Pansexual @ MindSay

so i'm not quite sure about subject matter as far as a title, so here goes:


the phrase "in their own way"...back-handed compliment or not?

whenever someone says "oh, she's beautiful....in her own way..."

it sort of makes my blood boil. being beautiful is just that, it doesn't matter who or what you are...you just are.

so why cheapen the compliment by adding "in her/his own way"? why not just let it be what it is.


oh, and in packy news....mine is die-die-dying...so i need to purchase a new one.

lately, i've been wanting to purchase a man-go

but thanks you-tube for having me addicted to you and constantly scanning the ftm videos for a "how to make an stp".

oh, and by-the-by an "stp" stands for:

Stand
To
Pee (prosthesis)

it's relatively easy and more cost effective to make one than to purchase a more expensive product. i estimate it costing around $25 to make an STP as opposed to the $65+ for a mango (and the special harness). so let's see how well this goes, shall we? lol.


-kage jonas

suffice to say,i was shocked when i actually got my leeched signal to work long enough to check my blogs...and wow! i actually have 2 pages of replies? some people really do read my blog...i suppose, lol.

instead of writing twelve thousand replies...here's my little snippets of thank yous.

Thanks for all of your wishes and prayers, it's very very nice to know that complete strangers can have such very big hearts...after my post about how very cold and lonely it is on the net...i was astonished to find some warmth and TLC. thanks ever so much.


oh, and if anyone (especially cas) wants to discuss anything further with me (yes, please...Cas) then please feel free to e-mail me privately at kagejonas@gmail.com

my mission when i created this blog was the educate...i never turn down a question, no matter how personal, if it is in the interest of knowledge. i'd rather you question me, someone who is comfortable answering for myself, than to go into the world ignorant. i figure it this way: there are always going to be and have always been transsexuals like me...and i'd rather be the beacon of hope that could change the face of society than wait around for someone else to educate the masses for me/us.

and how am i handling everything getting in line for my transition? well, i suppose i'm one step closer to the edge of a nervous breakdown and one step farther away every day. it's just maddening...dreaming and hoping...waking and STILL not being in the right body to match my mind.

*sigh*


in a nutshell.



kage jonas

i've read, heard, and said myself before that every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.


i meet my counselor for the first time in 2 weeks. nervous? yes.

i will be meeting Karen (my counselor) to discuss my gender-specific identification issues. She will help guide me through the process of SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery...or GRS) and help me to understand what's going on with me. She will then offer me counsel and advice...and the names of a few Psychiatrists...so I can get the ball rolling on down the hill swiftly as ever.

Geez, I hope this works.


kage jonas

so shawna said that she likes my hair better short.


Shawna: Kage, did you notice when you buzz your hair, we have sex more often?

Me: Get the clippers.



so...i shaved it all off again. it looks heavier in some places, mostly in the front, but it's the right length, i just happen to have a nicely swirly cowlick. i think it gives me character, lol.

thus, my new hair, folks!


kage jonas

i love me some marilyn manson when i can't sleep...that's the reason for the title of this entry.


new layout, you diggs?


so shawna and i have decided to really buckle down and do this whole baby thing.


in april, we went to the fertility clinic and got her tests done, whatnot...$3000 worth of testing...only $600 has to be paid by us, the rest was surprisingly covered by her insurance...wow.

so anyway, she has high testosterone levels and high bad cholesterol, so we have to get her prescriptions to take care of the high T count before she can get pregnant...T kills sperm in women.

we wrestled for a long time over what sort of baby we want (besides a healthy one, that is). As far as ethnicity, Shawna looks like the most Aryan person I have ever met...it's like she is a classic German woman...

Shawna is 5'9" with naturally blonde hair, medium caucasian skin-tone (she tans really golden and pretty) and big sapphire eyes. I want a baby that looks exactly like her, i just want it to have my last name (5 bucks: name the movie reference).

and as you know, I'm definitely not too white, but not too anything else, myself. I mean, I have certain black and certain hispanic attributes, but i was raised by a white family...so i'm basically a white boy, lol.

neither of our parents (her mom/stepdad or my folks) want us to have a "mixed baby". but shawna does, because she a) thinks mixed origin babies are beautiful and b)wants it to look like me at least marginally. but it's going to cost $800 just to find and ship ONE sample of little swimmers from a clinic where we can choose the donor based on looks. it's about $300+ cheaper to go Aryan and take the clinic that has all blonde/blue eyed donors.

i've finally decided that i don't care if our babies look like me or not, i just want healthy, happy and somewhat well-adjusted babies, you know?

it's a bigger deal for us to have more than one...

and speaking of that: shawna has to take fertility drugs at least a month before we get pregnant. um...a normal woman without said drugs has a 1% chance of twins...on the drugs puts her at 8%.

Yikes!!!


but she's cool with it, she was multiples. I told her 2 is okay, 3 is a stretch...and any more than 4 and i will personally murder her uterus following delivery. lolz!

i mean, jesus christ (pardon my catholic...lol, i'm not a bit catholic), i loves me some rugrats as much as the next man...but fuck...one thing at a time, please!!!


and another NOT VERY COMFORTING thing...at the clinic, the good Doc has plenty of pics around of babies he has helped conceive...and guess what? Yeah, the majority of those pics involves 2 or more infants on the same birthday...same family. jesus.




what am i getting myself into? lol.



and chyeah, i totally couldn't sleep, in case you couldn't tell.

commentz muh new layout, puhlease??? *pouty eyes*


more later, i'm sure.



kage jonas