Out Of Place @ MindSay

Hey good morning. As you can tell this entry is a little weird. I am house sitting and he whole place is filled with macs so no color and everything. been quite busy all over the place. I actually did work half day on thanksgiving which wasn't too bad. Yet who comes to a place like us except crazy people. I'm really sick and tired of black Friday's. Number one I had to work them the past 3 years, so I really couldn't spend time with my family. Just seeing people just get crazy looking for one item cursing you out and all this stuff. BLEH. They should just set t up where you do it once a week throughout the month you know. Lightens up a lot, do regular store hours Keep restocking stuff to get rid of it faster that way. I don't know it just gets to me because I know people who deserve so much better working all the time and having to work this day to. It's insane. Yet if you guys are going just always be nice and friendly, I miss the old black Fridays where you can walk around, lots of people but no one flipping out.

Moving on now I hope every single one of your guy had a great Thanksgiving and were able to catch up with all your family or even friends. Also hope you got to do the whole Monty Python, the whole glutton thing and the dude's stomach explodes going all over the place. Sweet thing about working on Thanksgiving I got my check ALOT earlier! SWEET! so yeah this November to remember is STILL showing me quite some surprises. yeah I'm sitting this house and taking care of the pets. Yet the house is pretty much a Palace. Playing the male version of Goldy Locks and the Three Bears. so many flat screen tvs in this place. Been watching Marathon on Freakazoid so much fun, got the PS3 hooked up the huge HD tv so it looks beautiful. very nice set up practically just lay back two couches together very comfortable. the even bought a HUGE amount of food supply just for me @_@. How do I meet these people seriously? Wasn't expecting to get paid $200 dollars for like a few days. Only problem I 'm having is with one pet. all the other ones are okay. Kelly is just missing them so much. I have to go all the way up to the master bedroom to feed her and LEAVE so she'll actually come out and eat her food. She's warming up a bit but it's still pretty bad. Usually she's fine with me but I guess she hasn't been around me for that long before with no one else.

Alright some very interesting stuff has been happen THIS week. i was talking about relationships with a good friend of mine (Cameron). What happen was that we all went out to Sonics guess I finally broke down a bit, just saying i kind of wanted someone but didn't because I probably wasn't in a position where things can work. School starting back up working quite a bit. Plus the last relationship at the beginning of the year was crazy all over the place. Probably the next day a girl IMed me,lives in the area so we talk a bit. Petty good conversations, I'm usually not like that it's been a long time since I opened up. I was wondering how she found me. I forgot I had an okcupid @_@ so lame, and I had updated recently because a Mindsayer sent me a link a while go. And I had one on there from like 2005 and never ever used. So I just told everything could about myself just straight up no of that BS. Hey I play video games a lot, I act like an 8 year old, yes I still play with toys, no I don't drink or smoke EVER. old them I was the guy you could probably just random l talk to and can put a smile on your face because I'm quite insane hormones and all ^_^ haha.

Turned out the girl's pretty cute, so we decide to meet. My head's going ok this is going a bit too fast, but I was tired and my friend was having trouble so he wanted to hang out. So I told him we were going to meet somebody at a bookstore and everything. so we end up meeting it's cold so we all looked crap @_@. She's pretty cool and everything. Saw that she was a bit of a political junkie which I'm like oh God =_= but she explained it well, since she is going to college for it. so not a fanatic and all. WHEW haha. My friend likes her since we had to give him some advice on relationship problem he started having when I was talking to her. we somewhat switched places. She said pretty much the exact same thing I said to him. He looks at me and was like wow you guys are in Sync. I'm like whatever just don't go crazy and be too down you know. So yeah I have a girl that's somewhat interested in me, and I actually didn't try or do anything. what the heck is going on with this month!?!

I want find a place where no one knows who I am. Or a place where I am completely isolated from the world. Ok, maybe isolation is part of my problem. I live by myself, I have only a few friends and I don't get out much. So, it's basically just me and my thoughts. But still I feel so much pressure in this world that I just wish I could hit a pause or restart button.
Or even better how about every once in a while if I could just climb to the top off Mount Everest and just scream at the top of my lungs all the thing I want to say but can't. Because right about my I am literally disappointed in every aspect of my shitty fucked up life.

I'm reading a novel called Fortunate Son.  It kind of reminds me of Dickens.  In the book two very close step brothers get separated after the mother dies. When the bigger, stronger brother hears that his brother has gone to live with his biological father the boy destroys his bedroom.   He breaks all his toys, throws a baseball out the window, and takes a baseball bat to his walls.
I really feel that kind of emotion today. Like I could do all of that too and still feel like this. Especially after I talked to my mother about the shittiest of shitty things I've done in my life (don't ask).
I also, barely got any sleep last night. I've decided it's about time I went out and got some Unisom so I'll not suffer through this anymore.

Mark

Ok I wrote this short poem a long time ago.
And this is how I became happy with my self .
It is short ..but It meant so much to me at the time I wrote it I hope it may help someone else.


I feel out of place.
So I try to hide my embarrassed face

Still people can see
They see  the shame in me

Nothing I can do  to change it now
The  fear and the shame is breaking me down

So I run  but there is nowhere to  run to
The hiding is over and now I must face the truth .

I am not  like everyone else .
And I have to accept that I have to accept myself.

I'm still looking for a place to live. I'm not homelss, yet, but I will be if I don't find a place this week. My dad said he wants me out of the house on Saturday.

I just went to see a place. It was a very very nice place. But it was set up like a dorm-type place with seperate rooms and a shared communial space. I was excpecting a single person one bedroom. No one is living there right now so I would have the entire place to myself. But that is way way to much room for little old me. The rent is very good though, $250 a month. If no one else rented it I would have a huge four bedroom, semi-furnished apartment. I am considering it. But this means I may have to deal with roommates eventually, which I am not to keen on. I might take it if I don't hear back from any other places.

And now...

My Tigers tied up the series last night. Tigers 3- Cards 1.

I like the odds.

Go Tigers!

And also...

Well, actually I have nothing else to say so...

Thanks for reading,

Mark M. 

Erm... so my day thus far.

-Woke up at 6:15... refused to get out of bed.

-Went with mum to her chiropractor thingy. Felt really out of place.

-Got braces off (woo!)

-Got retainer... (not so woo)

-Picked up my brother from school... got stared at by everyone there and felt really out of place again (it's an all guys school... yay? maybe. some of them are creepoids...)

-Was called "shallow" and "slutty" by annonymous...

-Was called "uptight" and "adult" by other annonymous...

(I am just really not popular these days...)

 

 

Aaaand nothing more. I have such an interesting life.

Really.

Don't you think so?

Wait... hey!

Where are you guys going...? Come back! You didn't answer my question...