Pages @ MindSay

my first rock album was jimmy eat world's self titled

master piece.  their hit song, the middle, was what

caught my attention. in the days of sony walkman's

and nick-at-nite, buying the album was the only way

i could get the song i wanted. i fell in love with riffs

and bridges, odd keyboard sounds and guitar solos.

catchy lyrics like, "if you don't, well honey, then you

don't," made lasting impressions on me. i rocked out

on air guitar every word and note of authority song.

i played and over played that album on my silver,

2-disc emerson. and to this day, i can still pick it

up and fall right back in love with those first words

of bleed american.

 

"i'm not alone because the tv's on now/i'm not crazy

because i take the right pills"

 

my first glimpse of true literature was a book called

the giver by lois lowry. it was on the AR list at the

middle school and had recieved such high reviews

that my mom bought me a copy of my own. it took

me a few months to actually pick it up and begin

the journey into that, what i imagined, sepia colored

community. imagery, sounds, tastes, touches, every

aspect of my creative imagination ran wild. from

those pages, i learned more about how a great novel

transports one into a completely different dimention.

places i never thought i could go were opened up

for my pleasure. unfortunately, the spine of the mass-

market paperback was broken due to opening it

just a little too strongly... but the pages have never

been turned down, and the cover looks brand new.

what amazes me just as much as the story itself is

the smell. the smell of those pages takes me back

to the 8th grade when i was in love with my best

guy friend, when i had finally learned all the lyrics

to jimmy eat world, and i was developing some

sort of fashionable look for myself. things were

changing, and those were the best and worst

moments of my early teen years. sure the hormones

were awkward, and i didn't really know how to

wear my makeup properly, and i couldn't date...

but i was opened up to what the world had to

offer, whether good or bad, i experienced a lot

of both sides of this crazy universe. i developed

a free mind, a free will, an intuition. i learned

new words (good and bad ones), i met new

people, i liked different music, i became a little

bit of what i am today.

 

that music spawned my odd flavor for pop-

punk and soft-rock, and that book showed me

how to capture my reader and create intense

plots.

 

it amazes me how just two small things can help

make a person who they are.

 

salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

this one's for you.


yes, i know what you're doing.

the remote control? the phishing? the mock connections and mock pages?

what i just do not know though is how could you bring yourself to do it? why would you compromise your sense of right and wrong for this unjust act?

you've already spent a lot of your time monitoring me so if  you would just call on your good judgment (and not the twisted voice of your de-mentor), you know that i don't deserve all the hacking and the stalking and personal, social and economic sabotage you all are doing.

have i done you wrong? have you seen me do anyone wrong? is it wrong to get angry because i am forced and pushed in a corner i don't belong in?

does it make you feel you  "belong" just because you are  "capable" of  playing god by controlling and seeing what goes on in my life?

why do you wanna "belong" with people who are doing what isn't right?

yes, i am angry because of what you are doing.

i shut in and our of painful reverie contemplating all the things, the acts,  you have done and are continually making.

but will i go against you?

no.

because you are just being used as a pawn in a game that you allowed your dementor to set before you.

you think you are playing god by forcing me into a game you wanna call the shots on?

analyze. who's really calling the shots?

who's really the pawn?

me, do i have any choice?

do i have the option of saying no to the bugs you so wantonly splay anywhere i go?

i have spent a good deal of time, a thousand different ways,   letting my voice be heard that  this  harassment - this violation of my right to privacy, my right to live a life - is unwelcome.

you, you do have a choice.

you have a conscious knowledge of what's being done.

yet you are a willing participant to this heinous act.

why?

and your subhuman dementor, what stories has IT created to convince  you that you  need to do this?

analyze.

who are the pawns?

whose game are you playing.

the dementor's using your ego against you.

against me.

IT knows that you need to convince yourself that you're good at what you are doing and IT makes you think that i am the canvas you can paint your heinous works on.

i know IT will attempt to morph my words into something i never intended to say. that IT will make you interpret the message again, calling on your ego, but hear me on this.

if you want to, don't listen to me.

don't listen to IT, too.

just listen to yourself.

and in your good judgment, listen to your inner voice.

naive as it may sound, i have always believed that deep down in a person's core, there's always that small speck of goodness. that goodness within.

and if you but listen to yourself.. or to the pure, unadulterated, unmodified profile you have of me... you'll know that i am speaking the truth.

please see who's violating whom.

How evil are you?



I just found this on someone elses blog. I can't believe it!! I wouldn't normally post something like this, but I was shocked. I was expecting the highest GOOD score. I am going to have to go through and change my answers now.

PAGES I HAVE KIDNAPPED TODAY!

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