Past Lives @ MindSay 
reincarnation
of the hypotenuse
converging lines that disappear
you can look at her from any angle
around the swinging noose
you can't tell she's even here
and I breathe slow and deep
in a long, unbroken sleep
dreaming and scraping my thighs
I suckle the teet that satisfies
while parts of you fall off and die
my baby lives in a shoebox
and licks the road clean with her tongue
sucking on a bit of damp cloth
the glass is always empty
filling it half full with lung
the recalcitrance of her cough
the floggings will not continue
till your body is put on the menu
but the one-eyed undertaker
has gone to meet his maker
can't get past the ticket taker
my baby lives in the septic
vodka, vomit, bursting stars
swirling 'round the vortex
inexplicable bruises
perpendicular scars
are her sacred objects
I miss you cupcake
I won't leave you to your moosey fate
your pepto bismol and your ibuprofen
can't stop your rope from being broken
and your eyes from blinking open
Anyway, the topic of today's show, as I mentioned, was past-life regression. A therapist was leading patients with unusual phobias into what he claimed were past lives to help uncover the supposed source of said phobias. For instance, a woman with a lifelong fear of sharp corners and having her neck touched discovered that in a former life she had been slain by an Indian warrior with a spear to the throat.
The skeptic in me finds it very interesting that what seems to be 98% of patients who undergo past-life regression therapy report having been something akin to a member of royalty or a Babylonian high priest in a previous life. Remarkable, given the percentage that people of such status would have occupied in the general population. Why is it that no one seems to regress themselves into unglamorous identities, like chief stall-mucker or lonely Victorian widow? One of the patients did suggest that the therapy has a "fantasy" element, which lends even less credibility to the whole past-lives thing. I also found that the questions the therapist was asking had a definite "leading" quality.
Maybe it doesn't matter if the therapy is reality-based or total hocus-pocus -- if it helps the patient, maybe that's all that really matters. No doubt past-life regression therapists will have to break out the waiting lists now that they've received Oprah's coveted stamp of approval.
i've learned to forgive you, but i still have so many unanswered questions. you say it's in the past, but even though the years have past, i can tell you're still hurt by it as well. however, we were hurt differently. you lost a person you loved, fully, and i lost a part of you... i doubt i'll ever really understand where this whole thing went wrong, but there's not much i can do. i want to believe that i honestly love you with all my heart, but a huge part of me really doesn't believe that. so are we even? naw, i doubt it... just looking at her brings so much anger, disgust... i've stopped crying over it, because i've grown and i'm starting to believe that it REALLY wasn't me... I admit when i go wrong, most of the time, but i really didn't do anything this time... loving you was the best thing that i've ever been through, but being with you makes me indifferent. now that we've welcomed this new chapter, i'm starting to feel like i don't want it. common? i think so... let's see, what's the best way to put this? hmmm... I want you here, i want you now, but i wouldn't mind if we go separate ways later on. now that the blindfold is off, i can really see a lot of the shit i conformed to. I don't want this anymore, we're different people, different lives, and to really make it work, i don't know if we can do that... i just wish i had the courage to be on my own, i want it, but i'm so afraid... am i with you because i don't want to be alone??? i'm with you because i've gotten used to you??? u say you're trying, but how many steps have you actually taken forward??? you're not holding me back, but you're not making it better either...
i love you, but to what extent? is this what he was talking about when he warned me about us???
doubt lingers in my heart, how do i make it all go away???
She walked in after work with a warm smile and sat down. I returned her last email with an invitation for coffee. My email address is on my business card and she'd written me, still explaining that she was a vampire and she's been wrestling with terrible dreams and waking up with evidence she'd been "out" hunting.
"Hi! Nice to see you again G."
"Nice to see you too. What will you have?" I got us two latte's, and a brownie. I kinda wanted to see her eat some "food". I don't know a lot about vampires, but I don't think they eat real food. "Split a brownie with me." I broke off a piece and put it between us. She reached over and broke off a piece and took a big bite.
"How's the brownie?" She took another bite and nodded.
"I didn't know what to think of what you told me. I thought it was a very interesting fantasy . . . role playing".
"I can see that. But it's the truth." She sipped her coffee and looked over the rim of the cup at me.
"You're lovely. Hard to imagine that you're over 35, much less 15 times that. You're enjoying sweet coffee and a brownie."
"And vampires only drink blood? Right?"
"From what I understand. But then again I'm curious and hoped you would understand."
"Vampires need blood to be "sustained". I don't hunt every night, in fact I haven't in awhile and I think it's why I'm having dreams and waking up not really remembering what I've done."
"You're physical needs are taking over?"
"Yes. Exactly."
We talked and I asked her to tell me about herself. She has parents, went to high school and college. She's not a vegetarian, but eats little meat. She likes to listen to ColdPlay and swims well, although she can't seem to get the hang of surfing. She's very easy to look at and has beautiful brown eyes and a very nice laugh when I make a face or be sarcastic. She had a pregnancy "scare" when she was 21, it could have been one or the other of two guys and a vacation alone in Cancun. She has an apartment in West Hollywood and needs a new car, but can't bring herself to "go through all the pressure" of picking one out and getting a price. She graduated USC with a degree in Psychology and had not studied since.
"You have all the parts of a very human life. Is that normal? Is it part of a facade? I don't understand how you could be both a daughter, a sister, very human, and be a . . ."
"Vampiress?"
"Yes. A very pretty one though." She smiled at me and enjoyed being called pretty. I'm sure she's well aware she's pretty and gets a lot of attention.
"What if I were to explain it like I know I've been reincarnated?"
"I have dear friends who believe in Reincarnation. But, I don't understand how "you" mean it."
"I have lived different lives, but always as a vampire. My "spirit" is a vampire. I gradually became aware of my previous lives, like other people become aware of their past lives, as I grew up . . . You, for instance are a soldier, an officer to be exact, and you have been, many times, each life repeats itself in your spirit. You are a soldier, an officer, a protector."
"I served in the Marines. But . . . you had a 50/50 chance of getting that right"
"Then why did I bring "that" up? You were an officer weren't you?"
"Yes, but then again . . ."
"I'm not wrong. You know General Patton believed in reincarnation. Like in the movie."
"Yes. I know many who entertain the idea. But they always seem to be celebrities like Cleopatra or the king or queen of something".
"You were a commanding officer, many times, you have a protective soul. You were once Hebrew I believe"
"You "recognize" me?"
"No, not you per se, but your spirit. Isn't that what your friend says to you?"
"Yes. He does. But that's a good guess"
"Yes, it could be but I'm two for two. IN Hebrew there is a word for you . . ."
"Yes. Beshert. I know about that."
"How do you know?"
"A Rabbi kinda took me in after my dad died. When I was a teenager."
"And you think that was coincidence?"
"Well he never mentioned believing in reincarnation, and I worked for him doing chores and taking care of the livestock. I was in high school. He didn't have a son and we grew very close".
"He told you a LOT about yourself, didn't he?" I didn't say anything.
She smiled. She took the last of the brownie and sipped her coffee and looked at me over the rim of the cup again and raised an eyebrow.
"WHAT?"
"YOu don't believe me. But I'm right. This is just some kind of . . . crazy conversation"
"Well it's a crazy conversation with a very pretty girl . . . who I would be afraid to French Kiss" She laughed at that.
"Or . . . let me . . . after all Vampiresses "suck" blood"
"The thought crossed my mind. So, I came into the bank and you recognized my "spirit"?
"Something like that . . . yes. Didn't your friend say the same thing? That he recognized something familar about you?"
"Yes. But we had that conversation after we became friends . . . and we'd been drinking"
"But he just said what he felt. He never took it back?"
"No. He does believe he and I are old friends."
"Hundreds of years old?"
"Yes."
"You're very close to him and his family."
"Yes. But again, that is a good assumption"
"You were a soldier, an officer. Each time. The same thing."
"So do you and I have a previous life? Were we lovers? Enemies? Competitors?"
"We were acquainted. I was always a vampire."
We had been talking for the better part of an hour. She sat patiently and kept looking at me to see my reaction and we didn't say anything until we finished the coffee.
"I dont' know what to think about you" I sat there and she smiled.
"I got it all right didn't I?"
"You made a good assumption and built on it"
"How did I know about the Rabbi? You're being Hebrew in one life? You being a soldier? An officer?"
"I don't know."
"I'm hungry. I could eat. There's a nice place next door." She sat there with her hands in her lap and looked at me.
"Okay. Let's do that"
"Okay. Let's"
We got up, I helped her on with her jacket. On the way out I gave a couple of dollars to two homeless women who were just outside Starbucks on Brockton.
"You're a nice guy G. Men don't just give money and look at people like you do . . . a protector."
"And you . . . YOU are really a vampire and need blood to sustain yourself? YOu wake up at night covered in blood and don't have a mate to satisfy your carnal needs when you hunt?"
"Yes!! Yes, exactly. . . . ." I opened the door to the restaurant for her, she took my arm . . .
"Table for two?"
G.
P.S. She had the prime rib . . . rare on the inside, seared on the outside . . . .
yay. So I haven't blogged forever. Not that I feel bad about it or anything. I've been watching my 4 year old niece in the mornings for my brother. Then I work nights. And somewhere in there I squeeze in my husband and the Saturday night drinking (good times) every week. Needless to say I feel like I should've lost 200 pounds from never stopping...always on the go...always working...but it's all over! My brother is getting married soon and so I won't have to babysit. ...Now if I can only get through the holidays in one piece! But I've had a couple of weeks off from the babysitting and plenty of time to catch up on my dreaming.
Yayayaya! I found out that my husband committed suicide in a past life (which I already figured), that I'm going to have a daughter one day....scorpio daughter. That when I was younger my mom had a miscarriage...and never told anyone. My dream mentor has seen my real dad...he died before I was born. And to top everything off....I can't get to my mom!! She keeps blocking me...the bitch. But I'll get there. I'm getting better!!! Also learned that I'm connected to my real dad and a grandma in a past life. My dream mentor just didn't know which grandma. She says I'm supposed to find out on my own. And that I wasn't happy in my past life. But I think I've already seen one past life of mine. I was a young mother and my child drowned. I hate that dream. So I avoid the past life thing now. Oh!! And my 4 year old niece...she has whatever I have. This "gift". I practice with her when I see her...using her energy to concentrate on someone to get to them while awake. She can do that...I can only do it when I dream. Damn religion for telling me that it was of the devil when I was younger! I fought it for so long and I could've gotten so far with it back then. Not to mention how good I'd be now! I HATE RELIGION!!
Good times though.
Happy Holidays to everyone!