Peaceful @ MindSay

   

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it is late but i still up i ussaly can't sleep until at least midnight  it is ussaly peaceful at night and the dog is finnaly asleep  but enough about the dog lola... i am have an ok day i had work today and my manager was uptight i wanted to yell and tell him to do his job and i will do mine  but in the end all i can do is smile and nod and say ****in my head go to hell... i have been working on my  toons for guildwars and almost all of them are level 20 the max level i  am so close well it is even later  now  almost 1am so i am going to sleep (YAWNS)  dreading the test i have in finical accounting on tuesday.
 
 
   
 

My Chandler
Was feeling tremendously lonely tonight, cried out to God about it and now, in the words of Cory Heart, "peaceful easy feeling, together we are one".  In a scene on "Friends" Chandler says to Monica that she is a high maintenance girlfriend but "I like maintaining you."  That's how I feel about God - I am a crazy emotional basketcase lady half the time but I just have to cry out to God about it and He calms me down and comforts me and helps me get through it and I love Him so much because of that.  It's so much better living life in harmony with Him then fighting Him over everything like I used to.
 
 
 

   
Life

I got a bed YAY. My tiny little abode finally resembles home. Its fully decked out with everything I need, including my boy as he has just been kicked out of home. It feels peaceful because I dont feel like I need anything else right now. I have my food, my entertinment, my shelter. My mum asked me the other day if I was enjoying living my own life (in a very sardonic tone of course, mocking). Of course I said YES. I love my life.

 
 
   
 

Never say it couldn't get any worse because it sure as fuck can
I will go into greater detail this week, but a quick Cliff note version would be, I meet the most beautiful girl in the world, ends 7.5 year marriage, beautiful girl turns out to be a freak with a very colorful past. Her and ex torture me tag team style for 1.5 years. Finally have to throw freeloading love of my life out and ask her to go home to mom. She does and won't speak to me again which breaks my heart. Find out that broken heart is really a broken heart and I am given 2 years to live without a transplant. COme to realize God must be a woman because men don't hold grudges quite like this. After Doc gives me the news my first thought is now maybe she will talk to me, wrong, bitch files a restraining order that is nothing but perjurous lies. Still won't talk even though I am dying, ex wife keeps attacking because she knows I still love Scharlet even though she won't speak to me. 6 months with no Shar, and the ex tortures me by keeping my beautiful kids from seeing me. I am about to go out of my fucking head, and this after a successful life of achieving everything I had dreamed of. Someone has got some explaining to do
 
 
 

   
Unclutter your life

Socrates:  "He is nearest to God who has the fewest things."

 

(It's Thursday, my "gallery-sitting" day.)  How very lucky for all of you....LOL....that I have the time to read and write.

 

I wonder just how long it's been since I've had the awareness that the clutter that fills whole floors of my house is also cluttering my mind, my creativity.  Seems like forever.  It's one of those things that is just too unpleasant to undertake.  There's always something else I'd rather be doing.

 

So, I'm somewhere in the middle of Wayne Dyer's newest book, "Inspiration, Your Ultimate Calling," where he's laying out 12 steps to Simplicity.  Of course, the first one is "Unclutter your life, literally....(before correcting it I had written "litterally" - HA! Freud!).....but I digress (teehee).  Purge, donate - anything you no longer have an actual use for in your life.  Get rid of it!

 

Did I need Wayne Dyer to spell that out for me?  No.  Is it rocket science?  No.  But at this moment in time, the idea seems like one whose time may have finally arrived.

 

Where I'm headed, where I want to be, is a very peaceful, unencumbered classroom with God.  I want the time and space to sit and listen and learn, without the nagging feeling that there are other things I should be doing.

 

I've been in this 2.5 story, 4-BR house with full basement for 24 years now -- most of that time with a spouse and two children, none of whom ever parted with much of anything.  You can imagine how much "stuff" all those rooms, and attic and basement, have collected over all these years.

 

Yes, the offspring have moved out.  No, their abodes are not cluttered.  Everything they don't have space for at the moment, anything they may need or want, or some friend or acquaintace may want at some future date is here -- oh, and let's not forget the 2-car garage (which can barely house one car), and the attached shed!

 

I think part of the difficulty of purging (for me) is, having been the "guardian" of all this "stuff" for so long now, I somehow feel the need to send it off to the "right" place.  So, sorting becomes a very burdensome task.  Oh, this can go to Goodwill; this is very valuable - secondhand consignment shop; this would look good on Aunt Fran.  Wonder if she'd like it?  I bet the school would want these.  These should go to the church rummage sale.  Call the Kidney Foundation to pick these up.   <sigh>

 

Regardless of HOW it gets done, it has become quite apparent to me that before I can take the next step forward in my spiritual development, or begin any major writing assignment, I must unclutter my life.

 

It is my plan to begin tomorrow. 

 

God, please do not let this be one of those tomorrows that never come, like the sign on the wall at Roosters:  "Free beer ---- tomorrow" !!

 

 
 
   
 

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