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Street Signs

It’s interesting how you can still remember your passwords, years later…


I know I made the right decision, but I still think of him.


It doesn’t help that on my way to work, two street names are his first and middle.


I would have taken that as a sign, years ago.


But I no longer believe in signs.


Life is what you make it.


For better or for worse, I am responsible for my own decisions.


Those street signs would only lead me the wrong way…


My life is a fucking movie
Okay... so anyone remember Andy?

Yes, like, 5 years ago, Andy. Andy who I loved. Andy who I loved while I was with his best friend who was shortly moving away. Andy who made no sense. Andy who then decided to fuck with my heart. Andy who I kept loving for years. Andy who I finally gave up on when I met Jayden.

Andy who just told me he wants me.

Well, of course I was just knocked out of my head when he told me that. He kissed me and hugged me and I was simply baffled.

But I've decided. That Andy doesn't deserve me. That I waited those years and he hurt me. He made me cry. He can't just jump back into my life and hope that things will be okay.

He says he's sorry, but sorry isn't enough. I can be friends but I just can't forget everything he did.

And....There's Tito. :3

I don't know how Tito feels right now, but I really like Tito. And I'm not going to let Andy ruin that.

Andy might try. I don't know. First he said he was gonna give up. Now Andy says his plan is to try to convince me that he's the right guy, not Tito. Apparently he sent a message to Tito on facebook "telling him where he stands". I'm afraid of that. Tito's been gone this weekend, and I want to know what Andy said! He wont tell me...

Gah. So anyways. Things are, okay. I guess. I just don't get it. Why does Andy want me? Why now?

Trying not to think about Jayden, but I still think about him every day.

I do like Tito. Tito makes me very happy : )

Attempt to recap
Let's see.
New York city was good. We actually only made it to Manhatten. Next time we plan on taking the directions we originally wrote and giving more than a day to see it all. We were supposed to go through Newark onto the Brooklyn bridge but ended up coming over the Peace Bridge I think. Still fun but I didn't get to buy a cheesecake like I wanted to. The reason we made a wrong direction was because I gave vinny the wheel and slept for a bit. I woke up 170 miles later in the wrong area. I managed to get us there still.

Right before we left to NYC I met up with Michelle. Real nice girl I used to work with. Texted me and said she was bored and I texted back "Okay how bored? And do you want to hang out?" So she was there with intention. I got the response of "Very, haha, and yes" So I told her I would get ahold of her when we got out of the movies. Which I did. We went to some diner because a lot of things are closed around here late at night. Had to take Vinny with me since we were so close to leaving and no point in separating. We had to meet at work because Michelle isn't very good with directions. Surprising for co-workers*. We talked and joked for a while, 12 to almost 2 in the morning. I'd say something stupid or just busting her chops she would shy away and say "I hate you" or "I hate you so much" in a playful way. Then we departed and i was on my way to the City. Coffee on Friday hopefully.

*note it was rumored that Michelle had a thing for me which wasn't apparent until they saw us show up at work off of our shift together. Mel told me it seemed obvious now because she was always saying how "Karl and I are supposed to go to dinner!" for about two weeks and when she came in the back she was always asking if I was in, or brought up to Mel if we did anything lately. (Melanie is pretty much my best friend at this point. Like literally haha). So there was that rumor that she digs me. And I can't say it is a bad one because I kind of do too!

First court date yesterday. That was a reschedule for this Friday. :/ Oh boy. It is a hardship hearing so I don't know. High hopes? Wish me luck?

Tuesday. I got back from the movies by myself. I wasn't drunk. Or high on caffeine. But I had large amounts of both in the past few days with minimal sleep. So when I got home I couldn't sleep but my head just fell to the pillow. I could feel all the caffeine and alcohol leaving my system. My head was heavy and in pain. My body in shock. I needed a way out but I didn't have the will or power to get up and get an aspirin or go somewhere calming. I laid there. I don't know when I passed out but I did and slept for about 8 hours. Best sleep I had all week. Mostly running on short bursts of 20 minutes to an hour or just 4 hours. Super

It is now 12:06, coffee is made. Do a short workout then I am on the road again for a little while.
Any questions? Otherwise let's talk.

I look to my left. There is a cat on my jacket. Ew.

Just wanted to wish you all a wonderful New Year filled with good health, good luck, and good cheer!

All my best,

Love made in London: The First Night
So we're together now.

I thought I already blogged about it, but I guess not.

And I mean the guy I met in London, whom I had sex with...

He doesn't live in London, though, he lives in Canada, too.

He was on a school trip, same as me.

The two groups just happened to be in the hotel at the same time, which is just amazing.

And it gets even more amazing. Besides that there was two school groups in London, we happened to be staying in the same hotel on some of the same nights, and we just happened to take the elevator at the same time that night!!

And I also, when coming back to the hotel the next night, I just thought to look out the window, and I saw his group coming in!

And so I went downstairs to "look at broschures" hehe. I stood there for I don't know how long, and then he noticed me and came over and asked for a picture.

And then he walks away!!

I was feeling so stupid. I was like, what was I thinking, why would he be interested in me, all he wanted was a stupid picture... and  kept looking at him, and he looked over at me.

And then he finally came over, and we started talking, and we sat down in the lobby and talked for an hour or so (didn't look at the time), until one of my teachers told me to go to my room.

Well, I gave him my room number before leaving... hehe!

And later, he came up and we invited him into the room, where my roomate (Sarah) and him and I talked.

And then... Sarah was tired and wanted him to leave... but I got away with just us going over by the door, hehe.

And then...

I poked him and he poked me. Stomach, and then he went up and I went down. And then we hugged, and we kissed. And then I was touching it, and I put it between my legs (still underwear on both) and rubbed it there...and then brought it out and stroked him off. He he. may have went all over my shirt. >.<

And that was just the first night. We hugged and kissed goodnight...and he asked me what time I would be getting up in the morning, so he could see me.

He got up early just to see me! His group didn't wake up til 10 or so, he said. But he got up around 6, just for me! <3

*title change because I felt it more appropriate, and a double entendre. XD


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Re: - I've read that they mean you want to get to know the person on an emotional/mental level. Not…


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