Obsessive @ MindSay

...but the Jonas Brothers aren't bad.

Perhaps I should explain.

I've spent the last few months or so slagging of the Jonas Brothers for being talentless idiots with awful songs. Two days ago, I heard When You Look Me In The Eyes played on the radio. I immediately fell in love, and waited around for a while to see if the radio DJ mentioned who sang it. When he said it was by the Jonas Brothers, my heart sank. It really did. But I got over it and I went and downloaded the song. I came to the conclusion that the thing I never liked about the Jonas Brothers, and the reason I never gave them a fair chance, was their fans. Obsessive little tweenage girls who consider the Jonas Brothers to be rock. They're not. They're pop-rock.

But I was thinking that maybe the overly obsessive fans are the reason for people hating other bands, like My Chemical Romance, Fallout Boy and Panic At The Disco.

Anyway, after listening to some of the Jonas Brothers' other stuff, I've decided that When You Look Me In The Eyes is the only song of theirs I really like. The rest seem to be a bit to "kiddy" for my liking. But still, at least now I can justify my opinion, which actually makes me feel good about myself.

I’ve never liked Japan or Asia or been intrigued with it (one of my best friends is Asian though).

Last year, I thought about going to South Korea or China to teach English, because over there, they are desperate for English teachers.  In Europe or practically anywhere else, they don’t need Americans and it is hard to get a visa.  Or we all know that I would be in France in a half instant.

Weirdly enough, I’ve been thinking about going to South Korea again.  I will have to wait a few months to return my roommate’s car back to her when she comes back from Europe and also to see if the idea sounds as good in a few months.  I’d probably have a contract for a year, and if I liked it, why not stay for another year, and then so on?

The American Dream is nothing but a myth.  Maybe people like Paris Hilton or David Lynch can attain it.  But I don’t want to be like either of them.  Paris Hilton came from a rich family and continues to do nothing worthy, yet most everyone cares about her.  David Lynch came from practically nothing and built himself a respectable career, only to tear it down with his latest failure, Inland Empire.  He can make a movie that’s total trash and people will go see it.  So he chose to do that.  And there’s something that goes beyond laziness.  It’s taking your audience for granted.

Anyway…

It all started when I rented this terrible film about a month back, called Murderous Maids.  Now, it sounded interesting and was based on a true story of sisters who killed their employers (very similar to one of my favorite movies La Ceremonie).  In the movie, they were also lesbian sisters and it was not what I had bargained for and I thought it was made up.  Then, I read on the internet that when the police found them, they really had been in bed with each other….strange, strange.

Then Blockbuster “recommended” a movie called Fear and Trembling.  I know why they recommended it.  It was because it was French and had the actress Sylvie Testud in it.  Sylvie was in Murderous Maids.  I did a bit of research on it.  It seemed that Fear and Trembling was based on a best-selling novel.  I decided to give it a chance, although it had the potential to stink just like Murderous Maids did.

Not only was Fear and Trembling exceptional, but it helped me to be patient in my current situation.  It was about a girl who had a one year contract in Japan.  And although they ridiculed and mistreated her very badly (and made her clean toilets and do accounting when her real job was a translator), she stuck it out to prove to them she could fulfill her one year contract.  

Since my current job didn’t have me cleaning toilets and since my bosses weren’t backstabbing, I figured I could tolerate my current job (even though everyday I come home waiting for the day I can do something completely different).

I was also impressed by a review I read on IMDB which mentioned that French actress Sylvie Testud didn’t know a word of Japanese before doing the film.  And since she worked as a translator, she spoke Japanese very well (of course I wouldn’t know any better, but apparently the reviewer said so).

So naturally, I decided I would see if any other movies were made from this novelist’s works.  One film is currently in production and another had a bunch of no name actors and didn’t seem to be available anywhere.

The next step was to try to read one of her books, since she was a best-selling author.  I checked out The Book of Proper Names and immediately was drawn in and loved it.  At one point I completely broke down and felt that the author had the gift of showing her reader what it was to live.  And rarely do you get that when you read a book.

Currently, I am reading Loving Sabotage which is also insanely good.  Two things I like about her: her books are childlike and short.  I would love to read a thousand page stunningly good book that never seemed to end, and every page was so good.  However, I don’t have time to read that thousand page book, as much as I would like a really good book like that.  So I would say her books average 125 pages.  Short and sweet, powerful and effective.

While I was reading Loving Sabotage last night, I was reminded of this guy who I had an insane crush on.  He told me that he thought my experience as a home-schooler would make for an interesting story.  At the time, I didn’t think so.  Maybe for an outsider looking in.  But for someone who went through the torment, always being told it was for the best and trying to believe it, I didn’t think it would make for a glamorous story.

Maybe it’s not even unique anymore, because more and more people are home-schooling.  At the time my parents started home-schooling me, circa 1994, it was just becoming acceptable.  However, my parents gave us a set of answers to all the questions that could be asked about home-schooling and to try to convince other people that this was the right thing.  My mother also promised that I could go to a private school if I wasn’t comfortable with home-schooling (the promise fell through!!!!!).

So, I have my own story.  I spent part of my life trying to move on from it.  I have also not particularly wanted to relive the moments in writing down everything.  I did keep a diary at the time.  It’s somewhere.  I may reread it, but I probably won’t rely on it.  Because there are things I just didn’t put down in it, because I don’t think I was able to (oh no this sounds cheesy) get in touch with my feelings.  I was able to be patient, to grin and bear it.  I knew it would end when I turned eighteen and walked out that door to live my own life.

That is why I find it so hard to be patient nowadays.  I feel like I’ve done my time, I paid my dues, went to college, okay so why is everything not opening up for me like it’s supposed to?  I have way more learning to do.  Life is about learning.  Which I can accept.  

When I was home-schooled, my parents tried to teach everything into a learning experience.  This was different than letting life teach you, because to an obsession, they thought that we kids had to learn a lesson for everything we did.  Every place we went had to have a certain learning significance or else it was worthless.  I don’t know if they realized sometimes kids could just have fun?

There is so much more to talk about.  I guess I will try to capture my feelings and experiences in an A. Nothomb size book.  Brevity is the soul of wit as William Shakespeare once said, so I will probably try to keep it short.

In the meantime, I have a stack of A. Nothomb books to read, because I have checked out all the available books by her.  Only five books.  Times 125 pages.  I could probably get through it in a week or so.

Why is it that some dreams don't die?...Why is it that hearts cry out in the middle of the night for the vision they desire?..Why is it that against all odds ...hope never fails?...love wants to live?... Where does longing come from?...Is it a blessing or a curse....good or destructive?..Why Why Why...can't I forget....what I never had?.. The dream..The obsession.......It is painful..It is true...but why can't I forget  about you?..

Here is my updated list of all the games I own.

The only Super NES and NES games I listed here are the games I know I could find in an hour.  I pretty much know where they are.  I don't know what happened to a lot of NES game or my Super NES games... I had a bunch around as a kid, but probably didn't treat them as well.

Anyways, one day it would be fun to write some notes on each game.  I doubt it will happen, but could be a good waste of a Saturday afternoon.