Nightmares @ MindSay 
dreams
Craving: ...Chicken?
Hoping: My driver's test tomorrow ends well
Annoyed by: Mother's nagging, my laptop being stupid
Lurking: the forum
Need to do: Dust the tables, clean up that sticky mess from god knows were, vacuum, shower, lineart for RG's pic, work on my fanfic
Wondering about: what to make for dinner, how hard the JP11 form is to fill out, my new hours at work, when the lab opens
Kitsune no Tora is feeling: Strangely tired, moody
I haven't really been sleeping well. The past few days have been better than earlier this week, as I actually slept, but those nights have produced some rather odd dreams.
Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights I hardly slept at all. I just hovered around the area that you're dreaming, but you know you are and are awakened by every little sound, and don't actually get much rest. Those days were the ones that my fanfic was weighing especially heavy on my mind, and I was especially frustrated that I couldn't get anything out.
Wednesday and Thursday nights I managed to get out of my fanfic-funk and actually sleep, but I had some rather strange dreams.
The first one makes me wonder about my sanity, to be quite honest. ^^; In the dream my extended family and I had been kidnapped by a rather strange looking man who, after thinking about it, is quite similar to the demeanor and appearance of the Millennium Earl from D.Gray-Man, which I have been reading recently. Although I don't think he was as extreme in his appearance, definitely more human-like. XD Anyway, we were being held in a house that looked strangely similar to my grandmother's, only much larger and with a few rooms I didn't recognize, and we were being constantly watched by video camera held on tripods, cranes, etc. At one point we left down this tunnel to join hundreds of other people I will assume were in the same boat as me in some auditorium, where a floating dog that acted like a mascot ran around and introduced us to our captor, who came on a big screen in the front of the room. He announced a contest of some sort. One person from each family would be chosen to participate, and the final winner would be able to take their family and leave.
I was picked, of course.
And, of course, the contest games were terrible, horrible. I don't remember what really any of them were, I just have a very deep impression that they really weren't pleasant. Cruel, and even sexual at times. Thinking about it, I get the feeling that I would rather have it blocked than not.
I woke up in the middle of one, so I don't know the ending. XD
The dream I had last night wasn't as bad, but still pretty bad. It started out at some school, like a community college. I guess I was taking classes there. It wasn't like the one I go to right now. Anyway, I was taking a Trigonometry classs. For some reason, it was held outdoors. It was constantly windy, so windy that it made it impossible for me to hear the teacher. Either that or there was music blasting (lol, it was Gackt), but no one else seemed to care about it or have trouble listening, either. I was totally lost as my teacher showed us some random thing.
Eventually my protests got through and we got moved indoors, but we got moved to this pool area. It wasn't very large, and the entire area was covered in this pinkish-beige tile, even the ceiling, and the pool was in the middle, with this huge tile half-wall surrounding it from the outside. We all sat around the pool with our notebooks while he taught at some random whiteboard in the front of the room, near the door. It was a very inclosed space, I remember.
Then, it went all zombie apocalypse. Think Highschool of the Dead, if you've ever read it. It was almost exactly like it. We all hunkered down in the pool area, crunched together on the half-wall. I nearly had a nervous breakdown, I did. I hated going to that school, and had wanted to go home ever since I got there. And then I couldn't, ever again, most likely.
Eventually we were found by the zombies because this doofus (as always) decided to check outside and had shouted that it was all clear, and being that the entire area was all tile the sound echoed and amplified and attracted them all. There was a big fight, with my classmates (and me, somehow I had gotten a hold of a pipe) were fighting off the zombies, both of which were being thrown in the pool, which turned a sickly, bloody color. Me and (my suddenly appearing) friend from high school, Venneta, managed to escape the pool area and get somewhere quiet with a group of other kids. I had to constantly remind them to be quiet or we'd attract them, the idiots. >.> (Luckily my friend listened to me and helped, haha.)
We were in the middle of a food raid (which resulted in having to explode a car to distract all the zombies from us) when I woke up. The first thing I did was shudder, then joke: I really need a zombie plan. XDD
Anyway, those were my weird dreams. I usually don't get nightmares, which is why this is strange to me. I wonder where they came from.
PS: I managed to start something I like for my fanfic, but it's starting in a rather abstract and philosophical tone, which I don't like much. I guess I'll have to deal with what I have, and then change it for subsequent chapters. Hopefully I won't confuse anyone with the sudden change of tone. XD
Goodnight, digital abyss.
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Dixie currently feels:
Neutral
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Blog #24
Movies & Mess
We did more filming today. :)
We got 11 clips done - some re-makes of old ones and a few new ones too.
We started with a scene of Jonathan lying in bed suffering excessive painful nightmares. Ash could barely do it for laughing. She did these really agonised groans - then burst out laughing.
"Oh yeah! Nightmares are PROPER hilarious aren't they Ash?"
"They proper are!"
Then we dolled her up in the suit once more - with a different tie this time - took a few shots of her creeping around doorframes with her cane in hand, calling out Abigail's name - ready for a nice wooden beating.
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Then came the time I'd been dreading - the re-do of the trip scene.
It's been snowing, raining and hailstoning ALL WEEK. The field was slippery - the mud clung to your shoes.
I still added a bucket of water to the mud patch for good measure.
...But we really should have tried a new location.
The fall was fine - it didn't hurt - I landed flat on my face - it all splattered over my face.
I was alright, until I realised I hadn't just slid through mud.
...The saturated remains of animal droppings had also been present there - and I had a mouthful of crap - LITERALLY.
I just grimaced, groaned - stood up straight after Ash had said her line. I could smell it on my shirt, taste it on my lips - I just made a run for the gate - tore off my clothes - dived in the shower and scrubbed this foulness from my person.
I spent about 10 minutes brushing my teeth too. ...Now I can actually say I've tasted shit...
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Thankfully - I wasn't the only one getting absolutley covered in various substances.
We re-did some scenes from the first filming day - scenes of Abigail beating up Jonathan with blood all over his face - hitting him in the jaw with his own cane until he drooled blood down his shoulder.
Then we did what Ash was dreading - the vomit scene!
I re-made the vomit with the same oats and milk - took out the flour, as it almost made Ash REALLY vomit last time. She requested peas in it this time - so that gave it some funky colour.
To make it even worse - I'd tipped some down her shirt in advance before she spat some out on camera - and it ended up absorbing through her shirt - and thus drenching her underwear.
She spent most of the day not wearing any. It's alright for her though - she doesn't really have a great deal in the chest department. :D
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We spent the rest of the day eating hot-dogs, playing World Tour and engaging in our usual banter.
Then Ash requested I start playing Resident Evil.
...My WORD. It's fucking mint - but it's fucking hard.
The graphics are awesome - I love seeing Jill's sexy arse in her tight combats when she bends down to pick up green herbs. Looks so much better in 128 bit than her usual 64 bit on the Playstation and DS counterparts. :)
Homework- in technical writing my first assignment is to write a personal letter. It's due friday and I am so slow this morning I wonder if I will even get it done.(I will, I will)
Last night I had a very strange dream about being kidnapped and climbing down walls with big spiders on them-I snuck out for a street party (it was daylight at night) and couldn't get back to the side of town I started out. It was a pretty scary dream.
Oh me, Oh my oh.........
I pace the room trying to figure out where I am suppose to be. Not in the sense of "at that exact moment"........but in life. I have made so many wrong turns. We all make wrong turns in life, it's to be expected, I know this. But I just feel like I am stuck in a Continuous U Turn. The ever lasting circle.
I went to both my therapist and psychiatrist last week. I had hopes of hearing more positive feedback. Instead, I have new medications added to my current medications. My therapist is quite concerned that I rarely sleep and when I do, I have nightmares. The same ones, over and over. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder along with many other mental illnesses.
I just want to be somewhat normal again. Why can't I just forget what happened? Why can't I get that bloody warscene out of my head? When you are in the care of a hospital, you should be cared for. You shouldn't have to scream for help and threaten to call 911 because you beloved parent is lying in a bed screaming for help as well.......surrounded by blood. Blood everywhere. I would not wish such an experience on my worse enemy. My therapist tries to explain that with time, I will be better. Not that I will accept what happened, but be able to move on. It's been a year. I sleep one or two nights a week for a few hours.........if I am lucky.
I look back at who I was 2 years ago and smile. I look back at the health of my loved ones and had positive hope. I look in the mirror now and say "who in the hell are you? where did you go?" I understand I may not be the person I once was, but I try so hard to atleast get to a place in my life where I might feel comfortable.
I try to fight the memory. But that night changed me. I fell to the floor and had a massive mental breakdown as they saved her. I work 3 jobs just to stay busy enough to keep my mind on other things. But here I am, midnight..........I took my sleeping medication 4 hours ago..........
I read that only 10% of people experience lucid dreams in their lifetime, so I guess it's kinda cool. I'd be really skeptical if anyone told me about their own lucid dreams prior to it happening to me, but now I know it's for real. Anyone else had one they care to share?
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