Pain @ MindSay

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There's one easy way to tell if a session with Dianne was meaningful: I'll end up crying.
I try so fucking hard to stop myself, this time I was bending my fingers and squeezing my wrists - but as I said to her, if I start, I don't end up stopping.
I spoke to her a little bit about "5 to 15" - I recollected a few events. Those that I didn't think were majorly important, or that I don't think would have affected me that much in the future - but Dianne seemed to think they were useful information.
 
I got my first draft of the film studies coursework back today - Sarah said it's A-grade standard, but the fact I missed out a few chunks of information in places, it's only a C/B. So I'll be adding to it shortly - she's told me I ought to get an A overall for the coursework. I hope so. I want an A for film studies, seeing as how I managed to get one in media studies last year too.
 
I sat on the 2nd floor of the LRC in my break between the session with Dianne and my English lesson. I listened to Spieluhr on repeat for a while, until it started getting on my nerves - then swapped to Silverstein and Blind Guardian. I updated the blogs I'd left blank for Tuesday and Wednesday and had a mooch about on some randomers' blogs.
 
I've always hated English since I came to college - loved it before I came here, then it suddenly just got shit. I despise it even more now that Adam has been put into D block with me. He sits with Siobhan - he was sort of adjacent to me on the tables today, I was in a shit mood and he kept saying random shite to make me smile. I did smile at some of them, but I didn't feel smiley inside. I feel uncomfortable in that room as it is with all the arseholes in there, but it's gotten worse now Adam's there too. Sigh.
 
Hannah pissed me off too. I was simply asking Angela what it was we were supposed to be making notes on, and she goes: "We did the phonology yesterday... YOU KNOW, THE STUDY OF SOUND?"
I just gave her my psycho glare and growled: "I KNOW WHAT FUCKING PHONOLOGY IS."
I'm surprised she didn't retaliate, she looked more surprised than offended at my response. Oh, I fucking hate her. She's always riles me because of her fucking ridiculous nasal-voice, but as soon as someone treats me like I lack intellect, they become hatred targets. Inconsiderate shit-sniffers!
 
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On the bus home, I was listening to Blind Guardian louder than I should have done - and this random old woman kept turning around and giving me weird looks. Fucking slag. You'd think sitting behind an aged person, they'd be too deaf to hear your music. I don't have it THAT loud!
It just sounds louder in small spaces, such as lifts... :)
 
I'm a proper arsehole in the bus station though - I was bounding off to catch up with the bus that was due to leave the bay - and there was this huddle of dirty chavs standing by the railings that just didn't want to move - so I just SHOULDERED one out of the way - the look she gave me was proper funny. I didn't even look at her, I just carried on, fueled by my full-blast Rammstein. :)
 
When I got in, I made myself some of those chicken & bacon motzarella wraps and ate them while I watched Spongebob Squarepants. Nickelodeon seriously couldn't time it better - it always seems to be on whenever I get in. I like watching cartoons after college, it re-fills my happy levels. My happy levels are usually always below centre, but they drop to negative figures when I'm at college. The shithole that it is.
Well, not the building or the tutors or even the lessons - it's the arseholes that are there.
 
I went upstairs, set up my Wii and I finished off Spyro: Enter The Dragonfly.
Good fucking riddance, that's one game I'm not re-playing in a hurry. Thankfully, it was only £3.50, so I didn't waste that much on it. It's not a TERRIBLE game, but compared to the other Spyro games, it just doesn't even compete. And they're on PS1 - this is a GC/PS2 game!
It's just the overall glitchiness that ruins it. All the disappearing floors, voice lags, control reversals, camera freezing and general jumping about makes it a chore. It's also WAY too easy. Having different breath attacks instead of power-up portals is NOT Spyro! The time limits on the power-ups is what makes it fun!
 
And the lack of the locate gems feature doesn't make it harder - it just makes it goddamn tedious. And WHY do you collect DRAGONFLIES? Not eggs, not baby dragons - ach.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's wank though - GameFAQs reviewers all only give it 2/10 and 3/10.
I've completed all of the PS1 Spyros at least twice each, because they have excellent replay value - but as per fucking usual, as soon as a mint PS1 series gets ported to PS2, it FAILS.
It happened with Crash, it happened with Parappa The Rapper - it was obviously going to happen to Spyro. :(
 
Tee hee, bad game rant is over. :D
 
 
So, with that pile of crap removed from my to-be-completed games wallet and put back into the box at the bottom of the stack, not to be played again in a hurry - I replaced it with Resident Evil.
Now is the time for me to complete the scenario with Chris. Seeing as how Chris is supposed to be hard mode, I'm very surprised at how easy it is. I'm not sure if it's got to do with the fact I already know my way around due to completing it with Jill - but when I played her scenario, I must have died a good 10 times. I'm at the guardhouse currently and I've not died once. The snake didn't even hurt me, and Chris only gets a shitty shotgun, Forest's bazooka just doesn't seem to be present.
 
I still shit myself when Lisa Trevor came in the outside hut - even though I knew she was coming - she scares the shit out of me. She's what makes the Resi 1 re-make so much scarier. That and all the graphical touch-ups, crimson heads, insane puzzles, extra rooms and the general darker overtone and detailed environments.
 
I should stop talking about games, otherwise I'll just end up turning my blog into a games review. :)

Acute pain in your feet is in many cases a sign of need for a surgical procedure. Even though it is unavoidable in certain cases, there are methods that can be used to circumvent the need for corrective surgery if carried out promptly. Early intervention is key when it comes to treating painful problems of the lower legs like plantar fasciitis, hammertoes, and shin splints. Though some of these methods may seem unconventional, or even simplistic, they are quite effective when dealing with the early stages of conditions affecting the foot and lower leg.

Adjusting Footwear Choices and Massaging Feet Can Help

A very effective treatment option is massage therapy. When tight footwear is used, feet can get calluses, blisters, corns, and bunions. Help your feet by ditching narrow, tight shoes if they hurt on day one If you're unable to do so, massaging the feet will help bring circulation to the muscles of the foot and will help them recover. Aches and pains may be caused by nerve compression, insufficient circulation, and fluid build-up. Massaging the affected area with a soft touch is the best way to soothe aching feet. A soak in lukewarm Epsom salts is also the perfect technique to soothe tightened muscles and fluid build-up. The use of a foot cream that contains cooling action is a great method to provide the foot with a cooling boost.

Moving Past the Painful Stage of Excessive Pronation

Pronation is the tendency of the foot to move either outward or inward during the movement phase. When the extent of inward or outward roll is severe, it can cause arch support problems, and also shin splints and pain in the heels. Acupuncture is a viable means of treating foot and lower leg problems. The thinking behind the needle and the special points they stimulate is to focus the flow of electricity and blood to the affected areas. Therefore, the area is able to cure by itself, and the pain is lessened. Medical research conducted in 1996 demonstrated that blood flow was returned to areas that were treated with electrical stimulation from acupuncture.

Flat Feet Can Cause Big Problems for Feet

Wearing foot orthotics is a good way to provide the feet with preventive care, and also for treating minor foot soreness due to deficient arch support. When the foot arch does not support itself during walking and running, the arch becomes flat and can no longer provide proper impact support for the lower body. The full power of the impact can cause heel spurs, shin pain, and fascia swelling, just to name a few. By using orthotic insoles, the arch is properly supported, and the whole foot functions properly with respect to impact being absorbed. This simple supplement to your shoes can make all the difference in how well you perform during activities as well as banish foot pain.

For those who deal with the severe foot issues caused by tight shoes or malformed feet, just walking can be almost impossible. Nevertheless, with adequate preventive care and effective treatment provided early on, the feet can heal properly and be prevented from being re-injured.

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I seriously fucking scared myself today.
I was reunited with that blackened, blankened emptiness in my head - the very same one I had when I spat on Ash from the top of the wonky stairs, when I punched her in the face by construction and the several major arguments with Shelly where I came close to strangling her.
 
I don't even remember what the build up to it was - I can only remember the during and the afterwards.
I remember getting more and more frustrated with her, knowing she was being a fucking stupid cunt as usual - being so damned selfish, self-centred, self-important, spiteful and generally immature - to the point where I ended up leaning over her, pinning her to my bed by her shoulders - actually not using a massive amount of strength, but she wasn't able to fight me off.
 
I wasn't violent - I didn't hit her - but I spoke with that incredibly sarcastic, patronising, calm-yet-very-violent tone - making no effort to swallow excess saliva - so when I said my harsh consonants, she got my wet rage on her cheeks. And I said a lot of harsh consonants.
 
I wanted her to be scared, and I knew when Shelly gets  that scared, she has accidents. I wanted her to piss herself - I wanted her to be humiliated, ashamed - I wanted her to have no control over herself.
I spoke to her like this for about 10 minutes, then went to sit at my computer for a while. What I did, I don't remember - but she didn't move - she stayed on my bed, laid in the same position.
 
I went back over to her afterwards and returned to what I was doing previously - but harsher.
At one point, I saw her flush red and she started crying hard - as opposed to the watery eyes she'd had for the rest of the time. I had a feeling I may have accomplished what I set out to do - but I made her admit to it to humiliate her further.
 
There's another gap in my recollection - but after this, I went to lay in my special space - between my bed and drawers. I took a pillow and laid on the floor, my head by the boiler and my feet by the desk. I cried a little bit, because I felt guilty. Then I cried a lot, because I was depressed and ashamed.
I couldn't apologise for a very long time - nor could I bring myself to look at Shelly. She made me eventually and I gave a sort-of apology. I don't think it was good enough, but she assured me that it was.
 
She made me tell her some events from "5 to 15" that I don't like talking about. She insists that they have some answers to why I feel the way I do now.
 
Well I'm willing to bet they do - but not as significant as she makes out. She fucking assumes wrong all the time. How dare she fucking assume and then go ahead to state that I ENJOY feeling depressed all the time. No, I'm not fucking content in my own depression. If that was the fucking case, I wouldn't have agreed to more sessions with Dianne. I wouldn't fight with myself every fucking night to stop myself cutting.
She is the fucking stupidest cunt I know. Who the fuck would say I enjoy being depressed? You can CLEARLY fucking see that I don't! Anybody could fucking tell you that!!

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I was meant to go to Teesside University today for the open day.
I didn't go.
I was too nervous.
It sounds pathetic, I know.
I spent a lot of the day beating myself up over it.
I went into town with Lewis and Shelly.
We looked in all the charity shops for music boxes for the Spieluhr video.
We couldn't find any.
But I did get this retro bowl to use as a shaving bowl for our film sequence.
I ate a Greedy Joe's sandwich.
Then bought a shitload of crisps and a Snack bar when I went back to college.
We did more work with the pinhole cameras.
But I proper couldn't be arsed.
Shelly and I were at each others' throats a lot.
We punched each other and she pulled my hair, so I kicked her in the legs.
I was sad.
Today wasn't a good day for Dixie.

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Today was a serious waste of time.
I was meant to have two lessons today, with a 3-hour gap between them. For the gap, I planned to go into the LRC, update old blogs and work on my sketchbook.
Film Studies made itself irrelevent, because I'd forgotten my DVD I'm supposed to be analysing for coursework. So I had to find a shitty quality version on YouTube and make half-arsed notes.
Following this, English was cancelled AGAIN - thus making my college day only 90 minutes long. There was no point in hanging about, so I didn't get anything planned that I'd hoped.

Today though, oddly enough - was one of those days where I get this bizarre confidence burst and actually talk to people. I was talking to a girl from film studies, who I think her name is Kirsty - but I'm not entirley sure. We were discussing video games - mainly survival horror games like Silent Hill, Resident Evil and Clock Tower. She was telling me about her favourite game - Project Zero. I'm easily influenced by other peoples' opinions - hence the reason I've bought Half-Life, after Ash drummed it into me so many times. So when I got home, I looked it up, read it over - then added it to my games wishlist.

I walked into town with her. She went to the Greedy Joe's van and got herself a cheese savoury sandwich. I sat on the benches with her and ate the bag of crisps I'd brought along with me. In like 45 minutes of talking to her - I'd already told her about the blog incident last year, my girlfriend, my sexuality and a few various other things. Things you proper wouldn't disclose within 45 minutes. But I'm not ashamed of my sexuality.

She seemed shocked when I asked her if she thinks Anne Marie is a lesbian. Oh come on, my gaydar is off the scale. :P

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When I got home, I completed the Medium careeer on Guitar Hero: Rocks The 80s. I started the Hard one too - did the first 10 songs, and bagged myself three shiny 100% scores.
Then I switched to Super Paper Mario - I seriously need to finish these shitty sidequests. I managed the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials, but as the guide does say - I need to do it AGAIN.

ARRRGHHH...