Parents Ruin Things @ MindSay

Haim Ginott once said, "Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it." It should really should be said that parents have the most to do with the younger generation for as I have recently learned most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children. I know I intended on spending many more years pissing off my parents, traveling the world and only being responsible for myself most the time before I became pregnant. I was as grown up as any 20 almost 21 year old needed to be. I was in no rush to grow up to end up a work-aholic or figure out which diaper is less likely to give my daughter butt rash. However, in the months since I became pregnant something happened.....the things that were at one point very important to me became less and the things that were less became more. I also became more appreciative of my parents and the role they play in my life. The fact that as much as I was happy having a trying, trouble some, somewhat money based relationship with them........it was a perfect relationship for who I was and thought I wanted to be. I really didnt want them nosing around my life. I wanted then just to be there when and if I wanted them in my life and to only be there on those terms. What I wanted and the plans that were actually taking lace on there side were a part of a whole different ballgame as most the people in my life know. Yet, I have recently developed some what of a new appreciation for my parents. It actually seems like they legitamately care about my life. Not that it didnt seem that way before, but before it more seemed like they were trying to control it then actually taking interest. Now, they seem to actually want to know what I am doing,what Ben and I are doing together, and what I want to be int he future. It is slowly becoming nice to grow up and a little less scary then I thought it would be. This whole exeperiance made me realized that my friends are not necessarily better advice givers or decision makers then my parents. That sometimes following my heart is the best way to go not that having a set of backup directions is bad, but who says getting lost is always a bad thing either......its just another adventurous path in life.

I mean I know simply having children does not make mothers and that I wont know how to do everything when she gets here. That just because I want to say no or feel like I have to protect her in a stainless steel battle tank bubble doesnt mean I should. I have learned that taking time to do the research when it comes to a child pays off sometimes more then you ever thought it would when writing those really long essays for university. It has also become clear that your gut sometimes is smarter then the doctor you woke up at 3 am just to ask if your about your chest pains.

More recently though I have learned something very important from my family that has probably always been there, but I never really got until now. Let it be said that with 2.5 months of pregnancy left before my daughter enters this world that I have possibley realized a very cruicial lesson; that each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children and it is up to us as parents (future parents in my case) that it is up to us to make those memories worth being there in the first place.

They're taking Romeo away.

They're putting him at the school his brother goes to in 2 weeks.  I know that sounds like a good idea, but he likes it where he is, and we like having him.  Not that he isn't one of the most difficult kids in the class; that goes without saying.  He's the one who told me to "fuck off" my first day working in there.  But he's still mine and I love him and I don't want him to go.

The counselor today started to tell me about all the horrible things going on in his and Tyrone's lives.  And I know it wasn't even scratching the surface, but it was really hard not to cry.  I know that parents usually try their best, and that some situations aren't ideal...but my kids.  My G-d.  How is it I grew up so close to them, but we've had none of the same experiences?  That they don't go home to parents who love them and want to read books with them?  Or tell them they did a great job or ask them about their day?  How do they end up living with their 99-year old grandmother who can't even take care of herself?  How isn't there an organization that goes in and fixes these things?

I know we have ACS, aka Child Services, but they're clearly understaffed and under-trained (Nixzmary, anyone?).  But really - this is so hard.  He doesn't want to leave the school, the systems we have in place, his friends (today, he stood outside for 10 minutes hoping Justin would show up, I know because I found him and stood with him and saw his disappointment when Justin remained absent, another worry of mine), or people like Ms. N and Mr. K who are there for him all the time.  He will never tell you this, but he loves it at our school.  He feels safe there.  But because his brother's been getting into a lot of trouble, and his aunt wants the two of them to be at the same school (even though the schools are an avenue and about 3 blocks apart, if that), he's leaving us.  None of us want him to go, but he is.

It's not the teaching of lessons that will make teaching hard for me.
It's things like this that will slowly kill me.

It has become apparent that in spite of my classic good looks and youthful vigor ... I must be getting OLD! 

• I hear myself saying the same things my parents used to say to annoy me ... things like, "Turn down that music!"  or "Going out?  Where? with whom?  Keep your pants on! and Be back before midnight!"
• I come home from work ready to crawl into the shower and then bed ... at 7:30 pm!
• Social life?  Oh yeah!  I used to have one of those!
• Driving at night has never been one of my favorite things, but now, it has become downright DANGEROUS!  Depth perception is dwindling!
• More and more, the people with whom I most closely relate have ... either grey hair (under the coloring) or NO hair!
• It used to be the students, but now the parents of my students weren't even born when I graduated from college!  OY!
• Every year, winter becomes less pleasant!  I'm actually considering flying South ... permenantly!  (in a year or so!)  SNOW has become a nasty 4 letter word!

Thank God, at this point I still don't have as pile of medications to take like most of my friends!

 

~ B

 

On computer at work.

On Break.

Blah...

PArents Got in fight Monday Night.

Mom started to throw things so dad called sheriff.

I didn't get home till 9:30.

I am better about it though.

Just irritated.

Grr...

I actually pity Mattea( my 9 yr old sister)about this whole thing. She was downstairs and saw the fight.

She is really distraught about it and I try to comfort her a little but it is wierd for mt to do that because I am not usually like that.

I just don't want to end up like them.

Dad and moms parents both got divorced when they were kids and I just don't want to torture my future offspring with the hellishness of this.

Ciao,

Mariah

 

im in love

simple right? when im with him, its like no one else is alive. he treats me better then anyone ever has. makes me smile when im down.

but at one point a certain sum one told me lies about him that i stupidly believed. That he loved one of my best friends and not me. I felt hurt so i vented to my parents. They hated him.

but i found out this wasnt true! but they found out he did pot ONCE a long time ago. and now they think he is some full time druggy. i threatened him with a inch of his life if he did it again.

Me and him cleaned things up...but my parents still hate him. and think that he really DID like that friend when he didnt. i was hurt and said i shuldnt of. so they are pissed at him.

I wanna be with him....but my parents...

i wanna tell them but im scared of what they might do and say. I dont want that look they give me. the " how stupid are you?!" look. The look of disapointment.

they just have never seen me with him....how...happy i am.

how do i tell them we like each other and that everything ok?! wut if they have it so i'll never see him again :( help me!!!!!!