Past Love @ MindSay 
love
I think im going crazy. Maybe just a little nuts. Sometimes i feel like such a horrible person and i dont know how to handle most of my feelings.... I love him with all of myself but someone else will always have a piece of me and when things go wrong i think of that person and start to feel for them again. I'm not sure that i understand any of this. How can you have such strong feeling for someone who treated you with such disrespect so long ago when you are happily living your life with another. I have a feeling that he knows exactly what he is doing to me and is just haveing fun. He always said it was fun to mess with my head.
Lonliness inhabits my soul
for the times lost to the world
for what seems unfinnished, not whole
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To the most beautiful, kind , caring, and loving person in my heart. Thank you for saying "yes".Thank you for being an ever present constant amid the turmoil of the tempest we call life. You turn the shatterful rain of the storm into healing tears. Your looks could stop the rain altogether. Those looks, our contact of eyes speaks more than any long winded manifesto could no matter who the speaker would be. When the light of your eyes hits my eyes the scales that laid over saul's eyes are lifted and i am born anew in the quintessence of happiness let into my heart. This happiness floods over my heart like this increased love of ceaser after thte defet of Pompay. You are my genieve, my persephony, my daughter of the Natherby clan. Think of my love as this flower, opened in the sunshine of your love then picked and given to you in full May it not wilt! But like this flower you are to me Beautiful for sure. But what do i know of this flower, a present and a future it has but what of its past? what of your past? Your happiest and your darkest days. Our relationship has much faith and love but little shared occurence. I hope that when you find this letter that it brightens your day
with much love,
Dunkey!
*Did you mean it? Were your being true when you wrote those words? Or was it a manifesto your created out of the deepest darkest part of your mind only wishing to later hurt me in a way i can never recover? Was that your heart speaking or your forked tounge? If t'was true why then hurt someone you claim to love so? pure ignorance? or unwilligness to give your whole self unto me? So many questions with unsurpassed amounts of time lost.
*You haunt me to this day and will forever more do so. You! are my Raven1.
1Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”~~~ Edgar Allan Poe
Scar reduction.
Turmeric Rub.
Mederma > Pharmacist
I could cry,
Just to see your face,
Next to mine,
In our secret place.
My heart says no,
When my soul says yes,
To a love we had ages past.
Don't let me cry,
Over love long lost,
Lest I die from these scars,
Bleeding from my heart.
i've learned to forgive you, but i still have so many unanswered questions. you say it's in the past, but even though the years have past, i can tell you're still hurt by it as well. however, we were hurt differently. you lost a person you loved, fully, and i lost a part of you... i doubt i'll ever really understand where this whole thing went wrong, but there's not much i can do. i want to believe that i honestly love you with all my heart, but a huge part of me really doesn't believe that. so are we even? naw, i doubt it... just looking at her brings so much anger, disgust... i've stopped crying over it, because i've grown and i'm starting to believe that it REALLY wasn't me... I admit when i go wrong, most of the time, but i really didn't do anything this time... loving you was the best thing that i've ever been through, but being with you makes me indifferent. now that we've welcomed this new chapter, i'm starting to feel like i don't want it. common? i think so... let's see, what's the best way to put this? hmmm... I want you here, i want you now, but i wouldn't mind if we go separate ways later on. now that the blindfold is off, i can really see a lot of the shit i conformed to. I don't want this anymore, we're different people, different lives, and to really make it work, i don't know if we can do that... i just wish i had the courage to be on my own, i want it, but i'm so afraid... am i with you because i don't want to be alone??? i'm with you because i've gotten used to you??? u say you're trying, but how many steps have you actually taken forward??? you're not holding me back, but you're not making it better either...
i love you, but to what extent? is this what he was talking about when he warned me about us???
doubt lingers in my heart, how do i make it all go away???
from letyoudown
In the past year, have you...
1) Been in more than five different relationships?
I haven't even been in that many relationships in my whole life
2) Celebrated your birthday?
don't we all do that at some point in the past year?
3) Visited church?
nope
4) Cried?
oh yes...
5) Pulled an all nighter?
i think so
6) Purchased Starbucks products?
Yes
7) Went shopping?
Yes
8) Gone camping?
nope D:
9) Gone to the beach?
yes
10) Bought something that cost $200 or more?
i dun think so
11) Met someone special?
yes, a couple, but one doesn't know it n the other does but doesn't feel the same way about me
12) Been out of state?
Yes
13) Gone snowboarding?
never in my life
14) Hugged someone?
Yes
15) Slept in someone else's bed?
Yes
16) Snuck someone over?
well my room mate wasn't home...lol
17) Snuck out of your own house?
i dun really need to n e more...haha
18) Gotten drunk?
oh yeah
19) Received a new car?
still working on the driver's liscence...
20) Gone over your cell phone bill?
yes actually
21) Been called a fat?
i'm sure of it
22) Gone on a road trip?
i wish
23) Done something you regret?
nothin big i dun think
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Right now, the last...
1) You bought?
more stridex pads this mornin (u know, for ur face)
2) Person you hugged?
jimmy i think
3) Person who called you?
the cable guy to say he was there...haha
4) Time you took a shower?
yesterday afternoon
5) Time you felt stupid?
the past couple days
6) Person you danced with?
gabby i think...haha
7) Person you yelled at?
myself
8) Thing you did before MySpace today?
school stuff
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Seven Facts
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1) Hometown:
santa clara, ca
2) Natural Hair Color:
brown
3) Hair Style:
long, all-natural
4) Eye Color:
brown
5) Height:
5'3
6) Pets:
Timmy n Bradjelina the hermit crabs
7) Mood:
emo
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Ten Love Facts
--------------
1) Have you ever been in love?
yes
2) Do you believe in love?
yea
3) Why did your last relationship fail?
he changed, i'm crazy, i came to college making the long distance an even longer distance...yeah, i think that's it
4) Have you ever been heartbroken?
Yea
5) Have you ever broken someone else's heart?
i think i did once
6) Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
i fell for him n then he became my best friend
7) Have you ever loved someone but never told them?
i'd say "yes" but love is kinda a strong word
8) Are you afraid of commitment?
not at all
9) Would you ever date one of your Ex-Partners?
my last is the only one i might ever wanna see again, n i'd have to have a gf/bf on my arm when i did
10) Have you ever had a secret admirer?
if i did they were really good @ keepin secrets
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Eight Choices
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1) Love or Lust:
Love
2) Liquor or Beer:
Liquor
3) Day or Night:
Night
4) One Night Stands or Relationships:
Relationships
5) TV or Internet:
tough, but i'll say Internet
6) Pepsi or Coke:
coke
7) Wild Night Out or Romantic Night In:
shit, that's a real tough one........um.......fuck....both!
8) Black or White:
black
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Ten Other Facts
---------------
1) Are you missing someone right now?
yes
2) Are you happy?
happier than i was a year ago n maybe happy overall, but this week has been a bad one
3) Are you talking to anyone right now?
no
4) Are you eating?
no
5) Are you german?
like 1/4th or somethin
6) Are you irish?
yeah, a smaller fraction than the above one
7) Are you french?
maybe, they did invade mexico many years ago...
8) Are you italian?
no
9) Are your parents still married?
Yes
10) Do you like someone right now?
yeah, i'm pretty sure i do n i really wish i didn't....
My X girl friend wants to get together and talk? Some of you out there might remember this girl from a few of my blog entries. She's the one the lied to me time and time again. Well she just got engaged about a month ago. It was printed in our local paper. The dates that her new fiancé quoted as being their first date anniversary was well with-in the time her and I were still together. So she got caught again.... red handed. I did love her. And in many ways do miss her. We shared some good times and a lot of growing together over the 3.5 years we were together. I don't know what here intentions are. I do know she said yes to this guy because her ultimate goal was "just to be married" She had a terrible up bringing and was in the thought of being in love / married. That's one of the reasons that I never felt totally that "I was the one".... but more like I was "just some one". I think I will meet her. My goal is to tell her that I forgive her. I want her to be happy and I don't want to cause any problems. If she is going to get on with her life she needs some sort of closer. Even though she is engaged to this other guy.... she is still "hung-up" on me --- as strange as it might seem with what I have said. I have a give of communication that I know she is missing and not to be conceited... she and I had a major sexual connection beyond belief. I hope that isn't in her mind for our meeting....
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