Nice Woman @ MindSay

my class/test was canceled, which was an uber yay for me since i didn't study for my test, however my next class isn't till 11 x_x As for how I've been doing, well I'm back on anti-depressants (yay!) and I don't feel like dying everyday!

Right now I'm kind of going out with a MUCH older woman. I'm not really sure how I feel about it though. I think I might just like her because she adores me. She's attractive and sweet but I'm not sure if I'm feeling her that much. That's alright though. It's still nice to have some form of attention, and even better that it be a woman.

It's just that at this point in my life the idea of having any relationship with a man makes me sick to my stomach. The stereotyped gender roles just agitate me, and it seems when it comes to men I automatically fall into that quiet, submissive category and feel I need to "girl it up" alot. oh yeah, and lose like 80 pounds. but I see no need for that with a woman. Whether I gain or lose weight, look butch one day and femme another, or wear no makeup, it doesn't matter. And even if she rejects me, it doesn't sting quite so much. There aren't those questions of "if I was prettier, or thinner" etc because in the lesbian/bisexual world you would be second guessing yourself all day. And as you know, women are indecisive and insane, so i really can say I did nothing wrong.

A friend of mine on here told me that to overcome these feelings I should treat men like they're lesbians. I tried for about an hour, and gave up. It's not that I don't like men, they just seem to piss me off alot more easily. Better yet, it's easier to write someone off as a jerky muscle-head who loves skinny blondes and ignore them when truly they're a creative genius who may indeed like skinny blondes, but finds you attractive as well. It's so easy just to walk about in a bubble and block everyone out, but at the end of the day you will have lost many potential friends that could enrich your life.

today I'm going to try to break the cycle.

Lots of things on my mind this morning....

I need to lose weight.

My cats are driving me crazy.

My car needs detailing in a real bad way.

I would like to make twice as much money as I make right now.  I need to focus on a plan for accomplishing that.

It sure would be nice to have a girl around me.  I should probably say a "woman".

I love to cook.

I would like to go back to college and learn some more.  Especially financial matters.

Where is Jill Campbell these days?

I saw a good friend of mine Friday night, one whom I have not seen in many years.  He was my closet friend growing up.  It meant alot to me to see him again.  He was the best man when I got married.  We are supposed to get together again. 

Why is the news media so fucked up?  Why can't they just report instead of spin?

I wish I had the talent to have played sports for a living.  I Love Sports.  The competition.  The Comraderie.  The bliss of victory and the hate of defeat.

If I could be president for just enough time to get this country back in order.

Why did I not get the gift of music? 

I am a news junkie.  I love the news.  All of it.

Why can't America re-develop instead of new develop?

Save the animals.

Our country will end up as parks and sidewalks.

*I really don't care for Internet Explorer, but beggars and choosers, eh?  One can't be the other and when you're borrowing net time, youse takes what youse can gets.

*Our new place is huge-tastic!  Gregory and I are talking about getting walkie talkies for use in the house.

*I may be ready to go back to work.

*A random woman was nice to me in the parking lot.