Panic Attack @ MindSay

   

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I've been having panic attacks all week.
And I just don't know what's causing them. I haven't really had any since I've been on these meds, but for seem reason, out of nowhere I get really anxious and then PANIC ATTACK. It kept me up really last night for no reason whatsoever. I couldn't fall asleep no matter what I did. Just felt it was kinda odd. Maybe I'm worried about this weekend...
 
 
   
 

panic attack

so i swear i am working myself up into a panic attack lol i leave tuesday night to go with my boyfriend to meet his family for the first time, now that is not what has me stressed.  The thing is i HATE flying.  i have horrible sinuses and flying hurts my head and my ears so bad and i am terrified of heights and the thought of being20000 feet in the air in a small space freaks me out.  i was tinking of taking one of my muscle relaxors before i fly to try to calm me down

 

and is anyone good with photo shop or anything like that? my dad took a pic of me and my niece and cousin on the 4th and i love it but it is so damn blurry and i cant figure it out here is the link to the pic

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v610/bkreib/betsypjandshane.jpg

 

 

 

 
 
 

   
Don't let your life pass you by.....

....we've known for the memories....

 

So... lots has happened since my last entry. Since my last entry I've knocked off three finals and have one left to go. Friday this lady came into my lane and side swiped me. After that she ripped into me with namecalling, cursing, yelling, pounding on my window, etc.

 

I only got out of the car when the cops were there and I gave them my license, registration and proof of insurance. But by then I was crying so hard from being startled by her hitting my car, her verbal attack, and the whole situation that it triggered a panic attack. I sat down on the curb, and then one of the officers squatted down and asked "Are you okay? Your lips are blue", finally it came to his mind to get me a paper sack to breath into, and I got my breathing down, and was able to drive, good thing I wasn't far from campus.

 

Saturday I had my math final - and I bombed that. The stress from the day before was waaaaay too much to deal with. I tried my best, I did some work on all the problems. But I don't think I passed math.

 

Today was Mother's Day. For the most part I spent the day inside studying in my pajamas. Then Shawn called me back, I got dressed and headed over to his place. We talked about how it would work if I stayed in Reno, the thing with his house is that people from the company stay there, and it's not really for personal use... so it looks like I'm staying in Sacramento for the summer. But seeing him made me forget it was mother's day, which was nice. Tomorrow I have my psych final, then I check out of my room, and drive home. It'll be interesting.

 
 
   
 

*blushes*

I can't believe I'm going to admit this to everyone... but I just acted out a dream lol

 

My alarm on my phone went off at 6:20am (I decided I'd need the 20 mins of extra sleep) and because it was next to the wall it was making a really bad noise.. So I grabbed it (I remember this) turned it off.. and kept it in my hand... when I promptly fell asleep and starting dreaming about *laughs* nachos.. lol... omg omg this is so embarrassing... but I was dreaming that I was picking up a chip, wrapping the cheese around it (freaking mozarella pisses me off in my dreams as well as real life) and then went to eat it...

 

Lol only when I rammed my phone into my jaw (my mouth was closed fortunately) did I wake up.. lol I realised I was holding a phone.. and I dropped it immediately "Wtf? Why am I holding my phone.. where's my dinner? What??" lol.. and then I *really* woke up.. Oh christ I felt embarrassed.. lol but I thought I'd share anyway

 

Mmm I saw Dylan yesterday.. he came over as I didn't go to work.. I have tonsilitis =( Anyway because we originally planned to meet up on the Thursday and not Wednesday.. he gave me my 2nd Valentines pressie =D I'm soooooooooooo spoilt by this boy!! teehee :) He got me a dozen red roses... *sigh* It took me forever to get to sleep last night.. I think I was still excited about getting them... omg so so sweet =)

 

Um... I can't remember the rest of my news.. oh cept.. yesterday was so expensive for me =( I think it was $120 all up.. maybe more.. That was for the doctor and the medication :( gay.. (in the non fabulous homosexual way) I'll get like.. $70 or something back as a rebate.. but still.. it's a lot of money.. It's going to now cost me $75 a month (so actually $100.. because you can't buy '1/2 packs') for my usual meds.. I really hope there's a cheaper option because I'm very sure I'm going to have to up the dosage.. *sigh* I can't afford to have a mental illness.. It's so fucking expensive.. Hmm.. I know I'm being tight with my money but really.. I can't help but think "Am I really that bad without them?" but I'd be kidding myself if I said 'no'.. I have fucked up one too many things because of this.. and the meds do have a normalising effect on me.. I still get nervous and anxious but I don't get.. panic attacky.. well I had a panic attack recently.. but that was due to a very serious problem.. and I think anyone would have reacted the same way.. so yay!!

 

I really better go to work....

KJ- I'll try to email you from work.. the boss is around today though so I might be weighed under with work... lol I pretty much blogged so you'd have something to read *hugs* I'll talk to you tonight bella.. unless.. you have a life.. crap.. you do have a life :( haha "cancel your awesome plans and talk to me on the net!! woooo"

 

Fun Fun

 

I can't believe I tried to eat my phone... Yes, yes I still am blushing...

 
 
 

   
."I thought you said there were no flying monkeys..."
.Good news, everyone. I am perfectly well. Or probably not perfectly, but I am well. No strange, foreign diseases or viruses. Nothing.

.The bad news is, apparently I have panic attacks. Judging by the panic attack I had Sunday (and my swollen knee), they can be pretty bad.

.Oh, well. Time to celebrate with wine, women and song.
 
 
   
 

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