Other @ MindSay

I have a beef.

 

It's about eHarmony, and I will freely admit I've been taken in by their promise of 'perfect matching'. But like anything else, people will find the holes in the logic and exploit it to their gain.

 

The biggest thing that bothers me about the dating site, after being on there for about a year and a half total, over 3 times, is the closing out process. Specifically, the use of the reason 'Other'. This has got to be the biggest online cop-out since not calling the person back after a date was instituted back when landline phones were all the rage.

 

It's annoying! What does 'other' mean? I could hazard some very good guesses, but unfortunately, the women who have closed me out can't tell me. I spoke to one date (who never called back after our first date, thank-you-for-sticking-me-with-the-60-buck-sushi-bill Allison) who said that she used 'Other' often because the real reason wasn't on there. I asked her, what was the real reason in most cases? And she had no response, because it would make her seem shallow. In retrospect, she probably was. At least, if I'm going to close out a match early on because I don't think we'll fit, based on what they've said in their profile, or I'm not physically attracted to them, or they live in freakin' Indiana or so close to the Wisconsin border that they're a Packers fan instead of a Bears fan, I'll say, 'Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested', or 'Distance too great' or 'I'm pursuing someone else', which at least leaves the woman with some dignity and something that they can accept. Ok, I missed this boat, another one will come along!

 

But 'Other' is a non-answer. What does it mean?? I refuse to use it, because it's leaving me with questions. I can only imagine it leaves everyone else with questions too.

 

Lately it's like that's the only answer among the 13 or so choices, and it's at the bottom of the list. So I imagine a woman scrolling fast to the bottom, hitting 'other' and moving on. Very little thought wasted.

 

I just had my umpteenth close-out with the reason of 'Other'. At least we made it past the first questions. She initiated contact too. One of the many reasons why I am sick of online dating. It doesn't work for 90% of the people who try it. Oh sure, there are success stories, and there will be. These people, both of them, were honest with each other and honest to themselves, and it worked. I'm being honest with myself (I think) and well, seems that there's still a lot of women out there that either aren't, or they really aren't a good match.

 

This isn't a rant on women in general, just the ones on these dating sites. I'm sure women have a similar rant about guys. Believe it or not, both men and women are saying the same thing, but noones listening.

 

What frustrates me even more is the 'oh so close!' feelings I get with a few of these women. There was one, we clicked, we emailed a decent amount, still on eHarmony, and then she said that she wanted to take it offline and call, to which I wholeheartedly agreed to, but then she disappeared. After about 2 months of communication, she *poof* vanished! She is a die-hard Cubs fan, and she disappeared about the time of spring training. Coincidence? Probably not. I think we would have worked very well together.

 

Another woman I fell for almost immediately, and she was a teacher. I have a weakness for teachers (and brunettes) and we hit it off too, but then school started, and she suddenly had no time for a relationship and closed me out. Now, I would wait until there was some free time to see her, knowing full well how a teacher's schedule is one of the most demanding on the planet. But to drop something that was working? Frustrating!

 

And now, there's one where we went through this whirlwind weekend (I think it was a free communication weekend) up to the email stage (Open Communication) and I sent the first letter, and zrrrrk brick wall. Haven't heard from her.

 

And she was really cute!

And she initiated contact with me! (a rarity in my book)

And she was eloquent!

And she was considerate!

And she seemed like she had a very caring heart!

And she was a brunette!

And.... I never heard from her. No way to communicate with her.

 

Anyone have a success story? Or failure stories to add?

Him: when I come out of the bathroom I hope you're not there!

Me: that doesn't sound like a command. you have a very forceful nature, if you really didn't want me here you'd make sure of it!

I get up, walk to the door, open it and slam it shut again. He walks out about five seconds later to find me leaning against the door.

Me: well, I'm not there I'm here.

Him: GO!

Me: NO!

Him: why are you doing this?

Me: why are you not?

Him: because it's just too twisted for words!

Me: like we need words? of course words can be fun but we don't need them. and being twisted is the ultimate!

He walks up to me with dark flashing eyes.

Him: you are playing a very dangerous game.

Me: not by myself and saying danger only makes me more horny, if that's possible. you know i haven't had sex since January.

He grabs the doorknob.
I brace myself against the door knowing for damned sure he can open it as though I'm not struggling against it with all my tiny mite. He opens the door like I'm not even there. Damn! I love his strength. I can't wait to have his hand around my neck.

Over the next two days we behave in our home as we always have; having dinner together, playing scrabble and listening to music as I paint or sketch and he writes and the other roommate puts together his portfolio for school in September.
We have both, for the time being, effectively and protectively forgotten about the events of the night before last.

It was a Friday late afternoon and the other roommate and I were sitting by the lake. I was sketching the landscape before me and listening to Bach. The other roommate was sleeping. I looked up from my sketch pad and two birds were skimming the lake as they flew. One bird followed closely behind the other. The flutter of their wings in sync with each other, their entire movement in sync with Bach's wonderful music. The pure beauty of that moment made me cry.

The other roommate startled me:

Other Roommate: what happened, what's wrong?

Me: nothing, it's nature, it's so beautiful it makes me cry sometimes.

Other Roommate: oh god, does this mean we have to watch that damned scene from American Beauty again?

Me: I always watch a Clockwork Orange with you.

Other Roommate: how can you be so artistic and not love that movie?

Me: so I should cancel my artistic membership.

I lightly hit him on the stomach making him sit up.

Other Roommate: Oh shit, I didn't even see him standing there. come on, let's go, I'm starving!