People These Days @ MindSay 
Same old crap as every 2 weeks. Its not called "pay day" its called "pay the bills day" bleh! and Its the same old stupid discussion. blah!
As if I don't have enough things cutting the circulation of air going to my brain, I have to worry about my personal life. Granted it still does come first and so does "home" but! At the same time I'm one little person handling all of this on my own. I get minimal help at times, and this event is pushing me to my limit. Its literally 11 days away. I have 10 days to promote and I'm going hay-wire!
I need a 3rd person for a team in mid-town rice village. where the eff am I going to find a 3rd person? I do not have the slightest idea. BUT i know I have to find someone. ugh!
I want to yell and scream and shout off the roof tops. But at the same time for the first time ever I am actually staying calm. I have not sat in a corner crying with 1000000000000 thoughts running through my head, I just wake up, get dressed and walk out the house as usual. Continue on with my day job and have those 100000000000000 ideas and stresses bounce around in my head. I sleep thinking about it, but yet, no one sees how stressed I am, or much less sees it... Because for once I am not showing it. Or letting it be known. Its so stressful to the point of no return. But I have 10 days. And for the next 10 days the circles under my eyes will only get worse, and my energy will only let lower.
Today I am meeting up with an old friend who will help me sort some thoughts out. Answer a few of my questons. and hopefully bring me some peace, since no one else seems to be doing that. I hate when people say they are going to do something and NOT DO IT. It just annoys me when people do not answer the important stuff or when other pretend like its just no big deal "why stress?" "what's the big deal" ha! if it were as easy as saying woosa and exhaling a few times, don't you think I would have done that by now?
But come to find out she was saying things behind my back. I found out through various people including Ashley (Bridesmaid). So the wife and I had our moments of tiffs and quarrels but eventually it had to stop. Because it was going no where, so I just stop talking to them. I said to god I've had enough apparently it's just going to get worse. If I keep going the way I'm going so I give it to you. Now were fine, I can say hi to them without wanting to say something really nasty to her, even though I still don't like her.
But my point is we have moments in our life where there are times it is really hard to love someone. Because they may be doing something that we don't appreciate. The things is you can't do it in your own strength, you can't do it alone. You need to sit and talk with god, and most of all give the situation over to him. He will take care of it, and in ways you weren't expecting. This goes for any situation in life between two people. Whatever is going on God knows, so if you have to go off by yourself and seek the lords face and you will be amazed.
Well thats enough advice for one day,
Phil
Well, on last Thursday I decided that I'd go home for an extended weekend feeling that I was nearing burn out as a result of the high level of work I have been continually putting in over the past three months and having my sleep interrupted due to the late comings in of the people that I have to reside here with. There is only so much drunken idiocy that most people can take, and I'd taken my limit and left for 5 days before it came to a head.
So after my last class of the day had finished I went back to my place grabbed my laptop and a few other things. No clothes. Phoned home to let them know I was coming and an hour later I was on my way. The journey there and back again went smoothly. I enjoyed the sporadic snow storms that I travelled through today.
The time spent back home was worth all of the £62:20 train fare. Having my own bed to sleep in, ice cream, my familly around me, peaceful nights and the face on my brother when I surprised him.
Alas, I'm back in this dump and there are plans for an Easter party tomorrow night and talk of those idiots going out tonight and one of those idiots I think knocked on my door a while ago to see if I was back. The last thing after having had a long journey down is to have to speak to one of them.
Oh well. I get to go back home for 2 weeks holiday on the 30th and then I only have another 8 weeks of them. I can make it. Just going to have to stick to my guns and I should be fine.
Long days and pleasant nights (I'm reading Stephen King again)
-Stephen
*whew* have I got a lot to write about now.
I filled out my ACT form this week. What a time that was. I didnt have the money at first to put in the envelope soi had to run all over campus trying to get some, and finally got it. It took about an hour and a half to fill it out. I take the actual testing in April.
I counted down the days till my 17th birthday. Theres 23 days to go. I just hope that this year some people remember. With my dad not being around I feel sad. I like to get small gifts and balloons from friends like I used to, but lately in the past couple of years people don't care.My big brothers 19th birthday is coming up march 22. I still havn't seen him since he was 12. Yeah I do miss him. Will you remember me?
I finally got pics from my Aunt of my new little cousin. Shes soooooooo cute. infact she looks just like me when i was borm. I will poat them soom.
I didn't end up singing for church. I decided to sing for my Junior class benifit coming up. I am so excited. my class is also doing a dinner theater, and I'm a queen. (lol go figure)
hmmm, I had something else to write about, but i can't think about it right now.
O yeah.... dont forget to set your clocks ahead an hour. "spring ahead" That means that I have to get up at like 4:30 a.m with out the hour ahead. but 5:30with the hour. darn. long car trip tomorrow morning. i'm goig to visit a collge tomorrow. 4 1/2 -6 hour drive. Amen for laptops. ( =P)
ok i am heading to bed. sooooo night.
Know what I don't get? Why are we still taking English classes. Today we did direct objects. If you can remember third grade, you may recall learning direct objects then too. Why do we still have them in class, and better yet, why do people still not get it? This is stuff we’ve been doing for years, so why are we 1) still going over it, and 2) still not getting it.
It’s not that hard:
Boy hits car.
The subject is boy, the verb is hits, and the direct object is car. Basic English, the very foundation of our vernacular, and still there are failures. I can understand being lazy and not doing the work because we’ve had it for the last eleven years, but not understanding the material? There’s no excuse.
Anyway, the main idea of the story: I walked into English today, and there’s ten sentences on the overhead. Daren has the idea that someone should write the answers (i.e. underline the words on the board) and see what the teacher does.
All right.
I put him to work underlining while I watch to see if she’s coming. He gets all but two done, so I reach over and finish it up. We sit down. She walks in, looks at the board, looks at me, and goes back to her desk. I know when she looks at the board and turns and looks at me that I have detention. Daren, however, gets off without a scratch.* Don’t get me wrong: I’m not real pissed or anything; I am the “leader and ringmaster,” so it’s my duty/responsibility to step in and take the fall. It wasn’t my idea, I had the smaller part, but I guess I did encourage it and sort of make him do it.
I can’t figure out why, but the more stuff like this that happens, the more I notice that my word is basically law. The last several good ideas I’ve had, I’ve said “do it” and it gets done. I have no authority over them, I have no real way of punishing anyone for disobedience. I have an authoritative voice and a commanding air. I guess that’s the charisma French was talking about. Remember on U-571 when he tells the main character that he’s the new Skipper and he can’t let the crew know that he has no idea what he’s doing? That’s me. I let them think I know what I’m doing and there’s a master plan and no one will get in trouble. If any one does, it affects me as well. The support is great when I need and want it, but it’s times like this when I didn’t do much of anything and I’m the one punished that gets me down.
This is the section in which I use a lot of sarcasm. Forgive me.
Let’s talk about Puritans: everyone’s favorite early, blind, fascist, murdering group of colonial Americans.
”Let’s go to America to have religious freedom and tolerance, but just for fun, when we get there, let’s throw people out for being different and let’s kill people because of our own radically extreme superstitions.”
Brilliant idea, you hypocritical morons. The Salem Witch Trials are a prime example of why overly-religious people should be locked in cages. My sister tried to tell me that “god” wouldn’t tell anyone to kill anyone else. True statement, mainly due to the fact that “god” can’t tell anyone to do anything. Existing would be a good place to start. But during the trials, the girls said that the “devil” appeared and beat them physically. Logically, you’d think you’d ask to see proof of said beatings. Marks of any sort. But not these geniuses. Pious, self—righteous jerk-offs. They say “okay” and condemn the so-called “witch” because “god” says they should kill the accused. They never even thought of the idea that the girls may be lying. And why not? “They come from good, God-fearing households” and they “would not lie this much, so brazenly. They’d make it easier for us to know they were lying.”
They also could have stopped after the first few accusations, if not the first. But no, let’s continue our little charade, shall we? Let’s continually let people be killed because we can’t pull our head out of our ass and ponder, just for a moment or two, that human free will can let us do whatever we want. Let’s throw out the possibility of people lying. You know, one of those little imperfections that we’re supposed to inherently have? Throw that out the window and completely ignore the fact that you can do anything you want. That makes perfect sense now.
The only people in history who actually knew what they were talking about were never listened to. The few that were ended up getting killed in some senseless act of violence to prevent change.
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
Brief History:
| According to Liza Bermingham, who was tour manager with the band, Blink-182 bass player Mark Hoppus wrote this when he was in a state of depression about being on tour and away from his family. The end of the song is a message that things will get better. (thanks, AMELIA - Melbourne, Australia) |
| Guitarist Tom DeLonge: "The story behind that is Mark read a letter someone sent him as an email, that a kid wrote before he committed suicide to his parents. We kind of got together and wrote this sad, slow song. It came out sadder than we ever thought it would, which is good too. Any song that moves you is good. Some people listen to it and go 'Wow, that's a real bum-out of a song.' But it's one of those things, a story of a kid not being happy in his life, crossed with us being really lonely on tour. At the end of it there's a better way out, there are better things to do than kill yourself." (thanks, Kaity - Harrisburg, PA) |
| The lyrics, "I traced the cord back to the wall, no wonder it was never plugged in at all" were inspired when guitarist Tom Delonge was playing in his garage and he and his amp were in a puddle. Luckily, the amp was not plugged in or he could have been electrocuted. (thanks Joe P. - Chicago, Illinois) |
| The line "I took my time, I hurried up, the choice was mine, I didn't think enough" refers to the 1991 Nirvana's song "Come As You Are." There, the line is, "Take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours, don't be late." |
It's really sad how sometimes the only answer people see is death or suicide. Why on earth would you ever think that killing yourself would solve any problems? I can't even imagine what good it could possibly do...it only hurts those left behind, and further complicates things. I know some suicidal kids, and they really shouldn't be. Life's not so bad, is it? So bad that you'd want to end it? Even if you did, you wouldn't be alive to enjoy it being better by killing yourself, so what's the point? Pain and sorrow happens, and as cliche as this sounds, you've got to rise up over it and get on with life. How many of those kids do you think ever just laid down and watch clouds go by? Watched grass grow? Sat with a friend and just looked at somehting in silence, enjoying the quiet yet meaningful time they're spending with another human being? Two people, as one, silently agreeing that just for now, for these few precious moments, all the world is a fantasy and there is only them and that moment...
Take a minute to think about this: they always ask if you'd die for a friend's life. They never ask if you'd die to save your own. Why? Because it's antithetical to itself. It doesn't do any good.
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