Pap Smear @ MindSay

eugh.
pap smear today.
HURT LIKE A BITCH.

and the worst part?
a guy did it.
yep.
a MALE gave me my first pap smear.
eughdklghdklge.

the nurse left and was like 'oh he'll be here in a minute".
and i'm like HE? as in HIM? as in BOY? like MALE??
then she was like "oh did you want a female?" like..do you even need to ask that?
YES I WANT A FEMALE DOCTOR. WHAT THE FUCK.

but they said that if i wanted that i'd have to reschedule. so i just said fuck it it's not like i'm going to be here ever again in my life...



it was basically one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
ghldkghkld./

I've said it before ..... I'm not a caregiver.  My ability to care for others is tested daily now since mom's surgery.  My temper is on edge ..... my nerves frayed.  I am seriously a walking time bomb.  And if she says one more time "this is just how your mother is" ..... I might just have to let her know what she is.  I tell you I'm losing it.  It does not help that she thinks depression is cured with one pill.  "What is the matter with you anyway?"  "Having a tough day mom .... trying to hang in there."  "Didn't you take your pill?" ..... OMG ...... I have to walk away.  Quickly.

Dave is a good buffer.  But he is working alot lately .... which is good since I'm not.  I'm still having severe anxiety attacks just thinking of leaving the house.  When I do .... I'm sick by the time I get home .... physically ill.  This too shall pass.

On a strange note .....

I recieved my daughter-in-laws pap smear results in the mail yesterday.  We do share the same name.  Dave's son ... who is also named Dave ..... married a Julie.  But we live 500 miles apart.  And for some reason they sent her pap smear results to me.  I've never lived where she lives but was taken to the emergency room at the hospital there last spring .... that's it.  So ...... I called Julie to let her know her pap was normal.  She was as confused as I .... she's been going to the same Dr. for years and has lived on the same property forever ... at least 15+ years.  Bizzare ....

Anyway that's about all for me today .... laundry on the agenda and if I can get myself motivated I really need to clean the bathroom and bedroom.  Mom's at church so it's quite here now .... with Dave at work .... it's mighty peaceful.  A break much needed ....

Hope all have a good day .....

Peace.  J.

Everyone I know has been through school and at some point in their lives been subjected to some sort of sex education. Why do we, yes I use we in the general sense in that 'we' choose to ignore it. Or some of it, the things that really matter and the bits that don't just kind of get swept under the carpet with an 'I'll be OK, it won't happen to me.'

The truth is, it does and WILL happen to you.

It's Breast Cancer Awareness month. To be honest, it doesn't matter what month it is, we should all be aware of cancer and what can happen if we are unlucky enough to contract it in our lives. We should also be very aware of other forms of cancer as well and how it is possible to contract every different strain, not just breast cancer, which is basically just a lottery. Suffice to say that a quick check of your breasts once a day while showering will throw up any abnormalities in that area.

Guys, it's just as important for you to cop a feel of your bollocks every day too, although we all do it when we wake up in the morning, but be aware of any lumps or bits that shouldn't be hanging in your scrotum. The shower is a perfect place for this, as we all get a bit of privacy to do these things.

If you find something, get to the doctors straight away. Fight through the embarrassment factor, this is your LIFE. You need to get it checked out.

Other cancers are very prolific also, and one particular cancer that is a big part of my life at the moment is cervical cancer. Laine has made no bones about the fact that she was diagnosed last year of having precancerous cells show up on her pap smear. I was there when she got that phone call last year and we spent the next few months freaking the fuck out about it and that feeling still haunts us today. A couple of days ago, she had another pap smear, as she has to go ever year now, rather than every three years, because of the pre-cancerous cells. We are awaiting the results with hope that they have gone away.

Laine does not sleep around, nor has she ever. I'm not going into details about her private life, but her ex-husband did sleep around.

Cervical cancer can come from a sexually transmitted disease called HPV. Men cannot contract anything from HPV and they will not show any symptoms, but they carry the disease. That's all that they can do. Most men don't know that they have HPV until they infect a woman with it through intercourse and when her pap smear comes back and shows a strain of HPV, which can lead to pre-cancerous cells and ultimately cervical cancer as well as genital herpes.

Laine's ex-husband most probably infected Laine with HPV which he carried from one of his extra marital sexual conquests who probably contracted it from someone else. This is a strong possibility because of circumstances that I'm not even going to go into. In view of that, the fact is that I am carrying HPV. Of course, if Laine had known about it before we became sexually active, of course, we would have used protection, but as I am Laine's only sexual partner, and Laine is mine, we are OK.

Laine was with her ex for 10 years. They were married. They had unprotected sex, as you can imagine anyone in a ten year marriage would. What Laine didn't know is that he cheated on her so many times, which came out while they were going through the divorce and then in her pap smear last year, the pre-cancerous cells show up.

This is a hard enough thing to deal with in our new relationship and I'm supporting Laine through it as much as I can and know how to. After all the bullshit we've been through, this is the last thing we needed to worry about right now, but it's a part of our lives we are dealing with.

There is a moral to the story. The moral is, think back to every time you saw a commercial on TV telling you to wear a condom. Think of the times your teachers at school told you to use protection. Think about all the times that you've been told about sexual diseases and how they are carried and that one piece of latex could save your life.

Think also about the times that a guy has said to you, or you have said that a condom takes away feeling from the moment. Think about the time when you have stopped mid-session to reach for a condom and the guy you've been with has complained and said 'But I'm clean, I haven't got anything.' Think about the times when your parents have said 'Use a condom.' and the times you turned around and said 'Yeah, I know...' and blown them off.

Google pictures of cervical cancer and genital herpes, I dare you. I don't dare, that's why I haven't provided links. But everyone should be aware of what COULD happen. It could happen to YOU if you are sexually active, married or single. That is the grim reality.

Use a fucking condom. Be big enough to stand up and say that dick isn't going to touch me unless he gets dressed first.

A condom might save your life one day. A $2-3 dollar piece of latex can save your life.

Have regular pap smears done and feel your breasts every day. Guy feel your nads everyday, properly.

Also, if you are going to cheat on your girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, whatever, if you have to disrespect them in that way, respect yourself and your sexual partners by wearing a condom. Not only are you possibly saving your life, you are saving the partner you are having sex with and whoever else comes into sexual contact with that person or your significant other.

This is your life. Take it seriously.

Been a bit hectic around here. Between dealing with Little Miss and her tummy ache and spitting up, and my 'tween Peanut's obsession with "If so and so happens, will I die"...I have been a bit overwhelmed! Not to mention, hubby was away this weekend!

 

But, good news I wanted to take a minute to share. My Pap came back normal, no cancer cells present! Yeah! I had an abnormal come back while pregnant, and was just able to have the test redone a couple of weeks ago due to continuous post partum bleeding. I had one come back years ago abnormal, ended up with a biopsy and a procedure to get rid of all the precancer cells. Was NOT looking forward to going thru that again, or worse, you know?

 

Been a bit worried about it, but feeling so blessed now!

 

Thanks for your prayers!

~Jenn

Well, I officially feel like a woman now. I've went for my first ever gynocologist appointment today. I do have to say it was as unpleasant an experience as everyone made it out to be and perhaps a little worse for me. The breast exam was fine and dandy, but I do have to say that the pap smear was horrible. It hurt instead of just feeling like an odd pressure. In fact, I can still feel it. Its the feeling that I expect I will have the first time I have sex, which only scares me a bit more about the whole thing. I'm just glad that she didn't need to keep in there any longer than she actually did. Overall, I think I was dreading it more than I should have, but it still wasn't something I really care to repeat anytime soon. I did get a prescription for birth control. I just have to decide if I'm actually going to use it now. I'm glad the gynocologist was really nice though. She told me exactly what she was doing as she did it, which was oddly comforting. I just wish I was the one on the other side of that speculum, lol.

Anyways, the experience brought on some questions that I thought I might put to all of you Mindsayers.
1. What is your preferred birth control method; the pill, the patch, the ring, or the injection? If you use the pill, which one were you prescribed and were there any specific reasons why your doctor gave you that particular one? Also, is anyone using Cyclessa? That is what my doctor prescribed for me.

2. Does anyone know how wide the speculum spreads you?
3. Was your first gynocologist exam or any of them for that matter painful for you? If it was painful for you, were you a virgin at the time?
4. Do you have any funny/amusing gynocologist stories you'd like to share?
5. Does anyone else think the breast exam feels kinda good? Lol, a friend and I were discussing it and we think it should be taught to inexperienced men.
6. Anything else you'd like to tell me would be cool.

I'm still screening comments so feel free to tell me if you'd rather not have your info posted for the world to see. Other than that, thank you in advance for your help.


So other than that, I have one funny little story to tell you. While I was waiting for the doctor to call me in, I was looking at the other girls waiting (btw, this is at the school health center)... they all were dressed a bit scandelously which made me think some things about them. Anyways, so I was filling out my history form and I see the girl next to me look over at me out of the corner of my eye. Then I guess she gets up the courage to talk to me and she whispers and says do you know what this means pointing to the question that reads: Are you in a monogomous relationship? I do have to say that it was very hard for me not to start laughing. So I told her it was asking if she was only with one person and she was like oh no I'm not and continues on. I just can't believe that she didn't know what the word monogomous meant. She's in college. That really bothers me because it's a shame that she didn't. Anywho... hope you all enjoyed that little anecdote.