Nineties @ MindSay

If you’re under the age of 12...you shouldn’t even read this, and if you do, you should not repost this.

Just because you were born in ’97 doesn’t mean you’re a 90’s kid.

It’s not like you could remember the original Simpsons.
I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90’s just won't cut it.

I've taken the liberty in highlighting everything that I can totally relate to.

You’re a 90’s kid if:

You remember watching
-Kenan and Kel
-Doug
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos Modern Life
-Animaniacs
-Gargoyles
-Rocket Power

You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just can't resist finishing this: "In west Philadelphia born and raised"

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

When everything was settled by:
-Rock paper scissors or
-Bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-Ms. Mary Mack

When kickball was something you did everyday!

You had a favourite song of ALL TIME.
Then, you used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVOURITE song of ALL time on a tape

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genesis became popular

You remember The Original Game Boy

You always wanted to send in a tape to America’s Funniest Home Videos but never taped anything funny

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool

You remember those Where’s Waldo books

You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum

You remember watching:
-The 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-Ghost Busters

You remember Ring Pops

You remember when every thing was "Da BOMB!"

You remember boom boxes vs CD players

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them

Making tons of cootie catchers

You played and/or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and took it everywhere you went

You watched the original cartoons of:
-Rugrats
-Wild Thornberry’s
-Power Rangers
-Rocket Power




All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand

You collected those Beanie Babies

Carebears

Silver dollars, which were cool to have

Everyone watched the WB

You even know what an original walkman is

You know the Macarena by heart

"Talk to the hand"

You went to McDonald’s to play in the playplace

Before the MySpace frenzy

Before the Internet & text messaging

Before Sidekicks & iPods

Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360

Before Spongebob

When light up sneakers were cool

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs

When gas was under a dollar a gallon

When we recorded stuff on VCR

You had slap bracelets

You actually played outside until it was dark

Way back
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

...Geez this made my day. =D

 

And although I didn't highlight everything, I DEFINITELY rememeber all of these.

NOTICE : I DID NOT WRITE THE FOLLOWING AND I AM IN NO WAY TAKING CREDIT FOR THE BRILLIANCE OF THE WORK

This was taken from an old usenet post.  If you do not know what usenet is... I'm sorry. Read on and be happy!

Hello, my name is ++LAYO and I'm here to tell you about an amazing
opportunity that you can take advantage of on your home PC:
Scorin' with Depressed Chicks (tm).

Let's say that you, like many computer geeks around the world, are
someone that no self-respecting woman would touch.  There *is* a
solution, that's right, a SOLUTION: but YOU have to be MAN enough
to SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY.

And it's really so easy.  All you have to do is find a woman with NO
self-respect.

How can I find these dreams come true, I hear you ask.  How can I spot
a woman WITH NO SELF-RESPECT?  Someone who'll put up with my assinine
behavior NO MATTER WHAT I DO?  Someone so haggard and self-destructive
that I'll NEVER hear that dreaded phrase, LJBF?

The depressed woman will never tell you Let's Just Be Friends because
first of all, she has no friends.  Is this because she is a loser?  No,
it is for the simple reason that she is WAITING FOR A MAN LIKE YOU.
And until she finds YOU, the man who can see right past her terrible
personal hygiene, the hair hanging in her face, the baggy clothes and
nervous flinching at loud noises, she will remain a lonesome gem, her
virtues unplundered.  She NEEDS YOU, remember that.  She's like a black
of hole of desperation.  And what will she do when she finds a man that
can fulfill her wildest desires?  ANYTHING, that's right, ANYTHING; just
like the fat chick of days gone by, the Depressed Chick NEVER SAYS NO.

Of course you'll have to wash your depressed chick, and dress her up
in chic leather outfits, and train her to serve your every whim; but
these minor inconveniences should be nothing to a geek like yourself
who has NO CHANCE IN HELL of ever GETTING LAID in ANY OTHER WAY.

Bcause let's face it, you don't understand other people.  Well neither
does she.  And you're not able to see beyond your selfish desire for
effortless gratification.  She won't hold that against you.  Why?
Because she, unlike all those useless Bitches out there, KNOWS she's
a piece of shit and expects to be TREATED like one.  So be a man!

<++ DR. ROCKET takes over> Say, for example, your name is
David  and you live in a worm-infested shithole in the Tenderloin
district. Being a MAN, and one with BRAINS, you have already
figured out how UTTERLY FUCKING EMPTY and BORING those women who
think they know where they are going in their life are; you can
easily see through their DELUSIONS of PURPOSE and MEANING and
have already amassed an impressive collection of formerly
functional women whom you, by your sheer charisma and dark
sexuality, have reduced to MEWLING PATHETIC WHORES. Now you could
either stick with their ilk and live the rest of your life preying
upon the same BLAND, VAPID, SKANKY, HORMONALLY DEPRIVED meat that
doesn't even grasp the full extent of its INFERIORITY, or you could
set your eyes on MORE ADVANCED KIND OF MEAT - the kind that KNOWS
how BLAND, VAPID, SKANKY and HORMONALLY DEPRIVED it is, and is
therefore anxious to SPICE itself UP with any MANLY testosterone-
enriched venom that might come along. The CHOICE, is YOURS and
YOURS ONLY; it is IN YOUR POWER to ENSURE LASTING HAPPINESS with a
NEW KIND OF WOMAN. In these next several paragraphs, my partner and
I will give you, out of the GENEROSITY of our COLLECTIVE HEART, the
GIFT of knowledge how to CHOOSE YOUR SOULMATE and live HAPPILY
everafter.>

THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF SUICIDE

by ++LAYO

To understand the Depressed Chick advantage, let us compare her to her
Bitch sisters.

The Bitch expects to get something good out of life.  In fact, she
expects YOU to provide something BETTER than death.  Will the Depressed
Chick put such burdensome DEMANDS and EXPECTATIONS on you?  The answer
is no.  In fact, she expects everything that happens to her to be YET
ANOTHER justification for pulling the PLUG once and for all.  YOU CAN'T
FAIL.  YOU, yes YOU, are a FATE WORSE THAN DEATH; and once you KNOW this
is the truth, the Depressed Chicks will SWARM into your inbox.

It's just like showing a lemming a cliff.  In truth, can anything be
MORE SIMPLE or MORE OBVIOUS?  The more of a FOUL, WRETCHED, CRITICAL
WASTELAND of SUFFERING and ABUSE you reveal yourself to be, the more
HELPLESSLY SHE IS IN YOUR POWER.  Remember, SHE WANTS TO DIE.  So
nothing is too extreme or vile.  To her, the Ultimate Man is an AXE-
WEILDING HOMICIDAL MANIAC, just like you.  How long can sperm back up
into your SEMINIFEROUS TUBULES before you begun having dreams of
SKINNING PEOPLE ALIVE?  Before Dahmeresque fantasies haunt you day and
night?  Admit it, you are ALREADY certifiably insane, and it is all
those BITCHES' fault.  So NOW is the time to take advantage of the GIFT
of your frustrated manhood; NOW is the time to SEIZE what is rightfully
yours; NOW is the time to SHOW YOUR MOMMY you're a BIG BOY.

HOW THE DEPRESSED CHICK GOT THAT WAY

by ++ DR. ROCKET

First though we have to find out just HOW the depressed chick
got that way. We must GET TO KNOW HER on her MOST INTIMATE LEVEL so
that we could then know how to MANIPULATE her to get what we want.
It's not so hard, really, nor is it immoral in any manner; for
what you are doing here is nothing that hasn't been done to her
BEFORE, and lest you be considered WEAK or INCOMPETENT you don't want
to be less precise than her previous PSYCHIC RAPISTS in your execution
or your technique.

There are three kinds of depressed chicks that you will be
working with. Each kind has its strengths, its weaknesses and the
vulnerabilities that you can EXPLOIT. Their diagnostic names are,
respectively, the SQUISHED FLOWER, the DRY WELL and the SCAPEGOAT.

The SQUISHED FLOWER phenomenon takes place when a talented and
beautiful child is born to UGLY ENVIOUS LOSER PARENTS who are
THREATENED by her potential and slowly stomp it out over the years,
reducing her to a SPINELESS BALL OF PULP who can't find a reason to
get out of bed in the morning. The advantages of the SQUISHED FLOWER
are many and obvious. First, she has many DELICIOUS INGREDIENTS which
she doesn't have the self-esteem or self-confidence to call her own,
much less begrudge anyone for exploiting - meaning, of course, that
you have before you an INFINITE CORNUCOPIA of the finest resources
from which you can guiltlessly eat at will. Second, she is DESPERATE
to bring back the sense of BEAUTY and HOPE that distinguished her as
a child and would fall for just about any pretty lie you could tell
her - meaning, you can be as RIDICULOUS and OUTRAGEOUS as you BLOODY
WELL WANT, the more so the better. Finally, she is justifiably ARROGANT
and NARCISSISTIC but does not have the self-confidence to sustain her
attitude toward humanity - meaning, she NEEDS an egomaniac like
yourself to use a crutch. Overall, this is by far the BEST kind of
Depressed Chick, and if you can score with one of these babes then I
SALUTE you for your GOOD TASTE.

The DRY WELLs are not necessarily more beautiful or talented than
others, but they do have a virtue that the modern society likes to
disparage - EMPATHY and COMPASSION for all things living that
under the best of circumstances turn them into STARVING ARTISTS, and
under the worst of circumstances into MURDERED WIVES. These are also
alternately known as MARTYRS, VICTIMS, and PLUSHTOYS, and they usually
come from families so IRRATIONAL and NEUROTIC that identifying with
everyone's PAIN and STUPIDITY has been their only hope of surviving or
making sense of the world. If you want someone who will put up with
your SELFISHNESS and give you everything you've ever wanted, then this
is the woman for you; chances are, she won't even NOTICE that you're
an ASSHOLE, her previous men having been so much worse. The danger with
a DRY WELL is that eventually she does, indeed, run dry for always
nurturing everyone - and you either have to REPLENISH her with your own
resources or leave her to drink herself into another hole.

And then, of course, there's THE SCAPEGOAT. As of now, I really do
not see the mechanism by which these people live into their adulthood,
their only purpose as children having been to provide their parents with
HUMAN TOILETS to SHIT and PISS at for years and then DISCARD. I am
speaking of course about the woman who, for one reason or another, never
fit her narcissistic parents' idea of what a child should be like and
could not give them the SATISFACTION of living out their egos through her.
This, in turn, "caused" them to turn against her and blame her for
everything that was wrong with their lives. The SCAPEGOAT chicks are
hideous tangles of GUILT, RAGE, HATRED and BLIND HOSTILITY, and unless
you yourself are a suicidal depressive - or unless you want to find
someone who will take blame for the MISERABLE FAILURE of your existence -
you should AVOID this kind of Depressed Chick  at all costs.

HOW DO I FIND THE DEPRESSED CHICK OF MY DREAMS?

By ++LAYO

Depressed Chicks, empty creatures that they are, need some way to FILL the
GAPING HOLES that are their lives.  Some become lonely workaholics, filling
their BLEAK, DECAYING hours with MEANINGLESS BUSYWORK in hopes that someone
will appreciate them for their paltry, unsatisfying efforts.  This type of
chick posts SAD LITTLE PERSONALS ADS which they never exect will be
answered.
YOUR job is to surprise them.  Be sure to make it clear from the start that
you have high STANDARDS and that not just any chick will do.  Tell them of
the fabulous life the lucky chick you choose can expect.  Then, when you
meet them, find little things to CRITICIZE.  This will assure them of your
TASTE and DISCRIMINATION.  Soon she will be changing everything, HAIR,
WARDROBE, YOU NAME IT to please you - and be sure that none of her efforts
EVER measure UP.

Then there are the Depressed Chicks with ATTITUDE.  You can spot them by the
BALEFUL GLARE they'll give you if you walk by them and say "SMILE!"  Often
their hair is unkempt and dyed an UNATTRACTIVE COLOR such as MAROONISH-
GREEN.  These chicks are SLUTS.  However, they are as mean as a pack of
WOLVERINES.  If you score with one of these babes, keep a CROSS and plenty
of GARLIC handy.  She wants to get even with whatever predator first
EMOTIONALLY EVISCERATED her by ripping out your BEATING HEART and EATING it
with a side of FRIES.  However she is not a fortress.  Using our PROVEN
TECHNIQUES you can break through her defenses and instill a perverse
OBSESSION in her soul.  Where to shop for this kind of chick?  Go to clubs
frequented by HEROIN ADDICTS.  They will be in PLENTIFUL supply.

The best place to look for a Depressed Chick is in the LAIR of an ASSHOLE
much like yourself.  You know the guys I mean.  They take their chick with
them to watch them play POOL and then CROW in VICTORY when the Depressed
Chick muffs a shot.  They flirt with her Depressed Chick acquaintances.
They are ALCOHOLICS and LIARS, just as we will teach YOU to be.  But,
because these men do not have OUR AMAZING TECHNIQUES, you will have NO
problem scoring with any "TAKEN" Depressed Chick you desire.

HOW TO STEAL THE DEPRESSED CHICK OF YOUR DREAMS

++ by DR. ROCKET

First you must figure out what kind of Depressed Chick she is.
If she is a SQUISHED FLOWER, she will be with an ENVIOUS LOSER - just
like her parents - who constantly puts her down and OPPRESSES her in
an attempt to ensure her DEPENDENCY and SUBORDINATION. If she is a DRY
WELL, she will be with a NEEDY ASSHOLE who jerks her around, feeds on
her emotional energy and guilt-trips her into being his SURROGATE
MOTHER. Finally, if she is a SCAPEGOAT, she will probably be locked
in a permanent abusive relationship with her warped conscience and her
DILDO, leaving little room for men in her life unless they can convince
her of their DILDOHOOD. The behaviors of DILDOS are quite obvious and
do not need to be elaborated in this treatise.

To make a SQUISHED FLOWER fall in love with you: Become everything
that she once dreamt of being and invite her to partake of your life.
Show by counterexample that her current STUPID OPPRESSIVE ASSHOLE is
just that - a STUPID OPPRESSIVE ASSHOLE who cannot handle her
SUPERIORITY - and that it is possible for her to live just fine without
having to buy into whatever INCOMPETENCE COMPLEX he and her formative
influences have thrown at her. REFUTE all the reasons that everyone in
her past has used to keep her down and show that the CRAVINGS and
ASPIRATIONS that she has been beaten out of are both valid and
recognizeable by someone who is both WELL and ALIVE. This one isn't
for everyone, just for the SMART ones among you, and if you figure
it out you get a free cookie from ++DR. ROCKET himself.

To make a DRY WELL fall in love with you: Make her believe that you
understand her. Make her believe that you EMPATHIZE with her, that you
identify with her needs, that you can - not only simply listen to her,
like those spineless NiceGuys - but FEEL what she feels and NURTURE her
and APPRECIATE her, while yourself remaining a vulnerable human being
whose difficult life has left you with PLENTY O' NURTURING room for her.

To make a SCAPEGOAT fall in love with you: Become a DILDO. That's
all I care to say on that particular subject, and if you haven't yet
figured out how to be DILDOS, then chances are.. you don't deserve a
Depressed Chick.

WHAT TO DO WITH HER ONCE YOU HAVE HER

Make her your SLAVE for LIFE.
Or settle down and mutually grow out of it.
Whatever suits you.

Happy Hunting to All,
++Layo and ++DR. ROCKET.

 

***********************************

Now wasn't that great? It's old, more than five years old at least.  Look at how things change and stay the same.  Are emo chicks easy?    I tried to find "scoring with repressed chicks" too but I couldn't... if anyone knows how to locate that post... please help me out!