Nirvana @ MindSay

I'm only posting the Unplugged version because I think this Unplugged album is one of the greatest albums in existence.



Take advantage while you hang me out to dry.

Nothing Interesting Happened Today

 

 

This is just one of those days where nothing happens except you have your heart broken because you learn that the girl who is to you the most beautiful girl in the world turns out not to be interested in you as a lover, but instead tells you that she merely wants to be friends and now it’s just too awkward when you see each other and so that’s the end of your friendship and you bang your head on the wall when nobody’s around because you are such a stupid stupid fool in so many ways, first is that you fell in love which is just about the stupidest thing that can happen and second because you fell in love with your best friend in the whole wide world which is the second most stupidest thing that you can do and now you are left with nothing, you are but a hollow shell of nothingness and now you start to read Buddhism and imagine a life as a Buddhist monk who lives in a secluded cave somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of life and all those cares and worries and heartaches of all those stupid mortals who are still imprisoned in the realm of samsara, the endless cycle of birth and rebirth, the endless cycle of suffering, well endless only to those who remain in it, but to those who transcended samsara, those who withdrew from the world and into the realm of nirvana, to them, there is no more suffering, no more heartaches, no more sorrows of unrequited love.

And you laugh at all those foolish mortals, those puny puny people of worthlessness, going about their lives as if nothing unusual happened, as if your heart has not been broken, as if they couldn’t care less what happened to you, as if you are nothing but decaying organic matter which is true anyway, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. But you cry which is weird because Buddhist monks are known for controlling their emotions, for being so freakin’ stoic that not even being doused in kerosene and being lit with a match can make them flinch. You are not really a monk really, you are just one of those fakes who like to dress up like a Buddhist monk just to see what it feels like, just to know what being holy and religious and wise feels like. In truth you are just in denial, one big fake, so huge you block out the sun, so huge that plants start to die because they haven’t seen sunlight for weeks, months now because all you did all that time your heart was broken was just stand there and be heartbroken not noticing that the plants are dying and you are such a selfish selfish person because all you think about is your happiness and not the happiness of those other people and creatures around you. Being a plant isn’t that much cause for being happy and being a dead plant is just worse.

So you cast off your yellow robe and hair started to sprout out of your once shaven head and now you have long hair and you have a beard and you, now what are you supposed to be. Well you look like a Neanderthal, one of those ancient ancient people who hunted with spears, one of those hunter-gatherers who chased after buffaloes and lions and tigers and woolly mammoths and dinosaurs and aliens, well maybe not dinosaurs and aliens, but definitely some big mammals. And you have to do this in order to live; this is your way of life now, too engaged in the present to ever be worried in something as dumb and stupid as unrequited love. Everything is just so intense now and everyday is a struggle for survival. You are so hardcore now, you only take a bath whenever you feel like it and still you look cool because you know, the tribal look is always cool that’s why all those rich people want to have their hair dreaded and be tattooed all over, they want to be a Neanderthal. But you do not give a fuck of these people because you are so busy making spearheads and arrowheads and all those other weapons that Neanderthals use and` yeah fuck them all, I’m here just to survive. And one day you are chasing this woolly mammoth and then the woolly mammoth turns back and now its chasing you and you, in Neanderthal language, say fuck fuck and you run and you throw your spear and you say shit shit and you climb a tree and the Mammoth gets bored after a while and then leaves you there but now it’s night and you’re alone and up above, because this is before agriculture was invented, before the age of the machine, before the age of automobiles, before the age of smoke from factories and chimneys, up above you see a glimpse of the freakin’ sky and it’s freakin filled with stars and so clear and beautiful that you start to think of something profound, something you think have been missing all your life, which is this something they call love. And you know this is being weak to think of this, this is being vulnerable to feel like this, this is being stupid to be like this, but hey what the hell can you do. You are just an evolved monkey up in a tree with no one to kiss.

 

I'm doing this because I think we need to focus on positive things and stop foaming at the mouth about these damn elections.  I chose two songs.  One for people who are OLD SCHOOL like me and one for the NEW SCHOOL Young'ins.



OLD SCHOOL - "Fantasy" by Earth, Wind and Fire
Earth, Wind and Fire is my all time favorite band. Their musicianship is absolutely incredible. I credit them to my fascination with African drums and wanting to play an instrument. Besides, Phillip Bailey and Maurice White are awesome! I love this song, "Fantasy" because instrumentally the song makes me feel like I'm flying over a magical land. Plus, I love those black, hippie, new age-y, lyrics. Besides, don't you just love the space suits they're wearing?


NEW SCHOOL - "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana
Who can resist rocking out after hearing the first few chords of "Smells Like Teen Spirit"? This song always reminds me of my first year of college when I was young and even more brash than I am now. Yet, somehow at the same time I wasn't nearly as cynical.

Oh well, hopefully these songs lifted a few spirits today. If not, go have that stiff drink I mentioned earlier.

we have had rain for three days now and it is a joy to behold. with temperatures in the nineties I had been watering plants twice a day and  the larger trees were beginning to suffer. But now we are back to what typical fall weather should be and even if we have another mini heat wave the plants have been nurtured by the skies for almost half a week. What kind of signs are virgo libra? surely I must have water in there some how. if you believed that sort of thing.


My sister in law gave me a book by Yalom who is an existential psychotherapist... it's a bout death anxiety- of which I have enough to give me the shivers. and reading it it helped me formulate my irrational beliefs.

You see I believe we have two deaths. one is the physical one. which one remains fully aware of whiule and after it is happening. and so the ease of death or the people with you is very important. and then there is the death or at least the dispersal of the soul. I dont believe in a heaven or hell, I believe that  that portion i call the "soul" gets transported into another life and has awareness until it enters that other life at which time all prior consciousness is erased and the cycle begins again.  And what your soul enters depends on the karma created  during this life.  That part of the belief gestalt is very nice because if my karma is good I come back in human form.. more evolved than this one and have a chance to get it even better next time around.

what worries me is that small  in between time, before one loses consciousness of THIS life and gets erased for the next life one gets... and what if during that interim the awareness is acute? I mean I surely do not want to be buried and slowly decompose and have worms coming out of my eye sockets - sorry if this sounds like a bad Roger Corman film. So because of this crazy belief I would prefer cremation or burial at sea. Cremation would be very creepy at first  but your soul would get out faster because of the heat--- go ahead and laygh- this  IS funny- but burial at sea is a nicer idea. Of course only the very important get buried at sea unless I am lucky enough to die in a plane crash over water or on a sinking boat ( thank you to the spousal unit for pointing this out as I shared my worries with him)

Any way-- for those who do not believe in heaven or hell and also do not believe that there is nothingness after---- how do you reconcile this in between time. Oh I always hoped it was like Emily in Our Town and short period of intense sorry as we say good by to the life we have had and then settle into the resolution that the pain and recognition will resolve and evaporate... but what if it isn't?  see?

FINAL DRAFT

 

          When I was in grade school, I was a major problem of my parents. I’m always out of the house, spending time at the school and with my friends. I don’t talk with my parents that much, I’m not open with them. So, it leads to a not-so-good relationship with them.

 

          One time, my friend invited me to go to the mall with her parents. So I called my mom and said that we’re going to the mall. On our way, they decided to go to starcity, instead of the mall, so I had no choice. I haven’t got any chance to call my mom. I got home at 3:00 in the morning and my mom was very mad. She went to my school the next day to tell the people there that I’m going to quit. I asked for forgiveness and she accepted it but, she said that I’m going to transfer to another school in high school. I don’t want but I have no choice.

 

          In high school, I’m at a new school. I’m a new comer, so I’m shy and quiet, not like my old self. But my classmates were friendly and approachable. I got along with them easily. Once in a while, I go to my former school, but as days passed, I became busy and lazy because it’s so far. Eventually, I have adapted to my new environment.

 

          One of my classmate and close friends, Joana, is a member of the church. She invited me to join her organization called the Antipolo Young Parishioners’ Organization (AYPO). At first, I said no. I’m not really religious and I don’t even go to mass on Sundays. But afterwards, she convinced me together with her org-mates Julie and Ana. I joined thinking that it would be fun because I thought being a member of the church is boring! I am right it is fun! I stayed there and became an active member, and later became an officer. I also joined in planning the activities for the Youth of the Church.

 

          I think transferring school really changed me, my life. It changed me from being a bad daughter to a good one, from being unreligious to an active member of the church. It changed me for the better. I have become closer to God and I think I am better person now compared from before. I believe everything happens for a reason. Now, I am thankful that I transferred to that school.