Patches @ MindSay

Still trying to recover from last Thursday. I woke up Friday morning for work and thought that it was all just a really bad dream, but then soon realized that such was not true. I was in a weird mood the rest of the day and couldn't concentrate on hardly anything. The tears don't come as quickly as before whenever I write Patchie's name, but they're still there... I can feel them fighting to get to the surface. So that's progress, I guess. Though every now and then I think back on her final moments and am overcome with guilt... why didn't I insist on holding her when she was given the injection? What could I have done to make it easier and less scary/painful for her? Should we have waited just a little bit longer to find another form of euthanasia? Is gas any better or would it have been worse in the end?

 

But then I have to remind myself that feeling guilty doesn't change anything. She's still gone. And whatever way is chosen to put down a pet is never easy, or not scary, or pain-free. There's always something. And really, it's the end result that matters... she's not suffering anymore.

 

Anyway, I did find a really nice poem over the weekend called "When Tomorrow Starts Without Me." This part helped me feel better:

But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.

 

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each days's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.

So while a lifetime will pass here on Earth, Patchie will still be living the same day, so it really won't seem so long before we see each other again.

 

In other news, work is still... well, work. I've gone over a month without having much to do, and now all of a sudden I'm juggling two things at once. Lovely how that works, isn't it? I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of these projects ends up being a no-bid. I should find out tomorrow, so everyone reading this keep your fingers crossed, too.

 

ETA on Tuesday: Okay, who wasn't crossing their fingers? Grrrrrr. Stoopid work people potentially screwing up my plans to take a vacation day on Friday.

 

My weekend was pretty quiet. The weather was stormy on Saturday so I stayed in and baked a kick-ass key lime pie. So kick-ass, that I'd say it's one of the best I've ever tasted. Very key limey. Sunday I made an attempt at shopping; I need new shoes for work and a dress for Lauren's wedding. I didn't find either of those things, but I did find a book at the library. It's the first book of the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. I'm only about 60 pages in, but so far I'm really liking the storyline. It's just the kind of distraction I need.

 

Though, while flipping my work calendar from May to June this morning, I'm glad this past weekend was low-key. For the rest of this month, I have only one weekend day open - Saturday the 14th. July's going to be even crazier... I don't think I have even one weekend free then. All of the events that are taking up my time are good ones; a bachelorette party, a graduation party, a Girls' Day, a wedding, a baby shower... but looking at all of these little squares on my calendar filled with text has me going a bit google-eyed!

 

And on that note, it's time to crack open Outlander and do some decompressing on the couch. I want to get a few more chapters in before I watch my rented DVD of National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. Chloe's also pawing at my leg because she wants her bowl filled with kibble. I swear, she's worse than Doofy when it comes to food. She just lucked out with a faster metabolism.

 

 

iFeel: drained

iTunes: local news

I found a mobile veterinary service who can come out to put Patches down. The cost is less expensive than the average I had found online, but they won't be able to come out until Thursday. I left a message with Mom this morning (she and Dave are in VA right now, getting back tonight) for her to call me back with a time on Thursday for the procedure.

 

Trying not to think about this too much because I know if I do I'm going to start bawling and I'm at work, so that'd be rather embarrassing. Thanks to lldangerous, misscroissant, and others for the mental hugs, though. :)

What a day.

I received a call this morning from my Mom, who said that Patches would be put down tonight. The poor old girl can hardly control her bladder now, and had urinated on Mom's couch twice in one night, and in a few other high-traffic areas. She's barely eating and looks miserable. Kidney failure has finally caught up with her.

However, I didn't agree with the chosen way for Patches to cross the Rainbow Bridge, and begged Mom to let me call around to vets in her area who might be open on Sunday and could make a home visit. It was a long shot, I knew, but I had to try for Patches. Unfortunately, after calling ten vet offices and two emergency vets, I came up empty-handed. I called Mom back and told her I would drive up to say my goodbyes to Patches.

I arrived at Mom's house two hours later (after stopping at Giant to pick up a beautiful, bright red flower to plant on Patchie's grave), dropped my stuff off on the counter, and searched for Patches. I found her curled up with Ryan in his bed. She loves her boy. I brushed her with her favorite brush, scratched her, kissed her, and told her what a good girl she is. We played outside for a little bit, and then played some more inside with her favorite toy, a shoe lace. And the more time I spent with her, loving her, the angrier I felt about how she would leave this world.

I couldn't do that to my girl, this sweet cat who has been with me for over half of my life. Sixteen long and happy years. She's moved with us three times, put up with the addition of three other cats, let me cry into her fur when times were tough. No. She deserves to cross the Bridge with her family around her, in the house where she feels safe.

And so, I told Mom to wait until Wednesday to put Patches down, and give me Tuesday to find a vet in the area who will come to the house and humanely euthanize her. Tomorrow I'll try to enjoy what's left of this Memorial Day weekend, and on Tuesday I'll begin calling around to vet offices. I posted an ad on Craigslist asking for some names, and already have one lead that may work out.

So, please keep your fingers crossed for me and my search, and keep Patches in your prayers and thoughts for an easy cross on the Bridge.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together. -Author unknown

I think we're going to have to let Patches go very soon. :'(

I told Mom to let me know what the vet says; if the best thing for Patchie is to let her cross the bridge, then I want to be there when she goes. It's the least I could do for my furry sister.

*sigh* It's so hard to say goodbye to someone who, for the past 17 years, has offered her unconditional love through the good times and the bad.


iFeel: sad
iTunes: some stupid infomercial on TV