Past Year @ MindSay

blah. This whole situation with Heather and Alex is blah.  Alex thinks hes the rebound guy and that Heather isnt over Ryan because she'll get upset that he doesn't acknowledge her existence in a room.  It made me think about when I first got back to college this year and how frusterated with the Ryan that I dated with seeing him, talking to him, and watching him and Deidra be all over each other. Which I did discuss with Matt, but maybe its different because I don't have feelings for my ex anymore.. But with bringing up my past now, would that bother him? I mean, He needs to know what I've been through.. but will I ever tell him the full out truth?  Will he still think i'm "priceless" as he says when the day comes where I have to look him in the eyes and tell him all the ways I fell short of the glory of God during my teenage years... Will I be open and honest about what happened between Josh Kellar and I back during my senior year of high school? Will It make him want to not want me anymore?  Will he forgive me for my mistakes?  Hmmm.. because he told me last night that I deserve someone so much better than him because I'm priceless. and in my mind with my background, He deserves someone better than me because of the ways I fell short... Hmmm

We'll see in time..........

A quick addition to the list before this year ends. I know I haven't included a lot of things on my list, and this year I just haven't had the time to put as much effort into it as I had in past years. Here are 10 things that I have thought of in the last few minutes, and then I guess the list will be done, and it will be time to start a fresh year. Enjoy!

 

1. I fell in love with wine.

 

2. I missed too many festivals, concerts, and parties due to work, and became really depressed about it.

 

3. I worked on nearly every day during the holiday season that you're supposed to spend with family...(Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve....Oh and my BIRTHDAY! Grr..)

 

4. Most of my money went into paying off my car, and school bills.

 

5. I have accomplished saving only the equivalence of 2 paychecks this year.

 

6. I still have yet to send some letters to people that I should have sent months ago--Maybe next year?

 

7. I went over my text message limit only 7 months of this year.

 

8. I actually filed my bills, and important papers this year.

 

9. I started getting ready for tax season early.

 

10. I danced in the snow, the rain, the sunlight, the fog, the wind, the darkness, the moonlight, and in silence this year. Actually, I danced practically every moment of this year. (Like now, because it is almost over!)

 

Thank you to everyone that has blessed me with their presence this year. It has been one of the hardest for me. I literally went of the deepend for a few months, and I am certain life will get better this next year. I am still in a tough time astrologically, and physically in my life. The plutonian crisis I am going through is being felt around the world, but even more intensely on my stage. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go here. Anyways, it has been grand. Since I am home and not out with friends, I think I am going to ring in the new year,and then go to bed. Oh lovely.

 

To the next year.

 

Peace, Bliss, and Namaste.

 

L.

Happy New Year all! I'm going to start this year off by plagiarising the life out of Caro's ideas - starting with the 2006 review! Let's see how much I remember about the past year . . .

January: Despite how frustrated I am with my boss, I continue tutoring through a small organization in the city for between 10 and 15 hours a week, while attending my second ever semester at the University. This one blows because I'm not in any classes with Caro or Tom, but Caro and I are taking different sections of the same film studies class. I watch a lot of movies I'm not all that thrilled with, and a few that I actually come to like a great deal. I earn my first C in a class since first year, sitting at the back of my History of the English language class chatting on a wireless connection with my younger brother who was on student exchange to France. Things start picking up for the Core team I am a part of, organizing the youth retreat TEC which will happen in May. We have our first team meeting and I start to realize what I've gotten myself into.

February: Praise the Lord and pass the potatos, Sarah and Ally break up! Not gonna sugar coat it on the off chance one of them stops by - this was a long and brutal relationship, and I had been seeing my sister miserable for months before she finally came to her senses and left. Today she is happier, healthier, and more like the girl I've always known and loved. Caro and I make friends with Chris, who turns out to be a nice guy but not in any way long term material. My brother and his wife celebrate two years of marriage. I continue to fret about things to do with Core. Other than that, it's a lot of school. Like a LOT of school. A class introduces me to the genius writings of Art Spiegelman, who I'm still addicted to.

March: Caro and I interview local playwright and theatre expert Stuart Lemoine for a class project from her cell phone in my bedroom with a laptop on the end of my bed and the two of us perched on yoga balls - and I still think we delivered the best presentation!  My sister moves home for a month while she re-gathers her bearings and finds somewhere else to live. More school. More Core - now that the weekend is getting closer, I'm starting to worry more and more about it. I quit my tutoring job claiming to have found another position that is going to take up all of my time, and no, I'm sorry, no matter how much more you offer to pay me, I'm not able to stay. The truth: there is no other position, I'm just frustrated to hell with the situation I'm in and wouldn't mind having April off to study.

April: Speaking of studying - Holy exams, Batman. I study my ass off - I mean seriously, by this time Sarah has her own place again and I move in there for two weeks promising to look after her dog during the day in exchange for a completely distraction-free and people-free study environment. I do reasonably well on said exams, and the first contact with future employers from WBM is made a week before I'm done.

May: An interview. A rejection. Another interview and an acceptance. A call back from the first interview at WBM offering a different position that pays more money than the one I've accepted elsewhere. A phonecall from me drops the accepted position, and the next day I start at Weldco, working right beside long time friend Courtney. The place is amazing. The people are amazing. My experience there is amazing. I'm there for a week before the TEC weekend happens - and I get 9 hours of sleep over the course of the whole 4 days and spend the first day of my second week back at Weldco falling asleep at my desk. TEC is amazing though. I find a great friend in Angela there. Caro and I don't see much of each other as life just seems to have taken over.

June: My second month at Weldco. I'm happy as a clam with my work situation.  TEC is over, I'm a free woman, I'm working, relaxing, hanging out with my family a lot. Something tells me I don't see much of friends during this month though . . . which is sad.

July: My best guy friend celebrates one year with one of my best girl friends, and I get a little sad because it's been kind of a distanced year for us. But then I get distracted by the trip we take to the beach where all of my stuff is stolen - camera, cell phone, wallet, clothes, GLASSES - and spend the next two weeks gradually re-purchasing all of the things I've lost to the land of stolen. Upside: When I go to sit in my pseudo-boss's office and tell him about this, he spends a half hour shaking his head and muttering "that's bullshit, that's total bullshit" under his breath before offering to ride to Sylvan on his new BMW bike and kick the ass of the guy who stole all of my stuff - until he realizes he would have no idea who to beat up. This is the day I realize that everyone at work cares about me just as much as I care about them. Downside: We spent an hour on the beach talking to the police once we discovered my things had been stolen, and having spent two hours in the water losing all of my sunscreen previously, the 30+ celsius sun gives me the worst burn I've ever had in my life, and I spend the next month (no exaggeration whatsoever) sleeping shirtless on my stomach in the basement with a fan pointed blowing cool water out of a bowl in my direction because I've got gigantic, red, painful blisters all across my shoulders and all down my back. Ew. Ouch. Marc almost cries one day at work when he sees me accidentally brush my shoulder against my bag and sit trembling for a few minutes after at the amount of pain it causes.

August: I work a lot. Well, as much as I have been the rest of the summer. At the end of the month, Gabe appears to job-shadow Courtney for a couple of weeks before she leaves to go back to school and Gabe takes her place. Marc jokes about me staying for another four months one day, and when I don't laugh, I'm suddently signed up and rearranging my school plans to stay with WBM for another term. I audition for the University Mixed Chorus and am accepted (YAY!).

September: The day that Courtney leaves WBM, we're casually told that one of our other supervisors has moved away and won't be coming back. Mystery. Possibly a bit of scandal. Jacqui suddenly working with a girl she barely knows without the support of one of the bosses she's come to know quite well. Three new gentlemen are hired at WBM, two of whom I get along with swimmingly, one who presents a bit more of a challenge. All in all, all is well. I watch my friends go back to school a little sadly, wishing I was there with them. Caro and I have our first big but stupid fight, and it's over before it's begun, and we're better friends for it :D I continue to work most of the time away. I've started singing with the UAMC by this point, and am absolutely loving it. It allows me to spend some time with Courtney, Alex, Michael, and Rob, and I'm really enjoying that aspect.

October: I remember that I worked. And that a couple of family birthdays happened. My grandparents were supposed to come spend three weeks with us, but an inter-continental flight started to prove a bit of a challenge when my grandfather switched Parkinsons' medications, so they were bound to home for the coming few months. I'm sad they didn't make it, but I'm looking forward to seeing them in England when I return in May - and I BUY MY TICKET!!! I sign up for the caroling groups with the UAMC, and start going to extra rehearsals to this avail.

November: Absolutely. Flies. By. November is a blur in my mind. There was work. There were caroling gigs. There was Nine Lessons and Carols which involved the UAMC singing at THE FREAKIN' WINSPEAR CENTRE! It was amazing, I absolutely loved it, it blew my mind. In the middle of the month, part of my world comes crashing down - Angela is diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. I spend a week and a bit sleeping on her floor in residence at the University. It's bloody cold in Edmonton for most of the month. We're talking -30. I haven't mentioned Joel yet - Joel works in the same room at Gabe and I and has been one of the greatest joys of working at WBM. One day in November, Joel's girlfriend is rear-ended by one of the girls from choir, and oddly, this brings Gabe and Joel and I closer. I think it just opened up the friendship a bit more. Then toward the end of the month, it becomes clear Joel and his girlfriend are having some issues, and we think we see him leave work crying one day, and vow to kick her ass. That is the day we realize how much he means to us.

December: An absolute whirlwind. More caroling, more choir gigs. Advent begins in a rush with services all over the city and committments up the wazoo. Angela begins treatment, and our friendship goes through so many morphing processes over the next month that I really don't know how to even explain it. I commemorate a sad year without my cat Leah (go ahead, laugh - I don't care, I loved her more than you'll ever understand), and then we spend a few sad days at Weldco after another significant-to-us-in-that-weird-work-way someone leaves: Kevin. On the 15th of December, Tom and Kirsten are in an accident, and Kirsten is killed. A lot of thinking about this accident and thinking about Angela and contemplating life and love and pain culminate into me having a mini-break down over a basket of laundry in my bedroom one day and being very sad for an extended period of time. December basically teaches me that the only response I can offer in the face of pain and loss is love.

Oh my. Well, when you try to cram it all into one entry, I guess it seems like more.

Very brief overview of what I would like to see happen in 2007:

I would like to face my practicum with courage and perseverence, and come out on the other end having learned a great deal, no matter how the small details of the experience go.

I would like to continue to grow in my friendships with Caro and Tom. Next time something difficult happens to one of us, I don't want to be worrying about whether or not we're close enough to be there for each other in the most intimate ways. I just want to be there.

I would like to figure out my relationship with my parents. Currently am stuck in some weird amorphis child/adult limbo, unable to decide which one I'm supposed to be at home. Would like to get past that. Soon.

I would like to see England in a more relaxed manner than I did the first time. I've done the running around and discovering. I want this trip to be a casual traipse through my favourite spots with my favourite people.

Okie dokie? We'll see how that goes!