Pensive @ MindSay

So... all of a sudden it's less than a month until my 19th birthday.

Still single, still never been loved. Seems like a rut I can't get out of.

It's not the only area where I'm stuck in the same place, not moving anywhere. Uni's the same. Second semester, and my procrastination is as bad as it has ever been. Also, until recently, I was still working at the virtual dead-end of McDonalds, where I had spent the last four years of my life.

Completely unexpectedly, I was given a job at EzyDVD last week. It happened so suddenly - I wasn't really even looking for it.

Maybe it's wistful thinking, but could this one small change act as a sort of catalyst?

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I don't know. I'll still be me - neurotic, introverted and filled with social anxieties.

Will that act as a barrier to potential relationships? I think it already has, and continues to do so.

And, really, the only person who can help me is myself.

And, I'm lost.

POETRY CHALLENGE: GLASS

IN THE LOOKING GLASS

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

A glimpse of a lassie looking back at me

A dimple in her cheek, a twinkle in her eye

She’s full of mischief, never, ever shy.

I look in the mirror and still see a girl

Who lived life to the full, giving it a whirl

Grabbing attention where it could be had

Hiding from issues that caused her to be sad.

Looking beyond the face in the glass

I see to the heart, crushed in the morass

Of rejection and loneliness, hurting inside

Maybe from others, but from me cannot hide.

In the glass I see in hair, shades of gray

Nothing to keep the wrinkled lines at bay

Yet I see a peace, and eyes still blue

Every day now is fresh and brand new.

BONNIEGIRL 2007, MARCH

20 years on this earth.  Ok, so I know its not really that long, but still... hard to believe.  One of my friends pointed out today that I am now halfway to 40.  Kind of crazy.  I think this is the first birthday I've ever had where I've been really, truly conscious of the fact that I am getting older.  Maybe 18 was like that, I don't know.  The thing is, when you're a kid, and you have a birthday, all you really care about is that you're getting presents, because let's face it, even though you're older, you're still a kid.  Well welcome to full fledged adulthood.  I'm actually aging, and I'm nearly (if not already!) a quarter of the way through my life.  It's kind of an abstract concept to think about.

It's funny, you hear older people talk about how much the world has changed since they were kids, and it really truly has... but man, even thinking about how things have changed since I was born.  A couple examples:

    -When I was born, computers were just starting to come one the scene.  Now, 20 years later, I am in the

      market for the fourth one I will have owned.

    -When I was born, the United States was far more concerned about Communism than they were about

      Islam.  Needless to say, that has changed.

    -When I was born, the career path that I have chosen to follow essentially did not exist.

...and the list goes on.  It really is a crazy world that we live in.  It's been a good 20 years, though... and I'm happy with the direction I seem to be headed in for the next 20.  I have a loving family, great friends, and a God who loves me as His own.  I'm starting a career doing something I love, and I'm seeing new opportunities to serve my Lord through music all the time.  I'm doing pretty well.  And on that note, I will end.

Obviously, this Hurricane Rita is scaring the mess out of everyone here in Houston. We are pretty much locted miles from the Gulf of Mexico. *go-figure* So yeah. Today I saw Sev. We parked in the same parking garage, and we seem to have our tuesdays classes in the same building.
After all of this Hurrican talk, and after all of the Katrina stuff.... I started to wonder about what I would miss... what I would hate to lose. And I guess I thought about my own life. My family is #1 in my book. They will always come first. I love them dearly. My family's safety is what I will alway be concerned about, especially now.
On the way home, I thought about my short conversation with Sev. Granted he and I had a disfunctional relationship as bf/gf. But... It was ours. Those are our memories. And aside from that. He and I had a good bond. Weird how time has gone by, seems like years sometimes. So much has happened.
I thought about my friendship with my gals/fellas. I have known them for almost a decade! We have fought, bickered, told each other off, cried, laughed, seen each other through the good and bad times. Rehab, funerals, weddings, kids, military, love, lust, and etc. I love them like my own siblings.
My bf. My honey. I have gone through so much with him. I'm 20 yrs old... I've known him since I was 15. After so many years... we got together... and we hold a very strong relationship. We have so many things in common. And each day I stay up waiting for his call, to make sure he is safe. I worry about him on a daily basis. His job is tough, but I respect him, his job, and his choices.And on top of all of that. My family and friends adore him. :)
As for my family. My sister, has a very blunt. She is a tough little lady. But i love her independence. My bro, Jaime, he is very artistic. Thinks with his hands, super athletic, and very smart. My baby bro, he is just a genius. He will make a good philosopher someday. Maybe even a politic. He has a strong character, and even at the age of 7... he understands things well, and takes a stand for what he believes in. My moms... he is awesome alwasy a good mom, she might not always say it... but she shows how she feels. My pops! I'm a big daddy's girl. And he is there as a dad. He speaks more than he does, but he means well. He is always there when you need him, and will always try even if he can't really help.
I have a good job, that I have gained so much experiance being there. School is great too. I graduate in 3 months. I love what I have accomplished

I have so much to be grateful for. My pictures and my own memories are all that I really have, materialistic wise. And I have that to look back at. I keep it safe, just like my loved ones.

So I guess in conclusion... that is my entry. ♥~Claudia~