Passenger @ MindSay 
Okay folks, the lovely and vocal Goddess I am working with is Brigid! And let's just say I think I perfered Mauve's subtle influences in my life with her preferences then Brigid's..................not that I don't enjoy Brigid's influence *said in a tongue in check voice while grinning*
So how did Brigid get me today? Well as some of you know (the ones that actually read my blog) Randy and I are having some issues. They could be major or the could be minor but either way they have been issues that have been burning for some time now. And one of them is concerning the vechile I drive. Or don't drive in Brigid's case. Right now I am driving a 1992 Astro Van. High in miliage but great on gas. Old looking, dirty on the inside because the last owner never steam cleaned it but other wise cleaned of all trash. We have a 1995 Chevy Lumina sitting in one of our sheds in pretty dayum good condition. The only problems we have with it are the doors. The driver's side doens't open at all and the passenger side door only opens from the inside. Brigid knows that I have been sooooooooooo tired of fighting lately and the past few years I have only really been opening my mouth to Randy on big issues that I have been letting the small ones slide because I just don't have the energy anymore to keep arguing over the same dayum things.
Well she spoke up about 3 weeks ago and told me to get after Randy to get the Luminu up and going before winter hit. I told her that it wasn't a good time right at the moment because I jsut dropped a hundred or so on new brakes on his truck. Well next thing I know Brigid the lovely Goddess made sure the passenger side window of the astro wouldn't go back up. It took me 3 weeks to get Randy to attempt to fix it and what does he do? He shatterst he window in the door! Brigid is laughing the whole time and tells me to start opening my mouth again and to fuck everyone including family memebers who have a problem with me telling it like it is. That is also one of the things she wants me to work on.........I stopped opening my mouth to family memebers because they either ignore me or blame me for issues or say they care about me and then turn around and treat someone who isn't as close to them or not even blood related as queen or king..............she wants me to open my mouth again because so many in the family need to be knocked off their pedestals and I will never get past her to another goddess if I don't start opening my mouth again!
Anyway I have been driving the van as is and driving the truck when it rains (it's got brakes now yaya!) and I had a total unexplainable blonde moment from the neitherworlds! I don't even know how the hell it happened! Until I heard Brigid laughing manicaly in the back ground and Coltin going "MOM! The Truck!"
What did I do? Can someone explain to me how I parked Randy's big ass BLUE truck behind my RED van last night and this moring, I load the kids and myself up into ..........the VAN and promptly back into the TRUCK! I was awake! We weren't running late! Brigid blinded my ass and the kids' asses to the truck sitting behind the van until the back doors of the van went *CRUNCH* and being the Goddess of Metal, she made dayum sure Randy's truck was just fine. A red mark and a few scratches on the chrome grill guard but otherwise just honeky dory! Insurance won't pay for Randy to get a new Grill because it was an add on.......doesn't matter that in the Midwest grill guards are a safety feature! Oh well maybe next year I will buy Randy a new middle peace for his grill guard.
Ya think maybe Brigid wants me to act a lil bit quicker with her influence then Mauve? I think so. It isn't like I don't know how to voice my opinion. TRUST ME! I DO! The last few years I have just stopped voicing it to those who have constantly hurt my feelings, have written me off in various ways, and as Brigid says: "Girl, you have a lot of people you do for both close to you in life and those that live far away and they treat you like crap and think they are the shit! It's time for you to start opening your mouth again and let them see the FIRE in YOUR HEAD and kick them off their pedestals!" And Brigid wants me to start close to home. This should be interesting!
Randy isn't to happy because even though the Astro Van is drivable it looks like a pure rezed out ghetto hoppied ass van now and I refuse to drive it; thus on his three days off for Labor Day.............he is going to get the driver's side door working, he is going to handle the kids, and going to finish his Honey Do List so I can start making the winterizing the house list of things I can't do for him!
Just more rambling.
Today was interesting at work. As alot of you know, I work with toddlers and today I took some one on one time with as many as I could in a day. I started with one little girl who we will call Amy. I pretended to drive a car, and Amy said she wanted to drive, and I had to be in the passenger seat. So she and I switched chairs. As she was driving, I asked her what do we do when we are in the car. She first put on my seatbelt, then hers, then got off her chair and before I could ask what she was doing, she came back with a toy telephone and sat back down. She put the telephone to her ear and said, "this is my cell phone", then she started talking on it while driving. I asked her, "who does that in the car while they are driving?" Her reply was, "Mommy." I had to turn my head away and giggle to myself.
I think alot of people are guilty of using their cell phones while driving. I know I am guilty of this. I am trying.
My puppy is growing to be a big boy, he is so full of life, but is so cuddly. It's nice to come home to him and Mark. It's kind of sad coming home to an empty apartment, except Tank, he is still here. It feels nice but still lonely at the same time. Mark is back in school and doesn't get home until late at night. Oh well it will be fine.
Still trying to figure out where we should get married, Mark and I have agreed to Door County, WI, but we aren't sure where up there.
Ok these are just feelings that I am having so it's no big deal, just gotta get it out. I have been thinking about the past and what a huge commitment this is to get married. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I love mark with all my heart and he has proven to me that I can trust him, but as they say forgive but never forget. Well I just think back to the times when I would find things out, secrets he kept, people in his life that I had no idea where even an issue, especially people on the internet. The whole Jordyn thing, I didn't even know anything about that, I had to find out while on mindsay, bam I came across his blog and saw that, that was hard. There are other things, keeping me a secret to others, keeping them a secret from me and like I said other things. I know he is going to read this, Mark I love you and don't want you to think that I am having second thoughts, I am not. Like I said, I can't just spew out all my hurt feelings at one time and then be over it. Forgiveness I believe happens in stages. But trust, honesty, and communication have to be there to move on to the next stage. But no matter what, I have learned to forgive no matter what. I forgive Joe for what he did. That is the hardest thing I have ever had to forgive for, but I did. I know what has happened in my past has brought me here to find my happiness, to some that sounds screwed up. But we don't always know what challenges we have up ahead, and we don't always know what road we are supposed to take, but I believe if you take the one you really feel you need to take, then you are doing the right thing for yourself. Like I said, this is just rambling. Sorry.
Take Wednesday for example. The first day of our trip and we start in Denver. Unfortunately our inbound plane is late, so by the time we pick it up, get things ready to go again, we're running a bit late. The gate agent rushes up the ramp to ask if we're ready to board, and before you know it I've got 50 people lined up outside the plane. (I should also mention that we're going to a city in Nebraska, which definitely ups the chances of me seeing someone that knows either me or someone I know.)
As people are filing onto the plane, I happen to glance back further in the line and someone catches my eye, a soldier all decked out in his uniform. A common sight to see, but this one was different. I actually knew this guy from when I worked at the fairgrounds (before I started flying)! I could see him look at me with recognition, so when he got to the front of the line I said, "Do you remember how you know me?" He kind of chuckles and says he can't, but he knows that we know eachother. I explain...he was a National Guard recruiter and had a booth at the fair (who I had a bit of a crush on), I was the secretary and coincidentally the one who gave him free tickets to the demolition derby (shhh...don't tell my old boss!). Anyway, he immediately remembers, but then confusions sets in as he realizes where we are and asks how long I've been flying. So we chit chat for awhile as the plane finishes boarding.
Neither one of us can get over how weird it is that this is happening. I found out that he is on his way back from Kuwait, on leave for 2 weeks. He had left in January 2005, which explained the reason he wasn't at the fair this past summer (I looked for him when I was back the first night of fair). The chances of us being on the same plane? Slim to none, because he wasn't even have supposed to went through Denver. He arrived in Dallas and was supposed to catch a flight to Chicago and then home, but the gate agent in Dallas had figured out that if he went through Denver he'd be home a couple hours sooner so there he was. He commented that it must be some sort of "sign."
For not seeing eachother for almost 2 years, you really wouldn't be able to tell. We rattled on about different stuff. It was kind of a bummer when we began our descent because it had went by so quickly. He was getting excited though, to see his family that he hadn't seen since last June.
As the plane rolls up to its parking place, I begin to wonder how this is going to end. Do I offer him my number, will he ask for it, or will we both just walk away?
He hangs back a couple people before getting off (he was in the 1st row), and then gives me a "side-hug" as we tell eachother goodbye and he walks off the plane. As people are leaving, I'm absent-mindedly telling them "Thanks" and "Goodbye" when I make a decision. I scribble a note saying that we can't just have a "sign" like this and not keep in touch and left my number. As the last person walks off the plane, I hand the note to the gate agent asking if she could get this to the soldier who just got off the plane. She smiles and away she goes. She returns in a few minutes to let me know that one of the agents downstairs had gotten it to him.
A dumb idea? Possibly. I've never given any passenger my number, although techincally I knew him from before so it's a bit different. Still, I decided that I couldn't let something like that just go by without giving it a bit of a chance. Heck, I don't even know if he has a girlfriend or not, but that was definitely going to be one of those "What if..." situations, and I'd rather know that I did what I could and let fate take its course from there. It's still kind of scary though, too, putting myself out on the line like that. Here it has already been a couple days and no phone call...
So what's the verdict folks? Right move...or not?