Parody @ MindSay 
funny
My laugh of the day. Find out what your government is doing to keep you safe, and then find out how to laugh about it:
In the situation room
There was a toy world
And a flight costume
And a picture of--
So begins GOODNIGHT BUSH, Erich Origen and Gan Golan's hilarious and poignant requiem for the Bush administration. In this pitch-perfect parody of Goodnight Moon, we see a child-like George W. Bush tucked safely away in the confines of his own room with all the toys he's willfully destroyed, abused, or defaced. Complete with "a quiet Dick Cheney whispering 'hush,'" this bedtime story lets us laugh at--and finally say goodnight to--the disaster of the last eight years.
Hardback
Available 07/08/2008
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
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I don't know how I manage to - but today, I managed to avert my self harming urges once more.
Perhaps it is Emily lingering on my mind.
...No, Emily does not linger.
Emily weighs heavily upon my mind - even though she's so light.
After thinking about her - thinking about her in the wrong way; remembering her tear-stricken face and her sorrow-smeared words, I felt very sad inside.
So I went to my stationery drawer, opened it, and stared in.
SR was there - resting on the top of my gel pens and felt tips.
I stared at him for a long time.
The last thing he was used for, was actually, to remove a staple.
I felt I'd use him for his true cause, and take out some staples.
So I destroyed my old RE book from year 9.
I drew pentagrams and anarchy signs in the name box.
Not very religious, I know - but I'm not.
I'm sick of not being able to write anything.
I'm so angry at staring at the same shitty divider, watching the cursor flashing underneath it.
The cursor is taunting me.
The flashing means that... Well, it's thinking "Har, I'm gonna stay here and flash at you because you can't think of anything to write."
Fucking cursor.
Adam was round today.
We spent some of the day playing co-op Guitar Hero III.
As usual, he was the one to get bored first, so he got his DS out and started playing Ace Attourney.
We did quite a few songs though - but the 5 star rating for Helicopter will be damn near impossible if he keeps shoving me on rhythm guitar and not lead.
The lead is EASIER, damn it!
I played some wi-fi co-op with Emily later.
At around 9, till about quarter past 10.
We did 7 songs with her on lead, then 5 with me on lead.
To take the piss dramatically, I chose One as my last song.
I barely scraped through it with a 4-star on Hard, nevermind sodding Expert.
So we failed, and I laughed - a lot.
When Adam and I were laid on my bed, being bored - I was scrolling through the setlist of GH3.
Being bored, we started making up parody names for the songs - replacing one word with "shit".
Slow Shit
Hit Me With Your Best Shit
Bulls On Shit
Miss Shit
When You Were Shit
Take This Shit
Hier Kommt Shit
Generation Shit
Radio Shit
Through The Fire And Shit
Holiday In Shit
Raining Shit
In Shit
Shit It Black
Same Old Song & Shit
Talk Shitty To Me
Story Of My Shit
School's Shit
Sunshine Of Your Shit
Shit In The UK
Even Shit
Kool Shit
Black Magic Shit
Cherub Shit
Shit Of Personality
Before I Shit
And my personal favourite:
She Bangs The Shit
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Today's song lyrics:
Vermillion Part 2 - Slipknot
She is everything to me...
The unrequited dream...
A song that no one sings...
The unattainable ...
She's a myth that I have to believe in...
All I need to make it real is one more reason...
And I don't know what to do...
I don't know what to do...
When she makes me sad...
But I won't let this build up inside of me...
I won't let this build up inside of me...
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All of these potential presidents are trying to appeal to the targeted groups, like rednecks, drug addicts, homos, or the sick, the hungry, and the often overlooked evangelical Christians.
There is one group no one has recognized, and it is they that will decide the election: the Stupid White Man. The Stupid White Man comes from all sorts of backgrounds, from poor to rich. He comes from all over America, from down south, to the western mountains, from the west coast to the east coast. But, mostly they are just rednecks.
The Stupid White Man isn't looking for a handout, he just wants a level playing field. He believes that a level playing field exists naturally, even though it should be obvious that some people have had better opportunities than himself to succeed, while others were much less fortunate. In many cases, he thinks he pays more taxes than he should, even though he uses roads, sends his kids to schools, calls the cops regularly because someone was on his property, and has had breakthrough medical treatments. He works hard for the little money that he has, and thinks that people more successful than himself must be working REALLY hard.
The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — “disenfranchised,” “marginalized” and “voiceless” — don’t resonate with him, but mostly because he's never heard them before, or they are too big for comfort, and he doesn't really think that his opinion counts in general. He has no trust in the government, and doesn't always have money in the bank even though he works hard and lives modestly. “Press ‘one’ for English” is a curse-word to him. So is "education", "liberal" and "homosexual." He’s used to picking up some of the tab, whether it is for the public school who asked him to donate food to their child's party, or for their college education that the government loaned him money for.
He believes the Constitution is to be interpreted literally, not as a “living document. Documents don't "live", stupid! Even though some would say that every written work has more than one meaning, that there is the author's intended meaning, and the reader's interpretation of the work, it is not open to the interpretation of judges who they feel don't do real, manly work.
The Stupid White Man owns firearms, because he is easily scared. He is ready to shoot the first person who steps on his land because stuff is important, and he is more than willing to go overseas and fight to keep the enemy over there, farther away from his land. He is willing to lay down his life if the government, who he normally doesn't trust for anything, says "freedom" enough times. If someone is labeled as the enemy, then they obviously deserve to be shot, and he doesn't mind doing it. There is no need to consider that the enemy is a person, because he is just an <insert ethnic slur>.
The Stupid White Man is not gay, doesn't look gay, and certainly doesn't consider himself a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina... most of them were black. People like him rolled out of there when the black people rolled in. The others got the hell out and left people to drown. People who drown and are victims to natural disasters are stupid.
It doesn't matter what religion he is or what his last name is, as long as he isn't Colored something other than White.
He's a real, macho man, the kind of guy who gambles, is entertained by cars driving in circles, and mounts dead animals to walls. He doesn't mind objectifying women by paying them for a lap dance as long as if wife won't know. He can do things that other people should be able to do, and he sure is proud of himself for it. He coaches sports... the only real contribution to society. And most importantly, he doesn't ask for a penny. Pennies are basically useless unless you want to make exact change or save them in a jar for a few years. He's the kind of guy who will do manual labor for beer and knows enough people just like him that he could put an addition on his house anytime he wanted for cheap beer that tastes like cold urine and water filtered though hay and straw. Nothing else is consumable.
Women probably like him, because he is Stupid, White, and easily manipulated. He doesn't really respect woman very much, but pretends to whenever there is a door around that he can open. That is much easier than the other stuff. Women know he isn't a dishrag because he doesn't resemble one and he never helps with the dishes.
He might be a Republican, and he might be a Democrat that doesn't vote; he might be a Libertarian or a Green, but probably not a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and tries to steer clear of her around "that time of the month". He tries to guide the family, but his wife still handles the finances and important decisions.
He’s not a racist, per say, he just hates when black people act so black.
Most importantly, the Stupid White Man is angry about things. When his job site becomes flooded with Mexicans who don’t speak english, he gets pretty damn angry at them, but if his business could be more competitive by using cheaper labor, he'd totally do that!
When his job gets shipped overseas, he gets pretty angry, too. But he'll still elect a man who kisses the asses of corporations if the man says "freedom" enough. When a black man talks about equality, well he fondly remembers when people lynched them for less and thinks they should be happy now. When a child brings a little knife to school and gets suspended, he thinks the people in education are idiots. When a child bring guns to school and shoots a bunch of people, he quickly defends his 2nd amendment rights so people don't get the idea that guns are bad. People kill People... with guns... and that's OK.
He also votes if he feels like it, and the Stupid White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of his mother and wife, just a bunch of nagging women. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television, because she isn't attractive like Jessica Alba. Her very image disgusts him, because she doesn't dress feminine. He can't imagine why anyone would want a woman as a leader, because they are emotional and irrational. It’s not that she is a woman, it is her smaller brain. It is because she thinks that the poor and the sick are victims. And, as the Stupid White Man knows,victims are stupid.
Her inability to give a straight answer to an honest question is fairly typical of a woman, and he doesn't want his tax dollars going to people who don't help themselves. This is how he sees people who haven't had the benefits of being White and Male, who've been in unfortunate places, who were born dirt poor from a dirt poor family, who go to dirt poor school districts and live in dirt poor neighborhoods. Work harder!
And there are many millions of Stupid White Men. Four million are members of the NRA, and all of them will vote for the guy who claims his opponent is trying to steal their guns! Most of them voted for Bush... twice, and that really says something about a person, doesn't it?
He hopes that Hillary will be the Democratic nominee, because at least she is White. That is half the battle. They are pretty sure that the biggest part of the battle is being male, though, and fear that a young, clean black man would probably beat their liberal excuse for a Republican into the ground with no effort. The prospects of either Democratic nominee being presidents hits them in a spot they don't quite understand, but it makes their blood run cold.
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