Paxil @ MindSay

Paxil is an antidepressant that has a number of distressing and dangerous side effects, birth defects, pregnancy risks, birth injuries and maybe cause death.

Paxil is categorized in the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) class of anti-depressants. It has been used to treat depression since its introduction to the market in 1992. Paxil is currently involved in a fraud case resulting from allegations that manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline suppressed research that indicated the drug's dangers to young people.

Studies show that women who were prescribed Paxil during the first trimester of pregnancy delivered babies with Paxil birth defects such as heart problems called Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension in the newborn at about 1-2 times the normal rate. Some other Paxil-related side effects include:

• Heart defect
• Heart damage
• Valve damage
• Child heart damage
• Newborn heart damage
• Lung damage
• Child lung damage
• Lung defects

Other research has associated the medication to an increase in deaths in coronary artery disease. One study showed that over a fifth of patients with CAD died after three years Paxil help compared with only 12% of those who weren’t using the drug. There are some serious withdrawal side effects for people that take Paxil. Glaxo, the company behind Paxil, had a statement with their drug stating that the drug was not addictive. There is no word yet to weather or not to include a Paxil warning on the packaging has yet to be determined.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists confirms the FDA’s prior allegation that pregnant women or women that want to be come pregnant should avoid taking Paxil due to birth injuries and defects. Paxil induced cardiac-related birth defects in babies born when mothers have said they used Paxil. The tendencies in which occur more commonly in young adults taking Paxil toward suicidal thoughts and in some cases actions.  

... thinking that I saw you there....

Looooong ass time and no update.

I'm still going to Independence.

I haven't been working at my dad's office as much.

I've been going to the gym twice a day, usually with Lindsy.

My anxiety has gotten worse. :( Just feeling so stressed out. On the 13th I'm having a colonoscopy, scope down the throat, and swallowing a camera. I feel so overwhelmed like the 13th (it's a Thursday) is my impending doom. Either they'll find something serious, or they won't find anything at all. Which are both awful things to happen. Lindsy is going to go with me. On top of that I'll be on my period for the procedures. Sexy. But at least this time I'll remember to bring some really warm socks.

I saw my doctor today. He changed me from 150mg of Effexor to 10mg of Paxil, as for the ClonazapAM... just told me to take more pills more often. I was really hoping for something like Valium. Just something that could make me stop thinking about everything. It's so overwhelming.

Soooo... going to the gym is going well. I try to go twice a day, if not at least once. I'm supposed to go tonight with Sydnie. <3 She's been sick, I missed her.

I got my laptop back. Go me. It's all better.

:(

Someone come make me better.

I can't even get excited about how much weight I've lost.

My therapist suggested I keep a log of "positive exceptions". I've been taking Paxil along with my other meds for a little over a month. It's helping. It's helping a lot. I realized today that I've been having a lot of normal days lately. In fact, they've all been normal. Instead of all bad feelings, I feel normal... not happy but normal and that's good enough for me!!!!!!! The thought of feeling normal makes me happy! In fact, I think I'm happy... not sure what it feels like to be happy? I mean, what, are other people estatic? Ofcourse not.. I think normal is happy and I feel normal so I guess I'm happy! Be happy for me! Gee, I feel normal....Wow!

Gary O

  Like the picture you see here, I've had to just curl up and rest after a rough week...  Not so rough that I could die, but painful enough to make me feel like I was about to die!  Not to mention absolutely exhausting.

My doctor gave me the wrong dose of Paxil, so my emotions have been crazy, my sleeping patterns off, and I've been severely nauseous -- to the point where I felt like I was experiencing morning sickness but without all the vomit and being pregnant (if ya know what I mean).  I look back on the words I've written here and realize that the wonderful and heart-breaking cartharsis I've been experiencing has partially been because I was off my meds!  And I thought it was just because a relationship was ending.  Now that reason has flooded into me, the relationship-ending-thing feels more like the loss of a favorite pillow -- I pine for him but not like I would if he were dead.  A nurse told me, "Realize that it's not due to your disorders, Val, but withdrawal from the drug talking."  She and my doctor assure me that I will be much better in a week! 

Yet I can't help but feel like a bit of a junkie.  Prone to emotional outbursts that would hit me whenever I become anxious in public, I've done my best to avoid people as much as possible this week.  I had several bouts of weeping on the bus and when I was last in the local university computer lab and when that happens in public, people around you tend to fuss over you and that makes things so much worse because no one really can help.  The only thing that does help is getting away from everyone and losing myself in sleep.  Hence it's been awhile since I've updated my blog entries here and checking my email.  In fact, I'm too anxious right now to peek at my emails -- afraid that something I may have written might come back to haunt me!

Things are calming down, now.  I'm back on an increased dose of Paxil and I'm sleeping more to boot.  I managed to call a few friends to apologize for any strange emotional things I may have said.  Most, especially those who have known me for several years, weren't surprised or bothered at all.  Andrew, my best friend, just raised maybe an eyebrow at my behavior and said, "it's just stress, Val."  Again, I do feel obligated to apologize.  It's like my heart farted and left a big stink in the air.  I couldn't help it, but can't you see how that would iritate you if you happened to be standing next to me in a subway? 

And, with that said, I might as well talk frankly (and possibly courageously) about the condition I have which put me on Paxil to begin with.  (I write this not to babble about my disorders like some old slag, but to just let my friends know I'm not crazy and to let other people out there know that they're not alone if they suffer from the same things I do).

I have a type of depression called Dysthymia -- it's not a pretty kind of depression because it comes on like a "bad mood" that doesn't easily leave.  It's not as severe as manic depression and it doesn't mean I'm always in a mood, but when I am in one, everyone around me will know it because I'm either extremely irritable or I can't stop weeping.  Coupled with Borderline Personality Disorder and Panic Disorder, and, most recently diagnosed with a case of Agoraphobia, having a normal social life can be challenging...

Most people don't understand why it's so difficult for me to go out the door without getting hit by an anxiety attack (I usually start choking or feel queasy just before I head out the door)  or why I can't drive and so I don't seem to be a lot of fun to hang out with unless it's an indoor activity like watching a movie or reading Tarot cards in a place that is familiar to me.  Sometimes I can lose my temper in a lightning flash of imagined rage against someone, anyone, who I think might be working against me or talking behind my back.  Now when I get those feelings of anger, I tend to withdraw or collapse into myself, waiting for the intensity of the feelings to pass like a bad headache.  Another symptom of my disorder(s) is I tend to idealise and/or idolise some people in my life to the point of obsession, making it difficult for me to discypher what "true love" is as opposed to just occasionally fancying someone.  To this day I still don't "get" relationships or why it seems like other people have an easier time falling in and out of love.  As a result of that, I don't have very many close relationships because, even though I try to hide it, I am very devastated whenever I have to separate from someone I love dearly.  I've lost a lot of friends in the past because I started to idolise them or berate them for irritating me.  I tend also not to date people because whenever I do meet a new guy it's really hard to explain why I'm terrifed of them and terrified to go anywhere with people who are unfamiliar to me.  I could give examples of experiences but I think you get the idea.

It's not easy being too much to handle.  But I refuse to let it get me down. 

What causes these disorders I have?  Several things...  Both my parents have emotional or mental illnesses and I survived a brutal rape and beating when I was 18.  Both those reasons are not my fault, so why should that stop me from living a normal life?  It's like my life is this big journey I'm on, like walking along the spaces of a board game and at each stop I've got to figure out how to get past an obstacle in the form of a riddle I've given myself.  To quote the favorite character from my favorite TV show (Twin Peaks) once you "crack the code, you can solve the case." 

Besides going to regular therapy sessions and group sessions to deal with my challenges, I am on the anti-depressant, Paxil.  I've had bad experiences with other drugs.  Prozac felt like speed to me and Zoloft not only irritated my stomach, it would turn me into a "zombie" (all I could do was sleep and when I was awake, I still felt half asleep).  I was reluctant to go on Paxil because of this but I felt I owed it to myself and the people I love.  If I could get my moods more regulated, I thought maybe I could finally get myself in better emotional shape to do the things I've been dreaming about doing -- like finally being able to drive a car, or go on a date, or visit my best friend in Minneapolis.  Paxil, so far, seems to work for me as long as I don't change the rountine dosage and work out my frustrations on paper instead of taking them out on people.

Again, thanks for tagging along with me on this journey.  I promise you it will be a bumpy ride at times! 

And now for some more interesting news....  NEW TAROT CARDS on the way tonight.