Otep @ MindSay 
Since I did 4/5 cats before, here's the fifth one, Squirt:
More pictures of the following can be found here, of course.
Ill Nino:
Dead babies getting ready for OTEP:
Pledging Allegiance to OTEP:
OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP OTEP:
Words of Wisdom:
Me and my pink hair <333:
This was my Halloween-ed living room:
lol @ my nose:
Yeah that bitch was bobby-pinned the fuck down and I never wanted to take it off it was so amazing :]
Tell me what you think!
So...I was dancing to Tila Tequila earlier...then I decided that that was lame, so I quit. =] Random, right? =P
I just realized that Otep Shamaya has an amazing vocal range. I love her! She is like...living proof that girls are fucking awesome. Haha, of course. Anyway, back to her vocal range...and for those of you that don't know who she is...just listen to her vocal range. Heres a video
Anywayyyy. <333
ilyguys.
-nicole
all i wanna do is play w/ Leela, eat, n masterbate. its amazing that i lost n e weight over the summer, but then again i did have to walk to n from work for the last couple weeks i was here in all black in 100+ weather...i've been snacking on chocolate covered raisins like all day n that's so bad. i'll be out soon, but still. hopefully i can get myself to get some sort of exercise thing together during the day so i don't lose all the progress that i've made over the past couple months. i have the potential to noticably gain weight back here n i'll be damned if that happens, especially considerin the first person i'm gonna see...but yeah, the router is fixed n all if u didn't see on my bro's blog but i still haven't been on AIM all day cuz i dun see the point. no one's ever on except for Anna every now n then. not having friends really sux :( i have some homework i could be working on, too, or i have the Sims 2 to play so if i get REALLY unbearably bored i'll probably start on one of those. (hopefully its homework cuz once i start on the Sims 2 i may not be able to stop XD) i've remembered something about the car trip that i figure i should mention, tho, seeing as how i have nothin better to do than update n e way. (having read my previous entry may be helpful in following the remainder of this one) One of them was on the way home after we dropped off Ben n after he skipped over "Mr. Brightside" n we talked about those kind of songs we'll start singing n realize we dun like them until like halfway through, he skipped over a couple more songs n one of the ones was a song by the band Otep. I LOVE THIS BAND n i'll get to why in a second. I had a smaller version of my reaction to when he told me he'd take me to a rave Friday/Saturday if he went n said, "Yay, another Otep fan!" there aren't many of us in Arcata, lol. He said that he likes them, but some of their stuff was a little bit too much for him, "in her talking about..." he thought for a moment, my anxiety began to sky rocket, fearing what was going to come out of his mouth next, "...her experiences." shock. her "experiences"?
for those of u who don't listen to Otep, which I'm going to assume is most of u, the singer/screamer, (whatever u'd like to call her, lol) was repeatedly raped/molested, as well as a victim of other forms of abuse. u may wonder why i'd listen to this if it makes me trigger, but its because she's so fucking pissed. she screams. she feels pain. n she's not afraid to express it. so often in our society we're told that we're not allowed to be angry, to be depressed, to hurt. i write about my pain on here so i must be making it all up to get attention. who has the time to express their darker feelings? but here she is, Otep Shamaya, not afraid to share this pain n i can relate to it. i can relate to her anger. many times i've screamed myself. i screamed at a crowd in April about what i went through. its not some unrealistic bullshit like on Law & Order or the Lifetime Channel. its someone who's gone through it, just like me, n she's not afraid to tell the world what a fucked up thing it is. i was so scared to hear one of those words come out of J's mouth. scared cuz i knew it would make me trigger, scared cuz i didn't want to get into n e kind of discussion about this cuz i know what would have come out- the truth. The truth about me. n he doesn't need to know that. n e of that. he's not my boyfriend, he's not even a super close friend. he's a friendly aquantance that i'd love to get closer to whom i'm sure doesn't feel the same way and when he's single he's my fucked buddy and i'm his fuck buddy. that's it. n seriously, who wants to fuck a repeated n molested rape victim, right? but none of that happened. he said, "her experiences." what the hell happened? how did he know? i mean, he doesn't, but what made him say that n not the actual words? does it make him that uncomfortable? i sat there, amazed, n after a moment i just said, "Yeah, but I don't think that those things get talked about enough, so I like that." another moment n i added "Its definately intense." "Yeah..." after a few moments more I brought up that i was disappointed w/ their set @ Ozzfest a couple years back, n from there we started talking about concerts until we pulled over as i mentioned before. (Not to mention talking about the various freaky things we saw in the road the rest of the way, including but not limited to an idiot driver, what looked to me like the remains of a headless zombie corpse n a possible bat/owl. i can discuss these further if y'all want. :P we saw a lot of dead things in the road during the trip. it was kinda weird)
n then of course when he did drop me off @ my house he gave me a hug! :D it made sense that he did w/ his gf n it makes sense that he didn't w/ Ben, but i wasn't sure if he was gonna give me one cuz other than when i first saw him on campus when this semester started, (n after the couple of times we saw each other this semester), he hasn't hugged me when he saw me. (oh yeah, n he did after that first time he saw me on the way home n he showed me Squeakers XD but that's it. all the hugs that one time i saw him when i blacked out really badly, which apparently were exponentially more than i remember but then again i blacked out REALLY BADLY, were pretty much all me, so i'm only talkin about the hugs he's initiated, haha) it was nice to get to hug him again, especially cuz i wasn't really expecting it, hehe...there was something else i remembered, n now i've forgotten it. :( but n e way, i've been tryin not to put too much thought into why he simply said "experiences," which was a good choice because i knew what he meant, but i still thought it was amazing that he said that instead of straight up saying what those experiences were like most ppl would. there's a whole plethera of possible reasons, but i dun really care what the reason for why is. its just amazing that he did. he is amazing, but i think he knows that...lol. having a gf n all that he thinks is amazing...i can't help but wonder if maybe that was something he was nervous about even tho he has no idea how he drives me crazy. if he was i'm sure that it made him feel a lot better that we got along, even though i was very quiet n shy n when we were leaving her place n she said it was nice me meet me i kinda giggled shyly n said, "its nice to meet u, too" which is pretty much how i react to that statement when n e one says it. seriously, the only time i don't feel like an idiot in social situations is when i'm not sober, but that's a whole other topic. i think i've gotten out everythin i wanted to say, n who knows, when i'm still feeling bored later i may write another entry about the roadkill n all of that n e way. hopefully it won't be as long as this entry n the one before it have been, altho it does give me something to do...
God, it's been so long since I've last posted; it's insane. SO much has changed, just from the summer 'till now. I have a little less than half of my sophmore year to go and it's summer again. I can't believe it's been that little a time, and there's been this much of a change.
Where to begin? I don't know. I guess, I'll just let my fingers and mind lead me to the begining. Not just everything else around me, has changed, but I have as well. I'm much more independant, I know what I want to do with my life, I have goals, ambitions, passion, I have so many things I want to accomplish, it just doesn't seem possible. I write, all the time, non-stop now, my art has developed immensly, I have my own style, techniques, I honed in on my skills and have improved so much! I wish I could say that about other aspects of my life. I'm still utterly un-organized, and, well a complete mess for the most part. I have things everywhere strewn all over the place, my locker in school, well lets not go there. And I'm still a hopeless romantic. I've been single for quite some time. I don't mind really, life's so much simpler, but lonelier, everyone around me ahs someone, but me. lol. It sucks hanging out with your friends, and their significant others..I feel out of place all the time.
My dad's girlfriend and her four children moved in. So the house is not as lonely anymore. It certainly has life, there's always light, always talking, always feet running up and down the hallway, fighting. It's fun. ^_^ I missed knowing the feeling of having siblings around, I've been seperated from mine for so long. I think because of all the changes, I've become inspired, and because of all the time I have to myself(kind of) since my friends are all pre-occupied; I've become very introspective, I've realized sides to myself I didn't before, sides usually others don't see. Alot of people think of me as fairly happy-go-lucky. And I am. However, I have a darker side. I'll go through randome, fleeting bouts of depression, any little thing at any moment will set me off. Usually they're spaced out. I'm not moody, necessarily, and maybe depression is too strong of a word. Melancholic suits it better. I'm not really depressed or suicidal, just a sense of sad longing. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I have all this passion to go and start my life, a sort of restlessness. I've felt this since I was 13 years old. I know my education is important, but because of my restlessness I slack off. I'm not stupid, I think of myself as a very bright person, I love learning, I love art, I love music. Art is my life. I live it, breath it, bathe in it, without it, I don't know what I'd do.
I'm a poet, and I use my words to my advantage, using them to cut through you, like bullets through flesh. I'm an artist using my images to spark emotion, light my way through the dark. Sling paint like mud, carve me soul out of plaster. Build myself through canvases, cardboard and tape.
I also contribute my sudden burst of over enthusiasm of art to Otep. I've been a fan for three years, but have just now found a greater appreciation for the band. And the woman behind it. I admire her so much! She's just, to put it simply amazing, not to mention beautiful. She's everything I could hope to amount to one day. Artistic, intelligent, strong minded and willed, she's over come the opsticles in her life that could have destroyed her. Turned her anger, hate, and sorrow into something SO much greater. My biggest fear in life, is to be consumed by my past, and amounting to nothing. Falling to the waste side, not living up to my full potential. My past is a troubled one. But the present is good, it's my future that concerns me. And the future of my siblings, more than anything else. I wish I could do my job as the oldest and watch over them. It tears me apart that I can't help them, that I only talk to them via e-mail and IM's, I want to physically see them, hold them, tell them that things will get better, but just because things worked out for me, doesn't mean it will for them. But my hopes are high, and one day we'll be together,I'll make sure of it.
Ok, I've rambled for too long, and sorry my writings all jumbled, but thats how my thoughts are right now. And I wrote it as it came to me.
Listening to-Rasputin-Dig Ophelia.
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]