I think i realized part of the reason why i have gained so much weight. Yes part of it is because of the insuline and the hormone crap... but i could have continued to exercise and eat heathily. See when i started to gain weight, he hurt me less. It's because i'm not as attractive as i was when i was really thin.
I think that's why it's so hard for me to want to change, to want to eat heathly, to want to exercise again. But i guess i can't blame it on him, it's my fault.