyway, because people kept ordering more pizza for delivery, I had to stay two hours overtime. My last delivery was to a boy I know from school. He didn't tip, but the poor bastard probably didn't know he was supposed to do that. He's kind of slow, in a jock who doesn't play sports kind of way.
.Oh, well. Another night, another twenty bucks in tips and such.
.So... I'm a pizza delivery boy, in case I haven't said anything. I feel certain I have, it's just been a while. Anyway, the job is, in fact, not so easy. Not everyone has a visible address. Not everyone is on a map. The receipt for what you're supposed to deliver isn't always very clear. And... well... not everyone is very nice. I am. They aren't.
.My first night of deliveries on my own wasn't very good. It started off badly. On my very first delivery, the lady didn't tip. If you don't tip and you're reading this, I have two words for you: fuck you. I'll expand on that. I drive all over the freaking town. Gas is expensive. I pay for gas. If you want your pizza delivered so you can go on clogging up your arteries and sitting on your fat ass, you better put out. That's all I'm saying. I've been stiffed one too many times. Okay... back to my first night. Then... when I was tired and it was late (I had to stay an hour overtime), I came home to find that my computer had recieved a trojan through aim that was multiplying like rabbits. I spent two hours trying to fix my computer, got most of them, but eventually had to restore my entire computer. This is a new computer. A laptop, actually. Restoring it three days ahead erased everything I had loaded onto the computer at all. That was not a fun night...
.Tonight, I had to deliver a pizza to the other side of the world. I thought I was in a completely different town and had passed it, but no. No, I wasn't even there yet. I just kept driving. Finally, I found it. A trailer park. I've never been to a trailer park before... No offense to anyone who lives in one, but some of them kind of freak me out. This one, especially. A young guy with a nose-bleed (I wonder what he was doing...) answered the door. Before I could give him his pizzas, he asked, "Where are my drinks?" I didn't know he had ordered drinks. I guess I had just missed it on the bill. He told me had ordered a 2 liter bottle of sprite and one of coke. I apologized. He told me to go get my drinks annd then I'll get my money. And yes, he knows how far it was to drive there. Right before I left, he told me to go the corner store and buy his drinks there. Then they can pay me back when I get back. So... I drove away and found a Family Dollar nearby. I bought his 2 liter of coke and sprite--for probably cheaper than he would have paid originally, but he doesn't know that. I can't believe I did that for him... I should have eaten his pizza. There's more to how much of an ass he was, but I'll spare you... only because he actually tipped. The world is so backwards... So anyway, because people kept ordering more pizza for delivery, I had to stay two hours overtime. My last delivery was to a boy I know from school. He didn't tip, but the poor bastard probably didn't know he was supposed to do that. He's kind of slow, in a jock who doesn't play sports kind of way.
.Oh, well. Another night, another twenty bucks in tips and such.
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