Parker @ MindSay 
I spent most of today alone in the private room with Z. Today was probably the toughest day in there. He was at his most obdurate, and he was also still a little off like he was on Monday. He earned a cash-in, and we had to cut it short/take a break from it to get his picture taken. Then I had to go to the room to get my money to buy pictures. We walked in and the room was not a great place to be. So of course, Z went out of his way to make it worse, and got mad that we had to leave. He struck me in the arm a few times (why do I write about this like it’s commonplace and okay?), so again, he proved he can’t be around the group.
At recess, he was supposed to be restricted to the blacktop, but he didn’t follow that direction. This is why he lost second recess. He wasn’t too happy about that, as you can imagine, but he needs to learn how to deal with the choices he makes; he also hit me again when we were coming into the school and he wasn’t allowed into our classroom. D was having a major freak out at this moment because of Pat talking to him…it’s interesting how when the Special Ed director is around, my kids get WORSE – she doesn’t really help the situation. Hmm. And I like Pat a lot but hmm. Either way, Pat took E and A to the library and Z had his tantrum about recess, and things settled down for a nice afternoon. D got picked up around 1:45 by Nichole to go to the doctor, and we were able to keep ourselves together and join the rest of our class in Mr. Levine’s cooperation group. Yay! We earned many dominoes in our jar and it was generally successful. E voted against letting the 6th graders come in, but maybe next time.
2) I have wiry arms, too, and this impressed/surprised Eddie (one of the trainers)
3) How important a 'sweep' is
4) That I mess up, but can recover from it
5) That having awkward wrists that Parker likes to make fun of actually comes in handy for restraining so a kid can't scratch me
6) To laugh at myself
7) To relax when people tell me to (this won't last)
8) That Parker doesn't watch sports on TV
9) That I fold in half 'like a pancake'
10) That my test anxiety is STILL THERE.
11) That there are new sheriffs in town.
I am absolutely EXHAUSTED right now, but I passed the Physical Restraint test, and I did well on the written one, and I am officially restraint trained. Still hope NEVER to have to use it, but I got it. Gonna have some sore arms tomorrow, but so grateful for the experience and the practice.
Today all of the kids had a day off from school, and all the teachers and paras and other workers in the district met at the high school and had an in-service day. I did not get to pick what I did, unlike other people. Claudia (my co-teacher), Parker (our para-professional) and I were signed up for an all-day (8:30 - 3:30) class in restraint training/de-escalation of bad situations with our population along with about 7 other people. We'll also be there tomorrow morning (yes, that's a Saturday) from 8:30 - 3:30, and the same thing will happen next Saturday. HINT: We're NOT getting paid for our Saturdays.
Anyway, I sat in this talk for all those hours, with the exception of a 15 minute break at around ten, an hour for lunch from 11:30 - 12:30, and then 2 ten-minute breaks in the afternoon, and I realized just how un-grown-up I am sometimes. Sometimes? All the time. Just little things, I guess. Like, today was JUST TALKING. Tomorrow and next Saturday we'll be practicing actual restraints, but today was just learning about other things. So as we were waiting, I said something like 'aw man, we're not going to be touching each other today?'. And I have to share, I'm actually NOT all that pleased with the idea of having to touch all these people, and I'm a hugger. Not even Claudia or my new best buddy Parker. There's something about restraints that makes me feel very nervous. But we kept being told we were going to RESTRAINT training, not DE-ESCALATION training. If they would have used both terms (which certainly go together), I might have expected NOT to be learning restraints today. However, that was not what we were told. So my assumption, though not as eloquently worded as could have been, was incredibly valid. So I didn't REALLY appreciate when she KEPT going back to "When we start 'touching each other'" as often as she did.
And then at the end of the day, she taught us about naming the behavior we're seeing. Like saying, "Emily, I see you're writing on your paper right now". Which I was; I'm a note-taker. I've been 'yelled at' many times by teachers/professors/instructors to stop taking notes. I guess that's my worst school habit :). Anyway, it got me to look up, and put my pen down, and I nodded. And she pointed out how it wasn't accusatory, and it wasn't mean or saracastic; it was just kind of 'hey, you're writing, we're all looking up here'. But then I couldn't help but add, when she said it again, "Fact". As in, it's just a fact, I'm writing on my paper. Parker and this guy Joey (who is in charge of what my classroom is but at the middle school level) took great pleasure in that one-word comment, and laughed and pointed it out. And then she found out about it, and I blushed pretty hard. I couldn't help commenting, though.
Or how I let Parker clip the ID badge clip to my arm this morning. He and I have started doing these 'trust exercises', even though we didn't call this one a trust exercise. The first one was him holding a rubberband to my face and me trusting him not to actually let go so it would hurt me (Guess who was flinching and not trusting this the whole time, maybe I'm smarter and more adult than I thought). The second was me holding a semi-sharp scissor open and inviting him to stick a finger or two in there, trusting I wouldn't snap them shut and cut him (I had no intent of doing this). And today, I clipped his sleeve with the ID-pinch, and then he pinched his arm, comlained it hurt, tried to get me, and then eventually, I let him. And I won't lie; didn't feel good. But it's ... very juvenile, isn't it? Very fun and silly, but not... I don't think 'adult' when I think of the things I do.
But then... I don't WANT to be a grown up. I don't enjoy being serious like that; I mean, there are times you NEED to be serious, no lie. And when I'm working with my kids, I'm silly to a point, but there are limits that I won't cross or let them cross, either. But I like going out with my friends and doing silly dances and making faces at the camera sometimes and just being an all-around strange person. I don't EVER want to be concerned with appearances or being stuck-up or... I don't know. A grown up.
So what the heck am I complaining about in this long, non-sensical entry?
HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALREADY!
Monday, October 27, 2008
I’m just gonna say this; Z was absent today, and Claudia logged the fact that we had pretty much NO incidents. Sure A had a huge tantrum at the end of the day (discussed below), and E knocked things off his desk and made planes, and D did his “BE QUIET!” yelling and didn’t really do all his work, but we had no hitting, no punching, no kicking. It was a lot calmer and more manageable to deal with our class without him here. Claudia said it, and I HATE to admit I agree with it, but she wants him out. He causes so much that the benefits of him being there don’t seem to outweigh the costs.
Today, Claudia, Parker and I all came in wearing light yellow shirts/sweat shirts. It was pretty hilarious. None of the kids commented, but plenty of adults did. I was going to wear red, but changed honestly a minute before I went out the door. Good move on my part. What can I report? A did a good job in music; a few minor tantrums towards the end, but he stuck it out. I got E to do his descriptor card for the museum. Claudia, Parker and the 2 boys went to art, and A and I did math for a long time.
Art was another headache. A really wanted Parker to go with him, but I said I had to go because I had a project going and b/c Parker had just gone. He also tantrumed when he realized the other kids were going to recess and he was not. I gave him 2 options; to go with me to art and have fun and make his project look cooler, or to stay in the room, but he’d be doing more math and some handwriting, and when E and D got free time, he would not have it. He decided to go to art, and did so calmly. The period is JUST a little too long, because he went from having all 3 buses on his page and almost getting to leave as early as 2:52, to losing all 3 and having to wait until 3pm. Oh the tears, and oh the anger. He kept changing his story, but the general gist (the first time through) was that he wanted Parker to come with him because I’m ‘hard to work with’ and I ‘don’t help him’ and he ‘just wanted Mr. Parker to be with me and help me’. He thinks Parker wouldn’t make him do everything, or maybe Parker wouldn’t make him stand up and wash his hands when he purposefully put paint on them. Either way, he had a really tough art class, Polly was visibly pissed at him, and then the story started to morph that he was tired and that ‘Ma woke me up too early’ and ‘I hate my Ma’ which he has NEVER said before. And the thing is, he was so mean to me, and I really wasn’t mad at him. I really DO still like the kid, but sometimes, it’s so hard to work with him knowing that he looks like an 11 year old or older, but behaves and understands about as well as a 3 or 4 year old. Not his fault, but so hard.
Parker left at exactly the same time as the kids, apparently. Claudia said he looked exhausted and was still sneezing and miserable, so he left as they dropped the kids off. I have a feeling he won’t be here tomorrow. Good thing I already volunteered for the private Z time? I hope he feels better, and if he doesn’t, I hope he takes the day off. It’s an easy week, and if he doesn’t rest, he won’t recuperate ever and there WILL be days we truly need him. But if Parker’s out, and Z’s in the private room… who will get A to gym? Let’s hope that works itself out for tomorrow.
*I baked 4 or 5 dozen cookies last night as a 'Monday Morale'/ Parent/teacher conferences booster. We got to lunch at 11:30, and both plates were GONZO. I started to wonder if I'd imagined remembering to bring the cookies, when someone walked in and told me that the cookies had been delicious and were all gone really early. At least they were enjoyed? But considering the smallness in size of the staff, ESPECIALLY those using the staff room before 11:30 am.... wowza. I thought I was a cookie fiend ... ;).
Otherwise, and despite what I just wrote, things are good. We have a new aide in our room, and he's hilarious and easy going and will help keep me sane. I was thinking about how much I missed Amanda this morning, and while I was sitting here trying to do work, my cellphone started ringing and it was Amanda and we got to talk for about 15 minutes and instantly, I had a good day. Anything negative (like one of my kids being sent home for striking the aide) was severely down-played by the fact that my favorite Amanda in the whole world was thinking of me and called me. I miss her so much. I hope South Carolina knows how lucky they are to have her. That's right. The whole damn state.
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