Open Mic Night @ MindSay

you looked different that night, slightly yellow.
twisted against the wind like a plastic bag.
you wished a bad wish against me, bought yourself a new pillow.
i didn't think you could be this way,
i wasn't expecting you to be just what you think i am.
swiftly, falling over in your boots. the laces all against the ground.
broke your wisdom teeth
when you were trying to carve your name in my bed with that dirty mouth.
and i was just laughing with you, when you told me it hurt.
we were just laughing away.
sleeping against your back, holding on with all my might.
i thought i wouldn't let go, but i fell off the edge, drowned in the floor.
something about your face was so clear that night, almost unreal.
your facial hair was piercing open spaces, your jaw magnificently defined.
you slapped your words across my face, broke a bone inside my cheek.
made you feel real good, waking up in her bed.
assumed the worst, and cut me off.
said you were sorry, after i had moved on.
and you think it's all my fault, as you sit there with your plum fingers.
you paint me in your mind as the epitome of filthy,
designing weaknesses and vices, bending my body to the curve of your gun.
you sleep soundly, across several streetlights,
putting your hate on the stove to simmer overnight.
eat your grains, and piss your brains out on a detailed prescription slip.

I went to an open mic night yesterday at the awakenings coffee house. there was some pretty good poetry going on. other randomness happened, such as a random viewing of parts of Monty Python's Meaning of life.

"I wonder where that fish has gone!"


it's been almost two days since the concert, and i'm still shaking with excitement. i've been listening to a lot of Dir en Grey, and every song is so much stronger to me now. "The Final" gets me in tears every time.

The whole experienced has definitely made a big impact on me. I wonder what happens from here...

If my words could be heard, I'de speak of the long nights I sit, awake in my room. Looking dreamily outward of my window, mezmorized by the stinging lights I see.
Memories come flooding back, the good and the bad, the marvolous, majestic, beauitful, and discarseful. The city. The diversity, culutre, the music, style, the attitude, and the personification.
People going there, crowded metros, overflowing corner caffes'.
The strip. Main street.  Studio apartments. One room flats.
The suburbs. Fenced Neighborhoods. Mansions. Country clubs.
It's the city.
It calls to me. I long for it.
Driving down main, with nothing but the freash cold air from the window, half asleep. Taking in the takeout, perfume, smog, and cigarete smell. The night life.
Concerts, poetry slams, coffee house open mic night.
The memories flash. New as yesterday. Tattered, yes, and torn, maybe. But never faded.
Dipicting people, places, style, and scenes in my mind.
Like an old projector, lighting up empty space, on an old sheet, on a distorted wall.
The images covers up the blood stains on that once white sheet. The blood covers up the distorted markings on the wall. The marking cover up me. My secrets. My hopes, dreams, fantasies, passions, fears, phobias, loves, loses, hate, gains, my endless list of me.
But I ask the question that brings me back to reality, "What is me? Who am I? Who is this person in the mirror?"
I don't know. Will I ever? Then I am taken aback once renowned again, "What is reality? What is fantasy? Where do you draw the line?"
I don't know. Will I ever?
I don't know the defintion of either or all, but I feel the meanings in the city, driving down main, with nothing but the freash, cold air from the
window, half asleep. Taking in the takeout, perfume, smog, and cigarete
smell. The night life. In the one place I feel alive.
Sitting next to you.

last night, i was feelin' girly, so i painted my nails a light glittery blue. my nails look a little better than when they were in the awkward growing out phase. watched reservoir dogs for the umpteenth time.

i woke up at 8am, got dressed in the same clothes i wore yesterday, and headed over to bear creek to film my last couple shots. didn't have to get in the fridge, but i did have to get wrapped again. watched a couple more scenes and then left at noon. took a shower, put on a fairly nice outfit, actually, and got some food from the dining hall. breakfast burritos. they were decent. watched most of ned kelly. read a book for a half hour. got sleepy, took a 3 hour nap and woke up at 5pm. had a couple weird, but pretty cool dreams. think i might go to open mic night later tonight at 8pm. it'll definitely be fun!

gar, i hate it when guys don't answer their fucking phone.