Online Dating @ MindSay 
Should You Go on a Dating Hiatus?
Sometimes we need a hiatus from dating. A “hiatus” is a break in something that normally has continuity. You may have heard this term used in conjunction with television shows: “The show is going on hiatus until shooting starts for next season.” That means the actors and crew are taking a break until work starts again. The Brick Wall So how do you know it's time to consider a dating hiatus? It's when you’ve been dating for many months or years and still seem no closer to meeting the right person than when you started. It's when you've been dating a succession of people but nothing of substance develops with any of them. Are you beginning to feel like you’re just beating your head against a brick wall? It will feel better if you simply decide to STOP. You’ve gotten yourself in a rut. You keep doing the same things to meet new people but every relationship just peters out and goes nowhere. You’re starting to feel so frustrated that’s it’s affecting your relationships with family and friends. You’re just grumpy and negative much of the time. You’re losing hope of ever finding someone to love and becoming cynical and sarcastic about your future. Instead of moving forward you’re going into a tailspin. Before you let this state of mind deteriorate into a full-blown depression, there is something you can do to change it: go on hiatus! If you’re on a online dating sites and on a losing streak and it keeps getting worse instead of better, then do what any smart coach does for a player in that situation. Take yourself out of the game for a while. Break the Pattern When what you have been doing just isn’t working, it’s time to stop, break the pattern and do something different. If you are sliding into a state of misery and frustration, this may be the time when you are unhappy enough to consider doing some personal growth and spiritual work. Sad but true, most of us do not take steps to change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same. This is the time when you are most motivated to find a connection to God or Spirit or Higher Power or whatever you call the unseen force that created our world. This is the time when you are most open to learning a new way to think and a new set of principles to believe in and live by that will take you out of your misery and put you back in charge of your life. If this is where you are today, don’t beat yourself up because you haven’t found the love relationship you so ardently desire. Even the best online dating services boxer in the world sometimes has to go down for the count before he can get back up and start fighting again. Give yourself a break and take a break from the dating scene. Going On Hiatus Once you make up your mind firmly and decide you are going on a dating hiatus, you will immediately start to feel a little better. That’s because you have taken control of your life again and have stopped looking for someone else to make you feel okay. Next time some well-meaning friend asks you who you’re dating you don’t have to feel like a loser or a second-class citizen because you’re alone. You can just say, “Oh, I’m on hiatus right now. I’ve decided not to date for a while.” It’s a choice you have made, not an unwanted situation you found yourself in. You are in control and you’re feeling better! Now’s the time to take that class you’ve been meaning to take, start going to church, find a therapist or counselor or support group. Read a book or two about spiritual principles, study the bible or other scriptures that interest you. Go back to your religious roots or explore some different philosophy that intrigues you. Try a yoga or meditation on online dating or dance class. Take the hours and hours you used to spend online at the dating sites and invest them into yourself instead. Before I met my husband I took a two year dating hiatus and did just what I’m suggesting you do. That’s why I know it works. What a relief it was to get myself out of the mindset of most singles: “looking, looking, always looking.” I pulled in my “singles antenna” that was always on the lookout for any man that might be a possibility. I stopped making decisions about whether to go to any event based on how many single men might be there. I accepted my state of singleness and enjoyed all the good things about it. Making Changes I delved into the universal spiritual principles taught in Religious Science and Unity churches and discovered that I actually had the power to change how I think and what I believe. I created a whole new life for myself and learned how to be happy and whole as a single person. I let the old feelings of “not good enough” drop away and replaced them with believing and knowing that my happiness did not depend on having a partner. Also, I came to realize that holding on to resentments from the past can block you from attracting good things into your life today. Learning to release bitterness and resentment is a necessary step, but one that many people are unwilling to take. If you are having difficulty finding and keeping a good partner today, chances are there’s some anger over a past hurt buried in you that’s part of the cause. You don’t have to “forgive” and pretend that whatever they did wasn’t wrong, but unless you release those angry feelings, and stop giving them your attention, you’ll never be free of their influence. Doing this emotional work may not be much fun and you may resent the fact that you even have to do it! But if you have the courage you can find a way and it will make a tremendous difference in your next relationship. I can vouch for that. When I was secure in the knowledge that I am enough and don’t need anyone else to be happy then I was able to go back into dating and attract a great mate in less than a year. Turns out that the solution to the problem was within myself. Once I released my old resentments and learned to appreciate all the good things about my life, I attracted some really good men into my life. Now I'm happily married a man who is a perfect partner for me. This dating hiatus idea may seem too radical and extreme to you right now. However, the more people you date and the more unhappy you get, the more it will start to make sense to you. If all you do is take a break for a while, but don’t do anything to make needed changes within yourself during that time, then you can’t expect to get better results when you start dating again. A dating hiatus works only if you work it! How Long? How long should it take? There are no hard and fast rules about this. It all depends on how much change and growth you need before you are able to produce a different outcome for yourself. My guess would be a minimum of six months to an average of several years. Does this sound impossible for you right now? If you can’t stand the thought of not having a date for six months, then you are in a precarious state of mind, depending way too much on being in a relationship to make you feel okay. A dating hiatus could be just what you need, but you may not be ready to accept that yet. It requires patience and the determination to stick with it for however long it takes. In our culture of instant gratification and the quick-fix, people don’t like hearing this, but it is the truth. Let these ideas sink in and roll around in your subconscious for a while. Few people will joyfully jump up after reading this and shout, “Yes, I’m going on a dating hiatus tomorrow!” Give it some time and when the time is right for you (or when you are sufficiently miserable and frustrated), you will know. When it’s done with the right motivation, a dating hiatus along with some personal growth work can be your ticket to a better future. You'll go back into the dating game with a real possibility of winning next time.
Long Distance Dating: Romantic or Frantic?
It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. She’s in Los Angeles: he’s in New York. They met through an online dating service, started with e-mail, moved up to phone chatting and now they’re sure they’re in love. Only problem is—they have never met in person.But they can both tell it’s the real thing. It must be love—how else could the talks they have on the phone be so intimate and make them feel so close? Sure, it will be difficult and expensive to get together, but hey, this is true love! And sure, if they are to be together that means one of them has to give up their whole lifestyle—family, friends, work, etc.—and move thousands of miles away just to be with the other.If you’ve never been in one of these long-distance romances you might wonder why in the world anyone would try to start a romance with someone who lives so far away. Ask any pop psychologist and they’ll tell you it’s a perfect set-up for people who are afraid of commitment. The long-distance lover gives you a place to focus all your romantic fantasies of having the perfect person to love, without any of the romance-dampening realities—like discovering that they yell and throw things when angry, or they hate being around your friends, or that they see nothing wrong with a drink or two before noon. When you have just broken up with someone or when you have been on an endless merry-go-round of dates that go nowhere or when it’s been months and months since you met anyone to date, you can become vulnerable to the lure of long-distance romance. I may seem very opinionated on this subject, but that’s because I’m trying to save you from the heartache of another relationship gone bad. Let’s get one thing straight—this is dedicated to people who want a serious, long-term, committed, monogamous love relationship. If you just want to play, then you might find long distance dating exciting and fun. But in case of online dating if you want to find the right kind of partner and develop a real love relationship, you are going down a dead end road if you get involved with someone who is too far away. What's Too Far Away? What’s “too far away”? It actually has more to do with time than with actual distance in miles. Based on my experience I’d say that if it takes more than an hour’s travel time for you two to get together, that’s too far away. I tried it with several good prospects that I met dating online who lived over an hour away and it was just too difficult for us to get together on any kind of regular basis. Sometimes two or three weeks would go by before we could get our schedules to mesh well enough to see each other. Believe me in online dating services, all it takes is a few nerve-wracking 90-minute drives through Southern California traffic to take the luster off your budding romance. And that’s if they are only 60 or 70 miles away. As a relationship develops you want to spend more and more time with the person. You can put up with the travel time at the start when everything is new and exciting, but it gets old rather quickly. So now you should know what’s coming next. If I’m telling you 60 miles is too far, what do I think about hundreds or thousands of miles? That's relationship roulette—and the house always wins! Okay, I know you’ve heard stories about one of these long distance deals that did work out. They flew across the country to see each other, it was instant chemistry and they got married and lived happily ever after. What are the chances that it will happen that way for you? Pretty close to zero. (I’d bet that lovely couple in the story is no longer together a year or two later.) The One Hour Rule So here’s the bottom line of online dating site: long distance dating is DUMB! Don’t do it if you want a real love relationship with a real person. Make up your mind right now to put the One Hour Rule into effect. There are many people that are a good match for you within one hour from your home (except maybe if you live in the Australian outback or Alaskan wilderness). We all have many more than just one soul mate on the planet at any given time. I used to live 6,500 feet up in a little mountain town of 6,000 people where I could not find any men I wanted to date. So I got on the net and did a search for men within 40 miles and dozens of profiles popped up. One of them was my future husband, living right at the bottom of the mountain. There he was, but how would I ever have met him without the online dating service? It took about 45 – 50 minutes for us to drive to one another’s homes, and by the time we’d been dating for 6 months or so we were really tired of all the driving. But that was long enough to determine that we wanted to get engaged, move in together and eventually get married. You must want a great long-term relationship or marriage if you’ve read this far. So develop a rock-solid resolve deep in your heart that you will not be tempted into starting a long distance online flirtation with anyone, no matter how cute their photo is or how perfect they seem in their profile. It is an utterly futile pursuit and will NOT get you to your goal. The best thing to do is to clearly state your “No long distance dating” preference right up front in your profile and then stick to your guns. Some lunkhead that lives four states away will still try to contact you and you can just ignore their message or send a blank reply with NO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS or NOT INTERESTED in the subject line if you want to give them the courtesy of a reply. Advanced Search Options The better dating services have advanced search options that let you choose a geographical category according to zip code or number of miles. You know what the average travel times will be in your home area and can figure out which zip codes or how many miles will keep you in the under one hour category. When you first do your own searches restrict them to people 20 – 30 minutes away. Most people will find plenty of prospects in a nearby geographical area. If you’re not having any luck expand your search criteria to 45 minutes or 60 minutes at the most.There may be times when you feel lonesome and bored, when you haven’t met anyone really interesting in a long time. That’s the time when your resolve will be tested. You’ll start to think “Oh, well…here’s a message from someone who’s only 3 hours away. Maybe I’ll just checkout their profile.” This is dangerous thinking that could very well put you on the road to disaster. Remember that while you are fooling around with the wrong person, you are not available for the right person when they do show up.So now you’re thinking, “Boy, this lady is tough on us poor singles!” Yes, I’m being tough here for a good reason. People like you and me who value and cherish the idea of having a great marriage have to be tough enough to say NO to situations that have little or no chance of producing the long-term relationship we want.I’m glad that I instituted the One Hour Rule for myself and stuck to it, no matter what. That’s why I was able to find my great guy living close enough so we could really get to know each other. And that’s why that great guy and I are happily married today.
Saturday March 7 - Collab, Crushes, Instant Messaging and Health Issues
KitsunenoTora
Doing: Working on the kiriban picture for Rayquaza Gal - I fail at graffitti
Drinking: Water
Craving: Something chocolate
Health: Catching a cold - I've had a headache all day, my throat hurts and my nose is starting to stuff up
Playing: Should've been playing TWEWY, but I've stopped for a couple days
Should have: Voted on the contest for The Village Square, but I forgot
Procrastinating doing: My homework
Wondering about: Dixie, if my glucose test came out okay
KitsunenoTora is feeling: Sick, lazy, bored
Ugh. I think I've caught a cold. Probably the same one Pat has had - I have all the same symptoms. Stupid guy, I'm hardly ever around him yet I catch his cold. Mom was complaining that she was getting sick, too. I've had a terrible headache ever since I got up too, and it's only gotten worse.
Just great. I start my new hours at work on Monday, from 9 am to 3 pm. I don't want to miss the money, but I don't want to go if I'm going to be miserable, and I don't want to get Mary sick. Plus I'm meeting with Andi to finally play some Kingdom Hearts, and I don't want to go and possibly spread it to other people. And I doubt I'll be very functional when it comes to figuring things out.
Shit, I just had to run to my room and grab my pills. I totally forgot to take them at 10:00, I was busy talking to Shadow, Raven and Taylor. >.>;; Oops. They're my new pills - my doctor decided that we need to forcibly start my periods, since I haven't been getting any. My body is apparently not producing enough estrogen, so that's the reason for my abnormally greasy complexion, dark hair, weird hair patterns, and me not having periods. Makes sense. I hope it works - if it doesn't, that means there is something seriously wrong with me. After taking these pills for a week (I'll be done on Wednesday), it can take anywhere from a couple days to another two weeks before my periods start. On the first day I'll go on birth control to regulate it and stuff. She decided to forcibly start them because the lack of estrogen is doing weird things to me, and it can cause cysts on my ovaries and premature osteoporosis. Do not want.
I'm kinda worried though. One of the symptoms for my condition (fuck if I can remember the term) is not being able to digest sugars properly. Basically, it means I could be pre-diabetic, which I'm already at risk for because of my weight. Plus, when my dad was my age they thought he might be hypoglycemic, which doesn't help any. I took the test on Thursday. The test was awful - I don't mind needles, but the last two times they had to draw blood it hurt. And it was annoying, because I spent half the day STARVING. DX
I suppose the kinda good thing about it is that recently my mom has been practically fawning over me- she hasn't bothered me about shit I don't want to talk about the past few days, nor bitched at me for sleeping in. She'll get over it and go back soon, which I'm not looking forward to.
Rofl, something interesting has happened in the past few days. Taylor has finally discovered the glory that is Yahoo Messenger and Instant Messaging. XDD I finally got her to download it so we could talk more reasonably - the forums are kinda slow. I like talking to her, she's very hyper so there's hardly any awkward silences, like there is when I talk to Dai or Silent Rice. I haven't talked to Silent in a LONG time though - I'd been avoiding being logged in and available because I didn't want Dixie to see me. I feel bad, but.. it's kinda awkward. I don't want to upset her - I kinda abandoned her back in October. There was a reason, and I do want to start talking to her again, but from what I've been secretly reading from her blog she seems to be doing a bit better with everything. I don't want to upset her. But I have her on WLM, so I figured there wasn't any harm in deleting her from my YM list so I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally coming online while she is. Anyway, there were a few bumps in the road because she was using an old type of messenger and couldn't join group chats, but we eventually fixed it. Now Shadow, Taylor and I all talk together. Raven joined us today, too. I like doing it, even if it dramatically reduces the posts in ALoP and it Died. We're still all on there - but it's hard to multitask. ^^; It's mostly Mima, Dai and Usagi who end up talking on there the most. But I think we might end up getting Mima on YM, so she might just end up joining us. It's going to be chaos. XD;;;
It's kinda funny. Ever since I've started coming back on YM, Silent has been talking to me a lot. I seem to attract people who want someone to listen to the crap that goes on in their lives - I've kinda been his far away confidant about the drama that has been going on in his life with his friends and crush. I don't mind a whole lot, because it's minor stuff that I saw a lot in high school, but I don't have much to go on advice-wise - I've always been kinda a hermit when it comes to relationships with other people. So while I've seen all of it... I don't know how to DEAL with it myself. So all I can do is just listen to what he has to say and tell him it will get better. Which pains me, because it's so useless. It's the same problem I went through with Dixie - all I could do was comfort her and say cliche philosophical things and try and make it seem like good advice. It pained me, because I didn't feel like I was doing anything.
I've been thinking about Dixie a lot. I think about her pretty much every day - I always have. But recently it's spiked. I miss her, despite the fact that all we ever talk about is depressing stuff. (Which, incidentally, is what drove me away in the first place - there was too much shit going on in October for me to be able to deal with my own emotional baggage AND hers. It wouldn't be good for either of us - I would just spiral down into depression and I wouldn't be helping her any. I would just end up agreeing with her.) I feel guilty though - I promised her that I would be with her, and help her get better. And I haven't been following through with that. Which I feel REALLY bad about. I've been feeling better now, and I want to talk to her again... but I'm afraid about how she will react. Will she reject me? And what will that do to her progress? I wonder if it's worth it, even though I want it so bad. I want to resolve what happened, and possibly be friends again. I miss her. But if it's going to hurt her for any length of time, then I'll stay away. I love her too much to make her hurt. (In a totally platonic/friendship way, mind you.)
It's been a week ago today that Jasper died. I still haven't seen his grave - which I kinda feel bad about. I'll go see it eventually, but I wonder how long it will take for me to actually follow through. Probably not until the weather becomes more favorable.
My mom wants to get a dog. We spent the majority of the day searching and searching online for animal shelters, so we can adopt one. Surprisingly, they're very hard to find. O.o The only shelter we found was the Detroit Humane Society, which is WAAAY too far away. The rest were just offices and branches that weren't actual shelters. We did end up finding two dogs online though - they're both German Shepard mixes, and really cute. Their names are Winnie and Miss Bear. I'm hoping we get Miss Bear - although we'll probably rename her. I hope we can find a way to get to them - all the site had was an email, which surprisingly I just got an email back from. I only emailed about asking for information about Winnie, but apparently the shelter hasn't gotten their hands on her yet. Oh well.
Sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I might be starting to crush on Raven again. I'm so stupid. Last summer during the time that we were doing the collab, I kinda developed a crush on Raven. But, the thing is, when he posted his picture on the doc so we could all see him like Taylor, Dixie and I were doing... to be quite honest I was repulsed. He's not very ugly, but.... I'm not in any way attracted to him. I like the look of Asians... but not his kind of asian. :/ To be quite honest, seeing that picture KILLED my crush last time. But... he's a really nice guy, and really sweet. And talking to him on YM and starting up another collab... I think I'm falling for him again. I love his personality, but just that isn't enough for me. There has to be some chemistry physically and while I've never met him, I can tell just by seeing his picture that there isn't much. It's not enough for me. But dammit, I know I'm falling for him again anyway.
Maybe I just need a cold shower in the way of looking at his picture again - if it's still up, anyway. I've been to the old picture doc a couple of times over the past few months, and a lot recently, but I haven't seen it. I should do that... but not now, having both Mindsay and the doc is SURE to crash my internet - that doc is just so massive that Firefox can't handle it, apparently.
It doesn't help that I've been talking to Taylor about romantic stuff recently. She hooked up with Shadow last month, and I've been thinking too much about my own failure of a romantic life. But I don't do internet relationships well, so... it could never work out anyway. Another blow to my defenses when it comes to him is the collab fic - his character is the main character, and mine seems to be becoming the leading supporting character. And Shadow and Taylor are fully behind making them a couple eventually, since our characters are going to be around each other the most. FireWaterModShipping, it's consuming me indefinitely. I'm... behind it. I WANT it to happen. I guess it's making the impossible happen in a way. It could never work out between us in reality - so I want it to happen in the fic. Bad. But he's against it, which hurt. A lot, surprisingly. I was crestfallen... I talked to him last night about it - he says he wants his character to remain single, or end up with Flannery, his character's main crush/obsession, and one of the main sources of minor comedy in the fic. Sigh. And I don't know if anyone else besides Shadow, Taylor and I are behind it, or even know of the pairing possibility. It was mostly spurred in the fic by an idea that Raven had come up with - where he meets with his mother and she demands that he get a girlfriend and get married and have grandchildren for her, etc. So he has to find a girl to at least pretend to be his girlfriend to satiate his mother and get her off his back about romantic things. My character was chosen by Shadow and Taylor, and nobody seems to be against it. Then there's the berries that suddenly make everybody interested in everybody romantically (aka the shipping seeds that apparently Alessandra is going to accidentally use in their meal), which was originally created for some Pinchshipping (Taylor/Shadow) and ended up including FireWaterModShipping by, of course, Taylor and Shadow's request. Then there's the dance idea...
Those two are definitely trying to hook us up. I know Taylor is doing it intentionally because she likes doing that kind of thing and knows about my past crush and my current developing one, but I don't know about Shadow. He likes to ship, and would be behind it anyway, but I don't know and worry if Taylor has told him anything. I hope not, it's kinda embarrassing. I trust her, and she knows that, but I just don't know if their relationship changing has caused her to start talking to him about that kind of stuff. But I didn't blab about her crushing on Shadow before they hooked up, so I doubt she would on my part, but... I JUST DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, and it's going to eat me for forever. But I don't want to ask - I don't want her to think that I don't trust her when I do. Sigh. Why does love have to be such a pain in the ass.
...Reading back on what I've written previously in this entry, my headache is DEFINITELY affecting how I'm typing. Run ons galore. I should probably stop with this, even though there's more I want to talk about. This entry is getting rather long, anyway.
Goodnight, digital abyss.
Doing: Working on the kiriban picture for Rayquaza Gal - I fail at graffitti
Drinking: Water
Craving: Something chocolate
Health: Catching a cold - I've had a headache all day, my throat hurts and my nose is starting to stuff up
Playing: Should've been playing TWEWY, but I've stopped for a couple days
Should have: Voted on the contest for The Village Square, but I forgot
Procrastinating doing: My homework
Wondering about: Dixie, if my glucose test came out okay
KitsunenoTora is feeling: Sick, lazy, bored
Ugh. I think I've caught a cold. Probably the same one Pat has had - I have all the same symptoms. Stupid guy, I'm hardly ever around him yet I catch his cold. Mom was complaining that she was getting sick, too. I've had a terrible headache ever since I got up too, and it's only gotten worse.
Just great. I start my new hours at work on Monday, from 9 am to 3 pm. I don't want to miss the money, but I don't want to go if I'm going to be miserable, and I don't want to get Mary sick. Plus I'm meeting with Andi to finally play some Kingdom Hearts, and I don't want to go and possibly spread it to other people. And I doubt I'll be very functional when it comes to figuring things out.
Shit, I just had to run to my room and grab my pills. I totally forgot to take them at 10:00, I was busy talking to Shadow, Raven and Taylor. >.>;; Oops. They're my new pills - my doctor decided that we need to forcibly start my periods, since I haven't been getting any. My body is apparently not producing enough estrogen, so that's the reason for my abnormally greasy complexion, dark hair, weird hair patterns, and me not having periods. Makes sense. I hope it works - if it doesn't, that means there is something seriously wrong with me. After taking these pills for a week (I'll be done on Wednesday), it can take anywhere from a couple days to another two weeks before my periods start. On the first day I'll go on birth control to regulate it and stuff. She decided to forcibly start them because the lack of estrogen is doing weird things to me, and it can cause cysts on my ovaries and premature osteoporosis. Do not want.
I'm kinda worried though. One of the symptoms for my condition (fuck if I can remember the term) is not being able to digest sugars properly. Basically, it means I could be pre-diabetic, which I'm already at risk for because of my weight. Plus, when my dad was my age they thought he might be hypoglycemic, which doesn't help any. I took the test on Thursday. The test was awful - I don't mind needles, but the last two times they had to draw blood it hurt. And it was annoying, because I spent half the day STARVING. DX
I suppose the kinda good thing about it is that recently my mom has been practically fawning over me- she hasn't bothered me about shit I don't want to talk about the past few days, nor bitched at me for sleeping in. She'll get over it and go back soon, which I'm not looking forward to.
Rofl, something interesting has happened in the past few days. Taylor has finally discovered the glory that is Yahoo Messenger and Instant Messaging. XDD I finally got her to download it so we could talk more reasonably - the forums are kinda slow. I like talking to her, she's very hyper so there's hardly any awkward silences, like there is when I talk to Dai or Silent Rice. I haven't talked to Silent in a LONG time though - I'd been avoiding being logged in and available because I didn't want Dixie to see me. I feel bad, but.. it's kinda awkward. I don't want to upset her - I kinda abandoned her back in October. There was a reason, and I do want to start talking to her again, but from what I've been secretly reading from her blog she seems to be doing a bit better with everything. I don't want to upset her. But I have her on WLM, so I figured there wasn't any harm in deleting her from my YM list so I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally coming online while she is. Anyway, there were a few bumps in the road because she was using an old type of messenger and couldn't join group chats, but we eventually fixed it. Now Shadow, Taylor and I all talk together. Raven joined us today, too. I like doing it, even if it dramatically reduces the posts in ALoP and it Died. We're still all on there - but it's hard to multitask. ^^; It's mostly Mima, Dai and Usagi who end up talking on there the most. But I think we might end up getting Mima on YM, so she might just end up joining us. It's going to be chaos. XD;;;
It's kinda funny. Ever since I've started coming back on YM, Silent has been talking to me a lot. I seem to attract people who want someone to listen to the crap that goes on in their lives - I've kinda been his far away confidant about the drama that has been going on in his life with his friends and crush. I don't mind a whole lot, because it's minor stuff that I saw a lot in high school, but I don't have much to go on advice-wise - I've always been kinda a hermit when it comes to relationships with other people. So while I've seen all of it... I don't know how to DEAL with it myself. So all I can do is just listen to what he has to say and tell him it will get better. Which pains me, because it's so useless. It's the same problem I went through with Dixie - all I could do was comfort her and say cliche philosophical things and try and make it seem like good advice. It pained me, because I didn't feel like I was doing anything.
I've been thinking about Dixie a lot. I think about her pretty much every day - I always have. But recently it's spiked. I miss her, despite the fact that all we ever talk about is depressing stuff. (Which, incidentally, is what drove me away in the first place - there was too much shit going on in October for me to be able to deal with my own emotional baggage AND hers. It wouldn't be good for either of us - I would just spiral down into depression and I wouldn't be helping her any. I would just end up agreeing with her.) I feel guilty though - I promised her that I would be with her, and help her get better. And I haven't been following through with that. Which I feel REALLY bad about. I've been feeling better now, and I want to talk to her again... but I'm afraid about how she will react. Will she reject me? And what will that do to her progress? I wonder if it's worth it, even though I want it so bad. I want to resolve what happened, and possibly be friends again. I miss her. But if it's going to hurt her for any length of time, then I'll stay away. I love her too much to make her hurt. (In a totally platonic/friendship way, mind you.)
It's been a week ago today that Jasper died. I still haven't seen his grave - which I kinda feel bad about. I'll go see it eventually, but I wonder how long it will take for me to actually follow through. Probably not until the weather becomes more favorable.
My mom wants to get a dog. We spent the majority of the day searching and searching online for animal shelters, so we can adopt one. Surprisingly, they're very hard to find. O.o The only shelter we found was the Detroit Humane Society, which is WAAAY too far away. The rest were just offices and branches that weren't actual shelters. We did end up finding two dogs online though - they're both German Shepard mixes, and really cute. Their names are Winnie and Miss Bear. I'm hoping we get Miss Bear - although we'll probably rename her. I hope we can find a way to get to them - all the site had was an email, which surprisingly I just got an email back from. I only emailed about asking for information about Winnie, but apparently the shelter hasn't gotten their hands on her yet. Oh well.
Sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I might be starting to crush on Raven again. I'm so stupid. Last summer during the time that we were doing the collab, I kinda developed a crush on Raven. But, the thing is, when he posted his picture on the doc so we could all see him like Taylor, Dixie and I were doing... to be quite honest I was repulsed. He's not very ugly, but.... I'm not in any way attracted to him. I like the look of Asians... but not his kind of asian. :/ To be quite honest, seeing that picture KILLED my crush last time. But... he's a really nice guy, and really sweet. And talking to him on YM and starting up another collab... I think I'm falling for him again. I love his personality, but just that isn't enough for me. There has to be some chemistry physically and while I've never met him, I can tell just by seeing his picture that there isn't much. It's not enough for me. But dammit, I know I'm falling for him again anyway.
Maybe I just need a cold shower in the way of looking at his picture again - if it's still up, anyway. I've been to the old picture doc a couple of times over the past few months, and a lot recently, but I haven't seen it. I should do that... but not now, having both Mindsay and the doc is SURE to crash my internet - that doc is just so massive that Firefox can't handle it, apparently.
It doesn't help that I've been talking to Taylor about romantic stuff recently. She hooked up with Shadow last month, and I've been thinking too much about my own failure of a romantic life. But I don't do internet relationships well, so... it could never work out anyway. Another blow to my defenses when it comes to him is the collab fic - his character is the main character, and mine seems to be becoming the leading supporting character. And Shadow and Taylor are fully behind making them a couple eventually, since our characters are going to be around each other the most. FireWaterModShipping, it's consuming me indefinitely. I'm... behind it. I WANT it to happen. I guess it's making the impossible happen in a way. It could never work out between us in reality - so I want it to happen in the fic. Bad. But he's against it, which hurt. A lot, surprisingly. I was crestfallen... I talked to him last night about it - he says he wants his character to remain single, or end up with Flannery, his character's main crush/obsession, and one of the main sources of minor comedy in the fic. Sigh. And I don't know if anyone else besides Shadow, Taylor and I are behind it, or even know of the pairing possibility. It was mostly spurred in the fic by an idea that Raven had come up with - where he meets with his mother and she demands that he get a girlfriend and get married and have grandchildren for her, etc. So he has to find a girl to at least pretend to be his girlfriend to satiate his mother and get her off his back about romantic things. My character was chosen by Shadow and Taylor, and nobody seems to be against it. Then there's the berries that suddenly make everybody interested in everybody romantically (aka the shipping seeds that apparently Alessandra is going to accidentally use in their meal), which was originally created for some Pinchshipping (Taylor/Shadow) and ended up including FireWaterModShipping by, of course, Taylor and Shadow's request. Then there's the dance idea...
Those two are definitely trying to hook us up. I know Taylor is doing it intentionally because she likes doing that kind of thing and knows about my past crush and my current developing one, but I don't know about Shadow. He likes to ship, and would be behind it anyway, but I don't know and worry if Taylor has told him anything. I hope not, it's kinda embarrassing. I trust her, and she knows that, but I just don't know if their relationship changing has caused her to start talking to him about that kind of stuff. But I didn't blab about her crushing on Shadow before they hooked up, so I doubt she would on my part, but... I JUST DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, and it's going to eat me for forever. But I don't want to ask - I don't want her to think that I don't trust her when I do. Sigh. Why does love have to be such a pain in the ass.
...Reading back on what I've written previously in this entry, my headache is DEFINITELY affecting how I'm typing. Run ons galore. I should probably stop with this, even though there's more I want to talk about. This entry is getting rather long, anyway.
Goodnight, digital abyss.
MindSay Gossip: Jakerad and boo04 Now Dating 
We report on our fair share of Hollywood gossip at MindSay News, but today, we get to bring you some MindSay gossip instead! A few months ago, we told you about two users who first met on MindSay that were getting married. Today, the news is that long-time users jakerad and boo04 are now dating . The pair met through MindSay!
While once again I would say it’s pretty damn cool that people are establishing real world relationships through MindSay (not including myself
), I’m wondering, in 2008, what stigmas, if any, are attached to romantic relationships that are first established online?
We report on our fair share of Hollywood gossip at MindSay News, but today, we get to bring you some MindSay gossip instead! A few months ago, we told you about two users who first met on MindSay that were getting married. Today, the news is that long-time users jakerad and boo04 are now dating . The pair met through MindSay! While once again I would say it’s pretty damn cool that people are establishing real world relationships through MindSay (not including myself
), I’m wondering, in 2008, what stigmas, if any, are attached to romantic relationships that are first established online?
www.dateme.com
So it's started... Yet another frivolous escape...
Online date sites
At first I was just curious to what online dating could hold in store for me, however now it's become some what of an obsession.
I first got into this new found world of the online single guys and single gals (or so their online profile says), when I caught a glimpse of my Dad's emails.
For those who need an update, my parents split like bread at the end of last year. Which, fyi, has been a long time coming. However, from what I can gather, they're both starting to date (despite outright denying it, we really know what's going on here).
So Mummy's done her thing... As she does... And Daddy... Has gone onto the online side of things. And thus, trying to push me into the long forgotten and very scary world of dating.
After convincing myself that I could get a partner or a "date" IRL, however it would be much easier and less complicated and more of a social experiment than doing this for real (and I would have to meet them face to face for a good couple of weeks, and we all know how nervous I get when the guy I fancy comes up and the hands start sweating and I can't get a word out, and if I do, it often ends in disaster...) to go down the online dating side.
So I wondered to myself, how easy is it to find a date out there in the bowls of cyber space? What kind of people hang out in these little recluse areas often shunned as the "wrong" place for meeting someone who:
a. Isn't a geek
b. Doesn't want to exploit you for money or sex
I've been told the cocktail bars work wonders. However, I'm still curious...
And so I've become suckered into this world of online dating, and so follows my schedule. Date nights fall under Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays with the weekends being "friend" and "sport" slots.
It's actually quiet fun, playing this game of cat and mouse, am I interested, was I interested, am I ever going to be interested again? No? Okay. Hit the delete button and move onto the 20 or so other guys who've sent me "kisses" or more daringly, "emails".
It's quit strange. I'm quit intrigued. And slightly addicted.
However I don't think this is going to lead to the be all and end all of my dating life. Nor is it really the start. Just another avenue to explore.
Keep you posted.
Later Days.
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