Pay Day @ MindSay

Same old crap as every 2 weeks. Its not called "pay day" its called "pay the bills day" bleh! and Its the same old stupid discussion. blah!

As if I don't have enough things cutting the circulation of air going to my brain, I have to worry about my personal life. Granted it still does come first and so does "home" but! At the same time I'm one little person handling all of this on my own. I get minimal help at times, and this event is pushing me to my limit. Its literally 11 days away. I have 10 days to promote and I'm going hay-wire!

I need a 3rd person for a team in mid-town rice village. where the eff am I going to find a 3rd person? I do not have the slightest idea. BUT i know I have to find someone. ugh!

I want to yell and scream and shout off the roof tops. But at the same time for the first time ever I am actually staying calm. I have not sat in a corner crying with 1000000000000 thoughts running through my head, I just wake up, get dressed and walk out the house as usual. Continue on with my day job and have those 100000000000000 ideas and stresses bounce around in my head. I sleep thinking about it, but yet, no one sees how stressed I am, or much less sees it... Because for once I am not showing it. Or letting it be known. Its so stressful to the point of no return. But I have 10 days. And for the next 10 days the circles under my eyes will only get worse, and my energy will only let lower.

Today I am meeting up with an old friend who will help me sort some thoughts out. Answer a few of my questons. and hopefully bring me some peace, since no one else seems to be doing that. I hate when people say they are going to do something and NOT DO IT. It just annoys me when people do not answer the important stuff or when other pretend like its just no big deal "why stress?" "what's the big deal" ha! if it were as easy as saying woosa and exhaling a few times, don't you think I would have done that by now?

Hey people how was turkey day for you guys. I had to work that day didnt get off till 12:30 in the morning. it was okay though it was all over time and holiday pay. I had alot of problems this month. my mom ended up in the hospital because she was having chest pains. Turns out that she had a minor heart attack and a stroke. She was also told that if she doesnt slow down and lessen her stress this may be her last christmas with us. We are trying are hardest to keep her calm. I also buoght a car, a 2007 ford focus, I had to make a down payment of 1,853.00 by the 24th of November and I didnt have that money. I did end up paying 1,000 toward it but I had to ask for an addvance on my next pay check so that I could pay the rest. They changed the due date to the 1st and I hope to GOD that I have the money for it and for the car insurance which is 1,017.00 for December and my first car payment is due the 1st and thats another 260.00 I dont have. I will be so happy once December is over with. I think I was my fault that my mother was in the hospital with all my problems. She also just bought a truck around the same time I did. She still owes 2,000 to the guy she bought it from and 2,000 to the guy she borrowed money from. I barley make 800.00 every two weeks I dont know how we are going to do this. Man I just remebered I have to pay my orthodontis too by the 28th of this month. Man if I survive this year it will be a miracle. The stress my kill me before it kills my mother. I have started working over time just to get some more money. Co-workers think im sucking up to the management but I just really need the money. I really think I may die before my birthday. Which is the 23rd of December.  I really need someone to pray for my family and myself.

On other news my father is still without work and is drinking more and more. I got pulled over again last night we didnt get home till 4:30 in the morning and I am still tired. I have seen so many accidents and people dying in the last year that I dont even want to go out of my house. I have lost to much and so many. I wish I could just let go it would be so nice to get everything go. On my way to get my dad I stopped and looked at the mountians and the stars....it was so beautiful. I cant remeber the last time I just stopped and slowed down. I miss so much because I cant slow down anymore if I do everything else just fades and Then I end up with more shit to do. Its like I am in the twilight zone. I miss all of my loves and all my lost I will never forget any of them. "Never will I die will I forget who was there for me."-christina santacrose

Love always and forever,

Christina

PS

Never forget me and never lose me. Always know that I love you no matter who you are if we have had a glance or have talked just once. I will never forget you. you have impacked my life. And I will never froget you for that.

On Saturday my boss Chef Tom told me I have worked to many hours in the year that I have been workign for him so I need to get my hours cut.

the way this works is that they have a rolling yearly callender for hours worked every two week pay period. this means that when we start a new pay period the last first week in the year is not counted any more. Does that make any sence? The short and sweet of it is that the year counts a a year from the current pay pay period. Still confused? Good, so am I.

So, If I work 1,080 hours in a year they have to do an of the following things 1) hire me as a 90 day temp, 2) let me go, 3) have me trafser to M.S.U, or 4) cut my hours until they go down to an appropiate number.

I'm not trafering to M.S.U. Tom doesn't want to let me go, or make me a 90 temp. So, my hours will be cut down to around ten hours a week for a couple months. Then they will go back up to around 20 hours a week.

Man, this all sucks.

I need to find a new job so I can quit this one A.S.A.P.

Thanks for reading,

Mark M.

I haven't been paid for the extra 9 hours worth of work I put in last week.

Bastard.