People Change @ MindSay

I can sense change in the air for me,
I do not know what is about to happen to
me, but I know its happening, and I am a
little nervous.
I hope I meet a man, someone
who totally adores me for who I am, not
the sex or the money, because since people
found out I have money they really just try to
use me, like the last one, "I would come see
you but I don't have gas in my car, could
I borrow some money from you?" Gosh, I
really do not like people like that.
I also hope it is something exciting, like
a promotion or something like that.
I felt this feeling last week that something was
about to change, and now the feeling is
so strong.
I will let everyone know what that change is.

*random moment*
I hate my ex with a fiery passion. He keeps trying to
call me and shit telling me he is sorry for hitting me,
and he is going through counseling now for it, and
he would like me back, and I was like "well thats a
little difficult seeing as I am 4,000 miles away."
Ugh people never see what they have until it is gone.

track started today.
first practice of the season.

it's always a good one, ya know.
there are tons of people there so you basically have someone to talk to no matter what.
it'll change though.
it'll change.

there were TONS of people this year.
last year a lot of people didn't do it because Statzer left.
but this year a lot of those same people decided to do it anyways.
and that's good.
K's doing it. and she's only super amazing fast.

what else...?
oh yeah, like i said Satan is a manager this year instead of running.
i'd rather her just NOT do it.
but also, there are a bunch of managers!
satan,
B who i also really hate,
this girl Alexa,
this girl Ashley...
and some others i didn't even see their faces.

the triathalon is this saturday too..
no team because Audrey isn't doing track and i doubt Apple will come through.
i'll probably end up with Kali and Kami though..

whatevs.
looks better than last year by far.
but, like i said.
the people? they'll change.
about a quarter at the least will quit.

 

 

CHANGE

Change is warranted.

Change is needed.

Change is desired.

But so many don't care,

So many are lazy,

So many would rather

enjoy life's leisure.

How can we change

the direction we're heading,

if so few are willing

to help turn the wheel?

Who will risk

their personal comfort?

Many seek power

and glory and fame,

But who among them

has a clear vision,

or has given a thought

to the millions

and millions

of PEOPLE

whose lives hang in the balance,

Not just here,

but around this global home.

Who is NOT in it

for their own personal gain?

So I keep looking up,

I look to the hills

from whence comes my help,

as silly to some as that might seem.

Our hope's not in a

man, woman, or organization,

Nor a political regime or party,

All of these are corrupt

and Untrustworthy.

I look to the hills ...

And in the meantime,

Continue to be changed,

Hopefully, growing more

Others aware

and less selfish.

 

 

~ B 

TODAY I PLANNED ON STUDYING MATHEMATICS ANB BIOLOGY SEEING THAT I'M WRITING THESE TWO SUBJECTS ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY.WELL, I NEVER GOT VERY FAR JUST DID A LITTLE BIT OF MATHS. I HAVE'NT BEEN PUTTING MUCH EFFORT INTO MY STUDIES LATELY WHICH REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR ME TO GET INTO MED SCHOOL I'M GOING TO NEED TO PULL UP  MY SOCKS!!!!A LOT!!!!

 

LATELY I'VE BEEN FEELING A LOT BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE AND FRIENDS. I'M FINALLY MOVING ON AFTER A HECTIC 'BAD' RELATIONSHIP. AND I THINK THE CHOICES I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE ARE THE BEST FOR ME. IT WAS HARD AT FIRST AND I THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME.I MEAN JUST BECAUSE I HAVE DECIDED TO MOVE ON AND FORGET ABOUT WHATEVER WE HAD ON IT DOES'NT MEAN THAT I DON'T STILL CARE ABOUT HIM.

 

I GUESS PEOPLE CHANGE .OR   AT LEAST THE WAY WE SEE PEOPLE CHANGE. I'M JUST SO HAPPY THAT I'M MUCH STRONGER NOW BECAUSE OF WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH.I STILL GET THOSE MOMENTS WHEN I THINK BACK ON THE GREAT MOMENTS WE HAD BUT I KNOW THAT MY LIFE IS STILL GOING TO BE A LONG ONE AND THERE ARE MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE THAT I AM STILL YET TO MEET.

 

I SOMETIMES DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE HAVE THE GREATEST LIFE .BUT I KNOW THAT I AM EXTREMELY BLESSED.I  HAVE A FAMILY THAT LOVES ME AND I HAVE FRIENDS WHO CARE.OR AT LEAST SOME FRIENDS THAT CARE. WELL LATELY I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE A TWO FACED FRIEND THAT GOSSIPS BUT I GUESS THAT PEOPLE ONLY TALK ABOUT PEOPLE THAT ARE WORTH TALKING ABOUT...

 

I AM SO FREAKED OUT(MY FRIENDS WOULD LAUGH AT MY CHOICE OF WORD ) I HAVE'NT STARTED STUDYING BIOLOGY YET AND IT'S A LOT!!!! GOING TO HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW I GUESS.

 

AND TOMORROWS FATHERS DAY AND I HAVE'NT GOT ANYTHING TO GIVE MY DAD..THAT SUCKS..GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR THAT...BIG TIME.

 

SO WHATS NEXT FOR ME?????WELL, I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES . NOT GOING TO THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT MY PAST. BECAUSE I AM NOT MY PAST. I AM THE PERSON THAT I CHOOSE TO BE NOW...AND WHATEVER HAPPENED IN MY PAST IS EXACTLY THAT...MY PAST.

 

I REALLY HOPE THAT I MAKE GOOD CHOICES FROM NOW ON. AND I HOPE THAT MY LIFE IS FULL OF JOY.AND I HOPE THAT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO I CARE ABOUT WILL BE HAPPY TOO.I HOPE THAT THEY HAVE NO 'REGRETS' AND I HOPE THAT I DON'T TOO.

 

SO ANYWAYS BEFORE I START BABBLING ABOUT ALL THE NONSENSE(WHICH I HAVE ALREADY STARTED DOING) LET ME GO AND GET INTO A BATH SO THAT I CAN SLEEP AND WAKE UP EARLY TOMORROW.

 

MWAHUGZ...

XOXOXOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is cracking at the seams.
Upon the instruments if death
The sunlight brightly gleams.
When every man is torn apart
With nightmares and with dreams,
Will no one lay the laurel wreath
As silence drowns the screams...

Did you ever have the feeling that you were on the brink of change and you were not quite sure what that change was and whether or not this change would ultimately lead to something beneficial? I sit here looking into the dark pit of the future and I wonder what is at the bottom and how far I will fall before I hit bottom...

There are many things that I have been wondering about lately, not so much wondering about lately, but obsessing about...

What is the meaning of this existence? What higher purpose does this life hold for me?

And change, will I accept the changes that I must face in the very near future? Or will I dig my claws into the soil as I am dragged into the future?

And change is the key to the lockbox of my destiny. Change will occur whether I wish it to or not, but will I accept it when it does rear its ugly head and slap me about a bit?

Change does have many good points. I remember having to walk to the TV to change channels. I remember my first computer had no hard drive. I remember the first computer I built having 1meg of RAM and people were impressed. I remember connecting to the Internet at a brazing speed of 9k BPS and my browser didn't do graphics. There is so much I remember and it all seems as if it happened in another lifetime...

But all that has come and gone, and I survived the process that took me from point A to point B, but for some reason the edge that I am peering out over seems to be somewhat different...

And I know that I can't stop it from pulling me in for change is but a giant black hole from which nothing will escape...

And if I am to believe my current obsession, how am I to save the people for I am but a lone voice standing before the event horizon of change? How can this far off individual make a difference in what is to come?

And again I feel that I am in an Israel of my own creation for I struggle to grasp what I need to do in this existence before the black hole rips every atom from that which has come to be known as me...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...