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The plot thickens....

Or maybe it thickens.  At this point I'm confused.

 

(Yes, yes, I'm usually confused.)

 

I got an e-mail this morning from Ex-Wife#1--the one who offered me the kidney a post or two ago.  Well, she abruptly decided to come down and visit me tomorrow--her and her 3-year-old daughter, on a little 230 mile jaunt.  This has since been confirmed by phone--she really is coming.  This will be the first time I've actually seen her in person in a couple of years.

 

My first reaction was to think that she's even more worked up about the kidney thing than I thought...not that she can tackle me and put it in herself.  But...there have been some other conversations with her recently, and they didn't involve kidneys.  At one point she sent me a link for a BDSM website--something she seems to have inexplicably gotten into.  The last time before this the conversation got onto sex--we were married for 8 years, so being coy about sex would be stupid--and she sort of offered to perform oral sex on me.  Sort of--not outright, but sort of.  I gave a nice non-reply--I'm good at that--and it just hung in the air.  She is married, after all.  To the father of her daughter.  The guy she--ha ha--replaced me with.

 

Now she's coming for a visit...and I wonder what exactly she has in mind.  And I wonder if I should cooperate with it.  And I wonder if there's any chance at all that I wouldn't cooperate with it....

 

And I'm afraid that I'll get to be either hurt or disappointed no matter what.

 
 
 

   
Naughty Joke of the Night

You can thank my crazy friend Crystal for this one!

 

A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.

One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral s*x will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured that they'd close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate at all.

The nurses run back into the room.

"What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure. Maybe she choked".


 

 
 
   
 

The Collar

He had awakened her sometime in the night, took her by the hair and guided her mouth to his cock. She had sucked him hungrily making him cum and cum. She’d swallowed him and licked him clean, sucking his balls. She’d placed him carefully, making sure he was safe and cared for, tucked herself into her spot against him and lay awake protecting him until she heard him sleeping. 

 

A night before he’d gone down on her until she was a worthless thing and shamed that she didn’t catch her breath and return his, affections.  She had been tingling and giggling, when he spooned around her, and she was asleep before the light went out.

 

She woke up slowly, deliberately ignoring the time and already aware that her good mood just might get her in trouble.  He gave off heat and she woke each morning to his scent. She felt him move and turned so she could wake him up.  He took a deep breath and stretched and she could feel him against her nipples, belly and thighs. Some mornings he pushed his leg between hers and put her on her back or on her tummy and fucked her. 

 

Other mornings, not fully awake, he rambled in whispers and she giggled, trying to make sense of him.  She felt his arm tighten around her and he snuggled against her neck.

“I need to spruce you up my love” She rubbed her hand against the stubble on his face. “I’m un-spruced? Spruceless? ‘Spruce . . .?”  He nuzzled her neck again, still sleepy. “My baby”  He sometimes slipped, said things in his sleepy twilight. “Yes my love” She whispered as he drifted away.  She slipped out of their bed and started the hot water and let him sleep for a minute more, then took her sleepy knight to wake up in the shower and for a shave.  

 

She made coffee, lox and bagels for breakfast and served him on the patio.  The morning sun was warm, but a Santa Ana wind was beginning to pick up and he went and stocked the firewood and built a fire.  She smiled and made a quick list of things and called for them, checked her refrigerator and called again.  She felt the breeze, had an odd feeling stab through her, and she turned quickly to see where he was. She poured more coffee and grabbed a quart bottle of milk and met him in front of the fire.  He smiled when she handed him the bottle and watch him drain most of it, then sipped their coffee.

 

She got up and picked up pillows, and blankets and set them near by where she could reach them.  He reached for her collar and began to unhook it. She suddenly reached for his hand and looked at him. He paused.“I wanted to know if your skin was irritated. You wear this all the time now”.  She shook her head and kissed his hand, and touched her collar. “I have others to wear when we go out, this is for home, for you.”

 

After the rooms were finished that day, he’d fixed a rambling dinner of steamed clams, grilled fish fajitas, grilled vegetables and brown rice and she selected and poured wine. He surprised her with a gift for doing a truly wonderful job. She opened the small box and found her collar.  It was about one inch, soft tough finished leather and instead of an obedience ring, there was a Turquoise birthstone pendant that fit exactly against the collar. The bezel had been engraved with the date he bought her. She was proud of her 'ownership' and it made her happy that this one she'd earned and accepted.

 

"It doesn't come with a leash?"  She'd asked quietly.

"Actually it does. Two in fact."  He watched her lower her eyes for a second, listening for what he said next. "I can attach a thin one, that has a clasp on the other end. It's light, strong and can be very sexy. We will have some days where I will. But this is the one I prefer to use. It's much stronger and much more reliable."  He reached down and took her hand, kissed it, and intwined his fingers with hers and pulled her to him. She looked first at her hand in his and then in his eyes.  "I accept my love." She had been next to him or near him since that moment and she’d never taken it off.

 

“My skin is fine. You may kiss it my master” She briefly unhooked it and let him examine and kiss her neck then quickly fastened it back in place.  She sought his eyes and held them in hers, something she would not have done not so long ago.  She felt her good mood running through her and summoned him by putting the palm of her hand to his face. He followed as she drew her arm back.  She knew the empty ache that was in her tummy right now was in his. She spread her legs wide and continued to draw him to lay over her as she laid back.

 

She reached between his legs and guided him into her as he placed a pillow under her head and pushed. She caught her breath as he began long steady strokes, her thighs becoming slick. She raised her legs and he placed them over his shoulders and pushed her shoulders deeper into the pillow.

 

He held her against him and she could feel their sweat as her breasts rubbed against his chest, and their scent filled the air around them, and she moved her hips against his cock hitting the sweet spots inside her. She whimpered and came and felt the next wave coming, wrapping her arms around him tightly feeling him up into her tummy, she waited for the warmth to explode deep inside and fill her.

 

She lay next to him with his leg between hers, soothingly feeling the warmth run out of her, quietly staring at his face, tracing his lips with her fingertips.   He started to move and she held him there by using the leash she discovered she had,  putting her palm again on his face. A shiver ran through her as he was beckoned close, kissing her throat and her collar.

 

She smiled holding him for awhile longer before their day continued.

 

 
 
 

   
My Revised Total is $141

Ok i don't know how to work a calculator, i admit it, but after seeing everyone's score i thought mine was low so i went back, i even missed a couple of questions the first time, duh.

The ones that i haven't done (and revealing this is more interesting than the total score i think) are 13,21 & 25.

 

I thinkif i get some time i might create one of these, but more slanted in my direction, it might get real interesting how many would even reveal their total score much less tell which ones didn't apply ... just thinking about it ;)

 

Here's the deal. You look it over the following list and see how many of these things you have done. BUT you have to ADD up the money amount along the way. Then post the amount that you are as the title of the bulletin. 
 

PS: the smaller the better!

1. Had sex: $10.00

2. Smoked: $7.00

3. drank: $5.00

4. Went skinny dipping: $10.00

5. Kissed someone of the opposite sex: $1.00

6. Kissed someone of the same sex: $5.00

7. Cheated on a test: $5.00

8. Fell asleep in class: $5.00

9. Been expelled: $10.00

10. Been in a fist fight: $8.00

11. Given oral: $9.00

12. Got oral: $6.00

13. Prank called the cops: $8.00

14. Stole something: $7.00

15. Done drugs: $10.00

16.Dyed your hair: $3.00

17. Done something with someone older (like a few years): $10.00.

18. Went out with someone OVER 18 (if your under 18): $10.00

20. Cried yourself to sleep: $1.00

21. Said you love someone but didn’t mean it: $1.00

22. Been in love: $5.00

23. Got caught doing something that you shouldn’t have been doing: $5.00

24. Went streaking: $1.00

25. Got arrested: $10.00

26. Cuddled: $1.00

27. Peed in the pool: $5.00

28. Played spin the bottle: $7.00

29. Done something you regret: $5.00

 

 
 
   
 

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