New Life @ MindSay 
I know I've been MIA for ages. Things have been good and busy and different and now I live in a different country, different hemisphere and different everything.
Life in Toronto is exciting and cold. I'm pushing myself to be everything I wanted to be before but was too scared to be or too stuck in a rut to do. I'm taking chances and leaping without looking. I'm swallowing my fears and just doing, trying not to think too much.
Doesn't that sound scary but exciting at the same time?
It's been 2 months since I waved my family goodbye at Melbourne airport and stepped through the gates to passport control. Seven weeks since I landed in Toronto to my new life. Six weeks since I started work and routine and life.
I am only seven weeks old really. A baby. Learning to take my first steps and learning that falling is not that scary. Sure, you get bruised and battered but you get up again and you learn.
And I'm definitely learning.
Soooo, it's been a while and I couldn't be happier. Yay for me. :P
As I said last time, Justin and his friend Dave were coming up to Massachusetts on Thursday the 25th to spend the weekend and pick me up so we'd all leave Sunday the 28th. Well, they didn't get to Salem until about 11 PM Thursday, but we all insisted on not waiitng until Friday. Not after the 11 hours they drove and I waited. Hah. So, needless to say, buses don't run that late, so I gave Justin directions to my house and they made it there fine. It was great because we were talking on the phone while I gave him the directions, just to make sure he'd know which landmarks I meant.. "That big statue in the square" is pretty vague if you can't see it. Haha. So, I tell him "after the little walking overpass, take a right" and he's like "up the hill, right??" and I tell him yes, and it's "right there once you get up that hill." He's like "uh... what the fuck. Which one?" I tell him the white one and he's like "ooooh, really? where can I park?" I'm like "well, hold on... let me put my shoes on...and uhhhh..." (I put my shoes on and go outside, standing in the driveway. I wave my free hand around so he notices) "Right here!!" ..It was so cute. Justin's just like "...holy shit. ... ........uh...wow. okay. ....holy shit" and I said somehting like "Umm...yeah, that's me waving. I'll hang up now cause this is silly." :P He parked the car and got out and I had a heart attack and died. :D
Actually, that's a lie. What really happened, though, is he got out and I was speechless and couldn't stop smiling like a fool. Actually we were both smiling, but he didn't look like a fool, I did. :P ...He's just kinda like "..Hi" [cue big hug] ...it was adorable. I love him.
We spent a few hours together on Thursday night. Which was most of the initial "OH MY GOD" shy shit, but still. Of course nothing was open so the three of us went to the hotel and watched shitty tv. Justin and I sat on the couch all cuddly. Damn that hotel was nice. Haha, he had his mum book the penthouse at the Marriott. What a nerd. ...It was funny though, because Dave was like "WTF! Justin, what's wrong with you?!" Cause he was all quiet and shy and that's "fucking weird" haha...which after all this time, yep. Very weird. It was cute though. So, they drove me home after a couple hours and I couldn't sleep AT ALL..just waiting for the time to come when I see him again. ...My phone rings at about 11 AM and he tells me they got lost for about 2 hours last night trying to get back to hotel. and I'm like o_0 How? ...blah blah. We spent an hour and a half on the phone...he tells me that I was "more beautiful than any picture" and he was sorry for being so awkward and shy.. and yeah. We're completely sappy and lame. ...Once it got to the hour and a half mark, I was like "...Why are we on the phone, again? You're in the next town over!" and he's like "WTF, I know. ..I'll get ready and we'll come pick you up, k?" .....So, we spent all day from 2 PM and on walking around downtown Salem. As usual, there was an abundance of shitty costumes and annoying idiots. ...We went to the used bookstore and it's crazy because I had never asked the guy for help finding something..but Justin was like "Do you have [insert book title]" and the guy disappears behind a stack of books and he says "Yep. We have 3 of them. Over here." And he navigates through this little store completely filled with books.. literally to the ceiling, you have to walk sideways through the aisles as to not knock shelves and everything over. ...This guy must have thousands of books in a 50-60 square foot store space and still somehow knows where everything is.
...Anyway. We went into all the little shops downtown and had to keep feeding the parking meter ever hour, so it was pretty annoying (and illegal..haha, "Do not reload" ..oops. Eh, who doesn't.) ...but yeah. We had a lot of fun. It was pretty cold once the sun started going down and that was irritating. ..It rained a bit too. UGH!
We had plans to see SAW IV, but of course we didn't. ...Simply never got around to it. But Justin said that the movie theatres are cheaper in Ohio anyway. ...I've been here for almost two weeks and we still haven't had time to go see it. Haha. ...Anway. So, on Saturday we went down more towards Derby Wharf and made our way up near the Hawthorne Hotel area. In the East India Sq. there was this English acrobat guy and his sister performing so pretty crazy things. He was absolutely hilarious! Once their little show thingy was over he's talking about being a street performer..how they'd appreciate any donation whatsoever...even if it's not money and just a "keep up the good work" thing. ...All serious-like, you know? Haha..then he's like "Seriously, we need the money to go home! If we don't get enough, I'll just marry one of your daughters and stay here. ...Or sons!" (He takes the bottom of his shirt and puts in through the top like a girl would do to show off her belly or whatever.) "This is Massachusetts, isn't it?" HAHA!! ...Good times. :D
..I got yelled at by some preachers on the side of the road and yelled right back at him. Oh, it was nice.
Around 9 ish, we were all pretty hungry and tired of walking so I gave them directions to my favorite Italian restuarant nearby and they were in awe. ..Heh. Yum. :)
Sunday, we were planning to leave sometime around 10-11 AM, but that didn't happen. Justin wanted to find a few things to bring back for his parents but that took a few hours. First, finding a damn parking spot then the actual finding certain sizes and etc. So, we didn't actually head out until 6 PM. x_x ... It took a good 13 hours until we got home..at which point Justin and Dave had to go to the old place and get furniture..i.e. bed to sleep on. But, we stopped about 6 times on the way here, so that's part of why it took so long. We stopped in Hartford, CT to find some food...we hadn't really eaten anything all day. ..Went to Friendly's. Justin had driven up until that point... My mum had called and left me a message which made me pretty upset, so he asked Dave to drive for a while so he could sit with me in the back. Dave drove through the rest of CT, and through NY and about half of Pennsylvania. Justin and I both fell alseep for about 3 hours.. through NY and PA. At that point, Dave was getting tired, so they switched and my goodness! We drove through the Appalacian Mountains...the roads were crazy. All the changing of elevation, and stuff killed my head. Ears popping and shit. Ugh. And of course it was completely dark so I couldn't see much. Until Justin says "If you're like me and hate heights...don't look to left." ...So, I'm like "....I...uh... why?" and of course have to look out of curiousity and O_O "Holy SHIT!" -ducks down- Good god, we were high up. ..I cold see all the little lights of a city in the valley and shit. The roads didn't help in comforting me, either, though.. they were the type that cause spooky whistling sounds as the car drives over them. ...Once we got to Ohio, though, it was much much much better. And light out. Haha. We entered the state as the sun started coming up and once we finished bringing the bags inside, and Dave and Justin got the bed and etc... it was sunny. o_o ..Didn't actually get to sleep until 11:30-12 noon. ....Ergh. And we woke up at 6-6:30 PM. ..and the sun was going down. Lawl @ that.
It'll be 2 weeks that I've been here on Monday and there's still so much I haven't seen. Even in town, too. Mostly because we're retarded and stay up all night and sleep until 4 most days. So, I've actually seen mostly everything in the dark. :/ ...We were talking about this last night, actually. ..Justin got home from work around 11:30 and we cleaned up the kitchen to bring the trash to his parents house because we still don't know when the trash day is and which barrels are ours, etc. Went upstairs to get shoes and junk and got...erm... "distracted." ... The funny thing is...when we came downstairs to make something to eat. We went to Walmart the other day and got some food..hot dogs, included. We spent a good 10 minutes looking for them, questioning whether or not somehow we forgot them...didn't put them away...or somehow eaten them without realizing. Nope. ...They were on top of the fridge. Unopened. ...In a bag. ...with the buns. ....WTF. ..Justin's trying to tell me "they smell fine......" and I just kinda look at him like "...that's fuckin' gross." ..He finally listens, agreeing it's not worth it if we both get selmonella or food poisoning or something of the like. ...We end up leaving the house at 1:30...drop the trash off at his parents house because theirs gets picked up Friday morning and we head up to the 24-hour Walmart in Massillon. ...Heh. That's when I was saying to him that I still haven't seen very much..and what I have seen, with one exception of a trip to Akron to pick up Justin's paycheck..has been at night. >_> So he told me that since he's not working Saturday, we'll get up early and spend all day out and he'll show me things. ..And we'll go to the shopping area in Canton and I can pick up some applications for work. :D
I'm really excited about it, too!
Oh! And I already met his parents and his brother. They're all soo nice! ..His mum's so sweet. She's hilarious: Justin bought her a Johnny Depp blanket and when we were over there, she showed it off to me. "Look at my Johnny!" (She hugs it) I like them all a lot. And she gave me a hug when we left, telling me not to be nervous or shy or whatever around them cause Justin told them how nervous I was to meet them. :)
....So, now it's 7:30, I've been typing FOREVER and I'm hungry. I'm gonna go warm up some of the food from last night we still have. Justin's at work right now...He should be home around 12:30, I think. God, I'm a dork for missing him already. Heh. ....One more thing real quick. ...There's already been a few people (including my own mother) who have told us they can "feel the bond we have" and "how in love we are." ...Crazy. ..They girl who was working on Justin's phone (a complete stranger) even said it. She thought we had been together for years. Lawl @ it being technically 2 weeks. :P She was like "You can tell when people are really made for eachother."
And I'll leave it at that.
[Over and out.]
-Jess
The Wisdom Of Fear
Fear has a way of throwing us off balance, making us feel uncertain and insecure, but it is not meant to discourage us. Its purpose is to notify us that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one. Whenever we face our fear, we overcome an inner obstacle and move into new and life-enhancing territory, both inside and out. The more we learn to respect and even welcome fear, the more we will be able to hear its wisdom, wisdom that will let us know that the time has come to move forward, or not. While comfort with fear is a contradiction in terms, we can learn to honor our fear, recognizing its arrival, listening to its intelligence, and respecting it as a harbinger of transformation. Indeed, it informs us that the change we are contemplating is significant, enabling us to approach it with the proper reverence.
You might wish to converse with your fear, plumbing its depths for a greater understanding of the change you are making. You could do this by sitting quietly in meditation and listening or by journaling. Writing down whatever comes up-your worries, your sadness, your excitement, your hopes-is a great way to learn about yourself through the vehicle of fear and to remember that fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life
Comfort is highly overrated. Personal growth is never comfortable.
Think of the journey of a tiny wild seed blown about by spring's warm breath. It finds a fertile resting place by no choice of its own and immediately goes to work. The crust that served to keep it safe now cracks open in betrayal, exposing its living heart to the mercy of the elements. It could be said that the seed then actually gives up its life and dies as the tender shoot pushes downward away from the protective casing ... Down into the darkness of the soil where it cannot be seen. It becomes easy prey for the claw that digs, for the mouth that feeds, and for the foot that falls. Still silently and secretly, it burrows deeper, pushing, straining into the thick darkness. But there is more. In gratitude, an upward quest begins toward the ultimate Source, the heat that warms and the light that feeds. It does not rest, but continually reaches higher while pushing deeper into the rich and abundant soil. At any cost ... It grows stronger and matures, lifting its flowered face in celebration. And still the roots work and strive for more, sometimes encouraged with warm caresses and cleansing showers, other times challenged by brutal pounding and merciless scorching. Life is not always kind, but still it is rich. The seed, fully grown into a flowering plant, stands beautifully, tall and strong, sheltering others as it endures whatever comes until another breeze sweeps by and lifts its ripened seeds away to where new Life begins.
~ B
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