Nhs @ MindSay 
ummm....right now I'm in a state of perpetual movement. I am so full of anger and hostility and regret and hurt, and it's all from a group of people that in a few years, won't mean S-H-I-T to me. Let me explain.
I work at Cheryl & Co (www.cherylandco.com), and it's alright. There are like 12 people that work there, and I can say for the most part, I get along well with everyone there. But yesterday, something really ticked me off to no end. I work in the evenings and on weekends, and so, the people I work with, we usually buy dinner. When I buy dinner for myself (which usually consists of tater tots and fries, or bourbon chicken), everyone and their mama wants to come and sample the delicious goods. I don't have a problem with that, however, I want those same people to reciprocate.
However, yesterday, I didn't have any money to buy myself some dinner, because I'm saving it for next week (in Columbus at Lodi Shopping Outlet) and for Christmas/Thanksgiving presents. Everyone else went all out and bought dinner for themselves, took like 20, 30 minutes for break (and I get yelled at if I take a break over 10 minutes). I was sooooooo mad. I wasn't hungry (I could eat all the cookies I wanted to if that was the case. But I was mad at the whole principle, they didn't even OFFER me anything. And I know that if it was them, they would have helped themselves to my food.
And here's the kicker: After they finished their dinner, they offered me the leftovers. What the fuck do I look like, a fucking dog? I told them hell no (well, I said no- but I wanted to say that). And then after that, I didn't say anything to them for the rest of the evening (That's what I do when I get mad, give you the cold shoulder) and they asked, 'what's wrong?'. I didn't answer, cause I knew if I did, I probably would have been fired. LoLz. But honesty, I have to admit a human flaw here. | I was truly and really hurt by that. Like it really got to me deep. | But that wasn't the only thing that pissed me off the past few days.
I just got inducted into the NHS (woop, woop), and we have to pay money to have our induction dinner. The lady that runs the NHS mailed home the invitations to parents (Not To Me!!), and they were supossed to be back around November 1. My mother must have forgotten, and must have not been the only parent/child to forget, because on tuesday, the lady gave people papers written in all caps (oh, makes my head hurt) that they were irresponsible and need to turn the money in on time. And that she has a lot of things to do and we're wasting her time by being irresponsible.
You know me. That lady was in for a rude awakening. But my mother told me that she had it under control, and she gave me a letter to give to the lady which said that I wasn't responsible for not turning the money in, and that my mother was. She also said that the paper which she gave us was really crass and rude, and not mature in the way it blamed people for not turning the money in.
And today, my mother gave me the money to give to the lady, and this elderly ass, aspercreme and bengay smelling bitch told me this shit: This year has been the worst year for NHS, because of students not turning in money, and parents complaining. I sometimes wonder why I am doing this. And then she had the nerve to complain about how she has to be the advisor to NHS and teach full time, that she doesn't have the time. FUCKIN NUMNUT!!!! No one told you to fuck around and end up teaching the pregnant bitches how to get pregnant the second time!!!! That's so retarded to me!!!!!!!!! I wanted to tell her, to GTFOH, but I didn't.
Then when I left, I called my mother and told her what the bitch had to say this time. She started to laugh and I told her that wasn't funny. It just wasn't. So, that's why I've been mad for the past few days. And because I can't find Karyn White's "Secret Rendezvous" on Project Playlist or Club Nouveau's "Why You Treat Me So Bad" and "Jealousy". People must not listen to good music anymore.
Well, today i got up and went with aaron, as usual. I dunno wat got into him, but he was suddenly obsessed with buyin shit for the house. I dont mean for himself either. He was buying things like air fresheners and stuff for the dishwasher and everything... Then he washed dishes n shit. He taught me to play chess. Im still not that great at it cuz we only played like 3 games and i never played b4 in my life, but i was glad sum1 finally taught me. We were supposed to go to the movies to see The Hills Have Eyes, but we didnt have time since i had to be at the nhs thing at like 5:30.
My gram and i fought this morning, too. She flipped out and accused me of "chasing after dan" cuz im always at their house... Too bad ive known him since we were like 3 and i hang out with his sister too... I also have a bf... but u kno im "chasing" dan... So i got really mad and told her that she was right and ive had like 10 kids already, she just didnt kno it cuz every time one is born i give it to a friend. Then she flipped out and said i wasnt home at all last week cuz im always with dan and chelsea... Too bad i only went to their house on monday and it was for like 2 hours. I was home the rest of the week until friday, except for my dentist appointment. I hate wen she gets like that... she just has to bitch bout everything she can think of...
So anyway, back to my day. Aarons parents came back from the store with a new reclining chair and a ton of other shit. Then me and aaron went to the dg and i got a sweet pen lol... We spent the afternoon at his house and watched sandlot 2 until i had to go to the induction. I got there and chelsea was really late so i waited for her and then i stood there and talked to her and her dad. So then laurito came up to her dad and called him over and had a private convo with him bout dan... Chelsea was pissd bout the situation and she refused to stay for clean up, so we decided that i was leavin with her as soon as the ceremony was over. We had to stand in lines with our candles, which they lit WAY too soon... So the hot wax was drippin down and burning evry1.. I just tilted mine and let it drip all over the floor. Evry1 else started doin it too, so now there are massive piles of wax in front of the auditorium. So then all we had to do was walk in with the candles and sit down and listen to the ceremony. It was over really fast, and as soon as it was, me and chelsea went to the back and got her dad to leave. They had given some speech about honor and it made chelsea mad cuz i think she felt it was directed at the whole dan thing. Well, we got out there and laurito made her dad write down their fone number to call and talk more about dan. Aaron was supposed to pick me up but i didnt get to call him til we went to the car, so he just came to chelseas to get me. We did have a reason to leave... Chelseas dad actually did have a 7:00 meeting at the ambulance bay, so she cudnt have stayed anyway, and i usually wud ride with her and we figured they wudnt kno the difference... So we went to her house and she showed me the smoothie maker that her dad just bought for us wen we go to college... Omg i LOVE smoothies... I was excited lol... Apparently dan just now got the voice mails i left him last weekend, which occurred wen i was pissd and flippin out bout him not callin us back. Well since he had lost his fone and just got them, he thought the messages were from this weekend and he was freakin out and sayin that he thought i was mad at him.... So chelsea explained to him that they were old and he looked like a retard... So i asked him bout monroeville and he said he will kno tuesday if he can go or not... He better not tell me on tuesday that he still doesnt kno or else im gonna flip. Chelsea already told me she has work both days and she cant go, so i guess that means were gonna take steph... Which is fine i guess. The only thing is i thought maybe dan wud be more likely to go if chelsea went... He knos steph knos aaron well and i think he feels out of place w/o chelsea... Cuz she doesnt talk to aaron much more than he does... But hopefully it works out... So i talked to him bout that and then aaron came and got me. We went back to his house and his aunt and uncle came to visit. We just ate and talked and watched ron white, the comedian. Aaron thinks hes great but i really didnt think he was that funny. Aaron had a talk with me bout how im not "close" to him now... I cudnt say nething to convince him otherwise so i think he might still be upset about it...I dunno wat to do about it tho...
Well, my gram was in a better mood wen i got back so i talked to her and my dad for awhile and then did my english homework. Now im gonna read my mail and go to bed. I never get enuff sleep for scool and tonight probly wont be any different...
1. they changed the requirements only this year
2. last year's class admitted close to 30 people who drink and whatnot on a regular basis
3. this year's class admitted people who drink every weekend
4. every teacher has to approve you
5. someone like myself with 3 pages of activities and volunteer work etc. didnt get in
6. people with GPA's at least 3 points lower than mine got in
7. everyone i know got in except me
8. obviously a teacher hates me
9. there's no point in applying next year when it's too late for college applications
and finally
10. NHS is a complete joke because i had way more than the necessary requirements, i go to church on a regular basis, have 2 jobs, do volunteer work in my community, and am involved in probably 3 times as many activities as my classmates, have a 3.8 GPA...and i didnt get in because one teacher at my school said they dont like me.
but who gives a crap because i am 1/9 of the 2nd best team in the state of iowa. :D
So I told her a little about you and me and about the thoughts that have been going through my head about us and I opened up to some one who feels like a complete stranger despite the fact that I have two classes with her and we talk a lot and it was so lethargic. i told her what i tell every one: "I just don't know what to do" and she told me "Don't let the distance decide what happens" and it made perfect sense.
I guess you could say I had an epiphany of sorts while we talked, or rather, chatted via MSN during class like we're not supposed to. and I wrote to Cort and told him thanks for all he does to support me, and that i'm going to wait and make my decision when my head isn't so mixed up.
Cole, i know we can do this.
by the way, i'm sorry i got you in trouble with your parents and i'm sorry you're failing some classes and i'm sorry i couldn't fully answer the question you asked me last night; the one where you asked if i thought it was worth staying here past january...
in some ways, it has been: last night i was inducted as a member of NHS; i got a letter telling me i am one of 25 kids in the Sault to get a special academic award (only 110 kids are picked throughout the U.P., so it's kind of a big deal); even though i'm behind in my AP English class, i'm learning a lot in that class and others and i'm being challenged in ways i never thought i could be...
the biggest challenge, though, is being away from you, is feeling this void and feeling that wall between us when i call you some times. do you feel that to? have you noticed how some times it feels like something is blocking us emotionally? I realize there are thousands of miles between us and there is that physical seperation, but have you noticed the emotional one too? i don't think it's there because of the distance...
i don't want to lose you...
please, let's just stay... let's make this work...
suddenly, i feel so alone.