Open Eyes @ MindSay 
you made me such a better peson, and got me to open and close my eyes to so much.
if that is being possesive and controlling, then i want more.
For some reason my heart has been heavy. Maybe it is due to the ever prevalent way in which we as a people find joy in extinguishing a life we have no right to destroy. I closed my eyes and questioned if it is due to the constant and rising crimes at the hands of mothers against their children, women who for unknown reasons allow life to come through them but suffer with the unfound belief that by killing their own child they were actually saving them from harm.
As the tears fall I thought of a voice that refuses to allow my eyes to stay dry as his voice speaks life into dead souls. As I hear Dr. Martin Luther King I wondered allowed what the family and followers of Benazir Bhutto are feeling. In the midst of her assassination are her killers finding joy in their honorable work?
I open my eyes and pray that one day the words of this speech will become a reality for all people. A realization that the Jew and Arabic are both treated equally in their attempts to live their live. I pray for a new apple to fall from the tree that gives hope to people finding something powerful and majestic to fight for instead of the mirage of coins and paper we so easily chase.
I ask for the day that tears overflow from the eyes of mothers and fathers filled with joy, a joy so powerul and expectant simply because life moves forward instead of fearing the knock on the door that their child is no longer amoung them.
I often wonder if I might have the courage to hear his words during that time. I question the feeling of loss by his death by his followers. As anger and hate were not tools he lived by, what filled the hearts of all people fighting for the rights of people as a whole.
What tears the marchers must shed as they look down at the path they paved being leveled and forgotten by those it was paved for
FREE AT AST................. NOTHING IS FREE!
http://jessi7868.imeem.com/music/AiKKwcSJ/have_a_little_faith_in_me/
I could barely keep my eyes closed. The room was dark, but there was a dim light no larger than the flick from a match, illuminate the room. The apartment was quiet with the exception of Smokey. His snoring while loud, was music my ears had no desire to turn off. He was resting with his muzzle placed directly on my right shoulder. The clock next to the bed read 3:15; I now had exactly three more hours to sleep...great.
Smokey was no longer snoring, he was awake and licking my face. Had I been crying or having a nightmare? Did he know I was accepting prayers from my four legged friends? Attempting to wipe what I thought was sleep from my eyes I realized I had not slept; my eyes had truly been resting. Showered dressed and full of OJ I looked at Smokey and wondered if we would be ok. I wondered if I would be able to keep him. It was now 5:30; I needed to be on the road for my 2 1/2 hour trip. I was use to the darkness; I work from 2245 until 0715. When the rest of world was sleeping, I was wide eyed and bushy tail, of course I was neither now.
"You need to be honest and open with your answers Ms. Fisher" He trailed off after "er.” He was no longer a reality in my mind. Actually, he sounded like the teacher from the Peanuts. He talked for another 2 hours until he finally said CJ you are not crazy" All joking aside, I heard only Halleluiah in stereo. Tears fell from my eyes as he asked if I was ok. Ok? Ok after falsely being accused of Workplace Harassment? My spirit told me to be still and gather the joy that had been placed at my feet. My tears were tears of joy. Tears of freedom. Tears of favor shown by God. No weapon formed against me shall prosper; this was no longer simply a song nor a mirage.
As far as where this life lesson began, I cannot go into detail but I will share what I can.
January the 8th a new dispatcher went directly to internal affairs and stated I was harassing her by not speaking. I know that I have spoken my feelings on this blog, but outside of the computer, I am quite shy. I do not know if it is because of my childhood (latchkey kid) or if it is simply my guard used to protect me, but I tend to very standoffish. As far as my accuser, I know now I did give her the cold shoulder. Her work ethics were less than stellar and honestly, I felt sorry for her. I could not understand why she was satisfied with being average (as far as work). Looking back, I know I cannot judge people. I know now that by protecting myself from her I actually opened myself up for an attack.
1500hrs and my Capt. Calls. I know that I cannot simply ignore the call, but am I ready for what she has to say? My ears and eyes are not, but my heart says to stand on faith! Know that I did nothing on purpose to hurt anyone. Know that I was cleared as far as having to be cleared by a psych to return to work. I picked up the phone and remained silent. This Capt. was not simply a Capt. she has been a friend from day one.
CJ you were cleared to return to work. I was still silent, silently crying. I know you have two more days to work for the week, but...GREAT there is always a but. What I am going to do is pay you for the full workweek.
If you never believed in blessings.
If you never believed in the power of simple words. I guess you will have to wait until your eyes are clear and anger has not filled your heart. This time last week, I could not sit without crying. I could not stand on the faith my heart has known. I thought my world was about to end.
I am blessed.
I AM FREE!
This quiz makes me feel boring. Don't read unless your brain is melting our of your head in boredom. And even if it is, it'll just continue the melting process. Probably make it faster, too...^^; Silly wastes of time...
• c o n f e s s i o n s •
~•*be honest*•~
- y e s - o r - n o -
I'M AFRAID OF SILENCE: Ehh...if I spend like more than a day without talking much it'll start messing with my brain, but on its own no.
I TALK A LOT WHEN I GET NERVOUS: Either that or very little.
I AM REALLY TICKLISH: Yes.
I'VE BEEN CALLED A TEASE: No.
I'VE BEEN CALLED "JAIL-BAIT": No.
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK: No. Not unless it's a dark, creepy public restroom. 0_0
I'M AFRAID OF FACING MY BACK TO OPEN DOORS AT NIGHT: No.
I CAN'T SLEEP IN A ROOM IF THE CLOSET DOOR IS OPEN: No.
I AM A HOMOSEXUAL: No.
I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE: Yes.
I'VE RUN AWAY FROM HOME: No.
I LISTEN TO POLITICAL MUSIC: No.
I COLLECT COMIC BOOKS: Yes...heehee manga obbession...
I SHUT OTHERS OUT WHEN I'M SAD: Sometimes. Probably. ^^;
I'VE STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT: Yes.
I OPEN UP TO OTHERS EASILY: Sometimes, depends on the person.
I AM KEEPING A SECRET FROM THE WORLD: Hmm nothing I can think of? Maybe one, but it's lame.
I WATCH THE NEWS: Sometimes.
I OWN OVER 5 RAP CD'S: No.
I LOVE DISNEY MOVIES: Yes. ^^ Some are boring, but there are awesome ones too. Like the Finding Nemo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Little Mermaid, and Anastasia...
I AM A SUCKER FOR GREEN EYES: No.
I AM A SUCKER FOR BROWN EYES: Ehhhh.
I AM A SUCKER FOR BLUE EYES: All eyes are good! Just be glad you have them!
I DON'T KILL BUGS: I'm too afraid of them too kill them...^^; Unless it's a puny ant. Then I pity it. Unless it's in the kitchen or living room....*smoosh* Sorry?
I CURSE: When I'm alone, sure.
I'VE CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: No.
I'VE SLIPPED AND FELL IN PUBLIC: Yes.
I'VE SLIPPED OUT A "LOL" IN A REAL CONVERSATION: No.
I LOVE SPAM: No.
I'M A GOOD COOK: No.
I HAVE WORN PAJAMAS TO CLASS: Yes.
I HAVE OWNED SOMETHING FROM ABERCROMBIE: No.
I WANT A BETTER JOB..OR A JOB: This summer, yes.
I'VE TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR 6+ HOURS: No. I think 3 hours was the longest.
I LOVE DR. PHIL: No.
I LIKE SOMEONE: Ehh, no.
I AM GUILTY OF TyPiNg LiKe ThIs: No.
I AM SELF-CONSCIOUS: Not too much, but sometimes
I LOVE TO LAUGH: Yes! ^^
I DRINK ALCOHOL FREQUENTLY: Nope, too young.
I'VE SMOKED A PACK OF CIGARETTES IN 1 DAY: Never had one.
I'M NOT A VIRGIN: Not true!
I LOVE LORD OF THE FLIES: Ehh, not really. it was kind of creepy. And why did Piggy tell everyone NOT to call him Piggy? Just don't mention it all all!!! @_@
I EAT COUGH DROPS WHEN I'M NOT SICK: No.
I CAN'T SWALLOW PILLS: False.
I HAVE A LOT OF SCARS: No.
I CAN'T SLEEP IF I KNOW THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE ROOM: Hmm....no. But I'll be thinking about it.
I LOVE CHOCOLATE: YES!!!! CHOCOHOLICS ALL THE WAY!!!
I BITE MY NAILS: No, not usually.
I TWIRL MY HAIR: Not on purpose.
I AM COMFORTABLE WITH BEING ME: Yes. ^^
I PLAY COMPUTER GAMES WHEN I'M BORED: Umm....if the internet counts as a game. ^^;
I TAKE THESE GAY SURVEYS WHEN I'M BORED: Well, I am now.
I'VE SEEN A SHOOTING STAR: No.
I'VE HAD A "MENAGE A TROIS": A what?
I'VE GONE OUT IN PUBLIC IN MY PAJAMAS: Yes.
I'VE KISSED A STRANGER: No.
I'VE KISSED SOMEONE FOR THE HELL OF IT: No.
I'VE HUGGED A STRANGER: Maybe friends of friends, if they count as strangers. Not really.
I'VE BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX: Yes, but we were just kidding.
I'VE LAUGHED AND HAD SOME TYPE OF BEVERAGE COME OUT OF MY NOSE: Kinda?
I'VE PUSHED ALL THE BUTTONS IN AN ELEVATOR: No.
I'VE MADE OUT IN AN ELEVATOR: No.
I'VE KICKED A GUY WHERE IT HURTS ON PURPOSE: Ummmm.....he deserved it!!! ^^;
I'VE BEEN SKYDIVING: No.
I'VE BEEN BUNGEE JUMPING: No.
I'VE HAD STITCHES: No.
I'VE BITTEN SOMEONE..AS A JOKE: Probably when I was younger....
I'VE BEEN TO NIAGARA FALLS: No.
I'VE HAD THE CHICKEN POX: No.
I'VE CRASHED INTO A CAR: No.
I'VE BEEN TO JAPAN: Hah, I wish.
I'VE RIDDEN IN A TAXI: Yes.
I'VE SHOPLIFTED: No.
I'VE BEEN FIRED: No.
I'VE HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T HAVE THEM BACK: hmmm
I'VE STOLEN SOMETHING FROM MY JOB: No.
I'VE BEEN ON A BLIND DATE: No.
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER: No.
I'VE CELEBRATED MARDI GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS: No.
I'VE BEEN TO EUROPE: I want to go.
I'VE SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER, AND/OR EMPLOYEE: No.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED: No.
I'VE GOTTEN DIVORCED: No.
I'VE BEEN PREGNANT: No.
I'VE SEEN SOMETHING/SOMEONE DYING: No for someone, yes for something.
I HAVE A LIST OF PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL: No.
I'VE DRIVEN OVER 400 MILES IN 1 DAY: Not sure...
I'VE BEEN TO CANADA: No.
I'VE BEEN ON A PLANE: Yes.
I'VE SEEN THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW: No.
I'VE THROWN UP FROM DRINKING: No.
I'VE EATEN SUSHI: No.
I'VE BEEN SKIING: No.
I'VE BEEN ICE SKATING: No.
I'VE CRIED IN PUBLIC: Yes.
I'VE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE: No.
I'VE LIKED SOMEONE EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE: hmmmmm
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT SOMEONE ALMOST 24/7: ? Not sure?
I'VE HATED THE WORLD: Nah.
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