Narcissists @ MindSay 
The Traits of Narcissists (Do YOU Know One?)
From THIS GREAT SITE on Narcissism:
Recognising Narcissism - Observing them at work
Behaviours and attitudes of the narcissist
See if you recognise any of the following:
* When he is good, he is wonderful. When he is bad he is a waking nightmare.
* He is always right and everyone else is always wrong.
* He will not accept criticism of any sort.
* His public image and how he is perceived is extremely important to him. Far more important than genuine interactions and relationships.
* He can get angry in an instant - often for things he has imagined or for no apparent or reasonably valid cause.
* When he is angry for something that he has imagined or misunderstood, you can try to prove the facts to him, drag in a hundred witnesses - he will still not change his mind.
* He twists facts to suit himself and sometimes "rewrites history" to match what he wants to believe.
* He has a natural tendency to believe the worst about people.
* He is an extremist and fickle. He can be absolutely loyal to someone, sing their praises and defend them to the death - then at the slightest disappointment, turn on them completely and in an instant.
* His conversation is often about criticising someone else or running someone else down. When he does this, it is with an air of authority, as if he really knows what is going on inside that person - better even than they do. He knows exactly what their "problem" is, as well as the solutions.
* When not engaged in criticism and gossip, his conversation revolves around himself: his thoughts, his life, his feelings, his attitudes, his woes, his ailments, his achievements, his cleverness. Me, I and My.
* He will ask you how you are, then carry on speaking before you can answer, or cut you short and speak over you.
* If you speak loud enough and he is forced to listen (or because someone else who doesn't know the real him is around), you can see that he is not listening at all. He is distracted, possibly looking around and shuffling, or nodding his head too vigorously to speed you up. Perhaps he has simply gone glassy-eyed. You get the distinct feeling that he just wants you to shut up so that he can speak again.
* When he responds to something you have said, it is often either just a kind of grunt -- or it seems over the top.
* On the few occassions that he does praise you or acknowledge something you have done, it will normally be condescending, grudging, sarcastic or as a back-handed compliment.
* What he says and what he does seem like two opposite worlds.
* When he is with outsiders he is such a charming, friendly man. People tend to like him and admire him and you are amazed at how rational he is with them.
* He is very possibly a pillar of society and looked up to by those who deal with him but are not close. He may be in a position of leadership.
* He goes on at length and with quite some passion about things that he himself does. For example, loudly complaining about men who abusing or cheating on their wives and speaking about what harsh punishments they should be subjected to - then going home and abusing & cheating on his own wife.
* He knows how to do everything better. He could do that job better, run the organization better, run the country better…..
* He knows the answer to all of the worlds biggest problems... if only someone would listen to him/ finance him/ whatever.
* He is a victim of everyone and everything: those in authority over him, his family, his circumstances, his health, his past. He is a victim and a martyr, period. What other people accept as part of life, he takes as a personal affront, if not attack.
* When someone close to him achieves something noteworthy, he makes it about himself and in some way will take the credit for it, ensuring that he is in the limelight, not the person who actually deserves it.
* He inflicts pain on others and actually enjoys doing it.
* He strategically plans how to break people down and hurt them.
* He is a control freak.
* If he knows something is important to you, he will use it to punish or control you.
* If he knows something is important to you, he will in some way try to deprive you of it or make you jump through hoops for it.
* He is the worst possible gift giver, seldom if ever giving you what you really want. Most times you will get something that you really don't want or an extremely inferior version of what you want and then woe betide you if you are not overcome with gratitude for it.
* He gives you his discards and expects you to be really grateful. After all, even his junk has more value than anything new that you could buy or own.
* He does you favours that bear a high price. Everything he does for you requires your eternal gratitude and any "debts" to this person are never paid off, no matter what you do.
SOURCE
Recognising Narcissism - Observing them at work
Behaviours and attitudes of the narcissist
See if you recognise any of the following:
* When he is good, he is wonderful. When he is bad he is a waking nightmare.
* He is always right and everyone else is always wrong.
* He will not accept criticism of any sort.
* His public image and how he is perceived is extremely important to him. Far more important than genuine interactions and relationships.
* He can get angry in an instant - often for things he has imagined or for no apparent or reasonably valid cause.
* When he is angry for something that he has imagined or misunderstood, you can try to prove the facts to him, drag in a hundred witnesses - he will still not change his mind.
* He twists facts to suit himself and sometimes "rewrites history" to match what he wants to believe.
* He has a natural tendency to believe the worst about people.
* He is an extremist and fickle. He can be absolutely loyal to someone, sing their praises and defend them to the death - then at the slightest disappointment, turn on them completely and in an instant.
* When not engaged in criticism and gossip, his conversation revolves around himself: his thoughts, his life, his feelings, his attitudes, his woes, his ailments, his achievements, his cleverness. Me, I and My.
* He will ask you how you are, then carry on speaking before you can answer, or cut you short and speak over you.
* If you speak loud enough and he is forced to listen (or because someone else who doesn't know the real him is around), you can see that he is not listening at all. He is distracted, possibly looking around and shuffling, or nodding his head too vigorously to speed you up. Perhaps he has simply gone glassy-eyed. You get the distinct feeling that he just wants you to shut up so that he can speak again.
* When he responds to something you have said, it is often either just a kind of grunt -- or it seems over the top.
* On the few occassions that he does praise you or acknowledge something you have done, it will normally be condescending, grudging, sarcastic or as a back-handed compliment.
* What he says and what he does seem like two opposite worlds.
* When he is with outsiders he is such a charming, friendly man. People tend to like him and admire him and you are amazed at how rational he is with them.
* He is very possibly a pillar of society and looked up to by those who deal with him but are not close. He may be in a position of leadership.
* He goes on at length and with quite some passion about things that he himself does. For example, loudly complaining about men who abusing or cheating on their wives and speaking about what harsh punishments they should be subjected to - then going home and abusing & cheating on his own wife.
* He knows how to do everything better. He could do that job better, run the organization better, run the country better…..
* He knows the answer to all of the worlds biggest problems... if only someone would listen to him/ finance him/ whatever.
* He is a victim of everyone and everything: those in authority over him, his family, his circumstances, his health, his past. He is a victim and a martyr, period. What other people accept as part of life, he takes as a personal affront, if not attack.
* When something bad happens to someone even remotely close to him, he makes it about himself and creates huge drama around the situation to illicit sympathy from anyone who will listen.
* When someone close to him achieves something noteworthy, he makes it about himself and in some way will take the credit for it, ensuring that he is in the limelight, not the person who actually deserves it.
* He inflicts pain on others and actually enjoys doing it.
* He strategically plans how to break people down and hurt them.
* He is a control freak.
* If he knows something is important to you, he will use it to punish or control you.
* If he knows something is important to you, he will in some way try to deprive you of it or make you jump through hoops for it.
* He is the worst possible gift giver, seldom if ever giving you what you really want. Most times you will get something that you really don't want or an extremely inferior version of what you want and then woe betide you if you are not overcome with gratitude for it.
* He gives you his discards and expects you to be really grateful. After all, even his junk has more value than anything new that you could buy or own.
* He does you favours that bear a high price. Everything he does for you requires your eternal gratitude and any "debts" to this person are never paid off, no matter what you do.
SOURCE
A REVIEW OF THOSE PREDATORS CURRENTLY EXPOSED
WILLIAM BARBER
DOUGLAS (DOUG) BECKSTEAD
JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN
VINCENT BRIDGES
JOSEPH ("JAY") CAFASSO
KEITH CLIVE
JODY ERWIN COOPER
MATTHEW COX
JAMES CRENSHAW
LISSA DALY
GARETH "GARY" DAVIES
BRAD DORSKY
LORI DREW (aka "JOSH EVANS")
CHRIS DYSART/ CHRIS DUNN
JAMES BRIAN ELLINGTON
RON GARNER
JOHN GASH
PHIL HABERMAN
ED HICKS aka CHARLES HICKS
JAMES HODGES (ADULT CONTENT WARNING!)
"J" (aka "GRIDNEY", aka "YidWithLid")
DAN JACOBY
WILLIAM JORDAN
MIKE KENNEDY
STEVEN KOTAN
RICK KUDLIK
STEVEN LANGLEY GUY
"P"
CHRISTOPHER POWELL
JOHN ROBINSON
NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR.
TODD UNKEFER
GARY WANDSCHNEIDER
DOUGLAS (DOUG) BECKSTEAD
JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN
VINCENT BRIDGES
JOSEPH ("JAY") CAFASSO
KEITH CLIVE
JODY ERWIN COOPER
MATTHEW COX
JAMES CRENSHAW
LISSA DALY
GARETH "GARY" DAVIES
BRAD DORSKY
LORI DREW (aka "JOSH EVANS")
CHRIS DYSART/ CHRIS DUNN
JAMES BRIAN ELLINGTON
RON GARNER
JOHN GASH
PHIL HABERMAN
ED HICKS aka CHARLES HICKS
JAMES HODGES (ADULT CONTENT WARNING!)
"J" (aka "GRIDNEY", aka "YidWithLid")
DAN JACOBY
WILLIAM JORDAN
MIKE KENNEDY
STEVEN KOTAN
RICK KUDLIK
STEVEN LANGLEY GUY
"P"
CHRISTOPHER POWELL
JOHN ROBINSON
NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR.
TODD UNKEFER
GARY WANDSCHNEIDER
FOR THE VICTIMS: Your Fears, Betrayal & the Cyberpath
Cross-Posted, with permission - from EOPC:
Once you find out what the cyberpath is they may do a combination of any of the following:
Everything else? was a lie.
All you will get now is narcissistic rage. Anger that you busted them. And threats of harm to you, your family and so on. Attempts to embarass you into silence (such as posting slander and other garbage around the net on you).
Just read through the stories of exposed predators and see how they treated their victims. Take a look at Ed Hicks, Doug Beckstead, J/ Gridney/ Yidwithlid, Brad Dorsky, Dan Jacoby or Keith Clive. Look at how they were to their targets once they got bored or angry with them. Watch their rage, their blame-shifting, their guilting and their disappearing acts from the lives of people who people who genuinely loved and cared about them.
The one thing we can tell you is that 95% of the time, the threats are a form of "control by temper tantrum."
Like a 6 year old they are mad that you won't play their game or said "NO" to them. Or they got bored and don't want to play with you anymore, then your emails and attention are suddenly ANNOYING. So they kick, scream, stomp away hoping you will be so upset you will let them start up their game again. Either with you or someone else. Or, that you are so scared of them you dare won't expose them or tell others.
DON'T FALL FOR IT! And don't for a second think they haven't told their online friends, offline friends, partner/ spouse, job... that you are "obsessed with" them or a "scorned" partner who's one step from being a 'bunny boiler.'
When you send just one more email or make one more call hoping for explanation, closure, something... they will say "see!! see how she is!! she's nuts and won't leave me alone! she's trying to manipulate me! She's stalking me!"
If you really want to help them? Expose them. Make them accountable. Don't let them scare you into silence. Help others stay away!
Maybe they will get their relationship/ marriage right. Maybe they will go into LONG TERM counseling. The odds are 98% of them don't. But don't let them scare you.
Take back what they took from you. Your power, your dignity and your peace of mind. - Fighter
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Betrayal, when realized, is a phenomenal existential feeling. Suddenly, your world is no longer the one you believed in. You question reality, but most of all you question yourself. How, you wonder, could I have been so naive, stupid, blind, trusting, unseeing, unknowing? It may be difficult to believe, but these questions are good. YOU are the normal person, the one who aligns reality (he was so nice to me, he was my friend) with a cognitive belief: he ACTS as if he likes me, he TELLS me he likes me, I see no reason not to believe him because in my past, people who act and speak this way, CAN be trusted. There is congruency. But not now.
But you CAN move forward. You can do so by realizing that no matter how awful the betrayal, YOU are the normal person and this betrayal comes from rage. This person envies you in some way, is enraged about it, and MUST put you down behind your back. They MUST harm you. They have no choice. But you do. In the world of normals, after we get over the shock, we can use this experience to become stronger, to help others, to learn to avoid this particular toxin, and to calm ourselves that the higher moral ground is ours. It's too bad this person acted as he did, we wish he did not, but we are NOT diminished by their pathology. Wiser, sadder, but never diminished.
The Exposer believes that cyberpathy is a form of pathology. Either narcissistic or sociopathic/ anti-social. Because its exploitative and the cyberpath has no remorse or guilt. Therefore we publish this article for the victims of cyberpaths.
Don't believe they aren't hurting you on purpose. They are. But you are not the 'object' they treated you like. Stand up and tell them. They will probably disappear from your life while painting themselves as the victim - OF YOU!
Stop giving them the opportunity - stop trying to "get through" to them, stand up for yourself and starting healing you! 
Hurting You Isn't Something Narcissists Do by Accident
by Kathy Krajco
In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.
If you get nothing else out of "What Makes Narcissists Tick," get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption. I don't ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist. Here's how:
What does that mean? Is revving up their engines, kicking in the afterburners, and running you right over an "accident" after you show your soft underbelly and beg them to let up on you?
It's no "accident," that's for sure.
Want to see a narcissistic rage? That's no "accident" either. The test:
Now hear this: THEY DON'T DO IT BY ACCIDENT. They aren't just inconsiderate and touchy. Test their "touchiness" (if you can do so safely, or have somebody not at the N's mercy test it - someone who can defend themselves).
Rage right back in their face. Act just as wild right back in their face. Threaten right back. Speak abusively right back. Now any normal person would be provoked to rage by your doing this in their face. But narcissists are so UNtouchy that they do the opposite.
Watch how instantaneously the raging narcissist becomes meek and mild and switches to his "I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly-mask." Don't take my word for it. Test it.
Narcissists aren't inconsiderate of your feelings. To the contrary, they are extremely considerate of your feelings. Your feelings are exactly what they are trying to affect. They closely observe how you react every time they do something to hurt you. And they are like sharks, able to smell a drop of blood a mile away.
Why? Because your hurt feelings are their pain killing drug. They are addicted to it. Ever since childhood. That's what their mental illness is, an addiction. (In fact, all addictions are classed as mental illness.)
So where do people get the stupid idea that narcissists aren't to blame for what they do? It's asinine to think that narcissists can't control themselves when we see them controlling themselves perfectly whenever witnesses are present. So, what? being behind closed doors makes them suddenly out of control of themselves? Baloney.
Their problem isn't lack of self control; it's lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day. Okay, they have an addiction to trampling people. They are hooked on the childish high they get from throwing somebody down, stepping on the victim's back, and thumping their chest with a Tarzan yell.
But since when does an addiction amount to a carte blanche? An addiction is just a TEMPTATION. It doesn't remove the addict's responsibility to resist that temptation. If a heroin addict sees you with heroin, he will attack and may kill you for it - IF there are no witnesses present. But do we absolve him of his responsibility for the crime just because he's addicted to heroin? Of course not.
Same with the narcissist. Since childhood he has done this mind-altering drug of abusing people and is addicted to it. He addicted himself.
He does what he does because nothing but getting his drug matters to him. So he has no conscience. He lives to get it, whenever he can get away with it. So, hurting others isn't something narcissists do by accident. It's how they live.
The victims of narcissists must understand this. They must quit falling for the masks predation conceals itself behind. I don't care how much the poor, little, ole narcissist whines that he didn't mean to, and claims that he has an excuse because HIS feelings were somehow hurt, and weeps about what a miserable childhood he had and how sad and forlorn he'll be if you go away, and all that crap. It's a joke.
Painful as this is to admit, the victims of narcissists MUST understand it. It's the bottom line. It predicates your choices.
Don't take my word for it: test and see. 2 + 2 = 4. Always.
Even on Thursdays.
SOURCE
ORIGINAL POST HERE
Once you find out what the cyberpath is they may do a combination of any of the following:
- Disappear and/or block you and/or change their nicknames, identity & emails
- Lash out at you
- Smear you
- Belittle you
- Tell everyone that you both know you are "crazy" or "stalking them" or (the oldest one there is) you're a "scorned man/woman."
- many other nasty, malicious things
Everything else? was a lie.
All you will get now is narcissistic rage. Anger that you busted them. And threats of harm to you, your family and so on. Attempts to embarass you into silence (such as posting slander and other garbage around the net on you).
Just read through the stories of exposed predators and see how they treated their victims. Take a look at Ed Hicks, Doug Beckstead, J/ Gridney/ Yidwithlid, Brad Dorsky, Dan Jacoby or Keith Clive. Look at how they were to their targets once they got bored or angry with them. Watch their rage, their blame-shifting, their guilting and their disappearing acts from the lives of people who people who genuinely loved and cared about them.
The one thing we can tell you is that 95% of the time, the threats are a form of "control by temper tantrum."
Like a 6 year old they are mad that you won't play their game or said "NO" to them. Or they got bored and don't want to play with you anymore, then your emails and attention are suddenly ANNOYING. So they kick, scream, stomp away hoping you will be so upset you will let them start up their game again. Either with you or someone else. Or, that you are so scared of them you dare won't expose them or tell others.
DON'T FALL FOR IT! And don't for a second think they haven't told their online friends, offline friends, partner/ spouse, job... that you are "obsessed with" them or a "scorned" partner who's one step from being a 'bunny boiler.'
When you send just one more email or make one more call hoping for explanation, closure, something... they will say "see!! see how she is!! she's nuts and won't leave me alone! she's trying to manipulate me! She's stalking me!"
If you really want to help them? Expose them. Make them accountable. Don't let them scare you into silence. Help others stay away!
Maybe they will get their relationship/ marriage right. Maybe they will go into LONG TERM counseling. The odds are 98% of them don't. But don't let them scare you.
Take back what they took from you. Your power, your dignity and your peace of mind. - Fighter
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Suddenly, you learn that someone trusted - a spouse, lover, family member, close friend - has been putting you down, lying, manipulating others against you, and yet maintaining a stance of intimacy with you.The world is not clear, the ground you stand on is wobbly. You will never feel good about this. You will not "Get Over" it.
But you CAN move forward. You can do so by realizing that no matter how awful the betrayal, YOU are the normal person and this betrayal comes from rage. This person envies you in some way, is enraged about it, and MUST put you down behind your back. They MUST harm you. They have no choice. But you do. In the world of normals, after we get over the shock, we can use this experience to become stronger, to help others, to learn to avoid this particular toxin, and to calm ourselves that the higher moral ground is ours. It's too bad this person acted as he did, we wish he did not, but we are NOT diminished by their pathology. Wiser, sadder, but never diminished.
The Exposer believes that cyberpathy is a form of pathology. Either narcissistic or sociopathic/ anti-social. Because its exploitative and the cyberpath has no remorse or guilt. Therefore we publish this article for the victims of cyberpaths.
Don't believe they aren't hurting you on purpose. They are. But you are not the 'object' they treated you like. Stand up and tell them. They will probably disappear from your life while painting themselves as the victim - OF YOU!
Stop giving them the opportunity - stop trying to "get through" to them, stand up for yourself and starting healing you!
by Kathy Krajco
In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.
If you get nothing else out of "What Makes Narcissists Tick," get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption. I don't ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist. Here's how:
The next time the narcissist is hurting your feelings or making you feel low, let your feelings show and tell him or her how they are making you feel asking them to stop it.Be prepared for a shock. Any normal human being would soften and let up, but a narcissist will do exactly the opposite.
What does that mean? Is revving up their engines, kicking in the afterburners, and running you right over an "accident" after you show your soft underbelly and beg them to let up on you?
It's no "accident," that's for sure.
Want to see a narcissistic rage? That's no "accident" either. The test:
Just fall to your knees in tears begging them to have a heart and stop kicking you around like dirt.The narcissist's response? He or she blows up into a rage. Is that rage an "accident" when nothing but how deeply they are hurting you provokes it? No, it's a willful and wanton outrage.
Now hear this: THEY DON'T DO IT BY ACCIDENT. They aren't just inconsiderate and touchy. Test their "touchiness" (if you can do so safely, or have somebody not at the N's mercy test it - someone who can defend themselves).
Rage right back in their face. Act just as wild right back in their face. Threaten right back. Speak abusively right back. Now any normal person would be provoked to rage by your doing this in their face. But narcissists are so UNtouchy that they do the opposite.
Watch how instantaneously the raging narcissist becomes meek and mild and switches to his "I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly-mask." Don't take my word for it. Test it.
You CANNOT insult a narcissist who isn't in a position to bully you! It's impossible.Try it, you'll see. Your lack of vulnerability gives them skin a foot thick! (Not to mention a rubber spine.) "Touchy" my you-know-what. They aren't touchy at all. So perceived slights aren't what set them off. The VULNERABILITY of a TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY is what sets them off - IF there are no witnesses.
That's predation, not touchiness.
Narcissists aren't inconsiderate of your feelings. To the contrary, they are extremely considerate of your feelings. Your feelings are exactly what they are trying to affect. They closely observe how you react every time they do something to hurt you. And they are like sharks, able to smell a drop of blood a mile away.
Why? Because your hurt feelings are their pain killing drug. They are addicted to it. Ever since childhood. That's what their mental illness is, an addiction. (In fact, all addictions are classed as mental illness.)
So where do people get the stupid idea that narcissists aren't to blame for what they do? It's asinine to think that narcissists can't control themselves when we see them controlling themselves perfectly whenever witnesses are present. So, what? being behind closed doors makes them suddenly out of control of themselves? Baloney.
Their problem isn't lack of self control; it's lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day. Okay, they have an addiction to trampling people. They are hooked on the childish high they get from throwing somebody down, stepping on the victim's back, and thumping their chest with a Tarzan yell.
But since when does an addiction amount to a carte blanche? An addiction is just a TEMPTATION. It doesn't remove the addict's responsibility to resist that temptation. If a heroin addict sees you with heroin, he will attack and may kill you for it - IF there are no witnesses present. But do we absolve him of his responsibility for the crime just because he's addicted to heroin? Of course not.
Same with the narcissist. Since childhood he has done this mind-altering drug of abusing people and is addicted to it. He addicted himself.
Yet addicted as he is, he demonstrates the ability to control himself by behaving whenever witnesses are present, misbehaving only when he thinks he can get away with it.
Innocence that is not.
He does what he does because nothing but getting his drug matters to him. So he has no conscience. He lives to get it, whenever he can get away with it. So, hurting others isn't something narcissists do by accident. It's how they live.
The victims of narcissists must understand this. They must quit falling for the masks predation conceals itself behind. I don't care how much the poor, little, ole narcissist whines that he didn't mean to, and claims that he has an excuse because HIS feelings were somehow hurt, and weeps about what a miserable childhood he had and how sad and forlorn he'll be if you go away, and all that crap. It's a joke.
Painful as this is to admit, the victims of narcissists MUST understand it. It's the bottom line. It predicates your choices.
Don't take my word for it: test and see. 2 + 2 = 4. Always.
Even on Thursdays.
SOURCE
ORIGINAL POST HERE
Many Cyberpaths Have Sociopathic Qualities
While we are NOT diagnosing anyone - many of these predators have sociopathic (or at the least highly malignant narcissistic) qualities to their personalities.
Profile of a Sociopath
A number of mind-controlling cult leaders may exhibit many of the behavioral characteristics of a sociopath--an outstanding ability to charm and seduce followers.
Since they appear apparently normal, they are not easily recognizable as deviant or disturbed. Although only a trained professional can make a diagnosis of whether or not someone is a sociopath, it is important to be able to recognize the personality type in order to avoid further abuse. These traits also apply to a one-on-one cultic relationship. (such as an online relationship)
Glibness/Superficial Charm
Language can be used without effort by them to confuse and convince their audience. Captivating storytellers that exude self-confidence, they can spin a web that intrigues others. Since they are persuasive, they have the capacity to destroy their critics verbally or emotionally.
Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They dominate and humiliate their victims.
Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Craves adulation and attendance. Must be the center of attention with their own fantasies as the "spokesman for God," "enlightened," "leader of humankind," "pundit extraordinairre," "righteous person," "religious & observant," etc. Creates an us-versus-them mentality
Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis.
Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and able to pass lie detector tests.
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion, it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
Incapacity for Love
While they talk about "God's love" they are unable to give or receive it. Since they do not believe in the genuineness of their followers' love, they are very harsh in testing it from their devotees and expect them to feel guilt for their failings. Expects unconditional surrender.
Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge, yet testing the beliefs of their followers with bizarre rules, punishments and behaviors. Verbal outbursts, bullying attacks and physical punishments are normal. (this includes withdrawal of affection). Drugs, prostitutes, gambling, etc.
Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Their skills are used to exploit, abuse and exert power. Since the follower cannot believe their leader would callously hurt them, they rationalize the behavior as necessary for their (or the group's) own "good" and deny the abuse. When devotees become aware of the exploitation it feels like a "spiritual rape" to them.
Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, drug taking, etc.
Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause.
Does not accept blame themselves, but blame their followers or others outside their group. Blame reinforces passivity and obedience and produces guilt, shame, terror and conformity in the followers. Will "protect" their partners/ family by lying and coercion and blame all others after using them.
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Totalist leaders frequently practice promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. This is usually kept hidden from all but the inner circle. Stringent sexual control of their followers, such as forced breakups and divorces, removal of children from parents, rules for dating, etc. Anger at anyone who catches them cheating or exposes their exploitative lifestyle. Inability to stay faithful.
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future. Many groups claim as their goal world-domination or other utopian promises. Great contrast between the leader's opulent lifestyle and the followers' impoverishment. Support by gifts and donations from the followers who are pressured to give through fear and guilt. Highly sensitive to their own pain and health.
Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image and that of the group as needed to avoid prosecution and to increase income and to recruit a range of members. Is able to adapt or relocate as needed to preserve the group. Can resurface later with a new name, a new front group and a new twist on the scam.
Other Related Qualities:
The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare. In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic or sociopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder."
Without Conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us by Robert D. Hare.
Profile of a Sociopath
A number of mind-controlling cult leaders may exhibit many of the behavioral characteristics of a sociopath--an outstanding ability to charm and seduce followers.
Since they appear apparently normal, they are not easily recognizable as deviant or disturbed. Although only a trained professional can make a diagnosis of whether or not someone is a sociopath, it is important to be able to recognize the personality type in order to avoid further abuse. These traits also apply to a one-on-one cultic relationship. (such as an online relationship)
Glibness/Superficial Charm
Language can be used without effort by them to confuse and convince their audience. Captivating storytellers that exude self-confidence, they can spin a web that intrigues others. Since they are persuasive, they have the capacity to destroy their critics verbally or emotionally.
Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They dominate and humiliate their victims.
Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Craves adulation and attendance. Must be the center of attention with their own fantasies as the "spokesman for God," "enlightened," "leader of humankind," "pundit extraordinairre," "righteous person," "religious & observant," etc. Creates an us-versus-them mentality
Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis.
Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and able to pass lie detector tests.
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion, it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
Incapacity for Love
While they talk about "God's love" they are unable to give or receive it. Since they do not believe in the genuineness of their followers' love, they are very harsh in testing it from their devotees and expect them to feel guilt for their failings. Expects unconditional surrender.
Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge, yet testing the beliefs of their followers with bizarre rules, punishments and behaviors. Verbal outbursts, bullying attacks and physical punishments are normal. (this includes withdrawal of affection). Drugs, prostitutes, gambling, etc.
Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Their skills are used to exploit, abuse and exert power. Since the follower cannot believe their leader would callously hurt them, they rationalize the behavior as necessary for their (or the group's) own "good" and deny the abuse. When devotees become aware of the exploitation it feels like a "spiritual rape" to them.
Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, drug taking, etc.
Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause.
Does not accept blame themselves, but blame their followers or others outside their group. Blame reinforces passivity and obedience and produces guilt, shame, terror and conformity in the followers. Will "protect" their partners/ family by lying and coercion and blame all others after using them.
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Totalist leaders frequently practice promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. This is usually kept hidden from all but the inner circle. Stringent sexual control of their followers, such as forced breakups and divorces, removal of children from parents, rules for dating, etc. Anger at anyone who catches them cheating or exposes their exploitative lifestyle. Inability to stay faithful.
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future. Many groups claim as their goal world-domination or other utopian promises. Great contrast between the leader's opulent lifestyle and the followers' impoverishment. Support by gifts and donations from the followers who are pressured to give through fear and guilt. Highly sensitive to their own pain and health.
Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image and that of the group as needed to avoid prosecution and to increase income and to recruit a range of members. Is able to adapt or relocate as needed to preserve the group. Can resurface later with a new name, a new front group and a new twist on the scam.
Other Related Qualities:
- Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
- Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
- Authoritarian
- Secretive
- Paranoid
- Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
- Conventional appearance
- Goal of enslavement (mental, emotional) of their victim(s)
- Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
- Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
- Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
- Incapable of real human attachment to another
- Unable to feel remorse or guilt
- Extreme narcissism and grandiose
The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare. In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic or sociopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder."
Without Conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us by Robert D. Hare.
Soul Rape
The Search for the Path from Target to Survivor
By: redscarlet
If I was being beaten to death that still would not be able to penetrate through the pain of the rape that was perpetrated on my soul. Crying from inside the depths of a depleted heart; a heart torn into shreds by agony with no way to escape; the sounds of the confusion pumping through my veins. I can only describe to you as best I can what it feels like to be ripped apart inside your soul and left with nothing but questions, regret and anger what I was led to believe must be my fault for allowing.
At the same time, who has the right to break into a person this way after profiling them over a period of time? Who gives these pathological predators the right to dissect our every move and persona for the purpose of feeding off of it to acquire fuel for their sick "supply"?
Disbelief and denial are huge factors to overcome with what you now must learn to accept. Replaying over and over in your mind how words and actions could have more than one meaning. All the while trying to replace the lies and facade that you have been up against all along. I need to know how this lie was implanted into the corridors of all my memory. I need to know the truth in its entirety to be able to move now and go forward to find my way to some sort of peace. The peace of the survivor state.
You're so alone in this place. No matter how much you try to find common ground with others, no matter how much you seek those who you think you can gain more insight from, it's up to you to either figure it out or let it eat you alive. Unless you walk backwards through the events with cold, hard honesty, you can't unravel the confusion and get to the source of the pain. You were controlled, your mind was manipulated and used against you. You are the only one that can see into the unexplainable places no matter how you try to paint the picture differently. Otherwise it will be the same things you run from in denial, only to end up back again -- trying to face it -- so you can begin to regain some ground.
Revictimization, such as when the predator blames you and projects it all back on you takes you back through it upside down. Like Alice in Wonderland -- seeing the truth for what it is; though not completely through your denial, the view is still distorted. But it's there in your face again -- a brutal, more vivid reality. Hitting bottom where the ground is closer to you and feels more distinct. Things are still there, only different. (shock)
Now that you realize it was that bad - the reality just hits you harder in the head. Now it's harder to linger in any denial to escape the actual truth.
You know now that you were hit, taken down and destroyed. You know that the person who ran you over and ripped you apart is not even real because they are incapable of feeling anything. You know now you're a victim of a creature with no humanity or remorse. A psychopath. A predator.
So there you are. Just the remnants of what used to be you. And nothing will happen to them. They learn nothing except how to be sneakier and more complete in their destruction next time. They resume their life and continue the hunt for their next conquests. Though they meant everything to you, you meant nothing to them. No one and nothing means anything to them.
For you -- now is the time to accept that the truth that won't change no matter how much you take it apart, look at it, piece it back together, take it apart again and try to make sense of it. You can't. You can't because you weren't dealing with someone who thinks, acts or reacts like you. You were dealing with a predator. You know this reality now. You see the horrible ugliness of what it is.
Now you're a stranger to yourself. You don't know the person you are now, you only know that your not the same as you were. You see things differently, you see people differently. You carefully read peoples movements and actions, their expressions, to find out who can be trusted. If anyone at all can be trusted. The innocence is gone but so is that danger of not knowing.
The next question is what to do with it. Will you allow the pain to transform you & your life into something better? Or will allow people to keep pushing you down while you wallow in your victimhood?
By: redscarlet
If I was being beaten to death that still would not be able to penetrate through the pain of the rape that was perpetrated on my soul. Crying from inside the depths of a depleted heart; a heart torn into shreds by agony with no way to escape; the sounds of the confusion pumping through my veins. I can only describe to you as best I can what it feels like to be ripped apart inside your soul and left with nothing but questions, regret and anger what I was led to believe must be my fault for allowing.
At the same time, who has the right to break into a person this way after profiling them over a period of time? Who gives these pathological predators the right to dissect our every move and persona for the purpose of feeding off of it to acquire fuel for their sick "supply"?
Disbelief and denial are huge factors to overcome with what you now must learn to accept. Replaying over and over in your mind how words and actions could have more than one meaning. All the while trying to replace the lies and facade that you have been up against all along. I need to know how this lie was implanted into the corridors of all my memory. I need to know the truth in its entirety to be able to move now and go forward to find my way to some sort of peace. The peace of the survivor state.
You're so alone in this place. No matter how much you try to find common ground with others, no matter how much you seek those who you think you can gain more insight from, it's up to you to either figure it out or let it eat you alive. Unless you walk backwards through the events with cold, hard honesty, you can't unravel the confusion and get to the source of the pain. You were controlled, your mind was manipulated and used against you. You are the only one that can see into the unexplainable places no matter how you try to paint the picture differently. Otherwise it will be the same things you run from in denial, only to end up back again -- trying to face it -- so you can begin to regain some ground.
Revictimization, such as when the predator blames you and projects it all back on you takes you back through it upside down. Like Alice in Wonderland -- seeing the truth for what it is; though not completely through your denial, the view is still distorted. But it's there in your face again -- a brutal, more vivid reality. Hitting bottom where the ground is closer to you and feels more distinct. Things are still there, only different. (shock)
Now that you realize it was that bad - the reality just hits you harder in the head. Now it's harder to linger in any denial to escape the actual truth.
You know now that you were hit, taken down and destroyed. You know that the person who ran you over and ripped you apart is not even real because they are incapable of feeling anything. You know now you're a victim of a creature with no humanity or remorse. A psychopath. A predator.
So there you are. Just the remnants of what used to be you. And nothing will happen to them. They learn nothing except how to be sneakier and more complete in their destruction next time. They resume their life and continue the hunt for their next conquests. Though they meant everything to you, you meant nothing to them. No one and nothing means anything to them.
For you -- now is the time to accept that the truth that won't change no matter how much you take it apart, look at it, piece it back together, take it apart again and try to make sense of it. You can't. You can't because you weren't dealing with someone who thinks, acts or reacts like you. You were dealing with a predator. You know this reality now. You see the horrible ugliness of what it is.
Now you're a stranger to yourself. You don't know the person you are now, you only know that your not the same as you were. You see things differently, you see people differently. You carefully read peoples movements and actions, their expressions, to find out who can be trusted. If anyone at all can be trusted. The innocence is gone but so is that danger of not knowing.
The next question is what to do with it. Will you allow the pain to transform you & your life into something better? Or will allow people to keep pushing you down while you wallow in your victimhood?
Showing 1 - 5. [ Next ]
Quick Links
Latest Comment
Re: Rambling Rambles - Ohh, I like the Ferrick song, makes me want to spank someone, bend over Jayme...
| Terms of Service
| Privacy Policy