Past Life @ MindSay

You know, I just looked through by past blogs over the last 6 months, and was surprised and pleased that I have said very little about my life during that time, except for my dieting.  which, I need to get back on track, but leave that for another day.  There are things in  my life that I didn't want to see in black and white, b & w is much harsher than the muted shades of memory. and someday I want to be able to recall this time in my life with a dullness that will leave me wondering why I even bother to remember.  So today, is for Theraputic self discovery.  Come with me and tell me how you have grown in the past months, and how you will continue to be in control of your life and happiness.

I will not let lies and the crappy attitudes of others in my life determine my happiness.  I will limit my time with negative people to brief meaningful exchanges, and end them before they turn negative.  I will take time for myself to get 7-8 hours of sleep, and to increase my water intake and daily exercise.  I am MISCHELLE and I am  important person in my life, and I LOVE myself enough to make healthy choices. 

Bands won't play no more
too much fighting on the dance floor
Do you remember the good old days before the ghost town?

I have seen the spectres of my past and I have even been contacted by these ghosts from long ago. I am not afraid to confront the past that I have long since buried. This is not my Christmas Carol for I have not spent my life chained to my sins. And yet here I am wondering why my life functions as it does and what the meaning of this is in the grand scheme of things...

I have seen the spectres of my past and I yet I have shown no fear for the life I lead back then is not the life that I lead now. I am not the same person I was in my past, I have seen the ghosts and I shall not return to what I was when these people where alive in my life. There is no return for life is a one way street that leads to a dead-end...

Now I am left to wonder why so many weird occurrences happen to me in a short period of time and why so many ghosts have appeared. Is there a reason why this has happened? Is there a greater purpose to these seemly random events that have occurred within such a short period of time that would make me stop and wonder if there was something I should be seeing in these events? And I wonder and wonder about things that I as a human will never be able to understand. I wonder about the big picture, but I am only able to see what is before me - it is as if I as a three-dimensional being am trying to see the fourth dimension from where I sit and through it all I know that I can never experience anything outside my own dimension. And yet I still try to see what is beyond me knowing that I will never be able to do so...

And still there are those spectres of my past that have haunted me this past week. I have gone so long without seeing the ghosts that when three appear during the course of one week appear I have to take notice. I have not changed my routine much over the past year, and now I wonder why three paths cross mine in so short a period of time when they had not crossed it in many years. Should I take this as a sign? Or is this just some strange twist of fate?

There are so many things to think of when I think of things that occupy my thoughts as I type with only the thoughts of the spectres in my brain - the shadows that are cast upon the walls of my skull that I have to watch and wonder what the plot of this grand play is. The have come from the dark times rattling chains and I know not why...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

Listening to: Shu- Coccoon

 

I have been 18 for a whole day and I just can't believe how great it feels! I have been partying for the past 24 hours in non-stop mode and I feel like passing out any second now. Tonight we are going to be celebrating once again!!

 

I have this weird  feeling in my stomach.. i don't know if it's just my hangover speaking... or if I'm actually getting this nostalgic flashback of something I have experienced before but I think I'm in love again.I know- it's so fast and irradical- but what started out as a fling over easter weekend developed into something much deeper and now my world can't stop spinning. I've never had a friendship with someone so upredictable and funny in my life!It's based on the randomnest conversations ever!

 

Maybe single life isn't all that it's cut out to be.. I think I have entered a new realm of understanding on this aspect- and if this does turn into a relationship I won't mind at all.

 

I'm off to bed now! Recooperating before tonights party starts again..

 

 

Believe that life can change
That you're not stuck in vain
Were not the same, were different tonight
Tonight, so bright...

Funny it is my thoughts during this time in history. I feel as if the little person inside my head just opened fire with a shotgun to see if anything would be hit...

And I'm well aware that for each and every topic that I have written about over the course of the past two weeks could be and entry unto itself with a full 250 words minimum devoted to my thoughts on the subject. And yet I find it extremely difficult to focus on one item at a time, so the shotgun approach is what works until the hyperactivity within my skull goes to a more normal pace...

Like there are some things in this life that I find ironic in a funny sort of way - at least they are funny to me. For instance for those who have read this Blog in the past and discovered that one way in which I acquire wealth is through machining metals. This is a highly skilled profession, and yet it is a dying skill in this area. I work the graveyard shift, and I am the second youngest person on this shift by a little over 6 months, which is no small feat for I am by no means young. So I know quite a few older Americans. I know a lot of Vietnam Vets, I also know a lot of people who were in the counterculture including one who was pictured (that was featured in Time or Life magazine, I forget which) upon the steps of the Lincoln Memorial during an anti-war protest and one who was one of the very few paid employees at Woodstock (the original one back in '69 and not one of those ones that tried and failed to relive a specific moment in time that will never happen again)...

Anyhoo, I know a lot of people who are older than myself and represent both sides of the argument in the late '60s and early '70s. What surprised me in an ironic kind of laughing to myself way was that I was talking to two of this multitude over the past few days about Earth Day and much to my dismay (I'm being sarcastic for that is what I do best) the Vietnam Vet cut down a pine tree on Earth Day and the person who didn't serve limbed a pine tree on the very same day. It just struck me as oddly ironic, but it was the first weekend of the year whence one had the opportunity to do any sort of yard work. And still I giggled inside...

Yep, I am in some serious need of a good night's sleep and a bit less activity during the day, but I am happy in my nearing burnout phase...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

Stole this from doot  who stole is from bettie 

 

1. When was the last time you had butterflies? can't remember 

2. What did you dream about last night?  I don't remember, my dad or soemone. 

3. How are you feeling right now?  tired, a little frustated, a little happy (if that makes any sence)

4. Who was the last person you hugged?  I can't remember, either my sister Maria or my Aunt Rita

5. Do you like someone right now?  Sarah from work (hehe) 

6. Do you know anyone who is engaged? Yes, Racheal at work 

7. What's your favorite number?  5 - it's a nice sounding number and that's the number of kids in my family. 

8. What is one thing you miss about your past?  Oh wow that's kind of a deep question, But I guess I miss going camping in the U.P. in the summers. 

 

9. What are you thinking about RIGHT NOW?  getting a second job - maybe at this coffe shop

10. Who was the last person you drove with?  my mom (though technically it was a bus driver) 

11. What are you looking forward to?  the job I may be getting at this coffee house :)

12. What should you be doing?  studying, cleaning my very messy apartment 

13. Are you addicted to Grey's Anatomy?  No, but I know a bunch of people who are.

14. How many things in your past do you regret?  Way too many thing.

15. If you could change anything about your past, what would you change?  the years from when I was 12-18 

16. Did you ever see Crybaby with Johnny Depp?  No, but I think Johnny is one of the best actors today.

17. Do you like your life?  Sometimes

18. When I say Care Bears, what do you think of?  My, ex-girlfriend, she had an old Care Bear doll she loved  *wipes tear*

19. What are some of your biggest fears in your life?  Dying alone with nothing to show for my life, or having all my secrets revealed.

20. What song are you listening to?  None, but Jack Johnson's album In Between Dreams is in my stereo at home I'll probably be listening to that later.

21. Who do you look like in your family?  My dad, almost exactly.