New Life @ MindSay 
My nursing studying is (hopefuly) over on the next July, and that means that I will be starting a new life in less than a year. Looking for a job, finding a house, thinking about getting married.. it can all be a little too scary.
A year ago, I was totally confident about my plans for the future, but since then, a lot has changed in my life. My mother has a problem in her back and I am not so sure that I can leave her behind and start living in another island. My girlfriend has a problem too. She was diagnosed with panic attacks and since then, she is on anti-depressive medication which is making her more unbalanced, emotionally obsessed and sexually numb than I have ever known. I feel like I am walking into a pit trap.
Yesterday I watched Chris Rock's Never Scared show on HBO. He said some serious things there. You marry and your whole life as you know it, will be over! And I'm not even talking about kids!
It's tough man. Right now it's insane. I need out. But I know that I'll be fine. I always am. Pff.
I know I've been MIA for ages. Things have been good and busy and different and now I live in a different country, different hemisphere and different everything.
Life in Toronto is exciting and cold. I'm pushing myself to be everything I wanted to be before but was too scared to be or too stuck in a rut to do. I'm taking chances and leaping without looking. I'm swallowing my fears and just doing, trying not to think too much.
Doesn't that sound scary but exciting at the same time?
It's been 2 months since I waved my family goodbye at Melbourne airport and stepped through the gates to passport control. Seven weeks since I landed in Toronto to my new life. Six weeks since I started work and routine and life.
I am only seven weeks old really. A baby. Learning to take my first steps and learning that falling is not that scary. Sure, you get bruised and battered but you get up again and you learn.
And I'm definitely learning.
The Wisdom Of Fear
Fear has a way of throwing us off balance, making us feel uncertain and insecure, but it is not meant to discourage us. Its purpose is to notify us that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one. Whenever we face our fear, we overcome an inner obstacle and move into new and life-enhancing territory, both inside and out. The more we learn to respect and even welcome fear, the more we will be able to hear its wisdom, wisdom that will let us know that the time has come to move forward, or not. While comfort with fear is a contradiction in terms, we can learn to honor our fear, recognizing its arrival, listening to its intelligence, and respecting it as a harbinger of transformation. Indeed, it informs us that the change we are contemplating is significant, enabling us to approach it with the proper reverence.
You might wish to converse with your fear, plumbing its depths for a greater understanding of the change you are making. You could do this by sitting quietly in meditation and listening or by journaling. Writing down whatever comes up-your worries, your sadness, your excitement, your hopes-is a great way to learn about yourself through the vehicle of fear and to remember that fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life
Comfort is highly overrated. Personal growth is never comfortable.
Think of the journey of a tiny wild seed blown about by spring's warm breath. It finds a fertile resting place by no choice of its own and immediately goes to work. The crust that served to keep it safe now cracks open in betrayal, exposing its living heart to the mercy of the elements. It could be said that the seed then actually gives up its life and dies as the tender shoot pushes downward away from the protective casing ... Down into the darkness of the soil where it cannot be seen. It becomes easy prey for the claw that digs, for the mouth that feeds, and for the foot that falls. Still silently and secretly, it burrows deeper, pushing, straining into the thick darkness. But there is more. In gratitude, an upward quest begins toward the ultimate Source, the heat that warms and the light that feeds. It does not rest, but continually reaches higher while pushing deeper into the rich and abundant soil. At any cost ... It grows stronger and matures, lifting its flowered face in celebration. And still the roots work and strive for more, sometimes encouraged with warm caresses and cleansing showers, other times challenged by brutal pounding and merciless scorching. Life is not always kind, but still it is rich. The seed, fully grown into a flowering plant, stands beautifully, tall and strong, sheltering others as it endures whatever comes until another breeze sweeps by and lifts its ripened seeds away to where new Life begins.
~ B
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