Need @ MindSay

Hi I am Sally and my hobbies are watching movies and chatting on internet. I have a Internet Business at my home in which I don't need to go out for work and I don't need to know any programing language for this Business. I am providing you a link through which you can get start business within 9 months. www.Start-an-Internet-business.net

I find it oddly amusing, yet confusing, how somebody says, “You just don’t understand” but it seems that they never speak it from the heart. Somebody can only say words like that to such an extent before they can’t say it anymore before it eventually grows false and then everything washes away and they can start away.

It’s only those who are lost themselves that can say, “You just don’t get it. You don’t know how I’m feeling.”
I say that because most of the time, I can’t even describe how I’m feeling. When I say that I’m sad, and somebody typically asks why, I can’t snap to an answer. I can’t even think of an answer, except “I don’t really know.”

There are too many factors that could have lead up to my brutal mood swings, which have calmed down, but are still active. It could’ve been the loss of my obsession, addiction, love, care, and time that I had to leave behind the beginning of this year. It hasn’t been the same without them. I have a strong feeling in my gut that that could be why. I say “I’m over that”, and mean it at the moment. But in my heart I don’t really know if I’m speaking the sincere truth. Despite the fact that the thing I treasured for so long, for nearly three years, has been brutally awful for me – I still think. Despite the fact that I know if I go back, I’ll be damaged with scars that won’t heal, I know at least I’ll be able to feel the fake care and love that I was once treated with. That I once felt, despite the fact that it wasn’t true.

I long for something. I’m desperate for the feelings that are yet to return. That’s one of the main things I want. I want to feel safe in somebody’s arms, but they won’t come to embrace me and my tear-stained face.

Recently, I purposely trained myself not to feel. I was sick of feeling. Whenever I felt guilt or shame swamp me whenever I knew I did something wrong, I brushed it off – and eventually it stopped. Whenever somebody insulted me, I told myself over and over that it doesn’t hurt. No harm has been afflicted. And so it was. But unfortunately, it’s the same case with falling in love. I can’t even do that anymore. The only things that I ever can feel anymore are happiness, anger, and sadness. There’s no excitement, fear, or infatuation. Just happiness and sadness. I trained myself not to feel anything else, and, thanks to that, my heart is so used to that that I cannot get it back to the way it was beforehand.

And yet people still praise me. They tell me how much of a great person I am. I didn’t save the day. I never magically healed somebody. I never helped somebody who was in great need. I don’t get where they get the “great” from. Or the “inspiring”. I’m not in any way special than your next person, unless you want to count the special that means “I ride the short bus with a stick person on wheels slapped on it”.

I want to love again. I want this anger taken away. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. Not die - just fall into a sleep which means I don’t have to face my reality for another day. I want to live in my own dreams. I want to be standing there, in my own dreams, feeling the sweet bliss that rarely ever seems to visit me. I want to love and be loved. I want to stay happy without being haunted by the emotional scars that will never seem to heal. I don’t want to feel angry or hostile whenever somebody confronts me about something. Anything.

All I want to be is back to who I was before… At a time where I could feel, at a time where I was happy, at a time where I felt loved, at a time where I did feel accepted, at a time where I could smile without forcing it, at a time where I didn’t cry this much, and at a time where I wasn’t insecure.

“You don’t understand me.” And I don’t think anybody fully will until they have the condition of my heart beating within their chest.

With the election drawing near and with respect, a couple things ...

 

1. I do not believe it is the gov't's responsibility to feed, cloth or house the population. Comfort and convenience are not among our inalienable rights. As adults, it is our responsibility to see to our own needs. It is the gov’t’s responsibility to provide accountability and security while we tend to our daily lives. Somewhere along the line, these duties have been adulterated. There are simply too many able-bodied people consistently on welfare. That said, it is, in fact, the "Church's" (religions’) responsibility to help those in genuine need, and if the Church was doing it's job, welfare recipients would be receiving from the local Church, rather than being a burden on the taxpayers at large ... and they would do so with no strings attached!

 

2. It is not just corporate greed that has created the fiasco on Wall Street, but universal greed! Credit card debt like never before to pay for the 2 or three SUV's, wall size flat screen TV's, and $450k homes all played and continue to play a huge part ... none of these belong to me. I do not begrudge these things to those who can afford them. But while, yes, I am a McCain supporter, his economic plan will only succeed as far as the population is willing to buy only what they can actually afford, and not continue to spend like there is no tomorrow, for surely, tomorrow will come ... and yes, our kids will pay. In the event that Obama is elected, the same holds true. We must live within our means!

 

3. Hatred is morally wrong no matter who is purporting it, and more importantly, it is counter-productive. I am certain that in spite of the fact that you and I think differently about the way to economic and/or moral recovery, that you have the interest of others in mind, and for that, I thank you. It makes me sad that there is hatred on either side of the aisle because in the long run, we are all Americans and ... united we stand; divided, we fall. I respect any and all who put actions to their beliefs, even when their beliefs are different from mine.

 

4. I believe strongly that the media plays a pivotal role in the bitterness that is being continually fueled at this point in the campaigns. I would like nothing more than to hear and/or read only that which directly comes from their mouths, rather than as it is cut and printed, dismembered and reassembled by the media to their own end ... after all, they too are out for our money!

 

5. Church or no church, I believe we are our brothers’ keeper in so far as we are able. If we know a neighbor is in need, it is the neighborly thing to do to help, if possible. If unable to do this, we can at the very least, stand with our neighbors. I am guilty on this count. I do not know my neighbors well enough to know if there is a need I might be able to help with. This is something I want to correct … It doesn’t necessarily mean handing out $20 bills (although if anyone knows of someone doing this, sign me up!) but helping with yard work, fixing a broken washing machine, changing someone’s automobile oil or brakes … Neighbor used to be an ALIVE word … not just a geographical designation. . . but I digress …

OK, so bottom line, while I embrace all who think and feel strongly about our nation and her issues, I encourage those who have not investigated or thought about these issues to do so and choose the candidate that most closely aligns with your beliefs. I’ve said this before and I’m saying it again … It is only when the people care enough to participate that a democracy can succeed and stand strong.

 

Read this from http://ladyshirea.mindsay.com/!

 

~ B

 

 

If I missed any, let me know.

I know, Ray, that I missed the White Album....that one's boring.

Indy lost to the stupid gay Chargers: 23-17. Stupid Refs and I can't stand Peyton Manning's receivers.


~*Another Day in the Life of Rebekah*~*316*~