New Years Eve @ MindSay 
new years
Hello.
Happy New Year.
So.
New Years Resolutions-
I don't really have any New Years Resolutions, except to try an achieve some sort of balance and stability in my life.
I also would like to become a little more financially independent from my parentals.
I am mostly independent, but I want to severe it most of the way.
I am going to fill out college applications this spring. And take the ACT( and do well).
Also, I am going to go out of my junior year of high school with a good GPA. At least a 3.6 .
Okie dokie.
So now.
On to life...
: D
I went to my friend Cody's for New Years Eve.
Was playing Egyptian Rat Screw, watched about 40 seconds of the ball dropping, and was like, OK Cody, it is your turn to start...
Things with Dalton are ok...
We haven't been talking as much and it kind of worries me, but hopefully our communication will get better as everyone recovers from the madness of the holidays.
I don't think I have had more than a five mintue conversation with him since last week.
How sad. : (
Weather got bad last night.
We have gotten a few inches in the last 24 hours.
It may accumulate to about 6" I think...
Well going to go finish painting my fingernails.
: D
Ciao,
Mariah
I half pretend to keep this time, just like last year
The band is loud and I'm wandering the shadows,
Wishing I was never here, I persevere
A crowded room, these whitewashed tombs*,
They raise their glasses high, they kiss the past goodbye.
This New Year's Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow
My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe
This New Year's Eve will turn out better than before
I'm holding on, still holding out, until they close the door
On me
It's New Year's Eve and I feel my insecurities
Are haunting me like ghosts, this sinking quicksand
And then with thunderous praise and lofty adoration,
A second passes by, yet nothing changes
I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in
Another change of years, and I wish I wasn't here
This New Year's Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow
My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe
This New Year's Eve will turn out better than before
I'm holding on, still holding out, until they close the door
On me
A year goes by and I'm staring at my watch again,
And I dig deep this time, for something greater than I've ever been,
Life to ancient wineskins*, and I was blind but now I see.
This New Year's Eve, something must change me inside,
I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired
This New Year's Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow
My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, in You
-Five Iron Frenzy
*Whitewashed tombs is a Biblical metaphor to describe people who look great on the outside, or like they have it all together, but inside they’re filled with death and decay
*Another metaphor, the full line of it being that no one pours new wine into old wineskins
For some reason, on New Year’s Eve, right around the stroke of midnight, or shortly after, I go for a walk. Everything indoors is bright and festive and loud and there are people that I like…but I need some perspective. Get out where it’s quiet, walk for a ways.
Stop. Listen.
Trees in the wind. The river not quite talking under the ice. Silence in the woods and on the hills.
Stop. Watch.
Stars burning. Snow falling. Take in the sight of everything under a few inches of powdery blanket. Take in the light from below as well as above.
Stop. Pray.
It’s not that I don’t want to celebrate, or that I don’t make resolutions. But there’s so much out here that doesn’t change, that doesn’t measure years the way we do. And I need to perceive all of that. I need to stand in the silence and listen to the world when we say it’s a year older.
I need some time with the God who made me, who’s gotten me through the last year in stretches that I couldn’t have gotten myself through, and who’s promised to get me through anything in the coming one.
I was at Reese’s for midnight. His house is far out in the country, and ideal for the silent walk. Also ideal because when he puzzledly came looking for me, he understood after my explanation what the walk was about, and offered to go with me.
Glad to have him for a friend. Rogue kind of gets this sort of thing, but Reese for some reason really understands me when I’m talking about experiences and perceptions. And I’ve not shared that walk with anyone before.
Went to JC today and had lunch at Panera with my mom and sis. From there we went to my mom's school and got some things in the classroom in order.
After that we met up with Greg (my lover ;) ) at El Torito and had dinner from 4:15pm until way past 7pm. It was fantastic in every way. While there I actually saw Ira which was completely lovely. According to my mom he looked over at least 12 times while he was there. I'm not sure if I believe her or not....and I'm definately not going to get my hopes up (seeing as every time I do I just go and jinx it). Plus, I do NOT need to get myself all worked up over things....once was enough to last a lifetime. Chances are he's just "window shopping," anyway. Either way, he's dreamy. lol He stopped by our table before he left and talked for a few minutes, even seeming a bit sorry when the people he was with urged him to come on so they could leave and go to NC for the night. Also, he said a couple of times that he liked my antlers (I know, antlers for new years....it's a long story). *shrug* I don't know. Greg agrees that he's cute, though. And very intellectual. :)
Anyway, after dinner we three (my mom, sis, and myself) bought some spumoni to have tonight as we watch season 7 of Gilmore Girls and kick off the new year.
So, here's to a fresh start. I'll see you all next year!
(Sis, Greg, and Me)
Yeah new computer! I lent my mom my laptop and last week her cat knocked over hot chocolate on my laptop, so she brought me a new one!
Its so shiny and new^.^
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE! Its almost 2008^.^
other than losing weight, i don't really have any resolutions as always. i'm trying for something more specific now, like, "going to the gym twice a week." we'll see how it goes. cyn might be doing it with me, which helps :)
so tonight i'm going to the traditional dinner that i've skipped out on the last two years because now that my grandma has passed away, its going to me me, my family, my dad's parents, and my mom's dad. i feel kinda bad and i figure that i really should go this year, especially cuz who knows when another one of them is going to go. *crosses fingers its one of dad's parents* i know that sounds fucked up, but i think i'm more ready for it.
after dinner i'm going to hang out with reanna and one of her friends. i'm really excited and looking forward to it, especially cuz i was just feeling shitty thinking about what i did last year. i wanna go to another rave soooo bad, but i'm not ready to see jimmy yet, and it didn't help that yesterday i started getting...i don't know how to put it better than a "drug flashback." its like, i'm not having an actual flashback as in i'm reliving the whole experience, but its like i'll start feeling like i'm on it again. i'm used to getting those with meth, and of course they're not as bad or frequent anymore since i haven't done that for four years now, but i started thinking about new years last year yesterday and i could start to feel it- the way my limbs would feel when i'd move them, that feeling of happiness for everything welling up inside me. of course, its not NEARLY as strong as the actual feeling of being on the drug, but its still a pretty nice feeling. its like being on an very, very, very weak dosage of it. it made me really depressed because of course then i just thought of everything...n yeah, there's more stuff i would post, but my bro was on here n he let me on really quick so i could print directions to reanna's friend Monique's house, which is where i'm going after dinner. happy new years eve everybody- oh, and albert called me last night for a bit, which was awesome, n apparently he got a cell phone n he called n left me a message earlier, but the number didn't come up as it doesn't sometimes, n he said that if it didn't he'd just call me later.
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