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Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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Blog #58
Writing Returned?
My appointment with Dianne was reasonable.
It was everything we spoke about that gave me some sort of inspiration for something I later did...
I spent the day with Ash and Shelly - as I do.
We ate in town - I never got any cress on my sandwich, they were all out.
Last night, I went to ASDA and spent £4.80 on four tins of golden syrup, a bottle of red food colouring, a bottle of blue food colouring and a 1.5kg bag of flour. Good value, it seems.
With this, I made around 3 litres of fake blood. :)
In Photography, I took it along with me.
Paul put my photos up on the projection board, I stood on a tarpaulin and covered my hands in blood.
These were practice shots for my exam next week.
This was the wrong time to do it though - it was in the classroom, everyone kept turning around and giving me dodgy looks. I'm well aware of the fact I'm a freak, but I don't like to be reminded.
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I thought about my inspiration all the way home on the bus.
When I got home, I knew I had to write.
It took me about three hours to actually write anything - and a lot of tears.
I don't know if I like what I've done.
It's 4 pages long, size ten.
It's basically all of my thoughts, written in the form of a stream of conciousness.
It's called Regenbogen-Streifen - which translates to 'Rainbow Stripes'.
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It is within my bed where torment begins when I am unable to fight it.
A state of helplessness is rendered by my sleep – I cannot shake away invading thoughts that enter my brain during my state of almost-unconsciousness.
It is in my dreams where my desires are presented to me in full-colour – the entire regenbogen streifen unfolds before me. Accompanied by flavours, scents and sounds, it is the worst possible torment that haunts me forever afterwards.
It is here where I witness that which I long for so much.
I see the whitener displayed in front of me – all of her glorious skin on show.
In my dreams, I am not troubled by paranoia, I am not troubled by fears, I am not troubled by prejudice or critical ideas…
It is in my dreams where all occurs exactly as I would want it.
Whereas in reality, my attention is unwanted; the whitener accepts any and all that is given to her in this filthy fantasy. Chocolate that I indulge in frequently is held within her hands. She gratifies herself, pushing it slowly into her backside. Such a combination… Such temptation.
I lower myself to her delicate behind and slurp the sweet nectar that drips from her delicious anus.
I awake from my fantasy world and return to the place I detest more than life itself.
pictures
Neutral 
