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Stanley Cup Finals--Game 5

I knew they were going to lose tonight in Detroit--there was no question about that.  Even when they took a 2-0 lead in the first period--with a little help from the Red Wings on the second goal--I knew they'd blow it and lose, and I hated them for toying with me.  And they gave up a goal in the second, and two in the third, and I thought of all the appropriate things to call them as time ran out.  They pulled Fleury, of course, but that never works.  So time ran out and...

 

...they scored in the last few seconds to send it to overtime, and I hated them even more for toying with me.  And they looked like crap--if you aren't going to play defense you have to score a hell of a lot more than they've been scoring--and I kept waiting for Fleury, who himself played a hell of a game, to let in that last one so I could watch the Cup presentation and leave, and...

 

...they made it through the first overtime, but they still looked like crap in the second overtime.  And their power play was just horrible all night long--the Wings had more shots on the Pens' power plays than the Pens did.  And I hated them even more for drawing out my agony, and then...

 

...the second OT was over and they'd made it to the third OT, and I began to wonder how all those old farts on the Red Wings were holding up compared to the Tater Tots.  And then a Wing took a double-minor for high sticking--4:00 of power play for the Potatoes, and I thought here we go with the short handed goal that ends the series in the worst possible way, and I hated the damn Penguins for putting me through this, and then...

 

...Sykora scored and the Penguins won 4-3 to make the series 3-2, and Game 6 will be back in Pittsburgh.  And I just know they're going to blow it after all this, and I hate them for it.

 
 
   
 

Stanley Cup Finals--Game 4

Now I will rename them the Pittsbugh Potatoes.  That way Monday night I can deride them as the Baked Potatoes...or the Fried Potatoes...or the Mashed Potatoes.

 

Fuckin' Potatoes.

 
 
 

   
Stanley Cup Finals--Game 3

Since they won tonight I will refrain from suggesting that they be renamed the Pittsburgh Potatoes, and calling Crosby/Malkin/et al the Tater Tots.  See?  I am a nice guy.

 
 
   
 

Stanley Cup Finals--Game 2

Y’know, I’m fat, and middle-aged, and I never could ice skate. I couldn’t play hockey to save my own life, if it required me to do anything other than stand in one spot and try not to fall down.

 

But if you put me out on the ice to face the Red Wings--just me; not me with four other guys and a goalie, just me--I would score at least as many goals as the entire Penguins team in the last two games. At least as many goals.

 

At least.

 
 
 

   
Stanley Cup Finals--Game 1

Boogers.

 

If the Pens are gonna just fold then I'll change my pic back and claim I'm a Maple Leafs fan.

 
 
   
 

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