Thank God for Orson Scott Card. He's the only author I know who's not afraid to consistently write stories of tragedy. It puts things in perspective when you see someone lose everything dear to them, not just a loved one. one of his stories,
Sonata, is about a man who makes beautiful music, but the laws require that he remain untainted and never hear the music of another. Someone slips him a copy of Bach, and it changes his life forever. First he loses his music. Then later, he is caught playing the piano and loses his fingers. Still later he is caught singing, and loses his voice. Then he becomes one of the Watchers, and enforces the very laws that cost him all he held dear. But in the end, he hears someone singing a song he wrote. A song of pain, tragedy, love lost. This doesn't necessarily make everything okay, but it does make it more bearable.
I miss her madly, badly, insanely, seemingly without end. I know she's not coming back, though I wish with all my heart that she would. This would be easier if there was someone to blame, someone to be angry at. But she told me repeatedly that I did everything right, and I love her too much to be angry at her. I'm at the point where I just want to scream "How could you do this to me!" but that wouldn't help either of us, and just isn't my way.
So it leaves me in this cold, lonely emptiness with no release valve for my emotions. Crying doesn't help. Violence has never worked for me. All I can do is try to live my life as if nothing has changed, and find solace in the stories of people like Orson Scott Card.